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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

999 replies

ChatEnOeuf · 15/10/2014 18:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
25
Indigoblue2 · 29/10/2014 09:24

Freudian slip honey...??!

honeysucklejasmine · 29/10/2014 09:40

Lol Indigo! Wow, i massively cross posted there! I will certainly try to get a bfp this weekend, that's for sure!

Cookie Elijah is soooooo cute!

Isn't symptom spotting crazy?

I'm going out for "coffee" in a mo. Think i'll just have a cup of peppermint tea!

jellypi3 · 29/10/2014 09:43

I must admit I feel guilty for drinking coffee! But it's just soooooo good!

Cookie your little one is gorgeous!

fattycow · 29/10/2014 12:05

indigo, at first I thought the nausea was a side effect of the positive test, like my mind was making me feel that way because I know it is normal to feel like that. But I'm now on day 3 of feeling sick, so I guess it is really real.

honeysucklejasmine · 29/10/2014 12:25

Fatty the only time you can feel happy to be sick! Wink

mountaingirl01 · 29/10/2014 12:55

indigo I just spat my tea out :) thank you :)

Give up coffee??? Sorry but that is impossible. I have downsized my amount and see that as a great sacrifice. I have however given up the booze this twot and am incredibly proud of myself despite the fact it's only y been 4 days

mountaingirl01 · 29/10/2014 13:08

PS, like la - I temp to understand what's going on, my cycles are so wtf all the time and I have had 1 visit from AF since April. Temping comforts me and also makes me feel a bit more in control of my own body, which I lost entirely after it decided to reject my baby

lildottie · 29/10/2014 13:49

it's misty. its wet. its dark. I must be home!

I couldn't not temp. have done it for about 22 of the last 24 months. but I stop after 3rd day of raised temp once ff confirms I've iced and don't start again until cd10. there is NO point analysing temps other than the thermal shift for icing. not all pg charts have a triphasic pattern. not all pg charts have an implantation dip. I order you all to stop obsessing the way I used to! its why I now stop after 3rdhigh temp!

Leela5 · 29/10/2014 14:04

I agree with lil that dip in my temp after icing totally stressed me out and that added stress can't be good!

jellypi3 · 29/10/2014 14:07

I think I'll start temping from next month, I have no idea if I am ovulating, even with the new arrival of AF, so it'd be nice to see what my body thinks is happening!

Do you start from CD1?

Leela5 · 29/10/2014 15:49

You can start whenever you like. Take temp each morning before sitting up/getting up and record on app like fertility friend. After couple of cycles you'll see pattern easily

Temping doesn't tell you when you're going to ovulate but will confirm ovulation through increase

BothersomeB · 29/10/2014 16:08

Hi all...just checking in...in a very unsmug, feeling pukey, checking for bleeding every 3 minutes paranoid upduffed kind of way.

Just wanted to say that I've tracked back BFP to the Great British Bake off finals night sausage roll play session! Yay for Paul Hollywood and his excellent rise! Ironic that as a result we now have a bun in the oven...?

Hope the twot flies by for all and stupid other people stop getting accidentally upduffed and stop accidentally being dicks!

honeysucklejasmine · 29/10/2014 16:14

Bother that is the funniest thing i've heard in a long time.

BothersomeB · 29/10/2014 16:27

Glad to be of cheering up service Grin

WigglyBraddins · 29/10/2014 16:48

bother that is soooo funny. You should write to Mel and Sue and tell them. They'd really appreciate that.

I'm so sorry lots of you are having a miserable time. To cheer you up I wanted to let you know that Lovejoy is starting on Drama in 13 minutes. Let McShane sooth your troubles.

Keep hopeful viroids. You will all get your BFPs.

jellypi3 · 29/10/2014 16:55

Bother I love your upduffness story! :D

batfish · 29/10/2014 17:06

Hi girls can I join your chat? I've been reading your posts for a week or so and you seem like a friendly and knowledgeable bunch! Which works out well for me because I am a beginner and need all the help I can get!

Currently on Day 29 of first cycle off the pill - we haven't really 'tried' much this month but next month we plan to start shagging a lot more! Getting v impatient already waiting for AF, really want to be into a normal cycle straight away but I know it's fairly unlikely so I will try to be patient and just hope she shows her face soon so I can get into the next cycle!

Congrats to those of you who have had good news and I'm sorry for those of you who are having a shit time of it, here's hoping things can only get better.

Looking forward to getting to know you all if you'll have me!

jellypi3 · 29/10/2014 17:11

Ofc you're welcome Batfish :) Just beware of the nuttiness we may empart on you!

Gingers crossed for you this month, you never know, there's been a couple of ladies who have conceived after their first cycle off the pill so you're still in till the witch comes crashing!

I decided I'm going to start the 5:2 diet today Viroids, wana get in as good shape as possible for when I do hopefully get upduffed!

batfish · 29/10/2014 17:27

Haha this is true that I'm technically still in the game but shagging only happened on days 7, 10 and 17 so it would almost be immaculate conception! Gearing up to going for it every 2-3 days next month, it will be a shock to the system!

Good luck on the 5:2 diet jellypi - my sister tried it and it worked well for her!

TinkerBlue · 29/10/2014 18:03

batfish welcome! Love the name, makes me think of batshit, and there's slot of that round here Wink

bother wiggly chat fatty et al (there are slot of you grads aren't there), pleeese don't think about leaving us. You are our silver linings for all this shit. We need the inspiration some days like yesterday Wink

I agree with lil temping is great to confirm icing but doing it all month makes me batshit Cray Cray!! Mine dipped today but no af yet. Gonna keep up the temping till she swoops in cos my ocd will not let me till I've got through the full cycle and I secretly still believe I'm def pregnant with twins who will be American president and supermodel Grin

Good luck jelly I don't do diets they also bring on the batshit crazy but need to shift a stone, boo!

Anyhoo, dh is taking me out tonight so I'm going to take a leaf out of your book bother and invoke los, rare steak and vino all the way. No hot tub here though - might nip round to yours honey Grin

TinkerBlue · 29/10/2014 18:03

Alot not slot, dammit

batfish · 29/10/2014 18:08

God if I had somehow had a success this month the poor little thing would be in trouble - it has been a very social week so a lot of drinking has been done and I had a medium rare steak too!

honeysucklejasmine · 29/10/2014 18:21

Ha ha Tink, grab your cossie! We're actually going in tonight ourselves.

Welcome Batfish!

Leela5 · 29/10/2014 18:21

Miaow! Moo!

TinkerBlue · 29/10/2014 18:50

Ha ha la Grin

Well, a certain shiny red convertible has just pulled up at my house and appears to be staying for a visit Halloween Angry

I will do my utmost to keep the bitch here and stop her paying any visits to any other viroids. I have high hopes for you twotters, come on you bfps Halloween Grin