The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

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Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Aaahh honey sounds like were in the exact same boat. Would all be worth it if we could get a bloody bfp eh?

Must be the beginnings of the evil red tide of doom here :(

Going to have an early night and hopefully af will arrive tomorrow and ill start to feel a bit more normal except for the excruciating cramps obvs

The joys of womanhood eh. Doesn't help that Dh and I haven't been speaking. Tomorrow is a new day....

Havent been speaking? Are you OK Tink?

Yeah fine, just silly argument that escalated yesterday. He's not home yet but i'm sure we'll sort it out later. I know I'm stressed by ttc god knows we all are but I think its having more of an impact on him than he lets on. Since BFN on Sat things have been strained, he doesn't talk to me except to say he's worried about me, how i'm feeling etc. but doesn't acknowledge the impact its having on him.
We have our GP app on Monday which should get the ball rolling with whatever treatment we decide to have. They may suggest clomid again (I didn't want it last time) which would give us another 6 months on this journey. If its IVF or something else we have more decisions ahead. Either way I feel a bit like la and there is no end in sight. I think he and I both thought that when we said we'd give it until crimbo - that would be that. But of course it isn't, with all the tests and decisions ahead it could be ages stuck in limbo land.
He worries about his age too - keeps saying he doesn't want to leave it much longer (43).

Thanks for letting me have a moan - we'll sort it all out - I guess we all have good and bad days with it don't we? I think its hard when I know that these issues come from my infertility. its difficult not to feel bad some days. Don't worry - ill give myself a good shake - and we will have our family. Somehow :)

Might knock the contraband on the head next cycle and just try and get back to normal. Should take the pressure off I think...

Aww Tink hugs to you. I can't imagine the stress and strain TTC for as long as you have would put on you, but you seem very brave about it all to me.

I found I calmed down a lot more when I binned the contraband and just focused on shagging.

Ah Tink it is stressful for everyone. I'm guilty of ignoring DH's feelings of loss/failure/misery because I'm so wrapped up in mine. Not all the time, mind or I'm sure he'd have pointed it out Remember you're not out until that bitch shows her face.

La embrace the rage, let your hormones run wild! If nothing else it lets me have a giggle.

Glad to hear you're back in the club now Gaggia

Luxembourg is lovely! Definitely a holiday not work. I'd very much recommend it, very clean and friendly.

Thanks chaps. Feel much better - Amazon have just delivered - sod the parcel. BUBBLEWRAP, I've gone popping mad !!

Bubble wrap! Well jelly!

Bless dh. Asked for plain rice cakes. Got cheese and onion velvet crunch. Oh well, he tried, love him.

Oh bless him honey he did his best!

In case anyone hasn't seen, there's a trial you can sign up for in the main forum for a product called 'The Stork' which is a conception aid. Might be worth a squizz...

gaggia he hurt his knee!? During sex or before??

YOu ok tink? Having a moan is absolutely justified, ttc can be really stressful with the amount of pressure we put on ourselves. Sometimes our dhs can feel a bit stressed too, being expected to perform all the time. Are you able to have a night out to have fun and forget about it all a bit? Contraband does stress people out, perhaps have a month off?

Bubble wrap? Amazing! Wrap your dhs awesome penis in it and pop away!! ;)

Just found out that dh's lb has knocked up his short term girlfriend. It'll be the il first dgc.

Oh dear honey that always stings :(

I've been 'informed' Mr La's sis is going to be ttc imminently. Considering she's bloody good at everything else in life I wouldn't be surprised if she pips me to the post. Grr...

Did anyone see Robbie Williams live tweeting from the delivery room? She did NOT look impressed! I'd kill him :)

Oh honey, that is a shit. Something I dread. Not sure what to say but know i would feel angry. Hope you are ok, hugs with DP tonight, after the anger has passed maybe.

la it's an old footballing injury that flares up from time to time. Of course the bastard knee had to flare up during the sex!

honey I can imagine how you're feeling. We're all here for you xx

Its almost worse that lb and ils are estranged. They won't even be able to see dgc unless lb has a personality transplant. I am livid for me and for them.

If AF arrives this month i will be a wreck!

Thanks for love girls.

honey :( sending you big hug, it's not easy. Gx you get your bfp this month!

Oh honey la that's shit, sorry I have a cousin who is ttc and I dread the announcement can't stand the girl, she copied my entire wedding, dress included! I am genuinely happy for most people's ttc success stories but the odd ones cut like a knife.
All is well at casa tink, good chat and a wrestle! Giving up the contraband, although dh didn't want to it isn't helping so he's fine with it. Back to just shagging!! Still dizzy, might be coming down with something I s'pose x

Argh honey that's crap :(

Dhs cousin put a scan photo on Facebook today entitled baby * (also our surname) it was about the same age as ours should have been now :(

mountain :( really hard, I'm so sorry.

When you get your bfp it's going to be all the sweeter for the rubbish time you've had.

It was meant to be my 12 week scan today. Girl at work had her baby yesterday which has been all over frigging facecock and someone else came back from maternity today, gushing about how wonderful motherhood is. I resisted the urge to start madly chucking staplers at everyone! I thought that was quite restrained...?

God we're all a bit depressed today - come on someone get a bfp to cheer us up!

Or perhaps I should just strip naked and run around the house, since I'm alone and all and that's perfectly fine to do when you're on your own, right?

hi all. WiFi died last night so my post didn't cone through! luckily I copy pasted so here it is....not sure it will make sense.

la cookie did. but that doesnt mean you will or won't so stop fretting and chilkax!

wiggly glad all going well

kh make sure you get a bbt - reads to 2 decimal places.

last day here tomorrow then travel back Wednesday . then back to reality.

and dh has politely declined my advances 2 nights running. so looks like I'll be stabbing myself with needles for sure. leverage!!

OK now to catch up on today!

tink 0.2 increase is enough to confirm icing if it is a sustained thermal shift. I sometimes get a slow rise from 36.29 on ov day to 36.44 then to 36.67 at 2dpo.

la I've been on here nearly 2years! scary! lol at rage! sounds justified to me. as does running around the house naked!

honey don't let it get to you. there's nothing you can do about it and if they are estranged chances are they will still view yours as first dgc. I'm eldest child and my lil bro has had 2 kids since we started ttc.

jelly some months I feel no icing pains, others I am unable to stand up straight. but hopefully it was icing so you can properly start ttc and symptom spot with the rest of us.

dh made up for his lack of interest with morning sex. life's good! lol. wish I wasnt going home tomorrow though

Ha ha! lil I can't remember what I was talking about! What did cookie do?

Ahhh worked it out! She got upduffed from dtd 4 days before icing? It's either that or she saw gone girl !

Glad you've had an amazing time lil!