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Conception

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The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

999 replies

ChatEnOeuf · 15/10/2014 18:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!
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Thread gallery
25
jellypi3 · 22/10/2014 13:01

Thanks for the tip Kh :) I'll get my cape action started asap. DF is gonna love me :P

mountaingirl01 · 22/10/2014 13:09

In waitrose waiting to pay, pictures of kate over all newspapers and lady with new born behind me :( thought I was about to pass out

Khbutterfly11 · 22/10/2014 13:20

Sad that sucks hairy pants mountain Flowers can never seem to escape it when you need to hey! weirdy mumsnet hugs!! x

honeysucklejasmine · 22/10/2014 13:42

My cat is headbutting my tablet. Apparently I need to pay more attention to her.

Mountain that sucks. Sad

Noniks3 · 22/10/2014 13:52

oh mountain, the universe is indeed a bitch sometimes. Someone from work had a baby yesterday & another is truly bumpalicious & due in January Envy

jelly best to watch out for signs of icing. Pant snot is a good indicator icing is imminent, but you can get a few patches of it just to confuse you. OPKs will tell you when icing is approaching too, I've not used these though yet. Only way to know for sure is to temp - your temp will increase & stay increased once you've iced. BUT it will only confirmed you have iced, it won't give you any warning.

My cycles are the 'average' 28 days, but I ice on CD16.

jellypi3 · 22/10/2014 14:00

Ah that makes sense :) I am keeping an eye out for EWCM, although checking too many times a day feels a little wrong lol!

I'll just stick with the docs advice of shagging EOD ;)

honeysucklejasmine · 22/10/2014 15:44

Jelly I got ewcm in cd13-16 this month. We're pretty much doing EOD here, hoping to catch it. I have 27 day cycles.

I have got to say, my boobs are rather impressive at the moment. Not sore or anything.... Just... Proud? Perky? they are F cup, don't think they'll ever be perky not that I am symptom spotting, no siree. Not due till 2nd Nov!

TinkerBlue · 22/10/2014 17:13

Are they blue honey? I have it on good authority that blue boobs means you are upduffed!!
kh your mum and me have matching cats! Will post a pic once I can catch mine Smile

honeysucklejasmine · 22/10/2014 17:39

Blue?! Confused No, thank goodness! How blue are we talking, on a scale of veiny to smurf?!

TinkerBlue · 22/10/2014 17:50

Not sure tbh, quite like the ideas of smurf ones though! Very Katy Perry or avatar esque!! Ooh avatar - like avatar pandas, although I'm fairly sure they don't have blue boobs.

Howya doin chat? Pretty shit day I'm sure, hope dh is handling it all ok too. Thinking of you, and you gaggia - glad to see you've both kept your senses of humour x

Leela5 · 22/10/2014 18:00

chat sending you a hug, wishing you luck with the consultant you contacted x

tink eww to scratching , eww!

Loving the cat pics!

Hooyah needed! I have inexplicably blocked nose which was upduffed symptom last time.

C'mon gals get your capes on! No excuses!

I'm going out for posh dinner tonight with dh. Michelin star ooh la la la! Expect drunken posts

Hope you're having fun bother! Send me some sun

Leela5 · 22/10/2014 18:01

Blue boobs? Blue? This is new concept to me. I know about blue balls, but boobs!?!

RPopz · 22/10/2014 18:08

Blue boobs were totes my first upduffed symptom girlies!!! Wink

gaggiagirl · 22/10/2014 18:32

Ah thanks tink I think I'm all recovered now.
My virginity is growing back as DP has lost his mojo Shock
So lovely lassies WTF can I do to fix him?
I'm currently sporting moomin pyjamas and a spotty face, this may not entice him Grin

gaggiagirl · 22/10/2014 18:41

Avatar panda nails!
My name is gaggia I'm 32 and yes, I do nail art.

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
Noniks3 · 22/10/2014 18:50

Those are amazing gaggia!! I am crap at nails. Makes me feel like a rubbish girl Hmm

Hows about a moomin booty shake to entice him? I think you should sing too... 'Because I'm all about the bass bout the bass no treble' whilst shaking your thang have been listening to popular radio & think I am now down with the kids

la I wish to know explicit food details about dinner!! That's right, I'm a food perv Grin

No sign of any freaking pant snot yet. Just creaming my knicks dammit. Am breaking out the new pre-seed and caping regardless!

honeysucklejasmine · 22/10/2014 18:50

I don't know gaggia, that sounds pretty hot to me!

Well I hope my boobs don't go blue! That sounds enough to ensure dh never touches me again! Wink speaking of, cape tonight I think!

FYI we had butter beans, leek and steak for tea tonight. (Jamie recipe) I used the steaks that are 21 day aged, 2.99 for 10oz Aldi rump steaks. Oh my gosh were good. Yummy! Seriously tender, and I am not a good steak chef. just chuck it in a hot pan and ignore, turning once seriously impressed!

honeysucklejasmine · 22/10/2014 18:53

You know I think the real question is will we be able to tell the difference between drunk La and normal La? Wink

Gaggia those are amazing!

TinkerBlue · 22/10/2014 18:59

kh matchy cats??
Love the nails!

Food talk is good - nom nom nom Smile

Thanks for the confirmation rpopz I was beginning to doubt my source Wink

May paint my own boobs blue when I draw my on line on my pee stick on 1st nov Grin

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
honeysucklejasmine · 22/10/2014 19:11

Hahaha Tink, do you still think you'll make it to November?! Grin

TinkerBlue · 22/10/2014 19:14

Doubt it! After professing my barreness and childlessness this morning I now have all the symptoms! Not that i'm symptom spotting either you understand ;)

jellypi3 · 22/10/2014 19:17

Mmmmmm steak! We have got pizza for dinner, go us! Though I did steak last week, was lovely. For our 6 year being together celebration we are going to our favorite steak resturant in the city called gaucho's...nom!

honeysucklejasmine · 22/10/2014 19:24

Oooh Jelly is that an Argentinian place? I think a Gaucho is an Argentinian cowboy! Could be your lucky night!

RPopz · 22/10/2014 19:44

No probs Tink Smile

Lolz at virginities growing back! Grin

ChatEnOeuf · 22/10/2014 19:59

Mmmm...steak...good call. Or pizza. Mmmm...food...and wine dammit.

Lush nails! I used to pimp my nails - years of institutionalisation the NHS have mine short and clean by default. I should dig out my tiny paintbrushes again :)

We're ok here thanks. Weirdly calmer than last time(s) - I think I knew something was off this time. Gynae dude has already emailed me back. Appt after half term. There's something to be said for this 'ere private healthcare system.

Blue boobs?? Into next Fred title surely! Mine are always blue

Enjoy that Michelin Star, La :)

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