Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

Congrats, MyLife! Nice to know the awful grinding tedium of having to shag one's partner over and OVER and OVER again pays off in the end . Do feel free to pop in now and then for a bevvie!

Now then. Anyone want to share any further details, without coming perilously close to anything LISTY?

I am currently on The Rollercoaster of Hopeful Despair. Actually think I might still be leaking preseed. Note: a strong stomach is an essential for this thread

I don't want to tell anyone anything about myself. Anything at all. Oh ok.
TTC since Feb, but often a bit half heartedly. Am currently On A Break as am fed up and other factors a bit.

On a Break like Ross & Rachel?

Since Feb is rather a pain in the hole. How long do you envisage the break being? I ask purely for information.

Oh you can ask me anything Anything at all. I want you to like me! And you're dead right - you are thoroughly down with the kids.

Um...well...maybe sometime in February.

wot me Ram?

I would like to ttc aksherly. I need to get healthy first though and cut the lard.

Hey AnyFule, speaking as someone who has done this WAY more times than I ever thought I would (seriously, I am at risk of becoming a great aunt before I become a mother. The horror! THE HORROR!) I wouldn't put it off longer than you can help. Obviously totally get why you'd want to be healthsome beforehand if possible, but experience makes me want to shove bottles of preseed at people, propel them towards the bedroom with a well-aimed kick on the arse, and bellow GET ON WITH IT!!

I am very lardy. If that helps at all. Also very healthy though. Me = enigma

Sorry AnyFule I seem to have confused you with someone else. Though that is impossible of course, seeing as I am New To Mumsnet.

RamWoman I beg you never to apply to the security services . Lucas would never be interested in you. I am merely saying.

Shut up about Lucas.

Anyway, who's Lucas? Why should I want to impress someone I don't know called Lucas? Eh?

Give us back that gin!

???

In other news, Real Life is pissing on my MN chips. I must away and Do Things. Aces to meet you new folks, speshlly GetDown. Look forward to seeing you again . I'll be back later to ask prying and intrusive questions about the state of your wombs. You can't wait!

Oh that looked rude. Speshlly AnyFule and Mylife too!

Is anyone else singing "Get down, get down, get down, get down..." from Pulp Fiction? Just me? Thought so.

In gusset news, I have no news. By rights I should be doubled over with Mittelschmerz, have a spot of blood and be gushing. It's Day 14 andI have none of those things :(

AND Speshlly RamBint too obviously. Sorry about the lack of ovulatory signfiers . Would you normally get a spot of blood? That's supposed to be a good fertility sign, no?

bloofer sorry to intrude - just saw your thread in actives and the title made me laugh!

If only I was ttc I'd sign up for the whisky swilling ride.

Good luck

Sure we can't entice you in Nancy my love?! . One can never have too many children. Erm. ACtually I'm not sure that's true - I should have more regard for your pelvic floor

Blimey the thread has made it onto Most Active . Perhaps we should calm down a bit.

Oh God. Hello Hester! ACE name.

I don't smoke and I don't like whisky (usually), but gin's a great comfort - can I join? I promise to hoover up any dust that makes its way in here.

Been trying for a bit over a year, no obvious reason why it's not happened. Clearly, must try harder - starting, ooh, in about week....

I'm not ttc at the moment but your thread title made me laugh

I would say I'd join you when we get the OK to ttc again but you'll probably (hopefully) all be over on the pregnancy board by then!

Hello Belu. You sound suitably cynical. Any alcohol will be fine, as long as you share.

Claire, hello. I wouldn't bet on it I love your name by the way. Are you a fan of the late nineteenth century French Impressionism school of music?

Hello, I like the cut of your jib(s). Can I join up using this subtle bribe of vino collapso rojo?

Not actively ttc as yet on medical grounds, so free to drink and be noisome for some months yet.

Hooray! (I think...)

If it's any alcohol you're after, I have lots - frangelico and framboise cocktail?

Or, for something a bit classier, my husband has a serious wine stash - his pride and joy, but am happy to borrow for a good cause....

ta hester

good point Hilly - those of us not ttc can just drink to our hearts content without even needing to pee on our hands at all. Unless we want to.