The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Sorry Tink. You'd think she'd get the hint that she's not wanted.

Oh no tink sorry to hear! Take advantage of wine and cheese!!

Ah tink you need

GX next cycle is the lucky one.

Thanks ladies, and well done wiggly, I've been trying to find an excuse to use the biscuits with hats on for days!!

Feel great now, hopefully I'm due one without the goddawfull cramping. Was going to get on the wagon for a total cycle but haven't even made it past CD1 and I feel the need for ! Will try and stay off the booze after af goes but tonight I can feel a little devil on my shoulder

Omg! Now i see it on a biscuit i realise its a witches hat! I wondered why the elves were wearing black.

Hi batfish and welcome! There's no escaping the crazy here...just a mere glance at the Fred title tell you the shit that we come out with collectively When I stopped the pill I had cycles of 6, 3, 6 and BPF length. You're not out until AF rears her ugly head.

and [steak with stilton sauce] Tink

No chance I'm leaving you lot - I'm still half convinced there's nowt in there and today's ravenous hunger was simply greed. Always happy to be a silver lining...no matter how wonky

bother I'm thinking 'bun in the oven' has to make new Fred title!

Hey bat welcome! We are normally a pretty cheery bunch but yesterday was a bit of a downer, booo! Welcome to the house of cum fun!

Sorry - think I'm having a bit of a funny turn today!

Mr La and I are making chocolate cake. That's not euphemism for bum sex ouch! No thanks! it's an actual chocolate masterpiece.

Hope you had a lovely night out tink! So sorry about stupid bitch witch, she has no frigging manners turning up uninvited. Have some and enjoy the twpu.

I can't remember where we got gingers crossed from either! Was it autocorrect like the avatar pandas?

Took me 3 months to get af after pill. There was me worrying if I forgot to take it one day!

But I know a lot of people go back to normal pretty quickly

Welcome bat! You'll know what it's like if you've been reading a while. Almost becoming our own language thanks to autocorrects and misunderstandings!

Booo to the witch tink! Naughty treats to get you through it, relax in for cape time in a couple weeks!

Apprentice time!

Gingers was indeed an auto correct. But who by? Calli maybe?

I remember Gaggia saying you should never cross a ginger, using her daughter as an example.

Viroids - I have manky sore throat cold bug and can only have lemon in hot water as I'm in 2ww and can't take paracetamol usually anyway 9allergic) - gah! Anyone know if having a temp is dangerous in 2ww? Also had terrible meeting after work today where someone basically wants to chair instead of me and is a total control freak arggh. Am watching the apprentice and chuckling to self to cheer up. Fat daddy, hehehe.

Also - sorry Tink enjoy a for me and welcome bat :)

Low dosage aspirin should be OK in early pregnancy, nsaids tend to be avoided due to some research showing they affect feotwl growth, but aspirin is given for pre-eclampsia. Basically everything has a pro and a con and a high temp can't be good for delicate cells either.

Ahg boo tink thought you were going to be the next graduate :( enjoy the twpu! (When I first saw your post, I thought for a split second someone had bought you a car!)

Thanks mountain!

Right just to let you all know I'm doing a day of fasting tomorrow. If I post some really cranky shit on here, I'm sorry! I take full accountability of my semi starved self ;)

Love having handy medic knowledge people on this Fred!

If anyone's got any wildlife or bar/restaurant queries im your gal, plus I'm a dab hand at ttc cycle tips - temping, cm, dpo, you name it. Rivalled only by the temping queen herself lil whose knowledge of decimal points surpasses mine!

jelly are you twotting? If so it's not best time for dieting. Forgive me if I've remembered your cycle incorrectly

mountain lol!! That really made me chuckle!! A shiny red convertible would be nice!!

Lovely bar lady tonight who, without my prompting, told me all about her pcos and the supplements she takes etc. She had no idea of my status but was just in conversation! She now has 2 kids!! Nice food and wine, all is well with the world

Now then, who's next to test?? By my reckoning we'll be lucky to get another week and a half out of this Fred and 2 bfps is a bloody poor show! I know there's a few of you on the twot but you're all sorely lacking in symptom spotting, c'mon, I need someone to live vicariously through.... tell us about your boobs and mucus

'Tell us about your boobs and mucus' hee hee!

Ok - 5dpo here, ff finally agrees with cbfm that I iced on Saturday. Not testing until 12dpo and my luteal phase is usually 10/11 days so if af coming it will be before then. Last time I got bfn 11dpo and bfp 12dpo. Mentally I'm not sure how I'll cope if no luck this cycle as I've pinned all my hopes on getting upduffed again right away. Daft I know.

Found out yesterday another skanky kid from my horses yard is pg by accident.

I'm eating as healthily I can, not drinking and willing sperm to be as polite as possible to egg so she'll let him have his way.

Next thurs is magic testing day for me!

Symptoms - none, but it's way too early

tink so glad you had a lovely night and that lady sounds very kind

I believe Indigo and I are next, but i highly doubt i will be escaping af! (Happy to be proved wrong, universe!)

When are you testing honey

already did this morning but af due some point between tomorrow and Sunday.

No witch so not out yet, but not feeling it. Oh well, at least i have an excuse to try some opk sticks and check things are ok.

Morning viroids :)

Not sure if I'm twitting tbh la. Haven't noticed any EWCM, only had those stomach cramps for two days that I think was wind so don't think I iced yet (or at all).

Viroids, I'm sitting on my hands! I have two FRERs in the house. Yesterday and the day before I felt nauseous and a bit weird, like spaced out, and had a couple of little head rush moments, when already sitting down. I've got some twingey cramps aswell and that feeling you get before AF of heaviness/something happening down there... But I am also extremely obsessive and think I might be (esp with the nausea) willing myself on a bit, so hard to tell what's REAL!!

I'm desperate to test. If I had some of those cheap sticks I would be POASing like a mother-something (no pun intended as I'm not a mother, WAIL). But I don't want to waste a stick when I'm, at a guess based on CD14 icing, 11dpo.

Girls it's my birthday tomorrow and I don't want to get a BFN tomorrow morning! So do I say fuck it and use a FRER? Or just wait?