1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

We could be REALLY daring and have a c**ping thread! The evocation of The Great Outdoors could eke out a few MSDP stragglers! Or is that too radical and taboo a notion?

Hmm, but what about the curse? What if it's bivouacing? No t**ts involved, just sleeping bags and the open skies.

What I meant was, maybe the taboo could create some ironic diffage? No, no, it's going too ar, I realise that. Unless we go on some kerazy Ray Mears/Beat Grylls TTC wilderness survival adventure, never stopping until we reach out baby (or the end of the fred)...

Or maybe we could go on a cheapsy last-minute holiday to somewhere hot and tacky, with wicker donkeys and foam parties and all sorts of heinous 18-30 crap (super-ironic, given our ages).

I've never been to one of those! Yes, yes, let's do it for my belated masters graduation. Ibiza or summat? Wasn't that the place to go when we were young?

DO IT, Mountie! Create a fred to give us one last glorious, awful, cheesy, boozy break before it's back to BESHory Towers in September!

Loving barren-menders

Dildocam and drugs for IUI start tomorrow. Feeling bit deflated about it acksherly. Although sure dildocam will be just as fun as always cho. Is this like the brownies, do we get badges for completing activities?

Stinky is this your first time - IUI that is? What's your story - if you don't mind? Oh and soz think that's me who said preggo - still getting to grips with the etiquette round these parts.

Muser I don't know you but how lovely that your scan was all good - congratumalations!

Perhaps not my place as a newbie but voting for keeping the summer theme going - there will be an Indian summer after all ;) and it's been a gorgeous scorcher here today .

Spent the afternoon looking after my super cute 13 month old nephew. I want one.

I created the last one! No, seriously, somehow I have a feeling you'd do a better job on this one, plus surely I get to kick back and do nothing while you organise the trip! (Being my graduation and all. Cheeky? Mua?)

I've never been to any of those places! Will there be girls with visible G -strings, and people that say 'pacific' instead of 'specific', and folk drinking bright blue WKD and rum & coke if they're s'fissticated? Will there be fake tan in the colours of seventies upholstery, and cheap maxi-dresses in flammable fabrics with exotic prints? And lavatories dispensing cherry-flavoured condoms? Shall we bleach our hair in streaks, and wear frosted eyeshadow?

CAN I COME?!?!?!!!111!!11!!!!

OMG, I am so going to put on my Amerrican accent for this!

I was thinking more Sunderland, myself...

(That was said in the American accent. What, you did not hear it?)

Cheeky EdieCiaoBaby. (Anyone remember that song from our youf?)

In an American accent...

And there's always a girl weeping and puking on those holidays... well, I'll be her.

I am SO going to Claire's Accessories for some fluffy devil's horns, devil's trident and giant hoop earrings Then off to superdrug for their cheapest teak-hued fake tan, shell pink glitter lippy and stick-on false nails with palm trees painted on them and then Primark for an entire wardrobe of miniskirts, crop tops, cameltoe-tastic jeggings and stilettos, all for under £15 and then OMG im guna txt u al abt it so we cn mtch LOLZ!11!!!!1!!

IBESHA here we come! (You likes IBESHA, roight?) Oh, I am on fire today! (with funny names, I mean, not actually flames. That would be painful, not to mention bizarre).

CLUB 30-40 go to IBESHA!

I'll be the one holding back your hair and painfully rubbing your back Cass.

Bigtart apology accepted but lets not have language like that again. (Apologies everyone - boring bit coming up) I've been TTC over 2 years now, had 6 rounds of Clomid, got diffed on 4th round of Clomid but a no goer, FSH a bit raised, no other problems. Awaiting first go at IUI when they have enough staff, so it will September. How are you coping with it all? It will be nice to have someone else going through it at the same time.

Any news on Gin? I hope she's ok. Been thinking of her throughout the day.

Ohhh can we go raving and have glow sticks and then go on inflatable banana rides the next day and have a full English at 3 in the afternoon and put coconut oil on our burnt bits and go home with a new tattoo and the phone number of the barman who was soooo funny and gave us free flaming sambucas but he really loved me honestly and remember that night when we went to that club and we pretended to lezz up on the dance floor and then I lost my shoe.... Can we, can we?

(Over 2 years SUCKS. I'm sorry)

OMG Scrps U iz well hot wering all that, those horns is wel horny LOL I got them nailz 2 n I look sexxxy in them.

Y is u havin IUI wen every1 nose SpunkyKev wil giv u a baybee round teh bak ov teh chippy? hes bin on Jermy Kile 9 tymes for peternty tests now innit. 2 yrs is well long - r u liyk 20 or summat rilly old?

Srsly, sorry, seriously, that sucks donkey dicks. I think a chicktrip to IBESHA is just wot u nede.

PS do u fink my mufintop lux well sexxy hangin ovr my wasteband liyk dis?

Soz the history was for Tart not to elicit sympaffy although it is gratefully received! Seriously I'm ok at the moment honest! I am planning a last month blow out but will go into more detail in new fred....

Like, I is no WAY suckin a donky dick scrp iz u MENTAL? Ur sequin thong luks the shiz I got a new Playboy bunny tat on my belly wanna see?

Hello lovely BESHes, I feel like shite, but its too early to be a sign (same stage as you HB) can someone please send over a buff captive to rub my temples with scented oils? Hope I haven't missed you all?

Weeeee! Such good new about the scan Muser Bob is going to turn out to be such a treasure, already colluding to get you the dildocam you so desire. :o I havent had one so spose that will happen in September.

Fingers crossed for LL and LadyGG, lets hope its a baybee winning month for the alliteration Beshes.

Orchid you poor thing, people really are on fire with the inappropriate comments at the moment. Eejits.

Scorps POAFS already!!

C'mon then, who's setting up our IBESHA fred? I'm doing the BESHory Towers one next (it's aaaall mine, beyatches) so I don't want to bogart the hosting, maaaaan. Get a wriggle on - these white stilettos are crippling me bunions and I really shouldn't have had that 14th WKD...

I dunno why we've not thought of being teen slags for a red before now. Let's get shagging some randomsTM (that one goes out to all the old-skool BESHies)!

HB, Stinks or Healthy. If one of you does not volunteer in the next post we'll throw you in the pool and hide your clothes. OMG tht would b sooo funnay.

Shagaluf. That's where the next fred should be hosted. Shagaluf. Or maybe Lloret de Mar. I would start it but I fear I'm not the wordsmith others are.

Am here all good fuck the fred is running out aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh....