Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

999 replies

ChatEnOeuf · 15/10/2014 18:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
25
WigglyBraddins · 22/10/2014 07:13

Ooh, crazy link! Sorry about that!

Leela5 · 22/10/2014 07:25

Yes! This I am familiar with not personally

Tell me ladies who sadly have been in same position - how long was wtf cycle? Cd 25 here and temps are flat, nothing happening

KateBeckett · 22/10/2014 07:32

Cat pictures! Yay! Might add one later if my phone lets me...

kato like a chisel...?

jellypi3 · 22/10/2014 07:52

Lol la your rant made my day.

Here's my cat in a bag

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
Leela5 · 22/10/2014 08:05

Oooh...pretty cat!

Leela5 · 22/10/2014 08:07

Glad I cheered people up Grin I think I'm unhinged. Was described as 'bonkers' at the weekend

jellypi3 · 22/10/2014 08:37

we're all a little mad at times ;) and she's pretty but a pain in the arse!

TinkerBlue · 22/10/2014 08:39

La I feel your unhinged ranting - think AF may be on her way here too!! She's not due for another week but I can feel her bubbling away inside. I think I must be scary as DH bought flowers home last night!!! Bless (that never happens). Also, i've never had thrush but am itchy and lots of thick white cm??? Anyone had this??

Jelly good luck with the police :) Glad AF effed off, get your cape on!!

chat gaggia I hope you're both doing ok?

wiggly what weird pics!!! Hope your news has sunk in now :)

Anyone testing soon? I'm due AF on Weds but am going to wait until i'm properly late and test on 1st Nov if I get that far.... Please feel free to Hooya if I do it before!!

DulcetMoans · 22/10/2014 08:48

I hadn't even got to the post with the link and my phone decided to take my off to google to show me some weird animal penis - very confusing!

la - my wtf cycles were both fairly normal in length luckily. Taking day of MC as CD1 I was 25 and 30 days so nothing massively out of place.

Waiting until 1st Nov tink?! That is commitment! And, as you know, virtually impossible with us here to egg you on!!

mountaingirl01 · 22/10/2014 08:50

What is it about cats that they love bags? It never ceases to amuse me :) mine doesn't want to get up this morning..

Leela5 · 22/10/2014 09:15

Ha ha ha! tink sorry but there's absolutely no chance you'll last til the 1st with us around! Wink

Yes unfortunately that sounds like thrush. Caneston is amazing, clears it right up. Would recommend treating dh too as I had recurrent thrush before I realised dh was just giving it back to me each time.

TinkerBlue · 22/10/2014 09:21

Ha Ha, tbh - ill never make it that far - that would be iro 20dpo!!! Even my cycles aren't that messed up!! Also, could not feel any less pg at the mo - this time last cycle I had completely convinced myself I was upduffed! This time I could not feel any more barren and childless I can say that on here, you all know what I mean!! So be warned viroids - there may be another few drunken posts banging on about the merits of adoption again in the next few days!! Feel free to ignore :) :)

Off to have a scratch !!!!

ChatEnOeuf · 22/10/2014 09:34

Morning viroids! Excellent photos last night - here's my cat in a box, in a bag and on a shelf...she loves them :)

DH is back today, I've emailed the dude that EVERYONE recommended when I was just moving here and had the twins on board and the TT slept all freaking night! I'm doing ok, bit crampy and emotional but dammit, the Belgians make the best comfort foods [gritted teeth Grin Thankfully the healthcare here is excellent so things shouldn't take too long to come through.

La, you do make me chuckle. I completely appreciate your need to rant, on every level. And hypnobirthing? WTF? Speaking of WTFs, mine were mostly 5-6 weeks and I probably ovulated a bit late in them all.

Tink 1st Nov? That is late! I used to do that, not wanting to be wrong and have a BFN staring me in the face...might go back to that philosophy. Wait until I can't move for exploding boobs and vomit, then pee. Yeah right

Good luck with the po-lice, Jelly, and glad the witch has vacated the building.

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
OP posts:
jellypi3 · 22/10/2014 10:03

Ta everyone :) Now question, as the witch has pissed off, am I now on CD1? Or is CD1 the first day of my period?

No sign of EWCM yet, just the sticky stuff (sorry for TMI).

How are you feeling Chat?

jellypi3 · 22/10/2014 10:05

Also my cats love boxes. Well one does. The other is too stupid for boxes!

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
Khbutterfly11 · 22/10/2014 10:22

la you really made my day with your rants! that's how i get sometimes!

Chat so glad DH is home today, hope the dude comes back to you soon!! glad TT slept through

tink you're a stronger woman than me if you can wait that long lol!! think we should place bets on when you cave and pee?? Wink

i think AF is on her way round to mine, didn't wear my cape much this month (BAD JSer!!!!) so am ok with it apart from not expecting her until Mon. On the bright side if she does come early we can start again earlier - silver linings and all that!!

Khbutterfly11 · 22/10/2014 10:30

feel left out of the cat pictures, so here's one of my mums on the self (she hates boxes and bags, and anything that moves too quickly (she was a stray that adopted my mum)

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
Khbutterfly11 · 22/10/2014 10:31

just found this in my files as well - so true!

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
Noniks3 · 22/10/2014 11:14

jelly CD1 is 1st day witch bitch pulls up.

tink love the optimism...but I give you until Thursday til you cave!!

wiggly think I'm a little mentally scarred...thanks god I never googled the broken pens pics!!

BothersomeB · 22/10/2014 11:52

Just checking in from lanza-not-so-grotty - having a lovely time in the sunshine. not thinking about the twot - oh no, not I
tink - I'm your poas buddy! Af due tomorrow. Also feeling barren so not hopeful. Do you also get a bubbling feeling when af due? Thought it was just me! Plan on testing on sat if witch doesn't arrive. Meantime, have been boozing, hot tubbing and eating lots of rare meat, so perhaps law of sod will be tempted!?
Take it easy bonkers. X

gaggiagirl · 22/10/2014 12:21

I don't have a cat and only 2 of our turkeys survived the turkey plague. I'm not sharing a picture of them they are very not cute and look like scary beasts.

honeysucklejasmine · 22/10/2014 12:30

DH and I went in the hot tub yesterday. Really nice and no danger of over heating due to cold head, but holy shot, getting out was painful! Froze my tits off!

jellypi3 · 22/10/2014 12:32

Thanks Noniks :) So I'm now on CD 8! And icing is normally around CD 14? Sorry for all the noob questions!

Gaggia I wana see pictures of ugly turkeys!! :P

Khbutterfly11 · 22/10/2014 12:47

that's right jelly if you're not yet sure if you tend to ovulate early or later than CD14 i would don your JS cape this week and dtd eod and enjoy! :-D

Khbutterfly11 · 22/10/2014 12:49

i've just caved and ordered a bulk load of cheapie PT's from amazon!! was determined i wasn't going to go bulk or i knew i'd get obsessive......