After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

not going to buy one now, I knew once I typed that it'd "jinx" it lol - think AF will be making an appearance shortly!

daisy you can't jinx anything, either you are or you aren't

I did my test and got a BFP :( Bugger am pissed off about this, even though i thought it would happen. EPU told me to ring them if I get a BFP today but I am not bleeding, have healthy normal CM, am confident everything is passed, I just think the hormones are taking a while to go down. Even as i type i suppose i know I have to ring them, I am just so reluctant to ever go back there :( so much sadness. I'll ring them. arses.

am not getting a sick note, DH gave me a bit of a bollocking last night saying I was being self indulgent and lazy and need to just get on with work and finish it. I think he is right but am also worried that if I can't concentrate I just can't. Hmmf I don't know, whatever. Am pretty sure the GP will take a look at my healthy, (apparently) self-composed person and say the same!

Kitten hunting this weekend :)

I am toilet training the wean today! he has decided is time. Lord knows how many times I have said poo and wee already today!

Aww shit Wilde a bfp - (that sounds strange I know!) - hopefully just the hormones taking their time and not retained tissue x

I know I know re jinxing, how many times did I say that on the other thread pmsl

Stuff your DH if you don't feel right then it's your choice to get a sicknote, not his! he can't possibly know what you have in your head and how you feel inside.

I rang EPU and they said because of my suspected placenta turning up on the sunday and all else being well i should do another test in a week and if is pos again then will have to have a scan. Fingers crossed all is well - was a decent positive so is mad to think the hormones will drop that quickly - might be a bit of a rollercoaster week in the rumpus household! Mad to think that if fortunes were reversed with that nice strong bfp I would be checking for symptoms and feeling all preggo.

hmm DH knows me and I have been whiny daisy. Thanks for your support though, is nice to have someone on my side who doesn't think i am just being a loser! I am fine, just stressed about my deadline but I have to get the work done - i am a very skilled procrastinator . I have decided I will try and work really hard this weekend, if it doesn't work I shall drag my sorry arse to the drs because obviously something must be up and with the delayed BFN etc I have a case for some headfuckery. Hopefully come monday I will be a Good Student again How can going back to work be so terrifying?!

Am ridiculously excited about my normal, spot-free, slightly stretchy CM. Am completely mental Bugger though cause i can't do anything about it till i get a BFN and am actually a bit up for it for once! but i have to remember I DON'T want a baby this month!

how are you doing cake? i hope you feel all lovely and pg :)

Wild that sounds pretty insensitive of your dh to be honest. These things can trigger quite serious depression (not that I think you have serious depression, but may well need more time to deal with it), would he say that to anyone else that is grieving, or just you? If you feel you need more time to sort your head out without worrying about deadlines etc then speak to your gp about it. I'm sorry you had a bfp and need to speak to the epu again. I wouldn't want to go back there either, but I do think you need to speak to them. They might say it's ok to just wait a few days more and test again. And good luck with toilet training. I was in the middle of toilet training dd2 when the mc happened, so she went back into nappies, and the next time I will have the chance will be the first week of June.

Daisy of course you can't jinx it. You know that!

Hee I am wearing a tampon, and a pad, and have a spare pair of trousers in the car in case of any extra heavy flow. I think I may have taken the precautions a little too far, but it's better that than have to explain to my male hod why I need to go home and change. My biggest worry was that I have been out at 2 primary schoolsyesterday and today so don't know where the toilets are and would have had to leave the class and ask about toilet facilities. Explaining that to strangers would be embarrassing.

wilde I kept getting BFPs - with EWCM but only realised what it was too late for dtd - and only got a BFN maybe 6 days before AF arrived? Really confusing. Really depressing. EPU kept taking bloods and leaving bloody great holes/bruises so I looked like a user so I got fed up and only then they told me not to go in for 10 days. I think it was the day before I was due to go in again that AF got me.

jo I had a mega period, but it didn't go mega til day 2. Precautions good plan!

well.......

I didn't cave :p sorry to disappoint - very sure the evil witch is on her way today

Jo sorry about AF but at least you know all is well down below, as it were. I felt kinda relieved to see the first AF since MC. Hope it's not a killer one - mine was pretty normal actually.

Ooh Daisy you are being strong. Though I totally know where you are coming from. I won't be testing early, and equally I almost feel like I don't want to test ever again in case I am disappointed! Eek! Anyway, I don't have to worry about that for ten days (though of course I will worry...). I am finding myself symptom spotting already - it's so ridiculous as I am only 4 dpo.

Anyone got any good distraction techniques? Doesn't help that I am working at home alone today so too easy for my mind to wander......

Also found myself looking at AN threads which I know is a bit stupid but on the other hand I feel like I want some of their pg states to rub off on me.... oh god I think I've lost it.

wilde how frustrating for you getting a BFP. Fingers crossed that in a week it will all have calmed down & just hormones & not anything else. How long is it nOw since mc began? I'm ok, thanks for asking, getting tired, feeling waves of nausea & nipples sensitive but waiting to feel like utter crap..... Kicked in about 6/7 weeks with ds & not at all with mc. Hmmmmm trying not to think about it tbh don't want to know due date, size, anything until I know all ok. A coping mechaniam I think. Good plan to go bk to wk and keep busy. It's hard though as your mc isn't over you're still waiting for bfn.....

Phone won't let me read back other posts :( so sorry I haven't responded to others. Could only remember wildes!!!!

boo I don't think you have lost it :) I look at the 'normal' trying to get pg boards to have some of their optimism that ttc can just be a cause of sperm meeting egg and ta-da! i have always read the relevant AN board on my 2ww too.

cake your symptoms sound so positive :) I won't ask how far along you think you might be though i would like to know such a nosy cow. Have you been to the docs or anything yet? My mc was medically managed exactly 2 weeks ago today, though the placenta bit didn't show up till Sun. I don't think I will have a BFN on Friday, more like a week Tues I think.

ice do you reckon you could conceive even though having BFPs then? I quite want to get back to dtd as I miss the connection but am sure i shouldn't if I don't want a massive head trip at the end of the month when I don't really know what BFP is what!

sorry abour your AF jo, hope it goes ok. Am glad you are all so chatty or I wouldn't know at all to prepare for a heavy one next time. God this gift just keeps on giving.

Hmm I thought DH was being an arse too (he was in a grump to be fair) but also know I am down in the dumps and whiny and I do have to finish uni at some point. maybe a kick up the arse is what I need... I just don't know what I need (apart from time!) he doesn't do grief! We are very different in that respect, I am very muc about giving time to emotions, talking and healing and he just shouts a bit, goes for a run and then is back to normal, working his ass off. So sitting around being sad while he works 20 hours a day does feel self indulgent when i should be doing the same, you know?

cake that does all sound positive, do keep us posted - it's just so nice to hear about some light at the end of the tunnel (though I know it's early days).

wild thanks for that, it's good to know I'm not the only pg/an board stalker.
I didn't have to get a BFP because I had a scan which was clear, so I don't have any advice about it. I guess it's poss you could get pg despite it though? Have you googled? (sometimes this can be more trouble than worth but I bet someone on mumsnet has asked the question before).
Sorry you've had a scrap with DH - my DH is a bit similar, we had a blow up yesterday because he was totally dismissive about a couple of other issues going on - one of which was sorting out summer holidays childcare (so should be of concern to him). I find his shortness even harder to deal with at the moment. It is irritating when they don't realise that you are going through something. And it makes it harder when your head is saying 'I'm ok' but your body is having a hormonal relapse. OR vice versa. I felt I bounced back after the MC (almost 2 months ago now) but now I feel I've had mood swings for the last 2/3 weeks and I've been getting very miserable although usually when I think about my Dad (who died 15 months ago). It's a tough time, so don't be hard on yourself. But sometimes it can be good to get on with stuff and not wallow - though it doesn't sound like you are doing that (wallowing I mean).

urgh I feel sick. I think I have a bit of a temp though so putting it down to that.

Thanks ladies although I'm not convinced their strong enough to be a positive symptom yet...fear the worse.

wilde I think I am 3/4 since conception (was 2/3 on clear blue digi 11 days ago) so 5-6 weeks pg I think. Seen GP who was grt referred me for a viabiliry scan and said go when I'm ready. I think I'll go in 2 weeks when 7-8 weeks roughly based on clear blue and def 4 weeks since BFP. That is all being ok in these 2 weeks obviously. :s

If it helps I got bfn 10 days (approx) after passing placenta bit still had BFP a week after xxx

they're not their! terrible spelling!!! ;p

aw boo you are nice. I don't know what is going on in my head and Dh wasn't talking out of turn, it was fine to have a kick up the arse really and i know he was being stupid because I just am me, whatever he thinks! If I am sad I will be sad! but yeah, definitely some stuff seems to fall to me re: DS and the house and food and things and that drives me crackers - but didn't when I was 'off' for the mc, just now I am back at work I resent being the default housewife when actually I have a lot on and am being berated for not working more! Fecking house politics

Bizarrely after telling me to stop wallowing and start working, and me saying ok I shall work tonight, Dh has rung to see if he can go to the pub . And he can because I never wanted to work tonight anyway after a (lovely but tiring) 13 hour day with DS but was pressured into it by him being mr judgey-pants. Strange man. Maybe he is hormonal? At least it shows why, perhaps, I don't work constantly - because i am looking after the house and DS as well as getting over a mc?!!

I shall look on the mc board about getting pg after a mc and HCG pronto. Veer curious.

bladdy x-post. am useless at MN!

daisy you are a tease :)

cake thanks for that, that really reassures me because I just can't see that BFP going any time soon and I really, really want it to! I shall test on weds and have a look see then (job lot of pg tests in the post!). two weeks will fly by. Hope you are ok and not freaking out too much, I can't imagine how I will be when (please when) I get pg again xxx

really not meaning to be!
cake lovely to see you posting :) 7-8 weeks sounds good, long enough to see what's what and also once you see heartbeat the risk of a mc goes down drastically

Morning ladies. I'm going slightly mad here - had a tiny bit of brown spotting yesterday and this morning and had the weird cramps all day yesterday. Also been quite moody. Still been charting and my temperature dropped this morning. I guess AF might arrive today :(

wild I didn't get a BFN until 3 weeks after my mc and I had already been scanned and told everything had gone.
cake Nice to hear from you, hope everything is going well.
daisy are you going to poas today? :)
boo I keep having a peek at the AN threads too. They upset me at first but I'm now just desperate to join in with one!

morning hee, no not going to test today. I might however buy a test to do tomorrow morning when DP will be around.

Felt sick last night but wasn't, feel sick this morning but haven't been. No sign of AF.

ooh excitement in the 2ww camp eh?!

DH didn't go to the pub lat night in the end, and we had a couple of beers and a chat and he apologised for being such an arse the other night (yay) and said I should absolutely go to the drs on Monday and get as much time as possible extended onto my PhD deadline so I can ease into it slowly and that I must look after my mental health. the BFP yesterday showed him what I am going through I think. Am so happy I don't have to pretend to be a work drone! So drs on mon for sure and I just hope, hope they understand how much the BFP and this ongoing saga might be affecting my ability to concentrate or be motivated.

DH says he isn't going to touch me until we get a BFN! boo!

We are kitten hunting today :) And the sun is shining. huzzahs.

Did you get a little kitty then? :)

Right hand low down pulling pain for about ten mins today, followed by one spot of blood on wiping about half hour later. Also had rumbling tummy which don't normally have (I don't let it get long enough to have hunger pains normally! )

Please someone tell me I am imagining all this and that I am not pg again

oh also needing really strong flavours and mouth is watering a lot and think have a vague metallic taste.

as much as I long to be I am shitting myself

and an on and off tingly right nipple, and feeling cold all the time.. ok shutting up now

oh where is everyone, come and talk to meeeeeee I need calming down. have also felt queasy on and off last 2 days, relieved by eating....