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Conception

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The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

999 replies

ChatEnOeuf · 15/10/2014 18:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
25
DulcetMoans · 21/10/2014 22:17

Any update chat? Hope you are ok! Have you got support with DH away?

la - my work do lots with CP too! I've never met him though.

Good luck with the interview results jelly! Hope you find out soon, hate the waiting!

honeysucklejasmine · 21/10/2014 22:19

Ha ha ha ha ha La, I really enjoyed your 100 rant posts. Very entertaining. I would totally put a great big "Oi bitch!" sticker on Chelsea Tractor car. Parking makes me super angry. My next door neighbour has a spare car in her second space, so when her boyfriend comes round I get to look at his ugly people carrier outside my window. ATM of course I have curtains drawn in early evening anyhow so don't care so much.

Chat I'm so sorry honey. At least you are in the land of chocolate so your plan would be easy to accomplish. What's the gynae care like there? Do you think you'll be able to get an appointment soon?

Regarding putting foot in mouth. I did this to a friend once. I had no idea they were trying and pregnancies were being announced left, right and centre.

Leela5 · 21/10/2014 22:20

Here's a picture of Ian McShane to cheer you all up!

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
honeysucklejasmine · 21/10/2014 22:21

Oops, early post. So I did say "thinking about kids soon?" To her credit she smiled and said "maybe one day". I now know they've been TTC for 2+ years. I feel sooooooooo bad.

honeysucklejasmine · 21/10/2014 22:25

Here's my contribution. My cat running off with yet another straw she stole from my cup. Hmm

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
Leela5 · 21/10/2014 22:27

Cat in box.

honeysucklejasmine · 21/10/2014 22:29

Our cats must be the only ones in the world who don't like boxes. One of them almost jumped in the hot tub today though. By accident I assume. In think they are defective. Hmm

DulcetMoans · 21/10/2014 22:30

I can't see the photos on the app! But now I know there are some of cats I am totally jealous! Stupid app!

Why would someone invite you to hypnobirthing if you aren't known to be pregnant??!

Leela5 · 21/10/2014 22:32

EXACTLY dulcet Why would you invite someone with no kids who wasn't pregnant?

Can you look up on google on phone to see pics?

Noniks3 · 21/10/2014 22:37

Dog at impasse

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
Leela5 · 21/10/2014 22:41

That's a long stick! ;)

Noniks3 · 21/10/2014 22:41

Are back after your rant off la?! That was hilarious...get blocked in all the time. On a couple of occasions I've had to be talked down from drastic action Blush

Do not get your chums logic re hypnobirthing- WTF??

Thinking of you chat xxx

Noniks3 · 21/10/2014 22:42

He got left outside until he admitted defeat & dropped stick! He lacks spatial awareness when he has a Gandalf stick!

Leela5 · 21/10/2014 22:44

Sorry about that Blush it was a bit of a rant. I was just mad at the world after the crappy way life is treating some of my viroids. Been an angry day.

Noniks3 · 21/10/2014 22:46

Don't apologise you nana, made my night!! Grin

Noniks3 · 21/10/2014 22:48

And is this not the place to rant and support fellow viroids? You are a master of both Wink

honeysucklejasmine · 21/10/2014 22:50

La, you have a way of speaking for us all I think! Very entertaining and always pitched just right!

Leela5 · 21/10/2014 23:11

As long as none of you is upset by it then that's ok Sad

Leela5 · 21/10/2014 23:29

Thought for the day:

If penises were square ended (cuboid?) and we knew no different, it would be like putting a square peg in a round hole.

KatoPotato · 21/10/2014 23:44

I once went home with a guy who's penis was flat like a sausage roll.

KatoPotato · 21/10/2014 23:51

Reader, I married him.

I didn't. I left the next day then dingied his phone calls

Leela5 · 22/10/2014 06:35

Hang on...flat?

...completely flat?

honeysucklejasmine · 22/10/2014 06:52

Kato that sounds ... Uncomfortable.

WigglyBraddins · 22/10/2014 07:07

La in my 3rd year at Uni I lived with a friend studying Biological Anthropology. Some prosimians have penises (peni?) shaped like flowers! I'll try to find pics.