1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

It's fine folks, honestly! 'Tis fine. And Drom you could kick me in the head with pointy shoes making grammatical errors all the while, and I would still love you madly. But if I have appeared unhealthily menkul then obviously I'm not dealing with it as well as I thought, which is food for thought. I am Disappointed In Myself, that is all.

Now let's please never talk about my vagina and all that that entails ever again .

Thanks Ocs & Stinky too

But I want to talk about your vagina.

I have a mole right next to my clitoris. Trufax. Practically a flashing neon light .

Congrats Gin that's great news!

Welcome downstairsfarming I'm a noob, too (but you done good with your research - I was still unaware of what BESH stood for until I read your post!).

For a thread that forbids such foibles, I still don't know what WOOFL is either!!!

Am trying to avoid menkul, if I was having 6 week cycle (which 3 out of the last 4 have been) then droid is 6 days late; if I'm having 7 week cycle then - you gals are clever, you can do the maths - but no symptoms of either droid or diffment - what if this is new heights of 8 week cycles? Shall I POAS this time next week?

Haven't read past page 4 - sorry. Just off out to le puuuuub for gruuuuub but wanted to say how lovely it is about mini Gin. Wonderful news.

And I also wanted to add how lovely Salty is. Yes you are! Yes you!

just popping in to say woooooo hoooo! to gingercake and the jellybaby

what the feck is going on?

have so much more to say to you all but no time as have to go straight out again. Have left gin and cava shots lined up and balanced on the back of an oiled attendant for you all.

There is many things I want to know about the BESHes, and am proud of my extrovert personality but that piece of information did take me by surprise WhyDoesSheBangSoLoudly. Oh, but I do second everyfink Stinklets said to you.

SquishedOne, so what's the longest cycle you had? I'd say you should POAS then.

Eeeek, anybody out there!? I just found a letter from the FC asking me to make an appointment with, and I quote GSCBP ENDOCRINOLOGY (SPECIAL) (B). No idea what anything means apart from the endocrinology bit! So the only thing I can think of is that my bloods came back wonky. The consultant did not tell us of any more tests past HSG, so the only think I can think of is that the blood came back weird. IF that's the case I have to say I gotta congratulate them on efficiency, I thought we would just wait till the 9th to hear all the results!

But now I am menkuling. Endocrinology means it's gotta be hormones, right? Or could it be something else blood related? I HAD both day 3 and day 21 like a year ago! And they were fine! But then my period did start playing up. And now I am imagining all sorts of scenarios! AGH. QUICK SOMEONE SLAP ME PLEASE! HARD!

I also did not have the fibroid. Maybe it's all connected. Maybe it's because I let myself be a fat cnut. And put off having kids. Fat fuking stoopid cnut.

Ok, that was a bit melodramatic. I am going to blush now and excuse for the menkul HB style. But, but, the letter is weird, right?

Easy Mountie easy.

1. Are you in the UK or somewhere else? I have a feeling you might be in the US in which case I'm not sure how your system works...

1. Yes, endocrinology is hormones. Were your blood tests really a year ago, and do you have the results from them? If so post them on here, someone might be able to shed light (altho US assays don't always mean the same as UK ones, different test methods etc)

1. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. Repeat after me: THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Ok, I have calmed down a bit. Sorry about the menkul post.

X post. sorry Role I am calming down. Must be my lack of Englishness . No, no, I am in good old Blighty, Londontown. My blood is of different origin, but I am in Lahndan.

My previous set of tests was a year ago (don't have them), but this relates to the ones I did a week ago. They did not send me anything apart from "Please call within the next 7 days." (Eeeek?)

Ohhhh, thanks for the clamps. I am feeling some kind of masochistic release. Phew.

Oh, weird, I really thought you were in Merika! I really must stop Making Stuff Up .

Ah, ok. So you had more bloods done in the last week, as well as the HSG?

Who through, your GP? I'd give them a ring in the morning and get your results over the phone, at least then you can google a bit, get an idea of where you might be headed.

Horrid though, hard not to menkul, I'm sorry.

Are you chanting "THIS IS NOT MY FAULT" ? I can't hear you

But it is! Ask Daily Heil!

Yes, after first appointment at the FC they sent us for day 3 for me (GP already did day 21), HSG, diseases, and JIAP for him. All happened super quickly, I have to say.

I did do the test quite late: end of day 4... .

Hey, how come you are online Role? How are you feeling?

Ok, apologies everyone. I just read my original post, and it was crazy! I just opened the letter, was next to my computer and I let it all out. Perhaps count to 10 next time?

Thank you for being there Stew, and for trying to decipher that post.

HB I meant I wanted to make the lovely apologies like you, not be menkul like you! (As obviously you are nowhere as menkul as I am.) Am I making it worse? Just thought that sounded like I was calling you menkul. Which I wasn't.

I think something is wrong with me tonight. Not enough sleep.

Hush fairy are you still there? Letter does sounds menkul making but yes counting to 10 might be advisable Lucky stewpot was here to apply wet fish in slapping motion.

Ah I forgot BESHies turn into pumpkins after 10pm. If its any consolation I am menkulling about the possibility that I have had chlamydia for the last 11 years (last time i did the deed prior to meeting MrB) and as a result my ovaries have shriveled to resemble extremely infertile sun valley raisins, hence no babywin. (I am pretty sure this is not medically possible but am too scarred to google it in case it is) And that I am anaemic, despite blood tests to the contrary.

And am considering going to see the NW's premier chinese herbalist as recommended by a friend which will probably cost more than private IVF in the long run.

So don't think you have the monopoly on the madness.

Hopefully you will be able to get an appointment pretty quick and find out what the shizzle is.

*scared. (never get that right)

I know, us BESHes are old and sad and have to go to bed before 10 hard working early risers.

So why the chlamydia menkul, luvver? Or the anemia menkul?

Would you like a wet fish slap? Although I must recommend CassterSugar's nipple clamps. They are a treat.

CALM DOWN Mountie. I said CALM DOWN. As Cass said, this is not your fault and until you know, you don't know. Easy for me to say. But remember you're a BESH and we heart you.

BESHes rock.

G night.

Thank you Ariadne. Yeah, I'll call them today, and stop menkuling guesswork. You are all lovely by the power of the BESH.

Have only just caught up on the thread so this is a bit late - but GivesGoodHead - those piss sticks are the type I get here and they work fine. Was v circumspect of them at first, and many a time blamed stoopid forrin piss-sticks for not showing up as pregnant - but that turned out to be because I wasn't pregnant

OK, this is really quick & selfish but I need BESH help.

Do not ask me how this came to be, but I have really REALLY bad fake tan all over the soles of my feet. Pliz, how to get it off? Normally I'd just wait, but I have reflexology on Sat at vay swish baybee promising salon, & need pristine feet.

Pliz to be helping!

Can I giggle just a little bit LaurelLeaf? I don't really know, apart from maybe scrub often till then? I think it should get better. Also, surely the reflexologist will be ok if you explain?