After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

I had this idea that this month I would try n chill bit more, (used ov test last month and had loads of preg signs ((or so it seemed)) then as friend announces preg with twins and look at her flat tummy and already 4months... (go away) realised how stressed I felt. I think you feel the m/c all over again as each unwanted period comes. Do you end up crying each time or is that just mental me? Stick says today is a ovulation yes for me..(day7???) what is going on. last month it was day10 and 11. Shagged 4x on those days...period came. Think these ovulation tests make it up as they go along. Are they accurate? Anyone? S'cuse me for asking but when does everyone else know/guess its prime time for them?

Sorry blueblizz no answers for you but, in my limited experience, I feel sad all over again at the slightest thing :(

I was reading another thread yesterday (?) where someone said if they had unprotected sex on day 10 (or something) of their cycle would they get pregnant and the resounding answer was "YES" (didn't read it all ...) I really wanted to post that it depended whether she wanted to get pregnant or not as if she did the answer probably is .... NO!!!

(Don't know why I am so cynical, this is my first mc and first cycle after it but my heart breaks for you all and have a feeling I will be here a while ...)

Anonymo made me chuckle... sounds about right the day 10 thing. You end up going loopy. Its incredible that so many women get pregnant as it really is only few hours that we can conceive. I'll try your day 10 trick!! Like itx

Lol blueblizz hope it works for you! (Can't guarantee it was 10 days, as I said, I stopped reading after a few replies but if it helps you to know it's day 10 then I will play along )

And to think how scared I was when I was younger of getting pregnant ...

not having a good day. hug please?

Boo - I have just bought a pack of ovulation sticks thinking they are a certain to get me back to being preggers asap but from reading above posts I am not so sure now (and I havent a clue what I am supposed to be doing with them - are you supposed to leave the pee in a cup somewhere for 10 mins or have I made that up to make my life more difficult than it already is?!?)

Can I have another quick grumble too.....in my desperate attempt to get quickly back on the baby bandwagon I booked myself in for a smear this morning (was due one in Jan but was pg, then mc and didnt get round to booking another one before I got pg again so booked this as soon as had last mc) only to be told that it was too soon after mc and can I go back next month.....but what if I am pg, or what if I am not pg then but pg when the results come back?!? aaarrggghhhhhh.

For some reason I am desperate to be pregnant again before my due date (which is v early September for first mc) and am sick of people telling me to take time to get over mc,.....I just want a baby, thats how I will get over it :-(

big hugs for Foof

Sorry for my big rant - my mother is visitng and I always end up a bit 'pent up'!

re ov tests, do you all know that 2pm-4pm is the best time to take them? and to have a drink then don't have any more or any pees for 2 hours beforehand?

I never rated opk tests I have to say, I found taking morning temps easier and more effective, not that it did any good over the 5 or so years but they were better and fertilityfriend.co.uk is a great place to join and input your details and help you pinpoint your fertile times.

I'm not obsessing, just going to get drunk and have sex.

thanks for the hug ChuckleMonster, really need it. far too many people from my due thread are having mmcs :( just heard of another and it breaks my heart to hear

Hi everyone, this thread sounds like my cup of tea... Or glass of wine should I say. In fact most days it's a tumbler, as I can't be arsed to get a wine glass down from the high shelf! Plus my 2 year old already knows that mummy likes wine! Yikes!
So my story so far....we're currently ttc for the 5th time. I miscarried for the first time at 12 weeks a few years ago. This was the most devastating and it took a long time to get over. Then conceived my daughter 8 months later. She was born in jan 2010 and we've been ttc ever since she was about 14 months when my periods finally returned. We've managed to conceive twice more but both ended in miscarriages, at 7 weeks and 12 weeks.
Like you all, I'm sure, ttc is all consuming sometimes. I just cancelled a few days away with a friend and our daughters as that's when I 'might' be ovulating! But then I realised I haven't got the foggiest when I'm ovulating so can't rearrange anything for sure.....Is that totally lame?
Anyway, hello everyone hope it's ok if I join in. Cheers x

Thats awful Foof - I had it in my head that mmc were quite rare but the week after we found out about ours a friend of DH (who was due the same week as us) had one too. Its horrible. Thanks for the OPK advice, will see how we get on.

I really do try not to obsess, and I have had half a bottle of wine already today so am feeling reasonably calm right now, no sex though (both the result of mothers visit!)

Hello serendipity and no, not lame at all :)

Hi everyone, I'm pleased to see a thread that ties in with what I'm currently going through.

I'm 31 and had been ttc with my partner for 7 months when I got my BFP - I was so excited but didn't let myself be excited if you see what I mean. I had some spotting so after a couple of weeks I took myself off to the EPU and had a scan that showed a sac, then a scan that showed a foetal pole but didn't find a heartbeat (but I still had hope) This ended up with a scan on the 14th of March that showed no heartbeat and a baby that hadn't grown since the previous scan so then had a medically managed miscarriage on the 16th, at 10 weeks. Bleeding/spotting continued for 20 days. I cried for a week (didn't even bother putting on eye makeup, knew there was no point), cried on and off for another week and now I'm sort of normal.

I wanted to start trying again straight away and now am just waiting for ovulation...it's normally on CD22 (currently CD26) but I know anything could happen with my cycle now. I've got the right sort of cervical mucus atm tho so that's a good sign!

I was totally flattened by the mmc. I knew that it was a possiblity and thought I'd prepared myself quite well for bad news at the scan but boy, was I wrong. When I get pregnant again (touch wood) I'm just going to properly enjoy it because being realistic didn't help me cope with bad news this time.

Anyway, that's my story!

Serendipity I hope it works out for you soon, three mc must be so hard to bear.

Foof and Chuckle I gave up on OPKs, I was fed up of feeling dehydrated and desperate for the loo! I also never got a true positive, even though temping picked up ovulation.

I've started on the port.

Hello newcomers, welcome on board even though it's under shitty circumstances am pleased to meet you :)

Does anyone have any tips for just getting back out there and living your life again? I could have gone out with OH tonight to see friends but couldn't quite face it yet. Am due to be out Saturday afternoon and hoping I will feel strong enough to do it then.

Foof - big hugs. It sure does suck!

Chuckle Monster - all new to me too but with mine I pee into a pot (well, I think it was a night nurse cup!), stand the strip up in it for 10 seconds and then lay it on the packet for 5 mins. Never had 2 stripes though (means ovulating) so may be doing it completely wrong!

On a positive for me, I don't see a spate of people - friends or celebs - announcing pregnancies this week ...

Hi all, can I join? I'm 36, DH almost 39 and we are fortunate enough to have a DS who is 2 years 4 months. He came along 9 months after our wedding so we thought number 2 would also arrive on demand. We started TTC in April last year and I got a BFP in August which I thought took forever. Had a private viability scan at what I thought was 8+6 but discovered I was only in fact 5+5. My cycles had been pretty irregular since I had my DS so the hospital made me wait a week before scanning me (which was a pretty fucking horrible week) at which point a MMC was confirmed and I had an ERPC the same day.

Since then we have been TTC but my cycles are even more irregular than usual so am getting acupuncture to try to sort that out. So far, the only regularising going on is the hit to my bank balance - £50 a week plus herbs.

Life is pretty stressful for me at the moment - redundancies looming at work, a 2 year old fully embracing that stage, lurching from one cold or flu to another, my would-have-been-due-date coming up at the end of the month and just generally tying myself up in knots over TTC. Needless to say, I really look forward to my glass of wine every night (alright, 3 glasses) as a way to unwind. Will be great to whinge with you all too.

Sorry to those of you who have suffered very recently. It's all so shit, especially to start with, and all you have to look forward to is tedium and frustration as pregnancy tests remain so resolutely negative month after month. Sincerely hoping it's different for you

Hi girls,

Thank you to those of you who have bn so supportive on the miscarriage board. sorry to meet you all in such short circumstances :( much luck to us all. Love the idea behind this thread & it is my currently philosophy! We had a complete mc 2 weeks ago & had bfn at wknd. It was quick & natural & so we have decided to just see what happens so wine, shagging & fun a must!! I actually think that I will be more relaxed as not a normal cycle so no idea when on 2ww or af due or ov.

Fingers crossed for us all xxx

chuckle / anonymous - I have only done a couple of OPKs and have to pee into a pot too as otherwise I find I wee all over my hand .

That is AWFUL about your boss, anonymous - are there enough things to identify you? I hope she / he is being nice to you.

Regarding timing sex, in the past I have found my EWCM fairly easy to spot, and it has resulted in 2 quick pregnancies (one being this last one which ended in MC, the other is my nearly 2 yr old). Although to be safe have ended up doing it every other night during fertile time, which gets exhausting. But at the moment my cycle is clearly all over the shop, (no EWCM yet) so I am temping, which is also all over the shop. A very kind Mnetter sent me some ovulation kit so I have tried a couple of OPK strips, but not got into a proper cycle yet after MC.

RE getting back to normal, I had a 'complete' MC so didn't have an EPRC. I wonder if this made it a little bit easier, as there was no intervention at all, and it kind of happened before I really had time to think about it. Still sucks though. And Wrigle - that sounds awful. I was in the early stages then too, and found myself at family related mother's day things. I was just pretending all was fine. I had the two kids with me, so I couldn't really crawl into bed though that was what I wanted to do.

Welcome to everyone else and really sorry to hear about your experiences, it's so confusing when it's your body and yet you don't know what it's up to. I know that, like blue I will be totally miserable for each af. But like someone else said, getting updiffed does happen very often, and it will again for us.

And yes, I had a glass of wine tonight and very nice it was too, cheers ladies!

Booboo thanks. Yes, I am fairly sure she has read up as she asked some questions about my ds that I haven't discussed at work but would have been found had you searched for my old user name (and questions about a holiday we went on).

I am tougher now so she has laid off me (no fun, I guess). It was hard for the first few weeks though (and my dh thinks I should be over it by now - I mc in Feb! - so no support really at home) and I think she found my achilles heel. Sadly work is a bit of a battle recently - new manager, etc., etc.

I should say, I have nothing to hide and have never posted anything other than truthful posts but I feel a bit uneasy about someone like that knowing all my business (and using it against me :()

Anon - feel for you about yr DH. Mine is the same, I don't even mention it now. And he wonders why I'm not all excited and giddy like he was tonight. These men have some way to go. Anyway, finding it hard to sleep as keep wondering what will happen next. Hate this limbo. Sorry feeling a bit negative! Tomorrow is a new day... Etc

Morning all! Think The third glass may have been one too many, either that or 545am is just an evil time to wake up!
So which technique do u reckon we should go in for this month....temping, charts etc or just go for it like rabbits? I know which my dh would prefer! Can I ask something really gross? When you're looking for EW how do you know its not ummmm.....your dh's stuff! Hope no ones eating breakfast!
Hope you all have a lovely, cuddly day. And for everyone who's still suffering post mc, it really will get easier. Time and experience has been a great healer for me. After my first mc, just finding out that the majority of my colleagues had been through similar was a huge eye opener. I def think people should talk about it more. I had no idea it was so common. I had already Imagined my little tadpole as a baby and named and bonded with it.....something I didn't allow myself to do until much later with the next ones.
Cuddles x

Morning. How are you Foof? I'm sure that you are all the same but emotion hits hard after all this. IT IS HARD. What are you all up today? I've decided to go on and look at a bag I fancy and then taking my 3yr old up the zoo. Anyone doing anything nice? Sun is sort of shining here.

Good Morning All.

Hello new people and thanks for all the OPK advice. I have a feeling OPKs might be a bit much hassle for me but will give it a go seeing as I have them.

I'm very sorry to hear some of you are finding partners less supportive than you would like. I kind of have the opposite problem, my partner was so devastated after our second mc that he said he didnt know if he could go through the whole pg / mc thing again. He is happy to try again now the dust has settled a bit but I am scared if (god forbid) we have number three that he will say he wants to stop trying.

I agree serendipity - the more people that talk about mc the more 'normal' you feel when you go through it.

Hope you feel better today booboo and that you have fun bag hunting blue.

I am off for lunch with an old friend which I am really looking forward to. Have a good day everyone!

Shopping sounds like good therapy bluebizz! Although I've only recently discovered it after being a bit of a tomboy most of my life. Now for some reason I'm prancing about in flowery dresses! Think it makes me feel more optimistic about things :) Have a good day everyone......I'm off into town to try and occupy my 2 yr old for the day x

Had my scan this morning, same bitch who did it last Friday. This epu is shit. Nobody had written in the diary/my notes or anything why I was there for one. She tried to give me leaflets about m/c and what to do etc as I left. I told her it was a little late for that, maybe she should have thought of that last Friday when it would have been useful . her skills obviously need brushing up as she couldn't get an accurate picture externally last Fri when my uterus was full and presumably a bit sticky out, went internal. Today when flat and empty uterus she managed to find it? wtf?

She wouldn't let me take my notes saying they were legal document that had to stay there (when they make you carry them round yourself all pregnancy?!) I have a feeling she will be writing in there to cover herself.

Anyway ladies, I prob won't be around much as this conception lark is too much for me just now, and when I do it'll be strictly wine and shagging when we want to and not getting heavy and obsessive.

oh scan was clear allegedly although I don't put much store in their abilities tbh.