1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

Sorry I'm manic at work, but just wanted to wish PapaLyra the best, and give HB a manly punch on the upper arm. Oh and the new palace is so opulent and fragrant, wonderful.

Oh and Mountie I'm so glad the HSG went ok.

How dare work be so busy?

Hello all.
I?ve been lurking around this thread, hoping that I?ll win a baybee and won?t be asking you all to let me play with you too. I think after eight months, it?s time to admit that this wait is better in the company of other BESHs. I haven?t been stalking you all for eight months, that bit is just recent. Promise.
I have done my homework though:

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

Yes. Am I allowed to express a preference for Bombay & lime?

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

Gold digger wannabe

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use: a) weewee b) poopoo c) foofoo d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

c

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

a)

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

b, and follows 2WOOFL (see, I'm a swot)

6. what colour are your walls?

Off-white and exposed beams, oh, and lots of cobwebs

7. Number of pets?

3 hens, 1 cockerel, 2 fish and 1 DH

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

Alan Rickman (just his voice)

9. Lesbian crush?

Pretty ladies wearing veils

10. What are your views on camping?

I really enjoy it ? I love walking and being out in the mountains. Am hoping that with the BESH tented theme at the moment, I?ll be ok with this answer?

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on? i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it. ii) Over 100 quid iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

i) It doesn?t count if you don?t show the stick to your DH, right? Otherwise I?m in the (ii) category.

Hello Downie. And welcome, though my condolences on the eight months. Right royal pain in the twat, isn't it?

I have additional questions, because I am in a filthy droid-induced temper, my face is water-logged and pustulating, and I have latent school-bully tendencies:

1: What are your views on acronym use in web-based chat?

2: What do you call the action of unprotected congress with your sexual partner at the moment of peak baybee-potential?

3: What does BESH stand for?

4: What is the appropriate punishment for people that refer to b*y dst when wishing fertility upon their internet companions? You may identify two punishments if you wish. Extra points for sadistic inventiveness.

Disclaimer: I'm not in charge; I just feel like asking (see previous re. filthy haggish monstrous temper)

Hey HopOn the pinning was fine apart from she took about 12 pints (yes i know this is not possible) and forgot to tell me to unclench my hand before she took the needle out so it HURT. (I am normally double well hard about these things) Nothing compared to having a gallon of dye syphoned up my lala though so no contest. Very glad it wasn't as bad as previously menkulled suspected, although lack of buzzwams is NOT ON.

Lyrathon is all i can say about your pops not getting his drain fixed as promised. I hope he is doing ok.

NHS have not done well today all in all. Bastards.

HB where is the picture going to hang and is it saucy?

Lozzer sorry about the negative but at least you can stop the menkulling for a bit now (can you?)

In other news, we have spent our anniversary hunting for a new (2nd hand) car. Not terribly romantic but we have put a deposit down which scares me a bit Its a bit of a mine field when you are totally clueless about such things.

Really. And she didn't even have the decency to stuff her bra.

Now onto September 9th for out threesome appointment.

Isn't GingerSnap having a scan tomorrow?

Banger my Head I hereby bestow the Order of the Stiff Upper Lip upon you for apologizing till your tits turned blue for menkuling on the thread which is pretty much set up solely for purposes of menkuling.

A farm girl with a crush on BESHes... Guten tag meine pretty freulein... .

Oooo SaladDaze, buying a car = proppa grown up.

Decided against erotica: there are only so many painstaking reproductions of a massive swollen vulva I can stand. I mean seriously, how they would've sat down I cannot begin to imagine. Instead we have a pair of black mynah birds (cannot be arsed to Google the spelling) sitting amongst blossom. Colours remarkably vivid considering 'twas printed 140 years ago. Once I can afford to get it mounted & framed (ie in 2045) it will go in the living room where there is currently a very very undergraduate Alphonse Mucha poster...

Well, if no one else is going to talk, I will menkul. About my fibroid. I have done some research and it really does not look as inconsequential as they say. I know I should wait and hear what size it is...

Also it seems to appear in large ladies, and I am really pissed off with myself for ruining my health and being a fat c*!@t. I am just so stupid. I have always had good health and been proud of it, and what have I done? Gone and screwed it up.

Well, I am so losing weight. Fuk.

Dear headmistress

1: What are your views on acronym use in web-based chat?
Have spent months ages trying to understand some of the acronyms on this site and wouldn?t join until I have a vague idea of their meaning. In RL (see what I?ve done there?) I wouldn?t reply to anyone on the internet dating site who couldn?t spell real words.
Couldn?t be a BESH if I still thought that though?

2: What do you call the action of unprotected congress with your sexual partner at the moment of peak baybee-potential?
It?s all ?making lurve? down on the farm. Doesn?t matter when or how.

3: What does BESH stand for?
Oh I know this one.

Barren Evil Selfish Hag

4: What is the appropriate punishment for people that refer to b*y dst when wishing fertility upon their internet companions? You may identify two punishments if you wish. Extra points for sadistic inventiveness.
In current costume: sashaying up to them tinging little finger cymbals while smiling seductively, then using said finger cymbals to crush their nipples; or, loosening all they guy ropes of this lovely tent, and then leaning on a tent pole which just happens to fall in their general direction.

fairy I'm pretty sure many women have fibroids without ever knowing. Doesn't necessarily mean a problem.

I like your comforting ways farmgirl. Where is everyone? I will now study and not menkul.

Hello Farmgirl. Welcome.

Glad to hear it wasn't too bad Mountie.

Has everyone got their anniversary this week? It's ours tomorrow. Eight glorious years - yes eight . I only remembered today but I can rest assured that he did too. Maybe if droidalness has stopped he might get lucky.

I wonder how Scorps is getting on with the mental in-laws.

Ooh ooh, I nearly forgot! How could I? Little Aries Nephew is home. Home at last! I wonder how long I'll be sent the 10 baby photos per day for

Yeeeey for nephew Arial! That's good news. A while I would say. Sorry luv .

I likee this newbee

Welcome haystacks

Mountedpolice I think you have to wait and find out size before tormenting yourself with the menkul. I'm fairly sure it would have to be a reasonable size and/or in an unlucky place to be affecting things too much. And, if it IS - well, they're on it, and they'll sort it out.

Or we'll hit 'em.

Hi BESHies.

Greetings farmwench - cymbals as nipple clamps eh? I like....

mountaindew when you say you have done your research, do you mean Dr Google? I hoep not, because you'll only freak yourself out. Now come 'ere...sit next to me and we'll have a nice grope cuddle

I had a weird email today from a (very long ago, like when I was at Uni) fuckbuddy beau. haven't been intouch for years, and he wrote to me saying he'd been thinking about me and was I feeling sad, because he'd thought I was.....

Crosspost 12pt , what lovely news about your nephew. How's he getting on?

It is not my anniversary this week, I have to wait another 4 months for that. But it is both sets of parentals' anniversaries this week, does that count, am I in the club by proxy?

I am liking the idea of a BESHmob hitting the misbehaving health unprofessionals. The good ones can get Banger cakes.

What, someone else wants to grope you? Didn't quite get that Sodium, he though you were single, or wot?

HB grown up indeed, it even has 4 doors (just in case) and is a diesel (to alleviate my commuter guilt) Rest assured if I don't get updiffed by 2012 it will be traded in for something more frivolous (such as a tandem push bike)

Welcome milkmaid i like your style, had to wince at the symbol clamps, very evil, I approve FYI Alan Rickman is NOT a weird or inappropriate crush, he's luuurvley. So you might have to chose another.

saltyspoon odd that, what do you think his caper is then?

Happy anniversary arieslady forgot to ask how was your night out on Sat? Was it everything you ever dreamed a social occasion could be? Glad the nephilim is home safe and soundles. Bless him.

Right, am off to spend the rest of the evening with the boy. for some reason this place puts me in mind of Raiders of the Lost Arc.

Oi loikes the newbie but she said the t**t word! You may say fuck, cunt and twat as much as you like here, but all canvas-activity-based words are strictly verboten

Am okay at ILs - can actually breathe, which is always a help. But TYF had omitted to mention that his cousins (who are young, slim and gorg) are here with their little kids - a young sister and brother of about 6 and 4, respectively, and a baby girl of @10 months who has already tried to motorboat me and clutch at my hand with giant, loving eyes. I told him off - it made me all tearful and menkul to see the cuteness and he could've blardy warned me I'll be around little kiddiwinks all week... as well as having to listen to chat about how the baby's mum was 'really old' to have her, what with being 32 and all

Aaaaanyway, am otherwise coping. Am v happy to hear that AriesNephew is home. Give him some BESHly cuddles from me

And talking of annivs, is my parents' fortieth end of next week. I dunno whether to get them pressies or medals

Punches and lezzles to all!

Arrrgh, only just seen extra bit about our dear PapaLyra - the poor man must have the patience of a saint and a constitution like an ox to put up with all the crapness he has to deal with Big loves to him, as always.

And re: spotting and shorter droids, laydeez - mine used to be pretty much textbook, maybe a day or so of light red spotting on D26 & 27 then droid-proper on D28. BUT as soon as we started TTC, me Penny Farthing (cycle, innit) went mental - all short and spotty (like me as a teen). Why, why, WHHHHHY?

Morning!!!

mountie sorry lurve, forgot to say well done on getting through HSG, from your FC appointment triplet,x

farmgirl I like your style. Welcome to the menkal.

aries woo hoo for ariesnephew. If he's half as cute as my shiny new nephew you'll never want to put him down.

salad you can borrow my comedy raincloud for a bit, but I'm not totally done with it yet. However, I wouldn't mind a bowl of tomatoes pliz.

So, we're going home tonight - HUZZAH! Our lubberly clean, cream, tidy, orderly home, with no photos of cute babies (OK, well maybe some of nephews & god children & friend's kiddies & random baybees I'd like to steal), & no end of term finger paintings (ok, we have a nasty clown pic stuck to the fridge a la god son & a pretty sand picture of Cinderella from god daughter). Its also CD 8 / 9, depending on whether novelty droid Monday was day 1 or 2. Either way its SWI time... (desperately tries to conjure up some enthusiasm).

Haddock slaps all round.

Happy anniversay Girlie.
How's your Dad today Lyra? It's exhausting to be in and out of hospitals, so hugs for all of you & yours.
Just so you don't think I'm soft, I've left some sharp farm implements scattered under the silk cushions.

Anyone going to join me?

Sorry loobylou, I didn't refresh the screen in time. Morning!
Also, I forgot to apologise for using the "t" word Scorps. I am truly sorry and have brought amber coloured strong spirit from the duty free to get you drunk make up. Don't know what it is though

Ouch! arablefields that hurt!

Morning hags. Bonne Anniversaire Ma Cherie!

lyra lovely, go get him!

Dunno what past boyfriend's game is. Mighty suspicious if you ask me...I replied saying that I was fine thanks, looking forward to holiday fun with Mr S.

How is everyone today?

salty tis vay odd of the ex to write out of the blue. Am nosy & intrigued though....

aries Happy Anniversary! Actually, Happy Anniversary to everyone celebrating this week. Tis obviously a very popular week for it.

Morning all!

Gah!

MTF my lovely, hope you have finished with the menkulling and stepped away from the evil Google - why oh why is it so full of helpfully alarming infopinions? It particularly pisses me off that someone reads something on one page then copies and pastes it all over the internets on every fecking Q&A page everywhere so when you search you see the same (often wildly incorrect) statement 200 times.

Okay morning rant over.

I shall just leave this industrial size vat of maltesers here in case anyone gets peckish.

DaffySaffy That also drives me to distraction. It is hard to maintain the stance that something isn't based on evidence (or even medical opinion) when you see it 400 times.

MMmmmmmmmmmmaltesers, the lighter way to enjoy chocolate.