1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

Hello peeps! Fabulous new pad.

Lyra I'm so sorry to hear about your dad's treatment - but impressed with your ability to stand up for him and make things happen. I hope he'll be made all betterer today.

MTF Good luck! It WILL be fine, honest. Am quite jealous of the good drucks (although maybe not of the arsebiscuits) - I was just told to take a couple of Neurofen beforehand...

Found youse! Love the place head very swish & exotic

Troo story - when we went on holibobs to Dubai it was 1 person's job to start off the hookah pipes in the beach front bar. Ever since this has been the boyf's ideal job. Along with working in Blockbuster (film geek).

lyra I'm aghast at your dad's treatment. Or lack of. No-one is meant to become ill over a weekend, doesn't he know that . I hope he's had a comfortable night & they finally start some sensible treatment again today.

Why has it become crazy droid central around here? Despite me apparently having a droid a week early, then stopping after usual 3 - 4 days, I had another slight showing yesterday. What the merry hell is fuckety fucking going on? I'm tempted to POAS just to fulfil the total menkal.

I also read some of that fred about that total cunt missing scan due to drunken antics. I couldn't continue reading, I started to have murderous thoughts. Not quite so bad, but friend of mine her sister is going into hospital, eh, now, to have a planned c-section. Her husband is also a bit of a nob & has been poorly with a sore throat all last week so wasn't sure he'd be able to go with is wife today. My friend was on standby to go with her sister. Personally, my sisterly support ends with lending her a fiver, don't think I could cope being there if she gave birth. Anyway, I'm waiting for news.........

We're still dog-sitting at the house from hell, so scorp you have my utter, utter sympathy going to the IL's.

All in all I just lay on the bed last night & cried. Tis not like me, I usually just soldier on & on. I do occasionally give into tears & then feel better for it. But I still have the comedy little raincloud following me around today.

On the plus side we're going back to our own lovely home tomorrow & I'm going for reflexology on Sat with a lady who has special powers in the diff department. Apparently.

Pliz to all be enjoying this tray of Turkish Delight. I think you'll find its full of eastern promise.

Oh, & to those worrying about weight / diff....

I told above mentioned friend that I think my weight may be a factor. She gave very face. She had to go to hospital with her sister on Fri for pre-op appointment. They weighed sister. OK, so she's 9 months pg but she now weighs 18.5 stone. She was a large lady to start with. Always has been. This is baby no.3.

cluster & redonkulously long posting. I shall leave you in peace....

I'll just pop this chunk of turkish delight in my mouth.........

Laurie POAS!

Off for the day to take the mind off the menkul. The OM & I going to buy 19th c. Japanese print for joint 10th wedding anniversary gift

Has someone left some medjool dates? I can't stand most fruit (good job I love veg otherwise I'd get scurvy) but I can tolerate fruit if it has a sky high sugar content and tastes like it's been marinated in syrup for several weeks. Mmm.

Get that turkish delight away from me though, bleeeh.

I've just started my last cycle before we start TTC. At least this means the droid won't ruin my wedding or my honeymoon. I am NEVER usually this lucky. Woke up with crippling back droid pain at 6am yesterday morning, which was most unwelcome as I'd got to bed at 2am after an evening on the Pinot Grigio.

I'm feeling quite zen most of the time. Zen punctuated with lying awake at night considering what I might do if it turns out we're infertile. Would I go marriage-ruining menkul? Possibly.

I've made a doctors appointment, ostensibly to breezily turn up and say "Right, I want a baby, but I'm a bit worried about..." And I KNOW I'll just get sent away and told to shag without contraception. Mainly I want to talk about the Mr's phimosis and hopefully get told that he just needs to get some hydrocortisone

Just to balance the crazy droidness, mine is now back to 27 days, after 25 then 30 then 31. so it is now back on exactly the same day it was before it all went tits up. I find that kind of weird. Like it is hard wired to ruin my weekend by coming on a Saturday. Wonder if thats the end of it.

Thinking of Lyrapops and MTF this morning.

HB you should so go for Japanese ancient porn print for your gift, then hang it in the loo. Tis ours today so we are both off too. No fancy gifts as only 7 years but the boy is making cooked brekkie as I type and we will go for a fancy meal later.

LLpossibleBean P. O. A. S. (Lets Get Ready to Bundle!)

so there you go - after nearly seven days of the lightest spotting (beige, folks!), it comes - six days later than the last droid.

Pretty gutted. Would be fine if it hadn't kept me hanging on for a week, with what looked like implantation spotting, but I was very excited and so was the OM.

Starting to feel pretty pissed off: every month that we SWI, my cycle goes haywire. If we don't SWI, then there's no spotting and it's fine.

I don't even want to dwell on my real fears, ie that this is an mmc.

I have one more set of bloods to go, and the OM has to JIAP. Once that's all done we'll go and discuss with the GP.

Sorry for MeMeMe post. I'm amazed by how gutted I am. Thank God I didn't POAS the day I was due - if it had shown a + then I'd started bleeding now I would be devastated: as it is, I don't know what the fuck happened, which is probably best (I'm already feeling guilty that it came on after a hot bath for a bad neck).

Shit Bangers I'm really sorry, that crappy news. Try not to beat yourself up tho, no point feeling guilty. At least you will get some answers soon if you have started the process with the GP etc. Is it breaking BESH rules to give you a proper hug with no feffing or violence? (Unless, that would make you feel better?)

Oh HB I'm sorry

Can I sit in the pit with you and hold your hand?

I wonder if, in future months, it would be a good thing to POAS when you're due - at least then, hard as it is, you'd know one way or t'other what's going on and then that might help direct any medical intervention accordingly, if any is needed. But all that is thoughtfodder for another day so just put it on the back burner for today.

Today is all about Getting Through. Be kind to yourself m'duck.

Ps, sorry delayedappearance didn't mean to ignore you. Hope you get some (good) answers re the Mr's Mr. Zen is good if you can maintain it (i am finding it increasingly difficult)

Oh Heads. No words or violence, just a big squashy bear hug.

Aw boo, HB - that is excessively sucky. But there are far too many people proffering hugs and suchlike. Has the fred gone soft? Here, have this bucket of entrails and several karate chops to the windwipe instead. If you like you can share the entrails with Mr HB.

hb that sucks. Sorry about that matey. It is surprising how the sadness hits you, isn't it?

Okay I've caught up a bit now - Cassowary is updiffed? Bloddy hell. Well done missus.

RunLinoRun hope your Dad is feeling better soon - grrr @ evil crappy hospital.

Lorrypoo , can I borrow your aforementioned comedy little raincloud? It would fit nicely over my vegetable patch I think

I have no symptoms, not even imaginary ones 2WOOFL is shit. Especially when you have no idea if it's actually going to be 2WOOFL or 3 or 4 or WTFWOOFL. My sympathies to everyone in here who is suffering from droid-malfunction, the rusty little bastard.

PencilGirl . Take care my lovely one.

Tis shit HB, stupid cycle. Sounds like they're all haywire this month, who put something in the palace water? Hope you're distracting yourself with Japanese porn....

Sorry HB . My cycle was six days longer than the previous one too. Think Oca is right, someone is putting something in the Palace gin.

Dad not having his drained fixed until tomorrow because the operating list is full (so why did they tell him on Saturday and sunday that it would be done today?). Not only another day in hospital, but another day of yucky stuff getting into his system .

LovelyHead Im sorry to hear about the stupid cycle madness. Is Shit.

Let me plump your cushion and feed you some mood boosting brazil nuts (full of selenium) and then some dates to take the taste away.

HB sorry to hear the droid has arrived - really a head-f**K (are we allowed to proper-swear this early in the day?!) after messing you about like that

Lyra I read your posts somewhat in disbelief, are you sure the staff weren't also still in 1897? Can't believe the 'service' you got; hope your Dad continues to improve.

lyra I'm so sorry that this rubbish treatment of your dear dad continues. Once he has his drain fixed is it worth complaining? I know you prolly feel totally exhausted by it all. Take care of you & your mum & dad, x

Well, to fuel my menkal I POAS. Negative. Nadda. I swear I heard the stick snigger at me. Anyhoo, in a way I'm relieved, as if it had shown positive, coupled with the bleeding I'd have had sommat else to menkal about.

My friend's sister had a baby girl at 10 am - HUZZAH!! However, not HUZZAH for her twat cunt bastard of a husband who was not at her side. My friend was with her, & is delighted to have seen her neice being born & to cut the cord. But it should still have been her husband there. I feel so, so upset on her behalf. To make matters worse he didn't even get his sorry arse to the hospital until 1 pm. Wah!!!

How's pinning SaladCream? No idea about thermometers. I kinda wanted to start charting once, and then gave up. I guess see how it goes.

SprintLyraSprint glad your dad is feeling better. But NOT glad they are still faffing about. GRRRR

different flows for different hoes ahhhhhh

Poo Sedgwick, poo. 'Tis shit. I am so sorry. But do not go constructing scenarios in your head about what spotting may mean... When is OM going for JIAP?

Laurie, I would be angry about that bastard too, I gotta say.

Well, I just came back from HSG. It really was not that bad for me. He scared me more by saying something along the lines of: "You might not feel anything, or it may hurt unbelievably. No way of telling really." Great, thanks. Then I was doing deep breading, and both him and the nurse gave me a couple of weird looks, but it DID help. Sadly, the nurse had very small buzzwams. Yes, I did notice that. And I got a proper gown! No naked arse. They even let me keep my shoes.

Anyway, was not painful, just very uncomfortable. I probably should have chilled more, rather than freak them out by my weird breeding. The freaky bit was at the end when the not-so-well-endowed nursey gave me a towel to go and wash myself. I wondered, why the towel? And then I got to the loo and realised I had a whole Carry situation going on down there. I had that Hitchcock momen EEK EEK EEK. That was the freakiest bit. Did anyone else have that? Thanks for the advice to bring a sanitary towel with me though, I really did need it!

Anyway, mememememe. I don't really know what is in there as the chap said he had to show it to consultants and would then know, but from what he could see was ok. I have to say I did not understand anything on the screen, apart from my uterus looking quite small. And I think ovaries were wriggly. Now I kind of wish I could see it again properly.

Oh, Lyra ehm, thanks for the fibroid input, but you just left at "She hemorrhaged because of the fibroid." That is not very comforting!! I assume she was ok? Did she have to be taken to the hospital? Eeek! I did not know it could cause those sorts of problems, but I will try and find out... But it's nice you say she had a normal pregnancy...

By the way, CH wants it to be known that he came with me, was attentive, and took me to Breakfast Club for a recuperating brunch, which was great but now I feel fat! Off to watch Sherlock in bed.

oh Mountie I am sorry about the small buzzwams. That is not what your were promised...ho-hum, just another example of health care letting us down..

which segues nicely into a head stroke for lyralyrapantsonfire poor daddylyra this is shit.

Thank you for nicery everyone. And to clarify: I am in fact possessed of a British Stiff Upper lip that calls to mind a Land Girl wearing scratchy trousers, harvesting frost-bitten parsnips in the hard winter of 1941 while she waits the return of her Spitfire pilot husband. I truly truly would not make this much fuss about just having the droid: it's the awful suspense and the lateness and the hope I can't bear. I promise! I'm a brave girl. Lyra, innit bizarre that it has happened to 2 or 3 of us? Poor you, too . I wonder if the oppressive weather has anything to do with it ... no Headbanger. No, it does not.

MTF, I'm not as brave as you by the sounds of it: glad the HSG was nothing like as grim as it sometimes sounded, though what a poo-bag about the modestly-titted nurse. I think you should demand a tax rebate on that basis.

Well, our picture is pretty much the beautifullest thing ever, which has cheered me up. We actually sat in the gallery whilst a comely young woman brought pictures out of the archives. I am now feeling very faint, so I am going to go and lie and read the Joanna Trollope book I bought , and wait for the roses to return to my cheeks.

Fish-slaps all round, extra hard because you're all so marvellous.

Good God, just read post re. extra additional shittiness re. PapaLyra. I haven't the words, I really haven't...