Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

999 replies

ChatEnOeuf · 15/10/2014 18:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
25
ChatEnOeuf · 26/10/2014 07:40

Lil, purple, that would get me as well. Painful.

Speaking of painful, that's exactly what my boobs are this morning. Could someone read a ttc textbook to my body, and then maybe it would do as it's supposed to?! DD actually slept until 7am new time for us...putting her to bed at 10:30 is clearly the way forward!

OP posts:
jellypi3 · 26/10/2014 08:13

Morning viroids. Hope your clocks changed ok :)

DP's balls are back to normal so donned the cape last night using conceive plus for the first time. It's very messy lol, like water! And we laughed afterwards because it smells like the toy goo you used to get as a kid!

But fx it's done the job

fattycow · 26/10/2014 08:42

Hi viroids,

How is everyone?
I'm sorry I've been absent for a while, life was busy and coming here made me sad, but I'm back now!

Current stats:
Name: Fattycow
Age: 27
TTC: since the start of 2014
DCs: none yet

ChatEnOeuf · 26/10/2014 09:56

Viroids...rumours of my latest demise may have been exaggerated...! POAnotherS this am as I feel sick and my boobs hurt. Expecting BFN as never had a strong line. Until now. Viroids, it's beautiful. Good thing the recurrent miscarriages dude also manages pregnancies I guess Grin

Welcome back fatty, hope you're in a better place now Thanks

OP posts:
fattycow · 26/10/2014 10:00

Chat, congrats! I am in a really really good place now! Wink

fattycow · 26/10/2014 10:01

Look!

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
Leela5 · 26/10/2014 10:06

Morning viroids
Sorry to hear some of you are struggling - welcome back fatty Flowers

lil I know exactly what you mean and it's really hard so I'm sending you a massive hug. So many women at my work are pregnant (many just had babies who got married same fine as me) and walking round with cute little bumps. Plus 4 of my group of 6 best friends from school. Also a 17 year old kid at my horses yard just had her 2nd in same time as I've been ttc. For fucks sake. I just want to scream at the unfairness that they get to be pregnant whilst my failing body can't seem to manage it.

I feel like I've totally fucked everything up this month. I desperately wanted to be one of those who can say they got upduffed in month after mc. But same time I've been feeling depressed and drinking more than I should be so probably wrecking those chances. I'll go back to abstaining from now on but think I needed a bit of a break from worrying about it. It's not a lot - I don't get drunk, but around 2 glasses of Wine a night and that happened 3 times this week :( I know I'm wrecking my chances and it's putting more pressure on everything.

Peak was last 2 days and dtd Friday so now the wait begins...temps still all over the place so app is determined that at cd29 I've still not iced. all pretence of not using contraband gone out of window with my sobriety and self respect

I always compare people's baby stories to my cats at work! Grin

gaggiagirl · 26/10/2014 10:07

Is that you preggers fatty? Weeeeeee huge congrats and to you too chat xx

Leela5 · 26/10/2014 10:10

Ooh congratulations fatty! Lovely line!

chat congratulations!!! Did you not get checked after bleed? So it was fine all along?

ChatEnOeuf · 26/10/2014 10:28

No, I was a fool. reckoned being only 4+ weeks that there was no point being scanned as nothing would be seen. And there was a lot of bleeding. And I had no symptoms. Am an idiot.

Don't worry about a couple of glasses of wine, La, you've had a horribly distressing thing happen and sometimes you just need a helping hand to get through it. And wine tastes very nice.

Fatty that's awesome!

OP posts:
KatoPotato · 26/10/2014 10:38

wait, wait what Chat?

Leela5 · 26/10/2014 10:40

Chat this is amazing! Hooray!

fattycow · 26/10/2014 10:54

I am trying to read everything I've missed, but this will take a long time...

fattycow · 26/10/2014 10:55

Oh, my DH has already called me 'fat cow' once. It was our joke that he would call me that if I ever got pregnant. A few hours after discovering that I am, he came out with it. Grin

RPopz · 26/10/2014 11:44

Chat are you back in the game!?!?!? Grin

Congrats Fatty - that is a good place!!

Easy on the pressure Mrs La Of course you dont feel like being so saintly after all you went through. It's still early. Give yourself a break and do what you need to do. There'll be other cycles, hopefully less wtf-y xxxx

TinkerBlue · 26/10/2014 13:03

la I do that too, it's part of my self sabotage! I also don't have enough sex and generally get it wrong every month. I think it's my subconscious protecting me so I can pretend that I am really fertile and would have got upduffed if I didn't do all those bad things. That way it puts off facing the truth. Sad
But, a few glasses of wine will make no difference really. And the amount you've described is a good week for me. Big hugs, you'll get there soon x

chat unbelievable!! So happy for you. Can't believe you went through all that and were pg all along! Congratulations, you give us all hope xxx

fatty what a lovely line, congratulations x

lil sorry you've had a bit of a struggle, the tables will turn soon. So hard to see people with the life you want but be strong, you'll get there.

Happy Sunday all, enjoy the rest of the weekend xx

KatoPotato · 26/10/2014 13:11

Guys I hope I'm not causing any angst by still mooching about? I try to be mindful about not talking about pg so much as sausage roll penises? I just feel Id miss you's too much!

honeysucklejasmine · 26/10/2014 14:52

Hold the phone! Chat!!!!! Fucking fantastic!!!!

My god Fatty, 2 hours after checking in to bfp must be a record?!
Big hugs all round! I'm 7dpo today. Did an ic because I hate myself I was curious about icing dates. Bfn obvs.

Kato, hush your nonsense. We love you grads!

honeysucklejasmine · 26/10/2014 14:55

Reading this thread.

I love you girls!

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
RPopz · 26/10/2014 15:17

Haha, I think I'll get kicked out before you do Kato Wink I always hope I don't sound like a smug bastard on here. The older jsers will remember what a hysterical harpy I was in my undergrad days Wink so I do get what you're all going through, to an extent xx

Leela5 · 26/10/2014 16:05

I love you grads and would be very sad if you left! Now that's enough of that kind of nonsense thank you...

chat I'm so happy for you !

And you fatty no you're not a fat cow tell him to shush Grin

To anyone who hasn't been here so long - popz was the ultimate symptom spotter!! Wink

Leela5 · 26/10/2014 16:07

Is juni popping in at some point ? How's the new wee angel?

ChatEnOeuf · 26/10/2014 16:12

I know...Blush

Grads, you have to stick around!

OP posts:
DulcetMoans · 26/10/2014 18:17

I'm catching up on the day and not sure what I am reading?! Is that 2 BFPs today?! So chat, how far are you? I'm confused!

Great news viroids!

la, stop being mean to yourself! You need time to heal in so many ways and a few glasses of wine will no be the make or break.

(Cat making it almost impossible to post.)

Stick around grads, we like to know what's going on and you can help us symptom spot with what happened to you before BFP!

smug alert - I ran the great south run today! Furthest I ever ran! I saw Hugh Dennis!

Leela5 · 26/10/2014 18:24

Oh my god dulcet that's brilliant! I don't run so have so much respect for anyone who does. Well done!

As always thank you for your support Brew

Swipe left for the next trending thread