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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Whether icing, twotting, or in need of a dip in the pity paddling pool, come stroke the friendly orange cave unicorn with us. (Chocolate pretzels are on the house). It's JUST SHAGGING THREAD 17!

999 replies

EssieSaysRelax · 26/07/2013 22:14

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share and with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo;

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce Envy in other posters).

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

The link to Part 16 is here

The link to the latest grads thread is here

Happy shagging shaggers!

OP posts:
Bearfacedchic · 30/07/2013 00:00

Oh and the foxes here are clearly icing as all I can hear is them shagging!

Minion · 30/07/2013 06:41

Morning.
Why the frickity frick I'm awake at this ungodly is beyond me!
Still no ERTD, thought for sure she was arrive quick sticks but the dull rumble has effed off so I'm once again left in limbo.
Tis TTC lark is really starting to piss me off tbh. Am I, arent I.. Just HOW do those jezza Kyle types get fertilised just as soon as looking at a snaggle toothed skank?
How? How?
I can see my passengers on this afternoons flight are in for a happy ride!

lil1ady · 30/07/2013 07:36

wow I missed a lot yesterday!

Hi to newbies, Wine for ertds.

what did stand out to me was essies comment about the iPhone app....essie maybe the problem is u have an iPhone Grin sorry, I just don't get the iPhone craze

I'm still yet to test at the end of this week/wait for AF but am so convinced its a no go this month I was on the vino last night.

fx for everyone else waiting to test/waiting for testing to turn to late bfps!

Curly86 · 30/07/2013 07:45

I've convinced myself after 2 months of nothing and then 3 50 day cycles that this month just maybe my body may have returned to normal a 28 day cycle as I think I ovulated early which means AF should be due Friday? Have symptom spotted and think I should test at the weekend

Anyone else had really long cycles after the implant and pill?

DownstairsMixUp · 30/07/2013 08:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

pizzaqueen · 30/07/2013 08:16

curly I had a 40 day cycle after coming off the implant but then I got pg in the cycle after that but reckon I oved cd23 in that cycle. the baby didn't stick though. try not to worry probably your cycles just settling down, frustrating to hear but most of us have been there, just keep shagging Wink

I woke up feeling very nauseous this morning but can't possibly be upduffed yet so just feeling woosy for no apparent reason. although it's passed now on my way to work.

Curly86 · 30/07/2013 08:17

downstairs sorry to hear that, I suggest a huge vodka some pâté and trampolining; as hopefully all 3 will soon be off limits to you! This is month 7 so I'm hoping its settled down this month; it sucks!

DownstairsMixUp · 30/07/2013 08:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

EssieSaysRelax · 30/07/2013 08:51

haha! lil, but you see I don't have an iPhone! I have some knackered old sony thing. But if they invented the upduff alarm app for the iPhone then I would race out and buy one! I don't really get the iPhone craze, but I do get why apple products are so great as I have an (ancient) apple computer at home and its soooooooo much better than dh's brand new pc.

downstairs, sorry she's got you too. Vodka binge sounds fab, I'm there.

Minion, you make me laugh. Snaggle toothed skank! Ha! But I agree, howcome they are all super fertile? Maybe its something to do with shagging a different skank every day/night.

curly, I'm now on cycle 9, and only in the last 3 cycles do mine appear to be forming some sort of pattern-ish.

I can't scroll back to the previous page so sorry for those I've missed - hope everyone has a good day. xxx

OP posts:
EssieSaysRelax · 30/07/2013 08:52

curly sorry should have said, on cycle 9 after coming off the pill.

OP posts:
Bearfacedchic · 30/07/2013 09:07

Sorry Essie and Downstairs. Thanks and Wine to you both.

'Snaggle toothed skank' made me laugh! It could also be that they are aged between 16 and 21 so are super fertile- grrrr. But yes, I think frequency of snaggle sex and willing skanks is key as Essie said. Annoying though!

DownstairsMixUp · 30/07/2013 09:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

EssieSaysRelax · 30/07/2013 09:27

Good luck downstairs, hope the phone consult is helpful.

Thanks bear, I did enjoy some a bit too much wine last night.

I just phoned the foof clinic ahead of tomorrows colp appointment and they said they still want to see me even though ertd is here. Gross. Hope its with Dr Bowtie. Really hate someone shining a torch up there and with ertd around as well it really grosses me out! Sorry for tmi.

OP posts:
Minion · 30/07/2013 09:41

Do you think it's because they drink woodpecker and smoke?
Mayhaps we've been doing it wrong gals? Listening to the Boob and popping frolic acid like its cocaine at London fashion week?.?

Ive only got Zinfandel and incense in (bloody hippy) and I cant quaff booze before a flight, no matter what The Sun says!

DulcetMoans · 30/07/2013 09:55

Oh minion, I hear you! I know it's wrong and those ladies getting pregnant in no way affects my fertility but I have a relation with 7 kids. 7! And I can't help but think that's unfair sometimes.

Pizza- the thought of going to work quite often makes me feel sick! Lol

Good luck with the call downstairs, hope you get some answers!

Minion · 30/07/2013 10:14

I think I'm dragging out the pity party pool ladies.
Roll up. We've got pretzels of the chocolate and German variety, beers of international renown and the diet coke man is rocking up at various intervals.
Also set up on the trestle table is the squidgiest pâté, the smelliest slab of Brie, lashings of champagne cocktails and a whole host of cured meats from the Catalan.
Farking ERTD... Just hurry up will you.

EssieSaysRelax · 30/07/2013 10:25

I'll whip up a tasty treat with coffee, peanut butter, dippy eggs, prawns and bean sprouts then Minion! See you there! Shall we have the water ultra hot as well since thats another upduff no-no?

OP posts:
EssieSaysRelax · 30/07/2013 10:26

I need to hire a car on Sat and can't find the frigging paper counterpart bit of my license!

OP posts:
Minion · 30/07/2013 10:34

Woah woah woah!
Are you telling me peanut butter is a no go item?
That's just not cricket.
This kid better be worth it haha, I love me a pb & j sarnie.

EssieSaysRelax · 30/07/2013 10:47

Apparently peanuts are out due to risk of allergy, I think it sounds like cobblers. Pb & j - bleurgh!

OP posts:
ZingWidge · 30/07/2013 10:50

minion I like peanut butter, ham and cucumber sandwiches. yum

Minion · 30/07/2013 10:51

Ooh no, it ranks right up there with a chicken super noodle sammich too!
I hope I crave those and not something wank like ice or petrol fumes.

Bearfacedchic · 30/07/2013 10:58

Good luck Downstairs.

Off on my holibobs today so see you all when I get back. Will still be lurking though.

HumptyDumptyBumpty · 30/07/2013 13:18

Hello shaggers!
I missed some of the BFPs on the last Fred, but congrats all round - let's hope this Fred is as lucky for you all.
Still lurking. Obvs. 17wks and I can't leave you lot behind!
Peanut butter is now fine, btw - peanut allergy thing no longer a thing.
You could swap the pb for rare steaks - they are out. More's the pity.

EssieSaysRelax · 30/07/2013 13:29

We could have peanut butter smothered rare steaks? Not weird compared with some of the things you lot eat!!!! Glad to hear the peanut thing is off now, always thought that was a load of crap!
Good to see you humpty! Hope you are keeping well? x

(found my driving license now - PHEW!)

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