The 37th Just Shaggers are on their way! Watch out for accidental erections and bruising injections, polish your perfect ovaries, we're climbing a mountain and digging deeply to get our BFPs!

[honeysucklejasmine]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like <strong>something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 36 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2263704-O-Come-all-ye-Viroids-joyful-and-triumphant-Deck-the-halls-with-Contraband-All-I-want-for-Christmas-is-a-BFP-Just-Shag-all-the-way-no36" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2272951-The-JS-Grads-turn-19-Were-cooking-and-popping-out-our-JSing-babies-with-style-co-ordinated-changing-bags-and-a-healthy-dose-of-humour" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome

oh and no lemons, if AF due 23rd implantation wouldn't even necessarily have happened yet and hcg only detected 3days after implantation minimum.

Wow! Lil, you really are the guru! [kowtow]

[bows down to lil]

Please don't ever leave us Lil. We will be lost and hopeless without you!

What about the orgasm thing? That's got me worrying now lol!

Thanks Lil.....voice of reason....much needed

Out of interest....lemon?why?

orgasms after (I'm assuming we're talking manual stimulation after intercourse) definitely push out the seminal fluid, but the average man ejaculates at 28mph so like I say by the time he's got his breath back and realised he needs to finish you off they have entered the cervix. if your worried make sure there's 5mins between him finishing and you finishing as it can take that long to get through cervix, but usually faster than that.

as for ghost jizz I've never managed it, so over to someone else! I think the contractions of vaginal wall pull it nearer cervix so it gets there quicker.

not sure what u mean jelly. off to inject, back shortly

what i mean?? huh? (hope injections are ok).

hen doing a lemon refers to one of our other members who POAS waaaaay to early (like 2DPO I or something).

sorry jelly too many j's, I read justs post as yours

Injections fine but I'm bored of them now. ivf is boring! lol

Shagging replaced by stabbing...yeh I can see how that's boring haha

For ghost jizz you have to orgasm at exactly the same time. Gaggia is the expert if I remember rightly?

I'm loving wankban and unsanctioned ejaculation. These need to go in the next fred title.

I always lay with legs in the air, on an old towel to prevent wet patch for about 10 mins after sex then cleaned myself up with a black flannel kept specifically for that purpose

I told my sister today, she's one of my best friends. I also mooched round mothercare and babiesrus and found a pram I like

Yes, just remembered a very disgusting informative film I watched during my degree....when we orgasm the cervix sort of sucks up the sperm.

Not sure about everyone else but orgasming at the same time is rather rare in this house!

Same hen very rare haha!!!

Purple glad you're enjoying early pregnancy :) how did your sister take the good news?

thanks la!
We always have ghost jizz because I'm easy and that bell end I'm going out with always makes me climax at least once during nookie. So by having a grand finale together my Hoover like Fanjo sucks it all up.
however......TMI alert...
I occasionally squirt (female ejaculation) and I reckon that can be counter productive.

Now you're just showing off gaggia

I have to come beforehand, penetration doesn't always do it for me. I tend to get quite angry if I don't get a turn

She was really chuffed. She took the MC hard. She was sobbing with me at Christmas when I met my new nephew.
She has 3 and got pregnant first month of trying with each. As did my mum!

I just trained DH to go and get me some toilet paper to wipe up any leaky bits ;)

Good evening all you lovely viroids. Hope you're all enjoying your Saturday. I have had a relaxing day after a stressful week at work. Many things happened at work for me this week including an important lesson observation. Lesson went okay, it got graded as good with outstanding features, so I'll take that. Annoyingly there were things on my lesson plan that would have made it better that in the stress of the moment I forgot. Grrr.

Any who, back to forum business.

Congrats stoat!!!!! Woop woop.

Welcome to all the newbies I haven't met yet.

Love all the chat about the runaway jizz. I try to lay sort of on my side with my legs crossed to hold it all in. Haha. Lay there for as long as I can stand (either because I'm cold or I can feel some escaping) and then run off to the bathroom. (where else would I admit this stuff on the internet?).

gaggia you're just unfair...bitch

ain I do similar lol! mental

I went through a phase of flipping onto my front after in case I had a weird shaped womble causing the delay!

Wow I went 24 hours without reading the Fred and you guys have managed to fill 5 pages with jizz!! Impressive! Dh tried to persuade me today that portholes on a ship used to be called jizzholes?! He thought it was hilarious despite me not even slightly falling for it honest

Stoat Mahooosive congratulations!

Who's is poas this week? I'm due Thursday/Friday.

Ain i keep forgetting you're a teacher. 2 with 1 is great! Well done you!

I think i'll aim for some ghost jizz around icing time. We have a very powerful buzzy friend but dh finds it hard to thrust when I'm using it (too tight!) so have to time it right!

Precision orgasming, that's what is required!

Thanks honey :-)

On an unrelated note.. which is this very powerful buzzy friend of which you speak? I'm intrigued. Lol.