Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

Have been near-silent til now, intimidated by the learning curve of acronyms and lists of people who know precisely what is going on with their cycles, whilst mine is potentially rusting in the shed, but...
perhaps this is a good place for me?
Am 'waiting' til after next rusting bike time to TTC for 1st time, attempted charting for abt 3wks until all the running about in the cold with thermometers got on my nerves. Am excited and scared roughly equal measures, what if it does or doesn't happen etc etc., but no gin for 9months is a scary proposition

Thank you - I thought so. I like not being judged.

I did think about testing, but I try to avoid that, and, anyway, don't they stop working after a certain point? (And I know it would be negative. And I don't trust them after CB lied to me a few months back.)

(Yeah, I'm trampy old school like that).

Yule, just join in anyway. You can go a long way to find decent craic. Bel end u I too am not a fan of testing. Often I just think this is because I'm tight. The two times in my life I have ever POAS it has yelled "AS IF!!!" at me.

Jamama hmmm, charting eh? Well alright, but only if you don't, you know, ask me to look at graphs and stuff. And don't worry about people who know what's going on with their cycles - I know feck all about mine.

You could always wait until your next Red Terror, Belu. And don't worry about being utterly illogical. I have been told under no circumstances to even think about trying to get pregnant (can I say that instead of pg?) for some months to come, but every time my period is late I still hope to somehow be healthily knocked up. I never am, but I like the feeling of hope.

Oh bloof maybe twelth time lucky! And i am oh so accurately named, nah, who am i kidding?!?!

And oh you are so kind spring - holds out empty glass in hope :o

And hey aries, my story hmmm... well im TTC only just started but im just going mad with it... Even at the moment it involves many positions generally with me upside down ha! And also, DP proposed today!!!!! So i'm going to be a TTCzilla and a bridezilla NO NO NO must think positively and let the happy hormones free - takes long drag on L&B and large gulp of Bells

I must confess i am not 30 something though, but i hope im still welcome hands out peace offering of liquer chocolate and cracks open wine!

Im still getting used to all the acronyms, but hey i'll get there!

Whats all your stories??

Hi BlooferLady -

I have a seriously impervious womb - I think I have a babydust allergy, so can I join your quest?!

I have been TCC since Sept 09. Nothing wrong, except with obviously the lack of baby.

I can only contribute a bottomless pan of mulled wine, way too chilly for anything else..

Oh and just thought, i may not be welcome, i dont know what a babyduster is?

Hilly is that something which will resolve itself hopefully?

Sherry, you sound like a perfect contender for long time TTC bitterness. I think Bloof is AWOL for the moment, so I'm going to have to deputise. Is that a word?

Thank FUCK I found you lot!

Am not even going to wait for an invitation, it's too bloody cold out there and the cokscrew is already out of my handbag.

Is there some kind of oath I have to take?

And does anyone have a lighter?

What with being menopausal, on HRT and having forgotten how to do sex - I really don't belong on this thread! Which is a shame, as it's the only one that really makes me feel at home.
You all sound great

Anybody else drinking cider? I might have some left-over, out-of-date ovulation kits in the back of the coupboard, would you like them?

Passes lighter to Tante, sees many other holding one out and meekly puts back in pocket!

Of course you are welcome, you have wine

Right guys, im off until tomorrow now, no interweb at home, damned virgin and sky!!!

Aries_girl - ta!

I am dizzy with the revolving door on most TTC threads:

'I got married 5 days ago! Been TTC for 4 days already - I'm soooo bored!!! OMG - BFP, byeee!'

It's wearying...

Fertile - get your smug, pregnant, happy faces and ballooning bowling ball stomachs OUT of my vicinity, please...!

Sorry - that was too bitter. Back a notch..

I'm going to have a coffee. Decaff, of course - but maybe a little slug of Baileys in there. OK, a big one.

It's the ones who decide to TTC before the wedding "in case they have problems" and go down the aisle pregnant that really make me grumble.... I have no sympathy with the need to change the dress and hold back on the champagne.

Can I join you in the soothing decaff? I've got my own Tia Maria.

Hilly, Aries - thanks for the support. This TTC thing has me clutching at all kinds of straws. Hope is good though.

Thanks Aries, there's nothing wrong that won't go away eventually. I am full of the rubella virus, which is apparently really really bad for foetuses. Apparently, my immunity to it (from childhood MMR) has somehow vanished into the ether, the doctor gave me another MMR last month, and I have to keep being checked out until the damned antibodies stick. I won't be given the all clear, until either
a)February
b)May
c)Never, so take your chances,
We can't even get on with trying until the virus itself has left my system.

As a result, and feeling at a somewhat low ebb, I have decided to console myself with alcohol and ice cream. So far, I am a month in.

It also took a year and a half to convice Mr McGrew that he wanted to be a father, which makes this something of a double embuggerance. And I have no idea how long it will take us to get pregnant once we are given the all clear either. Should've started trying before going to the medics really.

That's me in a nutshell. How's about the rest of ye?

Belu - I work next to one of those! She got married in Aug, so decided to TTC in July (why?! The child will one day manage to count to 9..sorry, 8!) and got pg that month. Morning sickness on their tropical wedding paradise holiday - oh dear.

Now for the next four months, I have to watch her ballooning quietly next to me..

Enjoy the decaff. Another drink good for TTC is hot chocolate made with full fat milk (with a jot of Grand Marnier). The milk is good for pg hormones. And the Grand Marnier is good for relaxing you.

Ta for lighter. I half-assed tried to do the 'my body is a temple' thing whilst ttc, but to be fair lasted about 3 weeks and reckon 15 months later...screw that

I cannot bear baby dust, chokes up my airways. Do appreciate the sentiment but my god! I am not 18...

Tonight I have for your enjoyment: Some nice easy merlot, 5 cans of carlsberg from the fridge, half bottle of cheap brandy (cocktail remnant) and a bottle of rosé (present. FFS, that's not even real booze )

And some vodka hidden in my handbag, in case you greedy bitches new friends drink all the rest.

TTC for aaaaages (well, not really, just seems it), have zero priods, undergoing lots of gynae fertility tests yawn yawn yawn

SWI all the time in between with DH (well, one would hope it was wth him )

Just so's y'all know the lay of the land.

I am tucking into a bottle of paintstripper red after nearly two weeks sans alcohol. Such a relief. Sorry to hear about your lack of red tide action Tante. Babydust makes me vomit also, particularly when it's merrily scattered by someone who dances in having recently got their +ive Hills, sorry to hear about the rubella. Are you one of those people, like me, who thought I can't possible me a mother and then maybe I can and then, shall I persuade the other half and then finally succeeds and then oh fuck I'm 35, oh well shouldn't be a problem? Well are you ?

Sweetsherry - I've got one of those next to me at work also. She's done it just right though, married for a year, new house and pregnant as soon as they moved in. How well planned.

I'm bridesmaid to my pregnant bride, which is fun. It really is actually, just a bit annoying - still am consoling myself with the fact that she will be fatter than me for the first time ever in the photos.

Hilly - that sucks. Fingers crossed for February. Me - 13 cycles in now, but no obvious reason why nothing. Had most tests but mostly clear - underactive thyroid now being treated and a spot of endometriosis. Doctors say they're both incidental and no reason for nothing happening. Last month I decided that seeing no (ok - less) alcohol made no difference, I would forget about it and have lots. Still no success, but was a better, more relaxed month. And everyone says that all you need to do to succeed is relax so may just keep on with that approach for a bit.

Will keep drinking my boozy decaff.

Wow s'been busy whilst I was standing about like spare prick whilst dh made tea otherwise occupied! Am glad my brief foray into the murky world of charting and rel lack of experience (in ttc, way too much other exp) not enough to kick me out.
And we're allowed to swear in here - fantastic!
Aries that is almost exactly my story to date, am hopeful for future but trying to be realistic...

I am sulking about yet another bleeding Red Tide of Doom. Bleeding! GEDDIT?! Never too tired for a shit pun, moi!

Am fugging glad to see you lot - Belu, Tante, Jamtart and all, and if I've missed you off this list it's entirely deliberate to keep you on your toes . Will read up tomorrow and dispense sarcastically loving greetings and/or manly punches to the upper arm and/or a quarter of a pint of Bailey's for your cornflakes. Am genuinely sorry about the tales of woe. Shitsticks! What a pisser it is! I think it might have been Tennyson who first said that.

And fanks to Aries for holding fort and all that. You = spiffy.

Fanks BettyBoop

Night all. I am going to go to bed and hope my beloved husband doesn't snore like a combine harvester all night...