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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

999 replies

ChatEnOeuf · 15/10/2014 18:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
25
Leela5 · 20/10/2014 22:12

I'm a frigging defender if the educators, BOOM! in your face teacher haters!

I'm very nice til someone disses my mum ;)

Leela5 · 20/10/2014 22:13

OF phone, OF! Stop changing it to if!

Leela5 · 20/10/2014 22:19

Aww just read your post wiggly Grin we love you too!

chat I know you're so worried, I'm crossing everything not just gingers that you have a healthy pregnancy. Hugs xx

tink very early lovely at 8dpo, try to put it out of your mind. Gx

Very spotty today, think af is on its way

TinkerBlue · 20/10/2014 22:33

Last month I poas from about now every couple of days - it helped me stop getting my hopes up! This cycle i'm going to do the opposite and see if I go any less crazy!! :) Head firmly in the sand!

honeysucklejasmine · 20/10/2014 23:29

Loved that teacher bashing thread. "It wouldn't challenge me" my arse!

Tink I'm really not sure in which direction madness lies. If you find out, will you let me know? Just starting to twot now.

Leela5 · 21/10/2014 07:12

AIBU is still my guilty pleasure. Love it! Some of the threads are priceless.

Got cape on last night even though cm showed I'm not fertile. Fertility lady you'd be proud silly moo

Have a good day viroids

Pisghetti · 21/10/2014 07:17

Hehe just checked in at the March babies FB page and the ladies there are mysteriously craving Um Bongo despite not drinking it before - good work viroids!

Leela5 · 21/10/2014 07:21

Oh my god that's amazing pis! The power of the JSers!

Leela5 · 21/10/2014 07:25

Did juni have baby!? Grads report please!

Minion · 21/10/2014 07:30

She did indeed la, little girl by c section. Just heading over to see anymore updates.
Come say hi! Xxx

Leela5 · 21/10/2014 07:40

Ahhhhhh! Amazing Grin will pop overx

WigglyBraddins · 21/10/2014 07:46

Who needs Autumn Watch mmmmm Cwis Packham when you have piss stick watch!

I'm a teeny bit disappointed at it only being 1-2 weeks. No way it could be 1 week, could just be 2 but that would mean DH's spermies living for a week. La shagging when not icing may still get you upduffed. Said to DH that I was worried bean had fallen out with the bleeding but he said that if it was like the previous two I'd have BFN by now and he's right. Also the bleeds were vastly heavier the last times. Super FX all is well this time. I'm going to ask for an early s an when I see the GP on Mon.

Have a great day viroids!

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!
Leela5 · 21/10/2014 07:47

wiggly those things aren't accurate don't pay attention to indicator. Hoorah though for confirmation!

Have to meet CP quite a lot for work, he's not attractive in flesh sorry...! Hair needs updating past 1990

rm00054 · 21/10/2014 07:48

Morning viroids. How are we all today?
Who's next to poas??

I've got a huge spot on my bum! Wth?! Is this a hormones thing?! It hurts every time I sit especially on the loo as it's just on the edge of the seat I don't exactly have the smallest of bums and it's just on the bottom of the cheek so I can't even get a look at the thing in the mirror. Grr.

rm00054 · 21/10/2014 07:51

Fx and Gx for a sticky bean wiggly huge congrats!

Leela5 · 21/10/2014 07:51

Grin Rm sorry but that made me chuckle...

rm00054 · 21/10/2014 07:54

I'm here to amuse! I'm tempted to try and get dh to get a photo of it for me, is that wrong?? I promise I won't post it

mountaingirl01 · 21/10/2014 08:22

Go wiggly! That one is a sticky one. I just know it x

La, is job a little more glamorous than you were letting on??

RM I would def photo it, though not sure I would give that job to dh..

My dh refused me sex last night for the first time in 10 years :( not sure what's going on there... Especially as naughty sticks think I'm gearing up to ice again please please god let it work this time

honeysucklejasmine · 21/10/2014 09:21

RM i get those all the time. Hmm Really annoying a very full of puss. Sometimes they go down without bursting. Sometimes they burst and i don't notice. The joys of auto immune disease!

mountain Sad sorry to hear that. Did he say why?

Leela5 · 21/10/2014 09:51

I get tonnes of them coz I sit on my butt all day! :)

mountain why? Perhaps just an off day? Mine feels under pressure sometimes to perform and refuses.

Job not glam but just it's my industry he works in and he's at a lot of the same events as me and he comes to my office. He's very nice but just not fanciable. Ben Fogle on the other hand...

Noniks3 · 21/10/2014 10:00

Morning all

mammoth catch up from the last 10 pages...sorry for the back tracking

la what a kick in the pants at your apt, I was shocked to read they wouldn't do anything until Spring. They sounded so unsupportive. Urgh.

gaggia I'm so sorry my love, you do what ever you need (choc, sex, booze) big hugs xxx

Big congrats to wiggly & rm can't believe there were 2 at once & I missed it!

kate you must be so confused, hope you & DH manage to decide a way forward together

jelly - how's that lovely AF treating you?! my 1st one in 13 yrs so knew it would be a bit emotional wasn't any longer than I'd remembered having but it was heavier tmi of a super + fanjo plug only lasting an hour on my best day but the rest haven't been so epic

have checked out the AIBU threads for the 1st time - they are hilarious, total guilty pleasure...although this spells trouble for me being productive at work today Hmm

Icing is due later this week, DH is away until tomorrow night typical so must cape up when he returns...

Purplecircle · 21/10/2014 13:38

Afternoon lovelies. Congrats rm and wiggly Grin
I can't keep up with you all. Think I need to write notes before posting!

Witch arrived here but it's meant to, doesn't stop me secretly hoping but don't tell the nurse! Sugar still coming down, insulin doses being increased as fast as they can. I'm feeling more in control now.

Dreading the appointments next week in antenatal clinic of all places...just where you don't want to be when you've had a mc and aren't allowed back on the TTC wagon! I'm also convinced I'll get the fat lecture too!

ChatEnOeuf · 21/10/2014 13:48

Afternoon lovely viroids. Sending the love right back at you all! I too love AIBU.

Purple you're doing great. Think of the appt as scoping out the best seats for when you're there next time.

So I'm bleeding :( I bloody knew something wasn't right. Recurrent mc clinic for me then. Hmm...bugger.

OP posts:
Khbutterfly11 · 21/10/2014 14:47

oh no chat!! i'm so sorry to hear that!! sending you weirdy mumsnet hugs!
xxx

honeysucklejasmine · 21/10/2014 14:47

Oh Chat! I'm so sorry! I can't imagine. SadSad