The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Bloody hell, well done Dulcet! Enjoy your kitty snuggles haha. I luffs Hugh Dennis

Juni and baby girl are home now according to grads fred Hopefully she'll update us when they're all settled.

Wow kudos dulcet :) go you girl!

And wow fatty welcome back, that's a first post in style that is!!

chat so happy for you. Gx it's a sticky bean. Are you going to get checked out??

DP had a panic moment today and told me he thinks we should stop trying because of my police job interview. I told him if that's what he wants then we will stop but he calmed down and said he wants to continue! Deffo an emotional roller coaster lol !

Wow Dulcet, good work!

I haven't a fecking clue - I need a scan. Probably only five-six weeks, by test positivity, but by dates I'd be 7. We're away over the back end of half term and my appt is after we get back, so I'll just make him scan me there to establish wtf is going on!

Jelly glad your DP came around :)

I also luffs Hugh Dennis.

I already got a midwife appointment. It is not for another month, but it is on a day DH can come with me. I keep looking at the test picture, as I cannot believe that I am upduffed. But that line is very clear, so I must be...

Gosh fatty I am so impressed by how fast you are getting everything done!

Well done Dulcet! That's so amazing!

My local pool does quite a selection of aquacise classes. I'm totally going to sign up. It was good fun yesterday!

congrats fatty, surprised no one has asked you for stats yet! spill lady!

chat that's fab news! gx everything is mundanely text book for you now!

la stop it! you are allowed to rebel. you are allowed wine. sometimes you can't help but say "oh f* it" and indulge. that's why I currently look like a whale in my bikini and after what you've been through you needed it! maybe being in the state of mind you are now means you are ready to get back on the wagon, but don't beat yourself up about falling off. and thanks for the hug . sending one right back at ya

I will get back on the wagon next week....when I'm not surrounded by los niños y mucha sangria!

Well, supposed ovulation was on the 9th. We did the deed on the 8th and the 12th (and other days, but too far away from ovulation to be useful), so one of these has been lucky.
I'm probably due July 2nd. I was just browsing the midwife website today and decided to go ahead and fill in the form. Got an email a couple of hours later, giving me an appointment. I'm glad I did it now, as the appointment isn't until November 27th! Loooooooong wait!

Fucking hell I turn my back for 1 day and we have 2 BFPs...huge congrats ladies and fx for sticky beans

La if a glass of wine helps, then go for it, it's not enough to make a difference

La just going to add to what the others have said about not beating yourself up after such an ordeal Sounds like you deserve a few glasses now and then

Can't believe two BFP's in such short space of time - way to go chat and fatty!! Bet both you girls are over the moon!

honey snap I'm also on 7dpo, well as far as I know based on 28 day cycle. I also did a test and BFN today, but I know it's ridiculously early. We can be POAS buddies come the end of the week?! I have extremely minor boob pain and some mild cramping going on so naturally I'm certain I'm upduffed this time... (Ignoring the fact I think I felt just the same last month and wasn't)

Yay Indigo! POAS buddy!

Morning viroids! So depending on which crazy combination of temp fluctuation, cm and cbfm you believe I am either 3 or 5dpo. So at CD30 I'm officially twotting! I think it was probably Friday (cd27) as I had major stabby boob/bloat.

Gx that our little lunch time stealth shag did the trick.

Fx to you guys indigo and honey for your POAS!

lil enjoy the rest of your holiday!

fatty (my phone wants to always change your name to 'farty'!) that sounds about right for midwife. It'll go by in a flash if you haven't got the app already babycentre is a great one, i really liked the advice it gave and it helped to count down the days. Congrats again!

I don't feel like going to work today - Monday itis. Going to doll myself up a bit to fool self I'm a professional and hopefully that'll kick start my motivation. Anyone watched gone girl? We are going to see it tonight

indigo and honey, I hope yours is positive at the end of the week as well!

leela, fingers crossed for you!

I took another test this morning. Still two lines. I still cannot believe it...

Fx La and Yayy Fatty
If I get upduffed again I can see me POAS daily til I go into labour!

Fabulous fatty! And chat, I can't tell how pleased I am :)

La I think icing happened for me Friday too, twot buddies?

Congrats Twotters :) Fx for you all!

I have no idea when I am due to ice but if my cycle is 28 days then I dtd right at the perfect time apparently! I doubt it's that simple though lol!

Absolutely mountain!

Morning all! Sorry for dropping the BFP bomb and then going all quiet on you - got the good news on the last morning of hols so were travelling Saturday and then at a family lunch yesterday...where there was every stinky cheese under the sun, and loads of wine - think I got away with it...really tough not to just blurt it out though!

Had to do another test Sunday morning and both Mr B and I woke up thinking it had all been a dream/mistake. Used a cheapy Sainsburys one and was ridiculously nervous that it would be BFN...but no - another lovely, quick, bright line! So think we're accepting of it now and very excited!

MC paranoia kicking in...LOS means I've spent the last week on holiday eating rare steak, drinking (lots) and hot-tubbing, so feeling guilty. I'd usually take it easy during the twot, but we were on holiday and I felt decidedly un-duffed...nothing I can do to change that I guess. Also got my appointment at the fertility clinic confirmed last week so LOS working overtime!

Can I hang around a bit please? At the moment I'm convinced it's not going to stick anyway...oh, and if it does, I promise not to be a 'neat bump' smuggo - I'll be the fat, ungainly, badly dressed, slightly sweaty, knackered looking pregnant lady sent to make you all feel better!

fatty and chat - congratulations! So pleased for you! fatty - think we'll be due at the same time - just done calc and it says 3rd July. Eeek!

La (and anyone else thinking about it) - please don't beat yourself up for drinking wine. I've never really abstained during TTC...you still have to live your life, and if drinking seriously affected your chances, there would be a lot less 'unplanned' pregnancies!

xxx

So, apparently today is CD24. Now last month was a wtf cycle, so it was slightly longer. So Ovia is saying that my cycles are a bit longer and predicting AF on 2nd Nov, which is CD30. Normally I have 27 day cycles. So Ovia is saying I ovulated on cd16, (out of 30 day cycle) but I first got ewcm on cd13.

Long and short of it, I have no idea when AF is due and no idea when I ovulated. bfn this morning though

I think if no beans this month I will perhaps try some ov test sticks figure out when its actually happening.

honey you are pretty much in exactly the same boat as me! I also have no idea when I ovulated as didn't see any ewcm this cycle (sometimes do sometimes don't). I was also thinking that if this cycle isn't the ONE... I will get some OPK sticks or whatever they are and try and get a bit more information as to when I'm ovulating, for next month!

Which cheap pee sticks do people use? I've got FRERS but am aware they don't seem to be the stick of choice for most when doing those "probably not much point as too early but will test anyway" tests... So what are people using for an "everyday" pee stick?

You can get ics from amazon or eBay £2.50 for 15

PS disclaimer - it feeds the POAS crazy, be warned

I just ordered some off Amazon - they were 10 for 12Euro incl free del. Can't complain.

I often don't know exactly when I ovulated - with half-regular cycles I imagine it would be roughly in the middle, but I've been so messed up this year it's been largely guesswork (and more shagging!).

La, happy twotting. GX it's a good month.

Bother, absolutely stick around, we can be in the happy-but-paranoid club. I hear there's a few members :)

I bought these Indigo www.amazon.co.uk/Highly-Sensitive-Pregnancy-Strips-earlier/dp/B0076ASBNK/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1414408808&sr=8-4&keywords=ml+pregnancy+test

You know, indigo makes me giggle, seeing as its link with pee historically. Hee hee, indigo requires pee! ("A preindustrial process for production of indigo white, used in Europe, was to dissolve the indigo in stale urine.") I'm sure I read once that urine was collected in northern cities and used to fix the dye on the uniform of London coppers.

chat did you not temp or use opk's? i was just looking online and wondering if i should try one of them but not sure i have the commitment for temping, or whether i'd get even more obsessive with poas's if i got OPK's Not sure whether to literally just stick to JSing lol!!

bother please stick around!!