The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!

honey that sounds lush! We're having Harissa chicken, quinoa & oven roasted veg...veg is a little crispy as left it on whilst pouncing...

Sending you hugs chat xxx

Evening viroids. My wtf cycles were the same length as normal, but I don't know when I iced.

gaggia LOVE the nails.

Tink given what's happened I don't believe I'm pregnant. I'm seeing the GP on Mon for my blood test results. I'll POAS AGAIN then and if the stick and the GP say all is well then I might just start believing it. I hope you don't mind me hanging out here and posting pictures of prosimian peni until then.

tink definately matching cats! i now have pictures of them sat together on a mantel piece like those old freaky ornaments!!!

gaggia good nails BUT much more importantly, where did you find moomin pjs?! I want!!!!

on the subject of food, I can beat you all on the fanciness of this evening meal, I had.... wait for it.... oh yes! boiled eggs and soldiers!! whoop whoop!! :-D

I'm pretty certain that not one viroid will mind you hanging out wiggley and I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss la's drunken updates later.... :-D

oh, and I've never wanted blue boobs quite so much!! x

Lol tink you never fail to make me giggle gaggia I love that fred has got into your rl and others would just see pretty nails while we know the 'in' joke!

What's wrong with the pj bun wiggle? possibly the reason why dh no longer fancies me

I was lazy and made us fajitas. . Though did find out that the cat REALLY likes butter beans after offering her one in a 'why are you begging you won't like this' type way

la looking forward to the drunken msgs but girl go get your cape on, get your Cape on, get your cape onnnnn, instead :)

chat sorry for missing you off. How is bleeding today? I really hope you're okay. It's good the gynae can see you soon. Have a frites, mayonnaise, chocolate and waffle extravaganza. And if this isn't a sticky bean top it off with lots of lovely beer. Tons of love to you.

So so sorry chat. I do hope doc can get things looked into for you.

la wtf! Why on earth did she invite you to that if you aren't pg! Is she a close enough friend that she knows about mc? If so that's even worse! Gx AF stays away and you've already got that pre Xmas bfp. Omg to cheeky parking wankers. I'd slash the tyres! Or get a clamp for the buggers put a sign up and charge them. Or phone the police every time to report trespassing!

Square penises? Round hole? Wtf! Lmfao!

Aww la I luffs that you miss me :)

jelly glad AF fucked off. Gx for lots of pant snot and a keen eggy for you. And gx for interview outcome. Very exciting!

tink I love your honesty! Hope the scratch was satisfying thrush clears up quickly. I haven't had it for years but I used the canesten duo not just cream. Much faster to get rid and totally worth the cost!

Haha painting your boobs blue! You lot are seriously losing it!!

kh congrats on joining us loons with a batch of ics hidden in the cupboard! Gx you only need one of them!

mountain feel your pain on the papers/new born...will explain when I finish catching up...

noniks drink more water and take epo to improve ewcm and make it more obvious. Enjoy the cape action ;)

Haha honey think you may be onto something re sober la vs drunk la* lol

Love the nails gaggia

So my recent lack of attendance in bonkers bonkers central is because "woah, I'm sitting in Ibiza!" sing to vengaboys tune if you please

Got here about 11 and by 1 I was eating my dessert whilst the woman behind me started up a convo (the family were already talking to my family) by telling me her 3 grandkids were all ivf babies from the same batch - 1 girl then 2 twin freezer girls. That made me feel a) like I have a fucking ivf sticker on my head but b) slightly hopeful - until she said one of the twins might have genetic issues. FUCK OFF I don't need to hear this right now! So mountain yeah I get it. Hugs to you.

I don't have a cat to post pics of so might post you a pool pic at some point so I feel less left out

Oh and had the cape on this evening...starting holiday as I mean to go on! And its only cd9 - go -&that's fucking unheard of for-- us!!

Have a great holiday Lil

Glad the gynae got back in touch quickly Chat - good to have a plan moving forward. Has the bleeding stopped? Wine and squidgey cheese for you x

Thanks guys. Slowed down mostly, looks like Nutella I feel like I've lost about a pint though. Sorry

Happy holidays Lil

RPopz how are you and what vegetable are you incubating now?

Blue... And shiny! and currently leaky ewwww

Great that your appointment will be soon Chat hope whatever the issue is gets sorted out just as quickly x

Have a wonderful holiday Lil

Still trying to picture a sausage roll penis.....

strike through fail facepalm

Sausage roll penis - let's call him Greg - never made it into the sacred temple of Kato.

I merely touched it. BOKE.

Chat I hope you're okay.

Viroids...think I might be icing...!

yay!!! ma don that Cape viroid!!! xx

Oh my good god you lot are absolutely bonkers!

Just tried to reply to your lists but it blew my mind

Followed by Mr La doing Bill and Ted impressions on the bus, SO embarrassing.

EXcellent!

Most non non non heinous.

Totally bodacious dude

Ma, get that cape on!

Glad you had a good night La! to young to join in with Bill and Ted references

Chat that's great that the appointment is so soon! Gx for it!

Morning viroids my you chatted loads last night!

I had scallops with crab velouté and celeriac, followed by turbot. It was very nice! Had a bottle of champagne yum.

Don't feel hungover but I do feel like I was drinking last night. Bit tired...mr La was very drunk he was drinking cocktails. I'm sensible and stuck to fizz.

Your blue boobs chat made me laugh!
Temp has spoked today but I have no ewcm so I'm confused. Think we've missed it this time as we were dtd eod until this week and did it mon night but that was the last time. Me La now on nights.

Love the panda nails! I normally don't have nails coz of having horse but now he's on loan they are lovely.

Really glad you have your appointment chat

I dreamt last night you all came round my house for a natter! You were standing outside waiting to come in and I was looking through the window trying to guess who's who!

Lil you're in Ibiza!?! So jealous!

Viroids, last night I broke DF's balls!

We were engaging in some foreplay and apparently my vigorous fondling caused one of his balls to hide. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Apparently they retract, I had a feel and it just wasn't there. He had a little jig about the room and it reappeared but at this point I was laughing too hard to do anything!

So I'm a ball breaker! ;)

Magical disappearing balls?

Hidey scrotum

Did you tell him kato? You know, something supportive like 'your penis is the weirdest thing I've ever seen!'

There is no way you can continue after that jelly! DH had joked about them going inside but ever seen it. Id want to look!

Enjoy Ibiza la! And the shagging!

I am in a hotel in the midlands for work. Currently eating breakfast on my own. People have weird conversations. A table is talking about where I am from and best ways to get there which I want to chop in with and a couple just ordered with one asking for scrambled egg and bacon and the other one ordered bacon and scrambled egg. It's the same thing! It really annoyed me that they kept saying it like it was different. Just ask for the same!

Unreasonable rage. Obvious pregnant.

Ha ha ha ha Dulcet, that made me lol!

Jelly! Ouch! Poor DF!

Ha ha! Dulcet I love people watching it's one of my favourite things to do. Stuff like that fascinates me. Why say it differently!?

Just got to work and feel hungover