The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Chat, I'm with rpopz. Passive aggressive comment on her status, the cow bag. YADNBU as would be said! Out of order, really is.

Bother sorry the sickness got you, but hooray for sticky beans!

She's been told (and asked when she's coming!). All I get is noncommittal murmuring. Her and her OH live with just a fat ginger cat for company, and she's not mentioned anything amiss. She usually would, something of an over-sharer...could possibly feel awkward, but I'd be surprised to be honest. She is just a bit self centred dense about these things. I'll try her again when she's back off her break.

Before, forgive me, but I'm delighted you're feeling so sick

Quiet night in tonight with wine and Only Connect on the iplayer. Rock and roll we are

I would LOVE to put something on her status, "Ooh lovely, where? Hope the chocolate is divine and the accommodation free [rage face]" I've currently left it without comment...this may piss her off more.

11 months pg Kato ?!? Now I know I'm a novice, but I'm pretty sure it only goes up to 9!

Good luck chat, it's a toughy & I'm sorry she's upset you.

rm completely missed that on katos post!! Good spot.

Currently post shag waving legs in the air...it's ice day so I'll do whatever's necessary!!

Haha! That'll be 8 months! Kato logic!

You lot talk too much!

before sorry for the sickness, but yay for strong symptoms!

jelly I spent over £20k on wedding/honeymoon and I don't regret a penny. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat - with the same groom of course!

11m pg lmao!

chat yanbu. I'd also put something passive aggressive on fb!

OK going to try post a picture if some peni I saw today in a shop.......

OK here it is I hope

Welcome to Ibiza! Eek!!!

Get us all one eh?

Lil! I saw those in Greece, dh and I nearly wet our pants childish sense on humour

jelly we spent about £7000 in this country but could have done it cheaoer , chose things that made it really personal though. We had a 'honeymoon qift list' instead of your traditional pots and pans which was awesome. As lil said; I would spend it all again for the same day (and I am the biggest skinflint ever). Best day of my life so far. The key is to do what you and dh want and only have the people that matter to you there.

lol kato. even funnier dh took a pic of my 14yo dB holding one. he said if he'd pressed the button a split second later he'd have had a pic of dB simulating a blow job with it. no 14yo was not a typo!

tink I cannot believe there was Lovejoy on and I didn't see it. Might have to get a DVD for Christmas so I always have easy access to McShane.

Lil you have to buy one of those and then stick on a picture of McShane for the ultimate fertility totem

chat YANNU. How exasperating.

Love you commitment to the JSing cause La. FX that was the lucky shag.

Hi ladies, just back from holiday in the sun! Loads to catch up on and read back through on here, you've been busy :)

Any BFP's that I've missed since being away (from last week)??

Temp wayy back down this morning. Feeling very very blue

Me too mountain bfn on frer here too. We'll get through it, big hugs xx

Right back at you kato

Holy shit viroids!

WOOOOOP WOOOOOOP!!!!! Well that cheered me up bother, bloody hell!! Congratulations!!

How exciting, and there's absolutely no doubting that lovely line!!! Well done you our first Halloween bfp

Hooray! That's a lovely line! Congrats bother!

Stats purrrrrrrlease!

mountainhooray for peaks n shagging! My temp has remained flat but cbfm seems to still think I'm peaking bad jser!

I felt horrendous last night on work night out. Sore stomach and generally painful. Do you think too much jizz can cause pain viroids?

chat that would make my blood boil! Fair enough if folk can't afford to visit but then posting she's off on mini break is bit out of order! Unless her dp is paying? I would tell her how you feel.

Loving katos obvious transformation into an elephant due to long gestation period and noniks good caping gal!

lil did you buy one?

Woooooo hoooo bother! Yay yay yay for that

Is that a BFP I can't see on this stupid app?? Come on MN, let me see photos on here! Congrats bother! Stats us!

My wedding was similar to mountain by the sound of it. £6-7k, paid ourselves. Loved every minute! Would absolutely do it again. You can spend as little as you want though jelly. What's important is you do what makes you happy. We were very lucky robot have the interfering families a lot of couples end up with. No demands on guest lists or colours etc. just what we wanted.

Hope you have that towels good rub lil!

I don't think I'm pregnant. :( hate everything.

Lucky robot?! 'Lucky not to' that was...

dulcet how many dpo?

Not sure. CD23. Possibly 8-9dpo but that would be an early ov for my usual cycle. But what's normal anymore!