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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

The 37th Just Shaggers are on their way! Watch out for accidental erections and bruising injections, polish your perfect ovaries, we're climbing a mountain and digging deeply to get our BFPs!

999 replies

honeysucklejasmine · 14/01/2015 16:46

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like <strong>something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 36 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2263704-O-Come-all-ye-Viroids-joyful-and-triumphant-Deck-the-halls-with-Contraband-All-I-want-for-Christmas-is-a-BFP-Just-Shag-all-the-way-no36" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2272951-The-JS-Grads-turn-19-Were-cooking-and-popping-out-our-JSing-babies-with-style-co-ordinated-changing-bags-and-a-healthy-dose-of-humour" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome
OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
RhiannonElward · 17/01/2015 18:07

Yeah the post shag thing is just gorgeous, isn't it? I've taken to lying on my back afraid to move in case I allow anything to escape, and get dp to pass me some pyjamas so as when dd wakes in the night snd I have to go and see to her, I don't leave a slime trail behind me. It's not the most attractive sensory experience but sometimes you have to get your fanjo hands dirty to get you want. The hardest part is resisting the urge to shower it all off immediately.

jellypi3 · 17/01/2015 18:11

I'm normally fine with the feeling until I feel any on my thighs, then I have to wipe it with the tissue. The pants idea is funny but also appealing for containment lol! Might give it a go!

batfish · 17/01/2015 18:15

Oh I highly recommend putting the pants back on jelly - can't believe you scruff bags all just lie in it haha! I couldn't cope!

Niffertiti · 17/01/2015 18:18

Long time lurker coming out of the closet here:

Niffertiti
33
No DCs
TTC since June 2014

Not a hint of a sniff of a BFP so far, but you ladies have been keeping me amused and informed off and on over the last few months so I thought it was time I outed myself and said hi! AF arrived today so planning on ditching dry Jan, enjoying a glass or a few of a really great red wine this evening, whilst researching all the great bars I can drink cocktails in whilst we're on honeymoon in a few weeks (DH and I will be on different continents during next window, so next cycle is effectively out too grr).

justtheonethen · 17/01/2015 18:20

Hello, can I join you, seems like a lucky thread! I have been lurking since Christmas when we started ttc, I am now in the 2ww and driving myself a bit mad even though this month unlikely to be lucky due to poor shagging effort as dp was ill (had man flu).

No symptoms other than a face full of spots that i never normally have, although is probably more likely to be due to overindulgence over xmas!

Help me stay away from the hpt.....im a poas addict. Af due 23rd.

LaLa5 · 17/01/2015 18:24

I love that chat about super slime, jizz pants and ghost jizz just inspired 2 people to join in Grin

Love JSIng chat!

Hi newbies ^waves*

Stoatystoat · 17/01/2015 18:28

All this talk of jizz in pants is making me think of the Lonely Island

It's got nothing on the Golden Rule or Dick in a Box

Niffertiti · 17/01/2015 18:30

Haha, indeed! I have a dilemma in that an orgasm instantly makes me need to wee... So no handstands/lounging around on cushions for me (and what cushion do you ladies use anyway - ones with a washable cover I hope Shock ) just a dash to the bathroom and gloop gloop gloop.

Maybe this is why I'm not getting knocked up in spite of best efforts Hmm

Hi La btw!

Stoatystoat · 17/01/2015 18:32

niff don't worry about dashing to the bathroom, if you gotta go! you gotta go. I always pee after as I'm the same as you.

CountryGal4 · 17/01/2015 18:37

Justheone I am also due 23rd. back away slowly!!!

RhiannonElward · 17/01/2015 18:41

Hi Niff, welcome! I think it might actually help to put off that pee as long as you can, although I'm no expert.

After a few of months of ttc I think I am now officially past caring, I think nothing of holding my legs in the air and actively shouting encouragement to the sperm I have just received. Dp is on a wankban and has been warned that unsanctioned ejaculation has consequences. Our relationship has changed a lot, but we're enjoying ourselves all the same :D

Stoatystoat · 17/01/2015 18:43

Proper snorted at wankban Rhiannon

CountryGal4 · 17/01/2015 18:45

Pahahaha Rhiannon you just killed me.... Unsanctioned ejaculation. Brilliant. Post dtd husbands pillow goes under my arse sometimes legs are in the air for 10 mins. I figure it can't hurt!!

justtheonethen · 17/01/2015 18:47

All the talk of slimey pants and vanishing jizz confirmed this was the thread for me!

Country....really should wait for 23rd shouldn't I?

jellypi3 · 17/01/2015 18:47

Lol hello to all the newbies!!!

jellypi3 · 17/01/2015 18:48

And yes step away from the sticks viroids. No pissing yet, you're at risk of doing a lemon!!!

justtheonethen · 17/01/2015 18:48

Wankban enforced in this house too!

CountryGal4 · 17/01/2015 18:53

justtheone if I can wait you can. It's just one week. I have talked about it with the viroids at length. It is very much up to you buuuut they've helped me see that it's best to wait. At least if we do it on the same day I can route for you to take my mind off of it!

honeysucklejasmine · 17/01/2015 18:54

Hi Niff and Just! Welcome to the mad house.

Jelly it depends how much you... Contract... During your "petite morte". I find that it tends to squeeze it all out! like toothpaste Blush

I am eating Jelly.

OP posts:
Stoatystoat · 17/01/2015 18:57

Yay a POAS party! I will look forward to this. DH says I can tell my sis in a week's time. It's nice having a secret with him but man I cant see her and keep schtum....

jellypi3 · 17/01/2015 19:13

Blimey i'd struggle not telling people!

I'll keep it in mind honey.

And stop eating me.

Noniks3 · 17/01/2015 19:17

Congrats stoat, you sly minx! Grin

Hi to all the newcomers

Nice jizz chat ladies. I grab a tissue and then peg the the loo...hate the feeling of it coming back out. During the 'window' I'll hang on & grab DHs pillow (it's his juice after all).

I encourage a wank or 2 when the witch is about...that was an odd chat when I told him to make sure he knocked one out in the shower...regular ejaculations are better than keeping it in for a week- I'm just obeying the baby science!!

Noniks3 · 17/01/2015 19:18

Is that 5 due AF next week now?! Shock

justtheonethen · 17/01/2015 19:40

country you're on poas party in a week it is!

Nonik good tip...I'm sure he will be relieved Wink

lildottie · 17/01/2015 19:41

right asuch as I love all the jizz talk I feel the need to educate you. by the time he's collapsed in a heap on top of you, got his breath back and pulled out, the swimmers are where they need to be. what leaks out is the seminal fluid that carries it, the male version of our ewcm that nourishes and carries the sperm. so lying with knickers full of jizz all night is completely unnecessary. just make dh/do stay in for an extra minute then clean up.

as for peeing after sex DO NOT DELAY peeing. it won't affect the swimmers (see above, they are already half way to your fallopian tubes) but it WILL increase the risk of getting a UTI.