The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

rm that's weird, have been looking at the effects of this myself (more impacting on ttc, but close) as I take liquid iron after af if I need to. Found the below from the nhs, sorry if link doesn't work, paste into browser if necessary. Interesting reading imho.

If you're unsure though, just call nhs helpline, I've always found them dead helpful.

If I ever get my bfp I'll be camping out on this Fred for a looong time I think...

www.nhs.uk/news/2013/06June/Pages/iron-pills-in-pregnancy-make-healthier-babies.aspx

No problem with taking iron, a lot of ladies end up being prescribed it anyway

That's a really interesting link, thanks Tink

Think I'm staying here forever, regardless of any future pregnancies. Hope that's okay

Iron is fine in pregnancy, it's prescribed to at least half of women by the end.

But of advice viroids, anyone had a bladder infection? Have constant feeling of full bladder & some uncomfortableness when pushing the last bit of pee out...not had one before but had this for 5 days now...any ideas?

dulcet you were size 8, huge boobs, tiny waist and a neat bump out front. Hair newly blow dried a la Middleton and looking poised in your louboutins

rm of course you should stick around! We don't want you to leave :)

noniks get your ass to the gp, I've had loads of uti's and they can get nasty quickly. Mine used to spread to bladder/kidneys and the pain was unimaginable!! Things to look out for are blood in urine, sweats and abdominal pain (just what I used to get, not official symptoms). Cranberry juice is full of sugar so will just feed the infection so best to avoid. I've never beaten one with anything other than antibiotics.

(Feeling like medic but prob best to wait for mountain to advise

bother and tink you're not out til the witch swoops!

Gx to the twotters!!! I've no idea where I am in cycle. Cd26 just now, big temp spike this morning. Think we've missed the boat though.

tink you rant away! Rant rant rant! Getting the referrals is a positive step, definitely a good idea.

Why are you all breaking your dps balls and penises penii? stop it, stop it now! At least til you've finished the baby making for good...

Sorry witch came kh

Iron is fine if you're preggers, many get prescribed with it during upduffedness

aarrggghhhh my ic's have arrived today and DH has just had a right winge at me saying the Dr will do it for free!! he's really irritating me tonight!! can tell af is here ffs!!

Complete u turn here! Dh has just got back from a few days away with work and has instructed me to poas this weekend. He says I look stressed and I've got a vino on the go which I think is fine as I know I'm not upduffed this month but he says pee on a fucking stick then get on with your weekend. So, going to buy a frer tomorrow, get it out of the way on Saturday fmu, then tell him bollocks, I told you so, etc. kh I think they are sent to try us...

Dammit, I was hoping head in sand & it would go away!! Only got abdom discomfort & more noticeable at end of tiddle time...I hate going to drs & feeling fraudulent!! But you're prob right tink

mountain where are you?!

tink your absolutely righ - noniks if it burns to pee, you feel like you want to all the time but can't, and you have a low dull pain, it's probably an infection and you need antibiotics. However, you may just have caught it loads of water and I mean LOADS, flush the bugger out. If it still hurts tomorrow after you have wee'd all night, then get thee to a nurse with a pot sample (you won't need a doc app).

Clinic closed ( chat I love how we said almost exactly the same thing about iron)

Ironically, I've been thinking about UTIs today, I have had my fair share of them in the past but haven't had ice pain until recently and I have been having that today or implantation pain if ff is to be believed and I let my guard down for a minute and hope too much and it is very similar to UTI pain! I know I don't have a UTI because I might have dipped my own wee

Regular UTI sufferer here. And like mountain regularly dips my own wee. Staff perks of working for Ben hates Jess!

Cross post noniks! If your in pain tonight go to a supermarket and get some of the cystitis sachets- they will really help witg symptoms plus drink tons of water. Don't feel a fraud! Utis are horrible! Go see triage nurse at gp asap mane
Hope you feel better soon!

Ps warm bath x

Haha, love that you dipped your own wee mountain & gaggia

No burning just feel uncomfortable in pelvic area with some sharp pains but very occasionally and also at the end of a wee surely am actually upduffed & AF was a cunning ruse by my body

Except temp dipped and no actual symptoms...not that I temp or anything...

Haha, how very rude La Hope I was similarly attired to Dulce

Noniks - GPs NOW. Sounds like a uti to me and they are no fun. And certainly won't help your plans for upduffedness. Drink plenty of water in meantime. Hugs x

Course you were popz!

noniks that sounds sore hope it buggers off soon, drink lots of water

Oh Noniks that sounds sucky! GP tomorrow! you must do as the viroids command

Going to Ragdale Spa this weekend. Very excited! Must find out which part of the day will require the swimsuit with straps. not doing aquarobics with a strapless swimsuit

Will prob be naughty and poas every day next week. Boobs still looking impressive!

tink that's a really interesting link about iron. I was prescribed it when pregnant with DS so think it's fine. I'll double check when I see the GP on Mon rm. I also can't bear to leave yet. I seem to have a strange hang up that as soon as I go onto an antenatal page I'm have another mc. Sorry ladies.

Catching up with Saturday's Dr Who so have to put in a gratuitous

Gratuitous...? Suspense!

Oh hang in is it a picture? I'll need to go and look on PC

Tardis! Of course!

noniks I used to get loads of utis. I Kean fuck loads. best thing I ever found was sachets called cymalon. if they still exist get them and drink fuck loads of water. like asuch as you can manage. doing that I've always got rid if it in a day to 3 days without needing to go to Dr or have antibiotics.

la does that mean I was the fat childless one?

Wtf lil !?! You were a goddess - all flowing mane of glossy hair and Ibiza tanned skin. Sporting a very neat and stylishly dressed bump and bringing with you a basket of organic fruit from the fruit trees at your mansion.