Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

Well, that was a short sharp shock of a period. Three days on & one day of spotting. And that's all she wrote.

So... I did it! I grew a Period Button! Tis the only rational explanation. The thing is, I must have just knocked it or something as I didn't do it on purpose. I need to find it again for next month.

Rara, cor, who said romance was dead? Hope he didn't bench and slap you on the arse as well.

Right, off to eat the remaining mini-eggs while trying not to watch Royal Wedding shite on telly. Laters!

X-post: high five, j&b!

I've been meaning to ask, BTW: your name. As in what you need for the opera, or Ascot? Or just very glamorous birdwatching?

Morning!

So (TMI ALERT) I appear to still be on my perod 1 week later after it was supposed to be finished [cconfused]...keep getting the "end bits" of a period but every single day - what's THAT about??? [cconfused]

I foolishly POAS yesterday as well to see if I was ovulating (or "oval"lating as my DH calls it) but no eggs here, dunno why I bothered frankly.

Will POAS every day until I've run out of sticks then go back to the doctors and wave them in her face as proof my eggs have not come back!!! [cangry]

How's everyone else?

I had one of them last month, Loops. Sucks!

AIBU to POAS just in case my 3 day period was implantation bleeding?

[self-deluding berk emoticon]

Holler,

I've been on holiday, big family type one in Scotland and it was scorching. Couldn't believe it. What a result.

Sorry to hear things have been pish for lots of you, fuckity fuck periods huh.

I'm just bouncing on before heading out to another family doo, not my side. it's never my side, unsocial bunch that we arre. nto really, but we tend to see each other in a more low key way and are small in number and scattered across Scot and Eng rather than on each other's door step so less opps for the big family things.

So glad it's a monday holiday tomorrow. Whooooopeeeee.

Sending my love one an all to all the whisky drinkin muskateers.

(...although i appreciate we don't really do loove on this thread, still, thought I'd sneak it in you know, under the radar like.)

Loopy - glad you got a nice necklace too!

+++++++

Phoebe - has AF arrived yet? I'm 10dpo and BFN, so kind of frustrated here too.

+++++++

We went to Midlands Fertility on Friday and had a consultation with a very patronising and snooty consultant who more of less dismissed my prospects of conceiving naturally. I suspect she wanted to extract many £££s for IVF. We had to convince her I really did just want a HyCoSy and AMH test and that I din't want to repeat all the tests I had done on the NHS recently.

£600 out of pocket. HyCoSy should be 13 May - I have to wait for AF before making the appointment.

Then I'll be shot of that place, thank goodness.

I really want to eat one of the huge easter eggs that's staring at me from the mantelpiece..

Do it: eat that chocolatey fucker. See it as your reward for standing your ground with Ms Snooty.

Folic, you sentimental old thang, you. Feelin' the love over here (actually, just drinking beer & soaking my feet (not in beer, mind you).

Well, I bought a stick to pee on but it only confirmed that my rubbish tiny malformed period was, in fact, a period. Silly me.

sweetsherry hope you enjoyed the egg. I've eaten too many this year as bought three for gifts, only gave away one, was given two as gifts...you do the maths...Good that you stood your ground and got the tests you wanted and not all the rest. Cheeky moneygrabbing caaaaa. Her, not you, natch.

Loopers any luck on the other types of eggs front?

Jars gah to tiny malformed periods that get hopes up. Why the feet soaking btw?

Any sign of Phoebe? and Tante back her hols by now surely?

Jars deffo not unreasonable..it?s what I?m doing too even though I appear to have weird gunk (ooops, that WAS definitely TMI!!!) coming out my uterus - maybe it?s prepping itself for an eggy?

And what is it with our periods at the moment? Why are they just not 5 days with a nice, regular 30 days cycle???

Sherry eat that egg! My DH & I got 4 from various family members and Mr Loopy didn?t get close to them !!!

Folic I don?t appear to have the other variety of egg yet but, as ever, I live in hope & POAS like a maniac?doesn?t help that Mr Loopy has got a few days working away from home - AIBU to expect his work to give him back those days when I?m ovulating?

And pls can we have a duffsville update? Pretty please?

Hello all! Been on hols too, couldn't find any suitably tacky souvenirs so bought you all a bottle of gin and a Malteaser bunny instead.....

Spent 11 days consuming my body weight in wine and fish and chips in sunny windy Norfolk. Was lovely to get away with MrW and have some chilled time together...

Got my period while we were away so alas no baby again this month but was expecting that anyway, had my day 21 prog level blood test so just got to wait for a letter from the hospital now....

Wishing everyone jaggy fannys, must be someones turn soon....

I was just thinking that. I mean, statistically, someone's gotta get lucky, no?

I was soaking my feet because tis suddenly sandal weather and my feet look like 2 bits of shredded wheat with read toenails stuck on. Groo. Two hours in a bucket of swarfega and a quick blast with the old industrial belt sander later, and we can now see a heel on one foot.

I am not summer-ready quite yet.

Too many Easter takeaways eggs over the last few weeks...

So, did a few of us just menstruate or what? Are we synching?

Yo
Am lurking. Kicked myself up butt to communicate like a grown up.
I am waiting waiting waiting. Alternately sulking/stamping foot.
Have shagged til we thought it might fall off. Now just waiting.

Fucking fuck. I am so impatient. Also apparently quite proficient in psychosomatic symptoms.

Do I feel sick because a) I am pregnant b) I have drink too much wine or c) I have eaten too many Easter eggs or d) I am imagining it?

I am so sorry to hear of shitty mini periods, lack off ovum and expensive tests. I hope various holidays were nice though and summer foot preparation is a success.

Surely one of our uteruses (uterii?) is going to spawn a blastocyst soon. Come on biology you cow bag.

What she said, but minus the rampant shagging!

NEWS JUST IN...Duffsville update...

Had The Scan today. Everything is going well, wee thing was bouncing about and being an awkward bugger. Now in the second trimester so a milestone has been reached.

To be brutally honest, I haven't really enjoyed much of the pregnancy due to bleeding and freaking out that all was going to go badly wrong. My resolution is to sit back and try to enjoy it from now on and what will be will be. I'm getting podgy, have greasy hair many days, and big outbreaks of what appear to be boils on chin. I also appear to be growing chin hairs. Still, don't give a fuck really.

Next hurdle is to tell work

It is time to pass on the baton...we need to all keep thinking positive.

Yay folic brilliant all going well! Hope 2nd trimester is non eventful and frankly boring apart from frequent kicks to the bladder (by mini folic, am not condoning any violence).

Hear that Rara uterus? Make a fucking baby already.

Too much wine dammit.

Yay Folic!

Great news. Now, relax and enjoy telling family and friends and being made a big fuss of.

My period came last week, day 29 in the end, and I haven't taken any clomid this cycle. The thing is, it's just not working and it's not going to.

I think it's time I started working on adjusting and getting on with my life. You've all been amazing and wonderful in helping me keep my chin up in the last few months (much better than some real life people, but that's another story) and I hope you all get the babies you want and I'm sure you will.

So, that's me. I'll probably lurk a bit, but I don't think I'll be chatting much.

Good luck all

Oh boo PheobeC I am sorry that sucks great big fat hairy ones.
I know emotion is frowned upon here but am sending an awkward pat on the back/upscaling to hug. Also pouring you your virtual cocktail of choice.
Shitbags.

Hi Phoebe - I'm with you on the 'Clomid isn't working' thing. I hope you can find a fresh focus and leave the sadness behind.

That's probably what I'll have to sgtart thinking of doing at some point sooner rather than later - time for a reality check to self maybe.

CD3, decided to have another month on Clmoid on that basis that I'm getting a HyCoSy on 12 May, so by the time I OV, my tubes will be guaranteed free of debris. And I'll definitely get pg. Right..!

I only have 10 easter eggs staring down at me now:

-A big Caramel bunnies egg that I bought for my OH. He'll eat that one though, unless I launch a surpise strike.

-A medium Thorntons milk chocolate egg that was a present.

-A massive Thorntons beast that my OH bought for me. It's so huge, I'm intimidated.

-A Hotel Chocolat exceedingly dark, thick-shelled egg with chocolates inside that I bought for myself. (What?! It was in the post-Easter sale, 70% off. Be crazy not to.)

-A kiddies' Kinnerton Zingzillas egg. Kinnerton chocolate is quite nice, I'll probably have that at some point, but I'll pass on the accompanying marshmallows.

-1 Mini Eggs egg, 2 Roses eggs and 2 Creme Egg eggs from my crazy MIL

sherry I have Easter egg envy.

Folic So pleased for you! Congrats, may the boils on your chin remain smaller than the bump on your belly! Good luck with telling work, sure it will all be fine.

Phoebe I've only been here for a few months but they've been a funny old few months for me, very emotional and stressful and it has been fantastic having your input on things, you always seem calm and insightful and I feel truely humbled by the amount you have had to go through.

Don't know if you are going to pursue the other paths to motherhood and none of my business but good luck with whatever you decide.

Right, enough of that drivel, goodness me wino.....

Come on the rara uterus!

sherry I love that you have an egg that warrants the name 'beast' awesome

Jars No glam hobbies - the name comes from a bob dylan lyric. I have a dylan-inspired name in RL [child of hippies emoticon] and am unimaginative, so...!

I too have wondered at signs of womby syncing going on here. I'm CD7 now and seem to be having the same period as Loops. I'm usually two/three days of bloody mayhem and then nothing but this one just keeps on a-coming.

I am attempting to chart now. Have resolved that if I remain unable to pin down reliable sign of ovulation by June (when I will be thirtyfuckingfour) I will drag my sorry bits to the GP. Have been v aware that it would be counter productive to get angst ridden too quickly, but I think its time to face up to my growing unease in RL.

Phoebe What Wino said. I signed up to MN solely to join you and the original whisky-drinkers. Wishing you nothing but good things.

Folic Yes! Lovely news. And I already have chin hairs a go-go with nary a bump to show for them. May I recommend having three different pairs of tweezerman tweezers (one for home, one for work, and one tiny 007 pair for smuggling through airport security on hand-luggage only trips)?

Sherry damn you, I got one egg - one! (A tasty but merely creme-egg sized thorntons number which I had to scoff as emergency ration on afore-mentioned freezing hill). I have a half day off this morning and am seriously contemplating hauling myself off to the nearest hotel chocolat to bag myself a 70% off beauty.

34 isn't so old Jewel. I'm only saying that because I'll be thirtyfuckingeight in July!

CD4 - I have HyCoSy on Thursday - and HR have said I can take the day as a sick day! Hoorah!

+++++++

I have cracked the Hotel Chocolate egg - oh my holy hell. Puts Cadbury's into perspective, that's all I'm saying.

Sorry Mamarara - I meant to say the Hotel Chocolate egg is revolting, you're lucky you didn't get one actually.

I bloody love Hotel Chocolat. Still jealous. But sounds like you are giving it the appreciation it deserves sherry. Hope it's fulfilling all your chocolate dreams.

I am still waiting waiting here. Trying to fight the urge to test early as that way leads madness. Doing a pretty good job of doing my head in though.

What news from other wombs?

Thanks Folic for the update, was really pleased you're doing ok.

And I'm really sorry to hear your news Phoebe, that's just shite...I do hope you'll keep in touch & lurk a while though...

I don't know what the fuck my womb is doing & I have to say all the POAS is doing my head in but also really boring me. I'm CD19 and no fucking eggs, not a one . I'm also 34 & feel like nothing is ever going to happen for us...meanwhile everyone keeps asking us, when's it going to happen and if we are EVER planning on children, like it's the be all and end all of your life. Whatever.

Sorry for the downer & I've only really be trying for a year but God, it's getting on my tits now. Bollucks.

I hope there's some choccy egg left Sherry (hopeful emoticon) ?