After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

Daisy be calm. I have also had quite a few of these symptoms today! I really think you should poas :) I did earlier and it was negative but it is far too early for me.

bloaty too.

I probably wouldn't even think about it apart from the nausea if it weren't all so fresh in my mind from before so recently. It's 5 weeks today since.

I'm so scared of testing. If I test BFN then I will worry that it's just too soon, if I test BFP there's the panic of is it leftover from before? (had a scan showing clear 4 days after mc, was never told to take a test so i didn't and wishing I had now) Not to mention the general panic of being pg again after a mc!

Maybe ignorance is bliss?

I understand how you feel. If you had a scan then you can be sure that nothing is left over. It took 3 weeks for me to get a BFN after my scan. I think if you can stand to wait then it avoids the uncertainty of getting a BFN when you are having symptoms. I wish I could wait.

I am definitely feeling some very familiar symptoms at the moment and I am scared too. I'm scared to think I'm pg and wonder if I'm just feeling different AF symptoms now because my cycles have changed.

If it has been 5 weeks then I'm sure it is a good time for you to test.

See this is why i don't want to test, as you've said it took you that long to get a bfn after a clear scan.

it's all bloody frightening isn't it? x

Daisy I am having a lot of those same symptoms the past few days and I am def not pg again as have just had af. I really do think you need to poas. Are you going to do that today?

Daisy how about going to your GP for a blood test instead?

My temp went back up this morning. I'm not sure what to think

daisy I really feel for you, it's so hard and frightening. It is totally up to you but all I would say is; is ignorance bliss? If you are pg you can avoid all the 'wrong' foods etc and if you're not then bring on the wine & soft cheese! If you are of before your 1st af there will always be that what if left over but it is highly unlikely if it has bn 5 weeks, no bleeding & a clear scan. Of course the teeny chance remains. I guess the later you test the further along you are. But Also we all know you can't mistake a miscarriage for a period so if (god forbid) it happened again you'd know anyway. I know it's horrible and terrifying. My BFP was 4 weeks I think after. And I'm only 6-7 now. Symptom spotting and knicker checking but to be honest I'm not letting it into my head or myself believe it. Just on case. It is a really personal choice but we are all here for you xxx

Well i've been not eating or drinking the thigns you aren't supposed to. Have the chance of 4-5 free drinks tonight though in exchange for hosting a pub quiz - would be a shame to waste that on soda and limes!
I already peed this morning gah, should have saved some. Not sure the shop that sells 3 for £1 tests i used last time is open on a Sunday but will check. I don't want to do the Poundland ones as I've not used them before so probably wouldn't trust them and also I know a few people who work there that I wouldn't want knowing what I was buying!

daisy superdrug cheapies or frer are the recommended ones on here ;) I got a really faint pos on a IC but a strong one on a frer with a later wee so would def recommend. FWIW I think it has got to the point where POAS would help order your thoughts more than hinder, thinking you are pg when you might not be is such a headfuck which is why i always test early. If the scan was clear I feel confident(ish) that by now you would have a neg test, and that with your symptoms you would have a strongish BFP - strong enough to not be from the mc, which would be mega faint if it did exist now.

I have got a kitty :) we pick her up in a bit. am so excited and worried, she was very nervous and I just hope she fits in ok.

Had what I assume was a mild anxiety attack in the shop yesterday. Have had a couple since the mc so will talk to drs tom. Felt a bit indecisive about what to get, then was in someone's way and this escalated into full on stage fright feelings - dry mouth, heart hammering away, shaky, frozen to the spot and my brain wouldn't think. I just felt really frightened even though i knew all i was doing was buying stuff for a kitten in a pet shop I had to call DH to come and get me (he was only outside) then held it together until we were out of the shop and then burst into tears. Very strange and frightening experience. Will be ok though. Kitten!

sorry about your BFN hee, how many days dpo are you now? Feel very hopeful for you guys, I would be chuffed to bits if you got BFPs! :)

hee sorry am reading fast with DS clambering on me - but your temp went back up?! As in, triphasic?.. oooooh... fingers crossed x

Thanks wilde I am so hoping I will get a positive in a few days. My temp dropped quite a lot yesterday but went back up to post ov high temps today. It does look like some of the charts with the implantation dip but it could be just my rubbish cheap thermometer so I'm not going to get my hopes up. I stupidly had a look at the due in October thread again this morning and burst in to tears. Silly me. Still, it's nice to see the ladies on there are doing well.

Sorry to hear about the panic attack, it must have been scary. Hopefully the kitten will cheer you up and take your mind of things. What kind of kitten is it?

Daisy I agree with wilde about the test will help your thoughts. How are you feeling today? I felt a bit nauseous after breakfast this morning which I want to be a good sign but I'm emetophobic so it just made me shaky!

daisy agree with the others. It will help order your thoughts & at least you'd know if you can enjoy those free drinks! Maybe try a supermarket cheapie?? Or first response?

hee good luck and fingers crossed. Temp rise is promising. Fingers crossed.

News from here, woke up with a terrible cold. Nose streaming& I just threw up my lunch!?!?! I was enjoying my tuna mayo sarnie had nearly finished when stomach started churning and ran to loo to chuck it all up!?!?!? Trying not to get carried away, maybe it's related to cold?? Can't imagine was lunch. All fresh & opened new including mayo!?!?

Hmmmmmmmm

wilde great news about the kitten, sure she will settle in fine. Sorry to hear about the anxiety. Definetly worth mentioning to your GP x

cake you could have been sick because of pregnancy?! Perchance?! I read on another pg thread about what they call 'ninja sickness' when they are all fine and then wham just chuck up everywhere! sounds veer positive! (in a manner of speaking!)

Kitten is still in her carrier, hiding :) We are all being very nonchalent when really are dying to keep peeking at her!

I (tmi) am having a wonderful amount of EWCM and have a v soft open cervix! I would normally expect to ov on tues/weds so that would go with my normal cycle pattern, though with the BFP on fri I am more than well aware I am in the wtf cycle. Still very excited though and keen to dtd despite potential headfuckery :) DH said he was gagging for it apparently so oooh bit excited in a muted, ahem, wtf kind of way!

anywho am off to the shop hope I don't freak out again! what a twat to pretend to be normal.

wilde it could be the pg, I hope so. But trying not to get my hopes up as sickness would obv be a positive sign. Still in self preservation mode thinking just in case it doesn't work out ... Again.

Has kitty ventured out yet or still shy in carrier?

Good news about fertile signs. Maybe take another pg test to see if -ve. I didn't think you could ov if HCG too high? Might be wrong though! I was same and tonnes of EWCM fri/sat/sun tested BFN on the Monday and started ttc again straight away. Thought I'd missed the window of opportunity..... Clearly not! BFN would avoid any potential head fuckery too x

BFN.

Hello!

daisy oh no! Your symptoms were sounding very hopeful. when is AF due? Could it be too early to test? Are you ok?

wild really glad you have your kitty! I bet that will be a lovely distraction away from all the head fuckery! I hope so anyway. Thanks for your kind words.

cake vomit sounds like a pg symptom to me! The only kind of 'morning sickness' I have ever got was the occasional spontaneous vomit.

hee really sounds hopeful with your temps! Will be keeping everything crossed for you! Really hope we have more good news! I have been temping too and am slightly worried about my obsession with it now I am on 2ww. Every up and down I am making conclusions about. Not sure how helpful it is!

Hope everyone has enjoyed nice weather and a chilled out Sunday. I had first non drinking night out last night and it was a bit of a damp squib....

Woke up this morning feeling rather normal, no symptoms or anything so I guess was either pg hormones still left over being weird, or possibly a chemical? Don't know and don't care (yet) really for tonight I shall drink!

Sorry you had a bfn Daisy. Your symptoms did sound hopeful. Have some

cake that sickness really does sound like a pg symptom.

wild that anxiety attack sounds horrible, I would def mention it to gp. You are not a twat though, these things happen to a lot of people in stressful situations which you def are. Hope you get your bfn in time to ttc this month. Glad you've got your kitten, has she come out yet?

Hee I think temp going back up is a good sign. Fingers crossed.

Boo sorry your non-drinking night out was a damp squib. I rarely drink, but rarely go out either, I have no life :(

I went out for my birthday last night and it was lovely. The pg friend cancelled anyway so I needn't have worried about her being there. There were a couple of moments where one friend asked if I was going to have any more and didn't take hints to change the subject until another friend who knows about the mc said 'it's a touchy subject, lets talk about something else'. I'm so glad she was there to change the subject for me as I didn't want to talk about it but couldn't think how to change the subject without being rude.

I don't know if I should be temping or not as we aren't officially ttc (is it wrong that I am seriously considering ttc without his knowledge? it is isn't it.) but I think I would like to know what my body is doing really. Of course remembering to take temps will be tricky as I take a long time to wake up in the morning.

well they dn't call it the wtf cycle for nothing I guess!

People should just learn that some subjects aren't for discussion, when you are going to have a baby being one of them!!

jo glad you had a good night out for your b'day! super duper.

Sorry about the BFN daisy, are you ok? it sounded so positive but I know from when I stopped BF (and the mmc!) that hormones can do crazy shit :( Not over till its over tho eh?

Thanks for your advice cake. I got a few tests from ebay thru the post yesterday so will use one tomorrow, but expect it to be pos. Love that my body is attempting to be normal and even fertile though. Honestly your sickness must be pg related but can totally understand you remaining aloof from it all for the moment. Your scan will probably be next week won't it? wowsers.

Kitten has come out of her carrier and has been in a teeny gap behind the settee all day but loves it if I dangle this toy and act like it is in its death throes. if I try and go near her she hisses at me but if I leave she whines at me to come back, so I think she does want to be my friend really. Bless her, she is a bundle of nerves and utterly adorable. I have a terrible feeling she might meow at me all night! eek!

boo you certainly don't need to be temping to be obsessed on the 2ww! Even if I have one dtd sesh this month I would be crackers until I did a gazillion tests and got all BFNs got my AF. I love and hate it I have to say :)

was def neg, not even a whisper of a faint line or anything Wilde.

You do know you have to put up kitty piccies don't you :)

To be fair, the last time we went out we were all quite happy to discuss it as it was all hypothetical. As in 'yes I'd like another but we're not trying yet' (from me) or 'God no, I sent him for the snip as soon as the last one was born'. So this has in the past been a topic we have discussed and she wasn't to know that it has become a touchy subject, and was a bit pissed so didn't get the subtle hints about changing the subject.

she's out! she walks and meows and I still can't go near or make a sound but is out. and she had a wash in front of me and nearly fell asleep. I think she is so stressed she hasn't slept all day, she nearly keeled over on her feet :( Am so chuffed she has wandered out though! boo indeed she is a lovely distraction. Earlier I felt awful, depressed and just wanted to hide in bed but then she meowed and i played with her (at her?!) and forgot about it and was just so pleased she seemed to be coming out of her shell. A tonic I tell thee.

bah to big time BFN daisy x

so sorry daisy - to borrow wild's comment, bah to BFNs. I seem to recall that your bleeding went on quite a while? Wondering if that has anything to do with it. As hee said, if you are unsure ask your GP to do hCG test to check levels are going down.

wild kitten? Definite tonic!! How brilliant. Does she have a name yet? Don't be surprised if it's a +ive when you POAS tomorrow - could last for another week at least. I was still +ive when I ovulated during my WTF. EPU said that it was possible to ov while hCG between 20-100.

jo so glad you had a lovely night out with friends - and that your friend tried to move the conversation on, if not completely successfully. Have had a couple of moments like that - including dinner last night with my oldest friend and her husband of 6 weeks yesterday, as she kept saying not realising it was 6 weeks ago to the day that the spotting turned to clotting and I sat through her wedding wondering if my baby was about to leave me. I haven't told her. And won't as she is same age as me (38) and desperate to have kids.

cake ninja vomit - happened to me during all 3 successful pregnancies - just every now and then. FX that's what it is!

hee and boo - will continue the 2ww with you if I may? Think I am about 6/7 DPO. Trying not to symptom spot mainly as have no symptoms to spot.

DH a bit low tonight. Not sure why - suspect it has something to do with me cajoling him into trying again this month, and my worries that it will/won't have worked and then what to do.

Hope everyone's week goes well.