Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

Morning all, had my operation yesterday morning & got home at about 4 in the afternoon. DH is being great & the cocodamol is lovely. Feel a bit shit today but am sure another 18hr sleep will help!

I may have asked the nurse for hug when I came round.

Glad you are home safe and sound in a drug bubble - now, you haven't mentioned your leg status.... I assume this means both are still intact.

How long before you get results/advice/progress?? What is next step?

Caved and did a test last night - BFN - was only CD24 but it was an early response one (after my run in with a cheapo sainsburys stupid fucking pretend fake line last month not chancing it with cheap tests for a while) Had sore buzwammers all day so thought I'd check. Will do one more on Friday and then await my period with a bottle bucket of merlot.

Oh well, the ONLY positive not completely shite thing is that we have hired a lovely cottage in France in a weeks time for a while so means I can quoff wine and cheese to my hearts desire!

Plus it will be time to play 'catch the egg' again while we're there so maybe I'll get one of those holiday babies everyone goes on about*

*highly unlikely considering the cheese/wine to blood ratio I intend to achieve.....

Now now, back away from the tests & have a gin. I dunno, you can't help weeing on sticks and I can barely wee at all, post op. What a pair, eh?

DH was ace yesterday, really, but is being crap now. He took the day off work to look after DS (sorry) & keeps falling asleep on the sofa while DS does fuck knows what, alone. I know because I can hear him snoring from upstairs.

He has now taken DS to the park & is barely speaking to me because I woke him up AGAIN and asked him not to sleep on the job. And because he is tired because he was on the playstation all night. Again. Gah.

Yes, my op went well yesterday. No, DH, I am not better yet. Sorry dear, I may be bloody nearly Wonderwoman but I do not have her powers of healing.

Have been lurking for jars news - glad you are ok lady and still in possession of all your limbs. Keep taking the drugs and let DH man up. You rest up! Also hoovering WTF?

Sorry to hear of BFN wino tis well early though still. Fingers crossed.

All ok here, mental but no change there then.

I am going to spend the weekend pretending I am at Glastonbury by not washing or changing my clothes for 4 days, drinking warm flat coke for breakfast and paying a tenner minimum for all meals.

What are you all up to?

Which wise woman amongst said it was a fact that men are complete knobs sometimes, whether they mean to be or not? How true! Sorry about your DH Jars, I guess that little gold crown of yours & red boots fooled him

wino I need a holiday like that! I'm losing weight which is fab but god I could do with a big ole binge sometimes, especially on cheese....mmmm...oh and lots & lots of lovely Maltesers :) I do tell myself that one of the advantages of NOT being a citizen of Duffsville means I can drink my body weight in delicious - still within the parameters of weight loss, obv!

Rara glad to hear you're doing ok...

Where's the rest of you??? Stop lurking & get thine arses back on this thread!

Yes, got my hormonal test thing tomorrow - weeeeeee Still, one more thing to tick off before the doctors actually decide to use their extensive medical training, get off their arses & help us!

This weekend I shall be gardening and shopping because hubby is golfing & working, such exciting stuff! Also I did see that the weather might be nice on Sunday ladies (well, where I am in Kent) so might fish out some shorts (go steady love!) and get some colour on my lily white pegs! - while drinking lots of because I can!!!

DH much better (think dozen red roses & decent snack food) but I am still bed or sofa bound, bleeding a bit & sleeping loads.

Hi Loops!

Please can someone not on codeine come up with an amusing thread title for next & linky to it? My brain hurts.

Good morning ladies! I haven't jumped off a cliff, just been busy/away/trying not to obsess. Congratulations Jewel, wishing you an easy time here on in!

+++

I have felt good since the colonic, I am fully organic and chemical free at the moment - have now lost 2 and a half stone and am well and truly in the yoga zone! Still not pg, but let's not get picky.

I saw the NHS FS again this week - she was really encouraging, not worried about the AMH level and has recommended 3 months of HCG injections.

They cost £800 a month!

I suggested to my DH that he give me the injections. I thought he'd be squeamish, but he immediately got a gleam in his eye. I think he's looking forward to it a little bit too much.

Jars - hope you're recovering well!

Hi all - blew up pc at work so had to work on desk next to boss for the rest of last week so conception thread wasn't best thing to have on screen! Then had parentals with us all weekend so only just got round to checking board.

My news is the witch got me on CD28 so looks like wine/camembert binge in France is my consolation prize.

Am going on alcohol rations when we get back from France, I need to do it really I am a bit overweight and I know I drink too much so I do need to do something I just wish I didn't like wine bah!

Basically I need to accept that as much as I blame my stupid body and have lined myself up for these tests it could be that the problem is just me and my lifestyle.

There is just always a social thing going on or lunch drinks with work colleagues or someones birthday or blah or blah, it soon adds up and I don't know how to start saying no to the same people consistently without a heap of questions. That's the downfall of being always up for a glass of vino I guess....

I have managed to successfully give up caffeine since about March so taking that as a little victory for now...

jars how are we feeling now? glad DH improved, was poised ready with voodoo doll on your behalf

sherry well done on weight loss and angelic sounding existence. You really are focused

loopy well done on weight loss too! Sounds like you had a fab weekend!

rara glad everything still good - is it scan time yet?

p.s I'm crap at funny thread titles - can someone think of some funnies?

Hi ladies,

Just a quick hi from the lurker.
Pissed off, resigned lurker who can't even be bothered to think about fucking babies, or even fucking in order to make them. I'm going to just get a dog and forget about it all.

Glad to hear that things are ok (ok-ish...?) with you though. Keep going!

ok....

my crap suggestions are

1. foul mouthed boozehound ttc'ers, no bloody babydusters
2. who wants a fucking baby anyway? (not sure this works in practice but in theory...)
3. Hiding from babydust under a mound of wine bottles, sssh - come join us!
4. who is hiding all the babies? own up!

see, that's about as good I as can do...

someone help!

I vote for 3.

Still off work here: the cotton wool in the head feeling has gone but I'm still knackered & washed out, blurgh. I never thought that a minor op would have me pole-axed like this. But my lovely colleagues have posted me "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" and some Hotel Chocolat this morning.

Choc, you are not alone in this. I'd go for the dog idea but you don't get maternity leave. Mind you, another year of this and I'm getting a pair of kittens.

We're also trying to sell our house and have been for over a year. Sometimes it feels like we're just on hold.

Wino, pmsl at voodoo doll. Keep it handy. He has asked me if I can clean the windows while I'm off today.

Sherry, impressive weight loss, and lack of toxins.

Mooooorning all!!!!

Last day at work for me for two weeks! Hurrah! Am all packed and ready to scarper with DH - seriously considering staying in remote France and not coming back the rat race!

Am really looking forward to not having to bump into at least 4 pregnant women every single day on the tube/at work/out getting my lunch for a couple of weeks. It's really starting to get me down now.

Just found out (via stupid facebook) my arsehole of a wanker ex has just had a baby with his new wife and it's really pissed me off, not because of any feelings towards him but because he is a prick and it's not fucking fair :( - (am aware that is totally childish but nonetheless it's how I feel)

I would rather have no babies with my wonderful amazing DH than 10 babies with that idiot but it's still pissing me off!

I keep thinking maybe I'll leave my fertility monitor pissing machine behind and just shag when and because I want to on holiday but I suspect that at the last minute I will cave and put it in my bag.... Theorectically it's egg time while we are there and we always bonk like rabbits on hols but as phoebe once told me knowledge is power so am still undecided as to what to do.... hoo hum...

jars what ace colleagues you have! how nice! I loved those books/films - enjoy! Hope you are feeling better and most certainly did not clean the windows yesterday! Men are so stupid sometimes! Idiot!

choc childish strops are totally neccessary, I have at least two a week, it's healthy, hope you are ok and not now surrounded by a tonne of puppies.

Well, that's me, got a shiteload of work to do today before I can go home so had better get on. I hope you all have a fertile yet winey fun two weeks and at least one of you had better be up the duff by the time I get back OR ELSE!!!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME WOMBS?!?!?!

Anyhoooooo, by the time I 'll get back we'll no doubt be on a new thread so can someone leave me a link on here to what you decide will be our new gang name.

Orright, gels? Check this out:

Le thread nouveau est arrivé

Let's go, let's go, let's go! Move it, soldiers!

Wino, m'dear, have a shagtastic holiday and do try to get knocked up, eh?

Well done ladies...

...on setting up the new thread....

...which I would create a link for but I have no idea how to...

....so I guess all I can do...

....is get this one all nice & tidied away....

....it's my OCD you see...

...and remind myself to tell you all about my docs appt...

....on the shiny new thread...

new thread here

...by Jove, she's done it!!!

And one more time, just to show off...

new thread here

PS Respect Bloofer Lady for setting us on this journey with like minded non-baby dusting types, big love!

See you on the other side!!!