The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Haha Dulce, totes

No idea what vegetable product I'm I up to now Chat - it feels like an octopus!!

Sounds epic La glad you had fun. You deserve it lady x

Jelly! LOL I think you need em to stay out though

Ha! Hidey balls

Dulcet go on...tell them about the roadworks on the A999 but then deny you're from there. Dare you.

La you might still be in, the wtf does as it wishes and follows no rules. But if not, you'll be my Christmas Pissing Partner and that has to be a good thing.

Oooooo la, what did I look like in your dream? Was I size 8 with massive knockers and a tidy bump?!

At one stage the scrambled egg couple started talking about cruises and another couple started talking about the scrambled egg couples conversation about cruises. At that stage I realised I had eaten my breakfast and was just sat there being nosy. I then promptly left with a tiny pot of strawberry jam as they are so cute!!

kh moomin pyjamas are available in primark. 12 for moomin leggings and sweater. Im not afraid to wear them out and about because they are awesome!
They compliment my moomin salt and pepper pots and mug and purse, list goes on.

people watching can be fascinating at times! How odd that they are treating them like different things lol!

I'm glad to say DF's balls aren't hurting today, but I've given him a night off to recover (though I'm still chuckling to myself about it).

La your dinner sounds amazing last night, I love posh restaurants. I get to go to them with clients at work, I always feel out of my depth, especially when I see food with names I can't pronounce!

Who's Twotting at the mo?

To all those who thought having reflexology was clutching at straws - last night l spent a good ten minutes in a lanzarote souvenir shop stoking the penis of a 'fertility god'...on a tea towel. And made Mr b do the same.

Af due today. Feeling particularly un-duffed so fully expect her to rear her ugly head. Probably when I'm in the swimming pool I'd imagine.

Happy shagging/twotting/dreaming everyone. X

11dpo over here, like bother I could not feel any less upduffed! Thought I was having symptoms yesterday afternoon but all gone now. Also it can't have been thrush as cleared up on its own in a couple of hours. Got all the feelings of impending af although ovia thinks she's not due til Wednesday. Kind of pissed off with it all today tbh.

jelly haaaaaaaaaaa! Ball breaker!
la did we all look like you imagined in your dream? I imagine you to have blond hair in a lovely up do and tres elegant even when doing practical work in the woods or something.

jelly not sure I want to know what you were doing to him, but blimey!

My fertility friend seems to think I iced a week ago (!) But pretty sure and hopeful temp spike this morning was more significant although if I did ice last week my ov pain could be something more exciting! pee buddies la?
I want scrambled eggs now

Jelly I am somewhere between 5 & 8 dpo, depending on whether i believe temping or ovia. My temp hit rock bottom 9 days ago either way. Trying to decide when to bother taking an ic.

Ha ha ha ha ha I'm laughing at the implication of elegance! Hee hee. Sadly I suffer from the inability to do any kind of hair style other than pony tail. And even then it generally looks a bit crap.

I'm trying to remember which of you were in dream. I think it was popz, lil, dulcet and a lady with short blonde hair who looked suspiciously like my new neighbour who I met for first time yesterday

You were all outside front door and i was saying you could only stay an hour coz I had to go to book club. Weird! and so rude!

Today in wearing crumpled dress, slightly sickly pallor and hair scraped back in hasty pony tail. Non glam

Cat has decreed i must pet her. Sorry picture is skewy!

Taking positive action, hate feeling pissed off with it all, made gp app for nov 3rd to get final tests done. Last time. Was going to give it until after Xmas but if we get the ball rolling now we can put a plan in place for the new year. As my cycles are so much better now I wonder if my results have improved. Going to get dh sa done too. He was normal last time but that was ages ago and motility was borderline. New lady gp at the surgery too so maybe she won't just try and palm me off with metformin this time?
Sorry, all me me me today needed a rant and to just do something! Will feel better when af arrives if I have an app to go to!
Will recap on all the news later x

Always worth making the appointment tink, referrals take so bloody long anyway. Let's invoke los!

It's good to get an appointment tink, feels like progress then.

That is a bit rude la, especially if I travelled all that imaginary way!

I'm TWOTIng jelly! I think anyway. CD21 here.

Afternoon viroids

Just seen a customer with a small bump and due when I would have been. I had to excuse myself and had a moment
It hasn't bothered me for a while but this set me off again
In other news the awesome penis is broke again - obviously we didnt leave it alone long enough to heal!
Good job we aren't TTC at the moment

I promise I'll catch up but you're such a chatty bunch lately

I know what you mean Purple. I have to hide the May 2015 antenatal threads.

My friend did her baby stuff mass shop recently and i am so so jealous.

so today we have broken balls AND broken penis! good going viroids!! you ballbreaker you jelly! i would have had to have a good look as well but yeah wouldn't have been able to stop laughing to carry on!!

glad you've made an apt tink gx for los!!

I'm on CD1 again, the witch decided to rear her head yesterday, am considering trying iso's this cycle. when do you think is best CD 3-7?

a little glad (if that's the right word!?!?) i'm on the TWPU now though as i have to go on a 4 hour drive tomorrow to take my mum to her aunties funeral so am likely to need a stiff drink tomorrow night!! she's already asked if we can hang around saturday before we come back so i shall have a couple of

in other news, this morning i kept seeing cars that had registration plates with abbreviations from our world!! TTC, DPO etc!! there's no escape!

oh and there's definately a trip to Primark in store gaggia i need moomin pjs in my life!!

Damn fertility friend, I can't stop symptom spotting now..aghhh

finally some pant snot this morning!! although none since...hope that wasn't it...although it appeared 1st thing today & I pounced DH last night so maybe timing was good??!! not convincing myself or anything

kh I've heard dodgy stuff about soy isos. If your cycles are fairly regular & normal length & you ovulate I think you're best to avoid as they can actually mess with your cycle.

Here's a link;
www.babycenter.com/404_can-soy-isoflavones-help-me-get-pregnant_10364266.bc

hhhmmmmm maybe i will leave off a few more cycles and see if they settle down more/it happens without! thanks noniks i'm just bloody inpatient!!!!

*impatient gggrrrrr typos!!

I hope you don't mind of sticking around here, I'm not quite ready to move to the grads Fred yet irrational fear of mc, don't want to join and have to leave
I couldn't get a doctors appointment for another 2 weeks time (will be 7 weeks by then), but I have a sort of urgent question I wondered if you lovely viroids cold help with. Can I take iron tablets when upduffed? (I was taking them for anemia even before starting ttc.)