The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Witch is getting on my fecking nerves.
Diabetes nurse is really happy with me, blood sugar almost at normal levels. Have the pre-conceptual appt on Tues but I'm thinking of hanging up the condoms.
The spanner in the works is that the awesome penis is broken again, seems it wasn't fully healed from last time and DH won't seek medical advice, only Dr Google!
So I'm due to ice in about 10 days, which gives it 17 days of rest. He might have to suck it up and put out anyways

Think, your meal sounds lovely. Fx for a BFP in a couple of days

My purple is at football, I've been keeping myself busy by making mincemeat and Christmas puddings :-)

What's he done Purple? MrPopz broke his "banjo string" years ago (when we were young and shagged for pleasure ) - seem to remember it was tender for a while but there wasn't much anyone could do. Good news about the blood sugars

Ah nvm La - sorry for putting idea in your head!! Hooray for icing Have you got the new Bridget Jones book?? I quite fancy it, not read the others though, only seen the films.

Hope the party isn't too unbearable Dulce ... .

Damn autocorrect Mr not my

Talking of Bridget jones did anyone see renee zelweger the other day?? I'm sure it was a different person.

Yes! Omg, she looks like a different person. Botoxed to hell, blates.

Omg I would never have known it was her either!

Yup it's the banjo string but he won't let me look properly big baby

Banjo string injury sounds sore! purple that's great news about sugar, hoping Mr Purple repairs in time!

popz it's not as good as the first books tbh I'm finding it a bit blah. Loved bj 1 and 2 though - films are shite in comparison.

tink yum! Love sherry! I'd be taking swigs on the side

I thought Botox makes folk look more plastic, I thought she looked old in the pics. She looks better than she did, I always thought she looked quite strained maybe just me?

Wow Bother that's beautiful! Congratulations :)

Purple, well done getting those sugars down. Green light in my book, hope the awesome penis regains its awesomeness in the next few days!

I'm out. I have three babies, two girls and a boy. The others were either too old and would wriggle too much as I try get them in the car or too you do to not need their mums. Nothing too awful happened and manage to avoid the several times I wanted to say 'oh that's just like my cat' when the baby conversations started. (Seriously, so much of what they said I could relate to my cats!)

I've read the latest BJ la, agreed it's not as good but still enjoyed it. I wondered if I didn't enjoy it as much as it is set when she is that much older and her life is that much different hers - hard to relate to. Agreed she looks like a totally different person jelly, such a shame!

Great news on the bloods purple! Just said the words 'banjo string injury' to DH - told me to shut up! Lol.

Yay purple I knew you'd get them sorted more quickly than lots of people, dos you've got an ace reason for doing it! Well done you :) :)

Hba1c is now 8 and I'm getting readings as low as 6 depending on what I've eaten
Ideally it needs to be 5/6 before meals, 7/8 an hour later but I'm rubbish at remembering to check then

Haha... I'm always comparing people's children/ child rearing advice to what we did with our puppy It doesn't go down well... But honestly, puppy training sounds remarkably similar to child training!! Glad you survived the party. Was there cake??

That's weird La - I didn't think she looked older cos her face is so weirdly smooth now!

Wow you talk alot!

Bother holy cow, that's a bfp and a half! Congratulations!

Purple great news about your bloods, well done!

la stabby pains occasionally here. But yours sound sucky!

Been to Ragdale today Chat! Omg amazing!

I always remember my best friend finished uni and went off to be an 18-30 hi day rep. The very first message he ever sent me was 'All's great but I've snapped my banjo and there's no shagging for weeks!!'

OMG bother that's AMAZING!!!! Congrats Mrs!

congrats on the bfp bother and in the sugars purple

no I didn't buy one la, I already have Mr Lil's awesome penis, I couldn't be dealing with another dick in the house!

dulcet least you didn't have all the "about time you got on with it" crap?

I have to be honest I'm struggling here this week. obvs not with the sun sea sex and sangria. its a Thomson family's hotel so I am surrounded by happy couples with their diddy little bubbas and uber cute toddlers and mini people. it hurts. bad. and I can't stop staring at those ivf kids. its like my brain thinks if I stare at them long enough I'll find something out about my ivf! too much sangria I know

Lil that got to me when we were away too. On the beach there were lots of mummies and daddies with little ones and pregnant bumps. I felt lost. Like we're not complete and almost that we shouldn't be there...silly really

Thanks for the messages of support everyone, it means a lot.

ugh don't get me started on the perfect neat bumps. they are everywhere! went on a boat trip tonight and was stood next to s couple all loved up and cuddly. when she turned around there it was. perfect in her pink maxi dress. I wanted to throw myself over the edge as I thought about how they were obviously enjoying their last holiday together as a 2 before they become 3 and I just felt like that should be us! IT SHOULD BE US!! GRRR...iwarbed you not to get me started! lol

Yeah had this at a clients on Thurs, woman there with a neat bump, due when I would have been. It knocked me for 6, I've been ok for a while

Oh Lil Hugs from a pregnant woman are probably not what you need right now but... Hugs xx

And for you too purple x

Thanks lovie. I don't begrudge anyone their pregnancy, especially on here. I'm back to ok again after speaking to the nurse

Wow a girl goes away for 2 days and you viroids go crazy!

Thanks chat that's exactly what I thought too, I hate going to the Drs as I already think I'm wasting their time so don't want to be rocking up with a pot of pee every other day!

kato sorry but loving your 11month pg!! :-D

jelly we budgeted 6k for our wedding and spent about 8k :-/ but was well worth every penny but the biggest thing I learned through it all? It's not about money it's about doing what YOU want!!

la excellent stealth shagging going on! Am impressed at your JS loyalty! Yay for icing, booooo for wtf cycle!!! Gx for you!!!

bother that line is blooooodddyyyyy BeaUtiful!!!!! Loving it!!!!!

gaggia re the sex - moomin pjs not involved?? Hehehe

Big ouch for Mr purple but my god he best heal quick!! Does he not understand ?!?! Lol :-P (well done on the bloods! That's good going!!!)

Hugs, flowers, chocolate and wine to those in need!!!!!

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