The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

It only appears to be a pg induced allergy! I had my own cat for years! My last was a one eyed moggy called Jesus.

Our wedding cost £117. We never told anyone and just went to the registry office on Christmas Eve, then told everyone the next day. I was 11 months pg with DS and just wanted an easier life.

I'm not telling you how much my wedding cost. It was a lot!

la me too, I wince every time I think about it.

Oh my god, not sure what I'd do if that happened to me! Couldn't be without my girls! not fur babies, honest

What medication can you take when pregnant? I know paracetamol, but what about antihistamines?

La, Tink, as long as you enjoyed it, it was money well spent!

Lunch time stealth shag - done!

In 1 hour I drove home, got cape on, drove back, bought lunch and I'm back at my desk. Dedicated jser!

Bloody hell La - Good work!!

Honey you can take basic antihistamines (cetirizine hydrochloride) if you really need to but none of the good stuff which actually works.

Yes La, fucking good work (literally).

Excellent work La!

My wedding was probably average...PiL paid for the reception, my dad did cars, church, photographer; DH the honeymoon; my mum paid for some of my dress - I made up the rest. I made all the stationary, my best friend made my cake, hair and make-up done by friends and bridesmaids. Got married just about the same time as I graduated :)

I wanted small wedding, my parents had other ideas. It became huge.

Parents paid for most, me and dh paid for some, I made loads of stuff - favours, invitations, table decorations, presents for people. Pil paid for honeymoon. It was lovely but I'd have got married in a tent quite happily :)

Wow La good effort!

Problem is I don't have parents, I have grandparents, and they both pensioners (almost 70) so I would never want to ask them for money. DP's (instead of dear Father lol) parents have just renovated a house so they don't have any money, nor does DP want to ask them. So we are trying to finance this 100% ourselves plus save for a baby.

So I'm considering rolling wedding and honeymoon in to one and doing it aborad!

That's great idea jelly and I think you can get some great wedding deals. My friend had a beautiful wedding in Croatia

la I saw your post about temp and was sympathising as I was feeling the same; temp decrease this morning been on high for 5 days (which usually means the end for me) then saw your next post, was spurned into checking again...peak! Yey! Sadly not able to be as amazing as you, but the boy is going to be pounced on tonight! Here's crossing gingers for temp rises tomorrow

Ok viroids, I need your opinions. It's an AIBU but I CBA to change my name, and I suspect those involved would recognise themselves anyway. But not ttc so shouldn't stray here...

So as you all know I now live in Belgium. it's been about 3 months and we've had a lot of visitors in that time. All the immediate family have been, except my sister. Most have already booked second trips. My SiL is coming for a second time this week. She is not well off and is mid flat - purchase so I'm really delighted she's making the effort. Which leads me to question why the fuck my sister is the only one who is not bothering.

She has claimed both lack of money and time, telling me she needs to use holiday to come over and she has none left. She has been working hard but this morning I woke up to her Facebook telling me she was off on a mini break with her boyfriend - 'hooray for annual leave'.

I'm feeling a touch pissed off by this, but am I unreasonable or a hormonal cow to be so annoyed? She has form for this, but I'm really sad she doesn't seem to care.

afternoon shaggers

about to finish my 4th litre of water & tiddling like a racehorse...

La I salute your lunchtime shenanigans, A+ for dedication to the cause.

Should also have iced today...tummy twinges I'm having could be anything but hoping join in for a 3way temp rise tomorrow...cape is ready for tonight, tender tum or no!!

afternoon shaggers

about to finish my 4th litre of water & tiddling like a racehorse...

La I salute your lunchtime shenanigans, A+ for dedication to the cause.

Should also have iced today...tummy twinges I'm having could be anything but hoping join in for a 3way temp rise tomorrow...cape is ready for tonight, tender tum or no!!

Oh no Noniks have you caught the curse of the double post?

Chat, I don't think you are being unfair tbh. It really pisses me off that some people can make a huge effort and others just cba. Have you told her how you feel?

bloody laptop...mutter mutter...

chat I'd be annoyed too. My sister used to have form for doing similar. The reality is Belgium is not that far or that pricey to get too.

Are you guys close? Perhaps she feels they need some time together alone - I think we can all admit to needing some time with only our fellas. I'm sure you'd understand if she's confided this, but she's been pretty insensitive to crow about her mini break on Facebook without any plans to come & see you, Mr Chat & mini Chat.

oooh, & one more thing!!

jelly we had pretty large wedding... DH has BIG family compared to my paltry amount. We funded half ourselves & other half from parents. Had such an amazing day but still cringe at the cost!

If you're families aren't too big & can travel your plan sounds great - that's what I wanted but got vetoed!!

chat does she know about your mc? If so she might feel awkward?
Personally I'd be a bit miffed. My dsis has form for this also and I find it best to just give her instructions. She's never trying to be insensitive, just does things a bit differently to the norm and generally appreciates it if I say "can you come here and do this". Because she would never have thought of it herself.

Chat, so sorry about mc :( if it were me, I would ask your DSis when she thinks she might be able to come - not if or why not, but when. And if you want to see her, tell her. Tink makes some good points about some people being dense. Hope she gets her arse in gear soon.

I have been hiding away because I feel very, very, VERY sick for 3-4 hours daily . It's put me in the worst mood, I am horrible at the mo. But I figured I'd spare you the moaning as I am still - so far as I know - circa 9 weeks upduffed. But I need my weekend. Zzzzzzzz

HOLD THE PHONE!!!! Lovejoy is on UK Drama!! Maybe the McShane will give us some luck! Am going to watch it before Grandad comes round for 96th Bday celebration. It's like positive visualisation viroid style!! :)

Hello before glad your little bean is hanging on in there! Sorry you feel poo though :(

I'm so rock and roll ;)

Shagging to Mcshane....hmmm

YANBU chat .... No annual leave/ no money then fair enough. But if she's daft enough to plaster the total opposite on fb then.... Did you leave a snarky comment on her status? I'd have been tempted