Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

jewels massive congrats!!!! So pleased for you.

sherry well done on hosepipe action, sooo do you feel better? Am intrigued!

jars big fat hairy sacks, sorry af got you

I'm out this month too. After stupid faint line got 4 bfn and then witch got me on day 32 FFS!!! Had my first consultant appointment on Friday - went well, have got to have a load of different blood tests (the first of which I'm sitting waiting for now) she has also booked ne in for xrays on my tubes but don't know when yet. She has asked to see me again in two months so at least I'm in the system now.

In related news a friend of mines sister is 37 and on round 4 of ivf and has just found out she is preggers with triplets!!!!!!!!!!! Yowsers!!!!!

However I fear my ttc journey may come to a premature end as there are 2 four year olds playing some sort of dinosaur related screeching game in the docs surgery, banging and crashing, chucking toys and my instinct is to pick up my chair and wrap it round their heads. Not the most motherly response is it?

Maybe it's because my blood alcohol level is a bit low in the mornings.....

Am due to go on a massive cheese and wine binge holiday in France at the end of the month so am hoping that 'sods law' will work and I'll get upduffed this month and have to sulk watching husband gorge himself if entire wheel of Camembert alone....

Right, morning bucks fizz anyone?!

Hey wino, sorry to hear about your period. Stupid things, aren't they.

I dunno, you spend your twenties desperately trying not to get pregnant and then when you want to...

Yyy re other people's children being unattractively loud and annoying/covered in snot/rude etc.

I am a bit worried about my period, actually. It only lasted 2 days this time, so my last 2 cycles have been 32 days each with these teeny weeny rubbish periods at the end. Anyone else getting this? Any of the upduffed crew had this before conceiving? [hopeful]

Congratulations jewels!
And hello to everybody :)
Lots going on here (hosepipe action?? wow! respect! :))
I've been trying to calm down about TTC a bit and concentrate on other, less frustrating bits of my life (like wedding guest list and table plan :)) but haven't been very successful hence lurking.
Am on CD25 but as we didn't really shag enough around the critical period I'm fully expecting my period rather than BFP. oh well, at least I'll get a chance to have lots of wine on my honeymoon.

Congratulations Jewels !!!! Wahooooooooo!!! :)

I tested on Monday and nada

Seems to me that that pill hasn't worked so I shall be back down the doctors I s'pose to see what are the next steps, if any. Last time I went she said it could be upto 18 months for my body to clear out the Depo, which would be September. Why the fucking fuck do doctors not tell you this crap when you're discussing contraception options, stupid fucking non-human wanky robots who clearly dont care about anyone. GRRRRR!

And the other stuff is still rubbish but the family is slowly adapting to it and being constantly supportive, texts, phone calls is getting a bit much now...don't want to be a bitch but at what point do you say to people "isn't time you stood up on your own two feet"?

Wow. Really sorry for my depressive post, I probably should have stayed in bed this morning!

Need to get.a.grip, dust myself off & get back in the ring! Yeah baby!!!

YIPPEE jewels that is brilliant news. Congratulations lady. I too am too scared to join a bus. I am an uber lurker. But hope to see you on a bus sometime soon!

wino hope that the tests aren't too horrid and that your lady bits get the doctorly tlc they need to make tiny winos.

loopy you sound frustrated and stressed. Sorry dude. Twatting drs. And family stress is rubbish. Here have some gin.

jars have you been to see dr about mysterious periods? I haven't had anything like that - mine are always on the enthusiastic side - never shy unfortunately.

All fine here, quietly stressing about things.

Thanks for all the congrats lovelies!

I say definitely plan the inappropriate holiday wino - we had written May off as a bad job so spent lots of time before we realized plotting a long distance cycling tour of gluttony gastronomy for our hols in June. Quite long hilly distances between carefully selected boozy hostelries so really not very duff-friendly so we?ve just started cancelling. (Obviously now I?m expecting sods law to hoof me in the cervix at the precise moment the last non-refundable cancellation goes through, but that?s not the point). Same logic applies to honeymoon chocs - are nuptials v soon then?!

jars I wish my menses were such that I could offer you oracle style fertility tips but mine were just a bit unpredictable all round, not noticeably short.

rara clinks glass of virtual tequila. How trampy are your hands on a scale of 1-10? Mine are a 5, but if we were ranking them on grannyishness they?d def be an all out 10.

Hang in there loops sure things will look up soon.

Jewels are you suffering tramp hand too?! Mine are horrendous - bright red, bleeding knuckles. I've slapped enough moisturiser on to soften elephant hide but to no avail. Hope you're otherwise feeling great!

Hola happy sunny friday people! Here, I bought some Friday bubbles

loopy hope you're feeling happier, sounds like you have a lot on your plate

choc good luck with table plan, eurgh, I remember that, deathly dull and bloody complicated. It will all be worth it in the end though :)

rara and jewels good luck with tramp hands and growing bellies. STOP FECKING GOOGLING!!!!!!!

jars hmmmm, could your short periods be down to stress? Only time mine have ever been like that is just before our wedding, when I got made redundant etc etc

My suggestion is a week long spa break with plenty of champers and massages from handsome topless spamen... I'm a doctor in real life you know ;) That just sounds like a bad porno script actually, hmmm....

Anyhoo, in seriousness, have you had blood tests or anything yet jars? Maybe you should get your day 2 and 21 progesterone level checked? This would at least let you know that you are having normal hormonal cycles? Just a suggestion? Apologies if you have already posted here about having a million tests and I've missed it, not trying to teach you to suck eggs.

BTW where did that expression come from? suck eggs? who does that? apparently grandmothers?

Well anyway, I am off to visit my super spawning cousin brood this weekend with their 8 zillion perfect beautiful children but am actually looking forward to lots of cuddles and being able to hand them back afterwards :)

Hello, mind if I join in?

39, TTC 18 mths, never been bfp, male factor, first lap and dye inconclusive as couldn't get dye in. :(

Sick of being poked and prodded, and sitting with pregnant mums to see my consultant.

Not that there's anything wrong with pregnant mums, obviously.

I wonder if anyone can help. Have been ttc for a year now and using ov sticks but this month (now on day 18) and no surge detected but yet have had ov pains. Has anyone experienced that before and does it mean I havent ovulated this month?

hi morning and happy -welcome! Have some gin and a vodka chaser.

Nothing wrong with some mild resentment at the fertile. I felt the same when they put me on the baby ward when I was having a mc. Which was nice.

Never used ov sticks, sorry can't be of help but think some of the other ladies have.

Hope the rest of you guys are ok and had lovely wine soaked weekends.

Hey there morning & happy. Good to see you. Happy, no idea, but I would just say that I used ov sticks liberally for months without ever seeing a surge so...

Rara I don't reck I have the tramp to the extent you do, but they have just gone sooo dry and old looking. I am lubing them up with body butter every 10 mins or so and it seems to make no difference (save for fact that I now have very shiny keyboard).

Seconding hope that the rest of you are doing good.

Hi onemorning pull up a barstool, I hear you about sitting with the pregnant crowd, had to sit for an hour with 4 of the buggers the other day waiting to see consultant. I'm 32 ttc 9 months, waiting for my first dye appointment to come through. Have you got another appointment through for dye?

happy I used ov sticks for a while and I think I missed the surge a few months, it's difficult to say if you ov'd or not. Do you normally see the surge every month? You could ask your doctor to do a day 2 and day 21 hormone blood test. This will

If you can afford it I recommend the clearblue digital fertlity monitor - bit more scientific and it tracks your hormones so you can watch them rise and fall. This said I'm still not f*ing pregnant but seeing the little egg sign on a simliar day each month at least keeps me on the right path and molesting husband on the right days.

On this note I was down visiting three gorgeous babies at the weekend with plenty of cuddles and when I tested while I was there the monitor reckons my hormones were rising two days higher than usual into proper fertile territory!? I can only put it down to being around babies! Therefore am going to spend time cuddling babies trying to spark a hormone revolt to get up the duff. Slight problem, I don't know many actual babies so if you see me on the news don't fret I meant no harm, I just wanted a cuddle!?

jars you ok?

everyone else all good?

righty ho then, anyone for a lunchtime slammer?

p.s rara what fuckers on the ward... have they no brain? FFS

Hello again

mama, I'm sorry to hear about your m/c and your treatment. So awful! My sister had to wait with pregnant mums for half a day before her D&C following a m/c. They really don't think, do they?

Hello jewels and happy. I've never used ovulation sticks, sorry no advice.

wino, I've got to wait until 22/8 to see my fertility specialist, at which point I suspect we'll find out what's next. I'm 40 in September but the NHS is intensely relaxed about things...

I had a meltdown at work today - first day back after lap - and came home. I've been having mini panic attacks since last week, because it seems that if hubby and I both have problems, our miniscule change of conceiving naturally is gone. And, of course, until I see fertility guy I don't know how bad things are because the surgeon last week didn't explain, and I was too high (yay, tramadol!) to ask. People at work were asking me how the op went - I didn't tell anyone what op - and I just couldn't handle it. Chat with boss tomorrow. I feel shot to pieces at the minute.

Thanks impatient!

I have an appointment with the consultant next week which is a follow up to my laparoscopy 3 months ago where they zapped endometriosis for the 2nd time. My consultant said that if nothing has happened by this appointment they are going to put me on clomid. I am 39 so feel time is running out so am anxious to get on with it.

Thanks impatient!

I have an appointment with the consultant next week which is a follow up to my laparoscopy 3 months ago where they zapped endometriosis for the 2nd time. My consultant said that if nothing has happened by this appointment they are going to put me on clomid. I am 39 so feel time is running out so am anxious to get on with it.

Morning all!

Well, here begins the 2WW for me, I have a good feeling about this month, but I say that every month so ignore that! I think I'm about 95% sperm at present so can do no more.

onemorning hope you're feeling a bit happier now and remember, just because something might not happen naturally doesn't mean it won't happen. The outcome is the important thing not the journey.

happy hope your appointment goes well

jars any news on weird, hopefully increased chance of pregnancy periods???

loopy how are you feeling now?

choc wedding plans coming along, ready to murder anyone yet?!

and hello to all those in the trampy hand brigade, hope all is uneventful in yuor neck of the womb woods

Hello folks!

Happy Friday! What's fucking happy about it, eh???

Just messing with ya...notice that there's been a lot of gaps between postings & some of the regulars have dropped off too I wonder if it's cos eventually you get to a point where's there's nothing more to say or comment on...

Anywayyyyyyyyy, how are we all? We are at 971 of 1000 postings - do we want to carry on Bloofer's flame or just leave be & hope to cross paths elsewhere? God forbid it's where the bloody babydusters lurk in dark corners!

Family situation has calmed down a bit & althought not perfect, it is much better than it was so back to thinking about babies again! Got a doctors appt next Friday for a hormonal profile - which is what they should have done 5 fucking months ago but somehow didn't WHATEVER. And just go from there I guess. No periods, no eggs, no babies.

Other than that I'm ok but could do with a bit of girl time (not in a lesbian way!) so if anyone fancies a or then please join me

Hello folks!

Happy Friday! What's fucking happy about it, eh???

Just messing with ya...notice that there's been a lot of gaps between postings & some of the regulars have dropped off too I wonder if it's cos eventually you get to a point where's there's nothing more to say or comment on...

Anywayyyyyyyyy, how are we all? We are at 971 of 1000 postings - do we want to carry on Bloofer's flame or just leave be & hope to cross paths elsewhere? God forbid it's where the bloody babydusters lurk in dark corners!

Family situation has calmed down a bit & althought not perfect, it is much better than it was so back to thinking about babies again! Got a doctors appt next Friday for a hormonal profile - which is what they should have done 5 fucking months ago but somehow didn't WHATEVER. And just go from there I guess. No periods, no eggs, no babies.

Other than that I'm ok but could do with a bit of girl time (not in a lesbian way!) so if anyone fancies a or then please join me

Hello folks

wino feelling much better, thank you. Turns out my bosses' DCs are IVF babies, and he has been amazingly supportive. Hubby and I have decided to do IVF next Spring (tubes permitting), and in the meantime I'm getting fit. I feel like I'm asserting some control over my life, and already feel stronger.

Loopy thanks for the , don't mind if I do. Good luck with the hormonal profile.

Good morning all, and hello to new people. My stupid phone is back from the menders now, so I hope to be on more frequently. I'll do a proper catch up tonight but in the meantime, big up to all & back soon.

Right.

I think that we should definitely keep the Fred going. I know I've been a bit sporadic of late, but as Loopy says, sometimes no news is just no news. But, as with Cheers, it is good to be where everybody knows your name.

I am a bit wibbly tonight because I am having a laparoscopy under GA on Tues, disgustingly early in the morning. I won't be staying in overnight, unless they accidentally remove my leg or summat, but I'm guessing I might be a bit ropey for a day or so afterwards. But this is it: this is where I find out if I have endometriosis or if my consultant is going to shout at me for wasting NHS resources on psychosomatic abdominal pain when I come to.

Fun, eh?

So today, because I am an incurable optimist and generally of a sunny disposition, I have been tidying up loose ends of paperwork and hoovering. In case they kill me.

On the bright side, it's time off under the duvet watching box sets and eating noodles. And it's not like I'm missing great weather, either. Bring it on, I say.

Also, I have stopped fretting about ovulation, periods, symptoms etc for this month. It's an ill wind, etc.

Wino, pmsl @ your high sperm to you ratio. Bet you slosh...

Right, off to bed to worry about Tuesday, night all.

Completely selfishly (and because I'm a nosey bitch) I want to carry on chatting with you ladies, please don't make me do this alone....

Names for new thread???

jars phew, saw a woman arrested and imprisoned on the news* for stealing a lorry of wine and duty free fags in France and was a bit concerned it might be you....

*on totally made up tv channel in my brain

Good luck for Tuesday and I hope you exit hospital with both legs intact. Hope you get the result you want. Am sure with my eternal optimist hat on that everything will be cool. Will toast you with my early morning rioja brew tomorrow morning...

However, more concerning my dear - is why, when faced with impending death you chose to hoover, unless you meant hoovering up wine, fags and any chocolate you can lay your hands on or do you just have a fucking cool hoover?

So here's a weird one, had a total freak out at the beginning of the month - totally created an arguement with DH so we didn't have to get down and dirty on a high fertile day so therefore NOT getting pregnant wouldn't be an issue? Does that make sense?? I think I thought well, at least it won't be that my body doesn't work, it's because we didn't do it? How odd, anyway, finally convinced myself to do it thank god! WTF though?!

loopy hope hormonal goes well

onemorning glad you are feeling better and are talking about IVF etc, it's only when you confide in someone you find it's actually more common than you realise! Keep us updated...

Right, back to writing holiday packing list work...