The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Widdly!!!! That is one hell of a line!!! Congrats :)

In my March pregnancy I had an IB that I mistook for AF...so much so that I thought bugger it, went skiing, drank wine, ate pate and all wrong things.

Congrats too to RM, also a beautiful line! So many lovely BFPs.

Welcome Jen - I know the frustration of ttc #2 and it taking a fucking age. Hopefully not too long to wait.

La, reflexology sounds lovely, even if it is a bunch of twaddle! Might look into it. I would just keep on shagging, especially around icing - it's gotten you upduffed once, why the hell not again.

Kate I'm sorry - don't feel you have to leave us. You might find that you get upduffed pretty quickly, then your DH will have plenty of time with a wriggly belly and a hormonal wife all summer long. I've done a 80-minute commute with shitty shift patterns to boot, I hated the job too! It's exhausting - not sure how I would have coped if pregnant as well...I would probably have stayed all week.

Our housefull are all still sleeping, we are on our third game of ladybirds having done all the puzzles and played shopping list twice. We are considering a second breakfast. I may or may not kill one of our guests who is possibly the shrillest, loudest and most ignorant woman I have ever met! Married to a good friend of ours so can't be too rude. I don't think. She's scratched the floor when throwing herself onto one of our chairs, so I've spent the last 20 minutes asking t'internet how to repair it. Looks like another trip to the hardware store this week .

Brown trousers

Hope you're feeling better Lil

Wow Wiggy that's a BFP! Congrats hun, fx it sticks :) Have you tested again with a FRER?

Kate I'm sorry you are sad over the decision, but it might be best for a few weeks/months to let him get his head round the whole thing :)

Tink, thanks for the tip. AF is still with me, I can't remember it lasting this long (today will be day 6). I'll make sure to jump him as soon as the witch disappears though! :)

jelly I'm saying this to put your mind at rest if she sticks around a while, but I hope it doesn't worry you. after I came off bcp I had 2 perfect 31day cycles then AF was 2 weeks late and when she finally showed she stuck around for 7 weeks. my hormones were all over the place! since then they've got more and more regular. just hang in there, but don't panic if she doesn't f off within a normal time frame.

congrats widdly well and truly invoked los there!

Congrats rm and wiggly!
Fab news for this Fred! Hopefully will continue for everyone.

chat not sure if it's a load of phooey but legend has it a peeled walnut will get scratches out of wood.. Or a banana skin apparently too!
May save a few pennies at B&Q..

Sorry for dropping that bombshell and buggering off.

bother just love the meaty ipsum lorum.

la so sorry about your rubbish fertility clinic appointment. How dissappointing and frustrating. Big hugs. I'm pleased about the reflexologist. I'm seeing mine again on Tuesday. I too have a scientific background but reckon it can't do any harm and it's relaxing so that can only help.

gaggia so sorry for yor loss. That is so sad. Give yourself time and space to heal and grieve (although I think my response to that would be "chance would be a fine thing"). So glad Mr G is being good.

chat how did the not being spotted not drinking go?

rm that is a line!!! Woohoo! GX for sticky bean.

kate I think you might have to play things by ear. You might fall pregnant straight away (GX) in which case you and DP'll make it work. You might not, in which case another job nearer to you may come up. Do you teach primary or secondary? Oh no, just read your next post. So sorry about DP's turn around. Hopefully it'll be short lived.

Welcome jeni

So in case you've not kept up with the ins and out of my uterus, here they are:

10th Aug v light bleed, assumed implantation bleed as not at the right time for AF. Bleed continued but lightly, POAS 5 days later and got BFP. Then all the blood in the world fell out. 19th Aug, scan showing nothing and BFN. Started counting WTF cycle from first bit of beeding. September...CD 33 light bleed again POAS, all the blood in the world falls out of me after a few days, POAS BFN. STart counting again from start of bleeding. DTD on CD 13, 15 and 17 and 19. So convinced I was already upduffed we stopped DTD. POAS on CD 29 (AF due on 30), BFN. STart bleeding that afternoon. BFN was with a weird brand called Viola, never heard of it so now wondering if they're dodgy. Unlike previous two cycles I've had a BFP after the bleeding has stopped. And I haven't had all of the blood in the world fall out of me. I'll test with the Lloyds own brand that I used today tomorrow and I've also bought a CB digi for the next day. This is definitely different to the last two cycles due to the lightness of the bleed and that it's stopped. Think it might be a breakthrough bleed rather than an implantation bleed.

Argh. I've not realised how easy I had it with my pregnancy with DS. None of this nonsense! Still v confused.

Ps Do I get some kind of grant for having 3 BPFs in 3 months?

wiggly I think you need to have a very strong word with your uterus and tell it to stop bloody bleeding!! What a rollercoaster for you, hopefully the digi might give you an indication of how many weeks?? Will you make an app with gp? Everything crossed for you x

Congrats Wiggly!! I'm so sorry Kate that you're in such a difficult situation, life is really argh sometimes. I feel like everything is on hold in a way until we can actually have a baby (who knew it was so hard?!) - it's tough. Being rational and wanting to have a child aren't always the same.

Argh I'm currently on CD45 of my WTF cycle - has anyone else had this after a chemical? Just PONF - BFN gah. Not even the hint of anything! How maddening.

On my way home now from Chessington with my Brownies. Oh my gosh i am soooooooo tired. Wake me up next week.

Wiggly you frickin star, you do indeed win a prize! no prize will be awarded

Other than a present next summer of course.

Hi viroids!

lil I'd be really interested to try acupuncture. I'm not sure I understand how it works, but I'm willing to keep an open mind.

kate I hope things are going a little better today for you - it sounds like you managed to have a really good talk. At least you're talking about it and coming up with plans. Perhaps over time it will seem like less of a big scary deal to him and you can revisit it? Do his friends or family have many kids?

wiggly - damn gal!!!!! Thats a fine line cross? you've got there. I had implantation bleed so bad I thought it was af but then got my bfp. My friend bled for a week so thought she had af but it was ib. If you got bfn on Monday then surely this must be new bfp! Oh I'm really hoping this works out for you, you really deserve it lovely x I think the girls have given the same advice I would - test again in 48 hours to check. Gx for you xxxx

Jeez chat was it March you went skiing? I totally remember that, it feels like yesterday been on this thread far too long

jelly perhaps it's a long af because you didn't have any for so long and it's just settling down?

Brownies and Chessingtons sounds TIRING honey!

I'm having a glass of Champagne today to celebrate selling our flat (we moved south three years ago and have been renting out our flat and making a loss on it). Thinking it might invoke LOS.

I am really looking forward to the end of the WTF cycle - looking at my temp chart it's all over the sodding place. Up down up down. I've had EWCM three times and stabby ovary twice. No idea whether I've ovulated or not. So I'm just looking forward to it finishing and I can move on with my life.

ma I understand what you mean about being fed up with the maddening WTF cycle :)

gaggia hugs to you - hope you're ok x

Min I will try that before forking out on wood resin then, thanks - I fear the back end of it will need a proper seeing to, but there's some that's pretty superficial.

Yep, La, March. Bloody long time we've been here, ay?

Widdly, (for this is what I am at the moment, all bloody day rushing back and forth!), think they all expect me to be sans alcool - one of the gang got married and I missed the wedding due to the old ERPC. Shitty timing really, pictures suggested a fabulous do.

Peace at last here though, time to catch up on the X Factor/Strictly and enjoy some fabulous hot chocolate

Ooh, congratulations on the flat sale! The wtf cycle is a pain in the sodding ass, let alone the ovaries.

Tink I've got an appointment with the GP a week tomorrow to go through the results of my hormone level blood tests. V glad about that.

chat argh crappy timing for you to have missed a wedding. I hope the nuts near the back end do the trick

Evening viroids xx

wiggly congratulations! What a lovely bfp!

leela congrats on the flat sale! Gx Los works!

Gah, I'm sure there were more people I wanted to comment to, but on my phone on the train and it's a pain to go back and look :/

Think I will stick around for the forseable if no one minds. I would have gone crazy this weekend without you lovely viroids to vent to.
Quick update - we talked again this morning, and have decided on 3 options; ttc now and find a way to make it work, I find a new job nearer to home asap and we ttc after I do, I find a new job closer to home asap and we try and buy a house aswell then ttc after.
We are going to leave chatting about it for a while, an I am now on my way to my mums until Thursday (worst time ever to be working away!)

Hmmm if that was the quick update its a good job I didn't post a long one!

Gx for anyone waiting to pong xxx

Pong! Brilliant

Widdly I shall keep you posted

Pong!? Was that autocorrect? If so that was a good one!

Was trying to remember the one for bastards the other day - what was it again?

Ha! Yes, autocorrect, not trying to say you all stink!

La my phone suggests mustards.

Avatars! That was it

Avatar pandas

I remember the avatar pandas! Brilliant. Love autocorrect - my phone doesn't reckon that's a word, genius.

Pong! Lmao -

In bed alone - bad jser! Been crazy weepy and emotional today, just watched Mr. Banks and out of the corner of my eye spotted Mr. Tink chuckling at me singing along to "let's go fly a kite" with tears running down my face!!

kate it's great to have so many options! How cool is that! Your oh sounds like he'll come around.

Off to finish How to be a Woman, recommend by a few lovely viroids! We'll need to do another round of recommendations soon, I'm running out or could just start on calli's recommendations for other viroids

Hope you're feeling good chat and none of the bad symptoms just yet.

Enjoy your champers la

Happy bfp day wiggly

Hope everyone had a good weekend, now who's next to test?

Morning viroids

Here is a photo of this morning's piss stick. Don't think you can get any more positive than that! Tomorrow: CB digi!

Please send me maxi sticky bean vibes.

GX for many more BFPs. Who is testing next?

That's a very positive pissy stick wiggly! Gx for your sticky bean! Xx

tink I sobbed at that film!