The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Kato has a point - you can't get rid of us! We're all too nosey curious about what you're up to and cheering you on.

Have fun Chat (assuming this is pleasure rather than business?)

Sounds good chat! Holiday?

Well if if was ovulation la it can feck the right off! It was so painful! Although we DTD two days before so guess that puts us in the running?

chat have a fab holiday/break :) I need a holiday! DP is getting on my last nerve today, I'm close to killing him!

Morning lovely viroids. Can't believe we've lost wiggly, bother and chat!! We're all going to have to stalk them on the antenatal Fred!!

jelly I get ov pain but not every cycle, maybe one in four. So don't be too disheartened, you might not have to suffer every month x

So, about 14dpo here. Af due tomorrow. Temp still very high and pneumatic boobs. Will see if she shows up in the next few days but I have to admit I am starting to dream!! I've thought I was out so many times during the twot that I'd given up. Bfn on Saturday, will keep you posted. Cross your gingers chaps x

Oh tink that sounds quite exciting!!

Tink I'm similar. On cd25 out of 27 now, so soooooon. bfn this morning though. maybe they are defective?

I'm still being defeatist though.

Am I the only one who hides the antenatal threads I didn't get to join?

You're right, no one really leaves: I had to check in this morning to see how you all were

Good Wiggly, would hate to see you go for ever! :)

Tink and Honey fx for you both!!! If it was ov pain that I had yesterday, does that mean I'm officially Twotting?

We dtd last night but mr g didn't finish cos he hurt his knee!

jelly poor you, what's he done?

Sounds positive tink gx!

I feel like I'm destined to be on this thread forever :(
Left for grad thread only to return 3 weeks later. Been on here a year now.

:( positive vibes la and hugs to you!

Gaggia he just annoyed me this morning by claiming he didn't have time to clean the cat litter box out but he had time to watch tv, whilst I made lunch, fed the cats and made the tea/coffee! Just got on my nerves!!

We dtd last night but mr g didn't finish cos he hurt his knee!

jelly poor you, what's he done?

Hope you're okay La?

I remember the night we conceived I got my solid smiley that morning, then while out at dinner I had a horrific cramp, like my uterus was being pulled down through the bottom of me by a big claw! It hurt to stand up. Something must've been going on!

Bah curse of the double post!

Does anyone fancy cuddling my TT (tired toddler) so I can scrub the bath? I'll warn you shes ginger so don't go crossing her!

Got my BFN this morning so I'm reset and ready to rock.

Viroids, I need some advice if any of you are around....

I'm wfh today (thank god) and have just fainted! Was very brief episode and i'm fine now. Had hotish bath this morning but this was a couple of hours later so I don't think it was over heating.
Pregnancy symptoms are: Big boobs, tender, but not as sore as usual at this point in cycle.
Some pulling sensations in lower abdomen.
That's it.

Ive not poas since bfn on Saturday. AF is due tomorrow according to app, no signs of her swooping in - lots of white cm, would usually have brown on wiping by now. Temp is high. CD 30.

I can't make up my mind when I ovulated. I had a brown spotting on CD14 neg opk. Duff opk on CD15. CD 16 positive opk. CD 17/18 temp only went up 0.2 points. Then CD 18 Temp went up another 0.2 points and has stayed around there except for a few dips. Had ewcm CD13 - 19. So fairly sure I def ov'd but not sure when. At latest could potentially only be 12 dpo now?? So confused....

I have a frer, would you guys advise I wait until fmu tomorrow or should I try and save pee this afternoon and do it later?

I must confess I'm getting my hopes up spectacularly now. I would rather be put out of my misery sooner rather than later if this isn't it.

Sorry about all the info but I'm hoping some of you guys might be able to shed some light on how many dpo I'm likely to be and if it would be worth using a frer this afternoon or waiting til tomorrow, or even a few more days?

Don't want to keep fainting either....

oooh, tricky tink

something is certainly afoot & as you wish to be put out of your misery I say POAMFS!! advice I've seen is no liquids for a couple of hours & hold your tinkle tink for as long as you can to concentrate your pee...

yours signs do appear to be a bit at odds but isn't the temp rise the failsafe of confirming icing? in that case you'd be 12 - 13dpo.

gx & take it easy so you don't faint again

Frer can be used any time of day - I say POAS! Hope you're ok

I am a ball of rage today and no idea why! Just got out of car to shout at a car of boys who stole my space in car park and then raged at 2 opticians for not selling white contact lenses (need for Halloween, advice from opticians is not to use ones from party shop and instead get them from opticians but opticians don't sell them).

Massive huge rage. I'm starting to se funny side - those boys were terrified!

Okay panic over used the frer. BFN obvs, at least I can get on with my life again now!! Onwards and upwards, Fainting still unexplained though - although I feel fine now :)

Thanks for advice Noniks - will put it down to the pcos and forget about it I think.

Hope you're ok too la rage is good sometimes - let it all out girl!!

hope you are ok tink, and you're not out till the witch comes singing eh! So gingers are crossed here for you!

La, it's good to rage some times :)

Still got the lower abdomen cramps, not sure it is ov pain because it's not on one side (which doctor google told me it would be). Feel like AF should come but it's too bloody soon!

Anyway, I'm going to assume it's ov pain even though I don't think it is, so I am now Twotting (no more coffee for me!).

I had a day like that Saturday la, just get it out! Avoid loved ones and take care of yourself :) I like to think its a sign of the hormones being where they should be!

tink it may be too early - normal ov is day following first positive opk and temp increase then confirms ov as temp increases after it. I got bfn 11dpo then bfp 12dpo. Gx !!!

Bless you Tink! Glad you're feeling resolved, as it were.

I feel so shit today. Good old "raining out my arse" again, at least 24 hours so far. Feel a bit nauseous and tired today, and get a head rush when standing. (How someone my size has low blood pressure I'll never know.) and to top it all, bfn this morning.

Have asked dh to pick up some corn thins or rice cakes so i can eat tonight.

Cat is harassing me. Standing on my boobs, trying the knead my neck. Waving her bum in my face, pushing my phone away, etc. Just as well she's cute.

I'm somewhere between 12 (first ewcm) and 9 (Ovia) dpo.

Oh and temp dropped 14 days ago and peaked 2 days later.