Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

jars sorry for negatory result. I tested the day before period was due - negative. No period. Waited a couple of weeks (ok days) retested and positive. I hope jaggy fanny (my new favourite phrase) and sore armpits are indications of blastocyst. Mine were tramp hands and nightmares. Morning sickness shmorning sickness.

Well done for braving the baby dust ((((hugs)))) .

loopy boo to bad news - hope you can get things worked out.

And hope there was some magic ov action going on for you wino. Come on winovaries!

Tramp hands?

Yeah I don't know what the technical term is! But the skin on my knuckles, fingers and backs of hands is bright red and raised. And in all the little wrinkles of skin there are like tiny paper cuts that constantly split and bleed. Attractive non? I have the hands of a tramp. Never had eczema or anything like that before. Quite painful as well as being massively ugly.

Have you tested again? Or have you got will power of steel?

Jaggy Fanny n. (scots) pains in uterus that feel like pokes or stiches. Use Ach I've a richt jaggy fanny likes, must be growin anither buckin bairn in there Effie

Laughing my fat arse off at Tramps Hands

Jings.

No pos test but went out for a family do last night & had 2 small glasses of red with food. I feel like shite this morning.

I feel v conflicted re having a drink. On the one hand, obviously booze is officially Not Good but on the other hand, I'm buggered if I'm going teetotal until I get that second line. I do not like J20s very much.

A year from now if I'm still peeing on sticks I may need to revise this.

Hey girls

Just checking in as I need the distraction to see how you all are...

Rara are you ok?

Jars there's no way on earth I'd give up the happy juice until I get a strong line from those fancy do posh Clearblue tests or a doctor confirms it!

I haven't had Aunt Flo visit so in theory I'm on CD35 ?!?? . I'm not testing yet as I have to be realistic whether the pill actually helped my cycle or not...AND it just doesn't seem that important compared to everything else that's happening at the moment.

Maybe I shall just prolong the testing as long as poss
Of course, I could just be torturing myself for no reason and I may as well just POAS already...
Yeah we'll see

Big love y'all.

Jars - I spoke to a women's doctor at the weekend (at a party, I helped to get her into the party spirit by crying on her shoulder for half an hour). She reckons a little drink might even help some people.

However, since I am 'a year down the line' (nearly two as it goes) I have made the decision to turn teetotal. At least until the end of the year. So I probably don't even fit into this thread any more.

I have also ditched:

Caffeine and caffeine substitutes (yes, even the decaff has had to go)
Sugar (yes, even chocolate, it's all been given away)
Any processed food
Any toiletries inc make up with parabens/other chemicals in (including tampons!)

I am paying a fortune in acupuncture and reflexology. Oh and on Saturday, I'm having a colonic.

I'm that desperate, and afraid..

Blimey Sherry that is some dedication!!!

I'm at your will power!

Okay, so...

I'm bored.

I'm marking time until Period Day tomorrow. Funny how peeing on sticks doesn't either make you pregnant or help the time to pass any more quickly.

I'm also uploading three years worth of photos onto the Boots photobox thingy, so I really am killing time. Apparently there are 4 hours left of upload time. Oops.

dum de dum de dum

Loopy, will you test already? I want to knoooooowwwwwwwww!

Sherry, crikey. I am not worthy and overawed. You are just so brave and uncontaminated. I'll be the same if I don't get upduffed soon, though.

Loopy - go on,let us all out of our misery!

++++++

I was really sad when I realised I was going to have to get clean. I found out though I have low a AMH level, so my ovaries are old and wrinkled. I'm fighting against the current..

So what I've had to undertake is an odyssey of egg quality improvement.

Don't know whether it will work or not, but I feel I have no choice.

Hey kids

Sorry Sherry but I won't get the chance to until after the week-end as I have visiting sister, etc... But I'm feeling absolutely no symptoms whatsoever so I doubt anything has happened ...

Ah well...is there some wise scottish phrase that could fit here?!!!

Neg test this morning but huge boobs with (to sound like a Thorntons chocolate box menu) hard centres. And a metal mouth. On the one hand, this show ain't over til the fat lady bleeds. On the other, who the hell am I kidding?

Loops, is your sister going to go to the loo with you every time? Can you not sneak off to POAS? FWIW I was symptom-free when I got pg, so go on, wee on that stick. You know you want to.

Sherry, for your ovaries.

Where did everyone else go?

Heyyyyyyy allll

sherry fuck me girl, that is drastic, make sure you let yourself off the hook every once in a while, otherwise it will drive you insane, I guess at least this way you feel like you are positively doing something, I get that.

rara you ok lady?

loopy good luck with the whole to pee or not to pee decision!

jars did af arrive as expected? whats the news mrs? I hope you drank the open red BTW

well, I'm on CD28 and feel absolutely nothing like normal - no sore period boobs, no period pains etc etc which I normally get, infact I feel pretty vacant really, I noticed the absence of anything? Does that make sense?

Anyway I bought a cheapo saisnburys stick and pee'd on it this morning - really really really really really faint line on positive - I had to hold it up to the window and everything. It was there though, Even showed DH to make sure I wasn't imagining it. DH wasn't convinced either so went straight to boots and bought a first response one (ok 4 actually) and pee'd again at work and nothing, a big fat fucking nothing. What's with the mind games eh?

So spent a blissful hour this morning thinking maybe, just maybe I might be a teeny bit preggers only to have it shattered again.

fucks sake!

now, wheres the gin?

jars took me so long to write that post as at work and kept minimising that I missed your post above!

as you say it ain't over til it's over! fingers crossed for you dearie :)

to add insult to injury three colleagues that I really like just asked me to go for a glass of wine for lunch and it's sunny and I really want to go and I said no because of this very very highly unlikely baby - waaahhhhhh :(

Bollocks, wino, what a drag. Hope it's just a bit early to tell. Good luck & I hope no news is good news, as far as symptoms are concerned.

CD 31 here & a tiny bit of (TMI time) brown discharge this afternoon. So either I will come on tomorrow or tonight or I won't. My last cycle was 32 days, so...

This is a bit like watching Eurovision or Wimbledon. I mean, I know there's no chance now but I just can't stop myself hoping, so much so that I went out & got pg texts on the way home.

Next month I have a laparoscopy to see if I have endometriosis, so if I get my period I could be out of the TTC game for a couple of months.

Come on, body! Hang the fuck on to those cells!

Evening all

Bloody hell sherry that is amazing dedicatation to the cause! What are you using instead of tampons? You're not braving the dreaded jam sponge are you? Or even...the mooncup...shudder.

loopy test test test! Also I hope everything is going ok in your real life horribleness.

wino I got a neg test day period was due. Then 2 days later the faintest of lines (proper hold up to the light and squint) then the next day an actual line. So I hope you are experiencing similar hpt paranoia and next time you test there's a proper line! Come on winowomb divide some cells already!

And jars rubbish preemptive period. What happens if you do have endometriosis? Can you then get additional fertility help?

All fine here. Although am doing my own head in really quite effectively. I've had a few mc so my head is filled with a constant stream of - am I bleeding? (run to toilet to check). What if there's nothing in there? What if it's died already? And am having awful mc based nightmares. So am pretty much trying to ignore it at the moment til I see an actual beating heart on a scan.

Have a brilliant weekend - I shall do a baby dance for you all in the style of a Mayan rain dance, in the hope that brings a rain of fecundity upon us all.

Also I have metaphorical gin, wine (in a box - quality), and a large buffet selection of savoury and sweet snacks.

Hi rara, good to hear from you & glad to hear you're ok (ish, you know what I mean). Best of luck. Can you get an early scan?

Still spotting here but getting crampy now. Arse. Just off to check pants.

Okay, that's me out for this cycle.

Oh rubbish jars sorry lady.

Ah, worse things happen at sea. How are you doing?

Wow 8:53 mn jars - impressive going on a Saturday! Although just looked at time and is 8:55 so not doing much better.

Hope you're all ok - I am away with extended DH family. Copious amounts metaphorical gin and possibly even imaginary crack required to get through it.

What are you all up to?

Hi rara -

Well I had a hosepipe up my bottom this morning.

Not as bad as you might think actually. It was very weird - it's only ever been one way traffic down there up to now, so having a large plastic object inserted up there came as quite a shock.

But it's over - I lived to tell the tale!

+++++++++

Thanks for the fertility rain dance. I think it has helped.

Well done sherry I think you deserve a medal for that! Do you feel any different after the Hosepipe? More energetic? It's meant to make you feel amazing (afterwards obviously!).

Yo peeps. Rara - congrats! Wino - any update? Loops - sorry you've been having bad times. Are things getting any better? Sherry - nuff respect, good body templedom! Jars - Heeeeeey! Tell me your news.

Mine is I got first ever bfp on thurs evening. Have been prevaricating about posting because don't want to be the insensitive arse who pops back in after ages with a casual oh-look-at-me. Also don't want to jinx it (only 4 days in and I'm already experiencing impressive levels of google-fuelled superstition and angst). But despite (or because of) my sporadic online skillz you lot are the only people on MN I even sort of know, and you're my favourites anyway...So I hope tis ok to share here. I may yet work up the courage to try some kind of bus but I'm not up to it yet.

Argh!

Yay! Did big long message bit crappy phone died AGAIN! But yay!