The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

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Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Oh and I've had some boob pain. Basically little shooting pains in boobs, but not sore to touch. Whenever I squeeze them they feel normal, but then they are little so don't bounce around much (ok, at all). But still had little stabbing pains in them last two days. Unusual for me, yes I've felt it before once or twice, but not usually throughout a whole day. Think I need a hooya?

I can visualise the sodding single line right now, I'm almost scared of looking at the stick, it's a horrible feeling.

indigo poor you. For me, I prefer to just know. Then I can deal with it. it's the unknown I hate. At 11dpo your main problem is That you could be too early anyway?? But I say poas anyway, it might help you manage your expectations if nothing else. Or save you from getting tiddly on your b.day with a little bean trying to glue itself yo your insides

indigo step away from the sticks. it's more likely to be a bfn today than tomorrow so do it the day after your birthday. drink wine and eat raw steak for your birthday to tempt los, then test! happy birthday for tomorrow too

la lol at temping queen! its funny, i joined this thread with the intention of stopping as I was getting majorly obsessed with it. I temped every day without fail analysing every two temp looking for an indication I was upduffed. this was of course before I knew we had duff spunk. it definitely helped being on here and it being banned topic! so thanks to you all for saving my sanity. hope I can save some for you lot! bloody annoyed with temp this morning. obvs haven't been able to do it very well this cycle as I've been away, the clocks changing in Ibiza thought only we did that! and the time difference coming back. but this morning I have a temp rise. to the right sort of level for it to mean I've iced yesterday or day before. which is fooking annoying as that means AF due 3 days before time frame clinic gave to ring them when AF starts. hoping it won't be a problem and I'll just go on bcp sooner but still annoying and stressful now contemplating what will happen. willing my temp to be low tomorrow now!

tink boo! glad you had a nice night though.

Glad to hear you had a good night out Tink, what a nice coincidence that lady volunteered her information like that!

honey you're not out yet! How many times have we heard a viroid say they're not feeling it this month and then a BFP pops up? Don't lose faith buddy

la how are you gonna wait another whole week?! Hopefully it flies by for you and next thurs is here before you know it.

Good luck with the 5:2 jelly, I know loads of folk who rave about it. And plenty who say the "2" days aren't nearly as bad as they thought they would be too.

I've tested, just had to. BFN

In which case Indigo, invoke LOS tomorrow! And then test again day after.

Going to develop a mantra. "No witch yet, no witch yet, no witch yet" and so on.

Yeh I agree enjoy your birthday indigo :)

Indigo - step away from the pee sticks! :) You're likely too early and will get BFN.

Gx for when you do test!

Damn...I was too late! indigo :( but it IS too early so you're not out yet!

Incidentally when I was upduffed I had got bfn and what I thought was af (ib) so went out on the lash - cocktails, wine, beer. Two days later I got my bfp, so I say carry on with life and don't worry

lil I think I gave up trying to pretend I don't contraband many moons ago. I surely should have been kicked off this thread by now!

I have just cried and I'm so overwhelmed. Someone has nominated me for a MN secret santa gift. Thank you so much - I'm assuming it's someone on here! Just to let you know that means so much to me and I'm so grateful. This thread really has saved me this last year - I've had so much frustration with ttc, so many days when I've had no one to talk to about it because my friends live 400 miles from me and I am in a town where I don't know people. It's also not the 'done thing' to talk about ttc or miscarriage, so I struggle even when I do open up about it as I feel like I've made a faux pas. I've watched friend after friend get pregnant and celebrated their little ones arriving, delighted for them but hoping it would be my turn soon.

When I finally got pregnant it was the best feeling ever and for three weeks I was on cloud 9, hugging my little squishy bean to me and getting excited about finally becoming a mummy. You were all so excited for me and I loved being able to chat about it when I couldn't tell anyone in RL.

When I realised the pg symptoms were going and something was wrong it was coming on here that helped me get through it, the support I had was fantastic. When I went into hospital, was admitted and on a drip and they thought it was ectopic you all kept me laughing with your funny stories and posts. When I finally found out that squishy wasn't developing and I wasn't going to be a mummy after all I was so grateful for the messages of support, love and positivity from you all. Those two weeks were the hardest of my life but I had my little JSers lifeline to escape to.

You girls make me laugh so much and I love coming on here (as you've probably guessed by the frequency!). Thank you all of you xxx

PS sorry for massive Oscars speech, I just wanted you guys to know what a journey this has been and even though I don't have my baby yet I'm grateful to have travelled it with you all.

I wish I'd know about these gifts and I would have nominated too, this is the first I've heard of them!

Aww la you absolutely deserve it! You've had an emotional roller coaster throughout your TTC journey, what you have described has sounded so hard at times. You never fail to take the time to answer everyone and keep others upbeat despite what you are going through personally.

I am so rooting for you this month and willing on a BFP!

Oh La , that made me cry a bit! I didn't even know about the secret Santa... you def deserve one though xx

aww la I'd defo have nominated you too if I'd known about it! you are an amazing lady and u will get your happy ending

Aww la big hugs to you x you will get there one day I'm sure of it x we are all rooting for you xx

Ha! I'd laugh if it was none of you and I've just thanked you all!

Aww La that was so sweet. Wasn't me! (Didn't know that's how it worked!)

But I do see you as one of the mommas (as it were ) of this thread, looking after us all!

Yeah honey I second that!

(Gears up to asking la 101 questions about contraband next month...)

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo no contraband! Contraband is naughty! I'm just really bad at sticking to the rules of the fred! :)

lil is the one who is best at kicking people into touch about contraband, plus dulcet, wil and various others. popz is symptom-spotting queen.

Can't remember who used to give the best hooyahs - min?

I'm far too soft...

i third it!! la has already been so helpful to me! infact when she get upduffed and wants to move over to the grads i think we should all handcuff her to the fred so she can't leave us!

indigo here is another vote for invoking law of sod and enjoying your birthday and poas the day after! if my cycle behaves and i ice on sunday i will be 12dpo on DH's birthday and as much as i would love to get a BFP for him on his bday i am going to TRY and invoke los and celebrate with him and poas the day after :-/

lol la given I am probably the one who uses contraband the most (opks, bbt, cbfm!) I'm surprised to be considered s contraband ass kicker! maybe because I know how crazy it cam make you first hand. if your going to do it viroids, do it half heartedly! lol

I'm sorry but I won't be handcuffing la to the thread. I'll be quite happy for her to finally bugger off to the grads thread and stay there this time and hopefully I can join her!

why is it I had sex this morning but I want it again already. and I've possibly already iced! I hate my hormones. dh is probably not going to let me near him for another 3 weeks if I've iced I swear we only have sex because we are ttc. no I know we are. I need a boy toy on the side lol! disclaimer, would NEVER cheat on dh

Way to goooo lil!!! Jeez I have to force myself to be interested in dh for ttc sake sometimes.

Gx it was a successful one this morning!

Yes lil I think when we finally get our bfps we can skip out of here into the sunset, with a 'that's all folks' type sequence. I feel rubbish moaning about being on here ages as I know you've been here a lot longer. Had a look back at the freds and you were on JS 17. I think I arrived on 21, as did popz and wil (both nearly at popping time!).

I was on from about 14 I think la. it was Feb 13 when I joined the jsers. please don't feel guilty -I was fed up of bring here a long long time ago so you are also entitled to be pissed off.

unrequited hornyness is no fun. I should be revising! I blame the books I read on holiday

if you skip out like that then no handcuffs will be wielded!!!

I didn't mean i wanted you stay here un-upduffed, hope you don't think i was wishing bad things!!! i just meant i like it when the grads pop back

lil i have had unrequited hornyness nearly all week!! he's not going to have much choice if he carries on abstaining he WILL BE JUMPED!!!

Which naughty books have you been reading!?! lol!

sorry kh I didn't mean to insinuate you were sending bad vibes...wasnt my intention.

can't remember the authors as I've deleted from kindle but one was called by hoomor by crook. can't remember the other. damn it. I have quite a few naughty books on my kindle though!