The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

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Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

I'm not going to be the smug, upduffed, one. I'm the nauseated upduffed one with a very fuzzy brain and a DH who is in denial about the whole thing...

Oh, and there will be no shagging, as DH is afraid to damage the upduffed part of me, even when he still cannot believe the upduffed-ness is there. Men!

la please tell me you can around naked last night.

Bad is question coming up.. Temperature dipped below coverline today :( and still having on and off cramping/pain since icing. Anyone want to shed some light?? Have I not iced afterall ? I hate this :( gahhhhh

How many dpo are you mountain? It might be the fabled implantation dip which gives you a triphasic chart. Your temp should start to rise again in the next couple of days.

Gx i hate this too, you are not alone

Lots of rage and blue faces in here last night. Honey a story: my cousin had her first about a year before me, a boy. When my DD came along she was all gushy about her first grandchild. I corrected her, you mean granddaughter? No, I don't - her child doesn't count because she's not married

In news at casa chat...my boobs have exploded! Need to dig out some bigger bras soon, I look a touch indecent

mountain temps can dip, don't worry. They are not foolproof in telling pregnancy for this reason. Some people get dip at implantation. I had 2 after icing when I got pregnant - small one at 7dpo, then one below coverline at 10dpo which is when I had ib. Gx for you x

Yes I did - and it was amazing!

Exploding boobs! Love it!

mountain forgot to add cramping can be normal particularly if implanting as egg is nestling into uterus wall. Can be quite twingy. My mum called it the 'embryo settling in for the duration' which I loved.

How many dpo are you? I have had to turn temp analysis off on app coz it wasn't picking up icing. But it was clearly cd28 from temps and monitor which makes me 4dpo. Only 8 days til I can pee on a mf stick!!!

We will get you through the 8 days la!

Glad you've had a good holiday lil. Booo to coming home. But then it's not a holiday if you don't come home. When's the next appointment?

I'm no help with temps. I'm crap at that! Tried for one month and it was all over the place! Hope you make sense of it mountain.

Keep an eye on yourself tink, fainting is no good! Drs appointment maybe?

Wow thanks for the quick response girls! Ff thinks I am 4dpo but I think it could be 5, far too early for implantation? I know the only real answer is to wait till tomorrow and hope temp goes up, but wahhh I hate all this waiting.
chat seriously? How did you react?!

Morning viroids. Honey that's a bugger, I've learned on MN some families are complicated

La gx I missed when we started crossing gingers that they don't beat you to it.
My sister got married recently, she's 10 years younger without diabetes and old shrivelled ovaries but she needs a new job before TTC as she hates hers. I'm dreading her changing her mind.
It's bad enough SiL being due at Christmas with an unplanned 2nd

In other news, hospital appts went well. They are very pleased with me bloody should be, I'm polishing my halo and based on how I've been doing, we should be back in the game by Christmas :-)

Too early probably for implantation mountain it's normally 7-10 dpo. You're going to need to steel your nerve and sit on your hands for another 8 days like me

Oh and the metformin should help with PCOS and might speed up ttc next time

Fantastic purple!!!

purple that is really great, you must have been incredibly self disciplined t bring your sugars down that well!

la I agree now just need to stop googling early implantation

Damn straight they should be pleased, Purple you've been doing great!

I don't understand this temping and opking, so I can't offer any advice other than keep shagging. It's probably what got me upduffed this time around.

I just blinked and tben DD started wailing for a feed probably - she has always just said exactly what she thinks. Great mostly, sometimes a little close to the bone

My temp dropped massively this morning, but that's only because it rose massively yesterday. (Was all sweaty when i woke up.) Another bfn this morning. If normal cycle then af due Friday at earliest.

My bowels are so so dodgy at the moment. What do people eat when they are experiencing difficulties?

Morning all! Hope you have a happy Wednesday! Stomach cramps gone now, TMI Alert I'm wondering if they were wind cramps (managed to have a good clear out yesterday after eating a ton of dried figs)? I don't want to say it was too much of a coincidence that they happened at around CD14, but still, I'm pain free today which is good!

Honey hope you are feeling a bit happier today? That much suck royally tho :(

Mountain gx for you hun!

This should be renamed the poo/bowel thread!

honey I would perhaps go for something healthy but bland that will settle stomach and get everything moving as it should be - perhaps incorporate roughage and carbs like rice. If you've got diarrhoea for a few days though you should perhaps speak to doctor?

I don't think opks/temps is healthy way to ttc which is why I came on this thread in first place supposedly home of no contraband, yeah right!

But after long time of no success it was only through cbfm I found out I ice late and therefore was stopping dtd too early. Now I use temping as a sort of comfort - it lets me see everything is working as it should be. I hate opks. Only used monitor this month coz of wtf cycle, I'm ditching it next month

Honey are you doing temp same time each morning? Half an hour earlier/later can cause dip too

la lil I was wondering what cookie did too thanks for working it out la :)

Tis true no one ever leaves I always read and sometimes lurk in!

honey your words are putting me off temping!! I am already slightly freaked out (read interested) by the whole thing... Can just about get me head around it but I know that if something like that happened I'd be "WHY, WHY??" all day long!

Btw will you please stop getting BFN's as you are my POAS buddy and I am seriously hoping we are both gonna rock the BFP at the end of this week!

purple you are doing FAB! That's major progress. I hope you've packed your bags ready for a trip onto the TTC wagon again, mind you, no need to pack much as its hopefully just a short stay

mountain I'm crossing my DP's ginger nuts for you. Just a wee while of Schrodinging to put up with and hopefully a BFP! Yes viroids, my DP is ginger (he says blonde). No he would NOT appreciate me saying this..

I am feeling a little bit happier Jelly but only because i know there's nothing i can do about it. I just feel so bad for the ILs who haven't done anything wrong... He's just a class black sheep off the rails disaster zone, and now he can't undo it. I hope its the taking of him. Deep down he's a nice kid, just needs to shake the massive chip off his shoulder.

La yeah i don't know why its happening. I think a small part of me hopes its a preg symptom clutching at straws so don't really want to see doctor unless af turns up. My surgery is pretty good at same day appointments.

And i am a shit temp-er. Always a different time, sometimes i forget and go to the loo first... Although my drops etc tend to be by about a degree and a half so still obvious.

I really don't think i'll keep it up next month. If no luck this time i will use an opk for a month just to check. Then i will commit to just shagging

Gah! First paragraph... Classic, making.

fatty can you believe I spent most of yesterday willing myself to become nauseous? Kind of thinking I was and trying to "enhance" it by willpower... Bet that's the kind of thing you only do when TTC (effectively "downduffed") and then quickly try NOT to feel nauseous once you are upduffed?!