Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....

[FellatioNelson]

That I hereby declare the Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread Part 4 open for business.

For those of you who do not know WTF I am on about, read this from 2010 by way of explanation:

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

If you want to read the previous three threads for Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 search my name in the Christmas topic.

In the words of the great Mike Reid from Runaround, G-G-G-G-G- GO!

[FreeButtonBee]

Hooray!!!!

My ponceing is likely to be significantly curtailed due to a) 7 month old crawling, non-sleeping twins!! And b) building work scheduled to finish on the 14 December (and which requires us to move out early Nov). Argggghhhhh. I think I will do as much baking etc over the next 5 weeks and them do some fun shit after that!

I've made nigella's chocolate Fruit cake a couple of times and it is lush! I make it with my own blackberry whiskey (which is now 3 years old and maturing nicely) instead of Tia Maria and a bit of heather honey. The chocolate is not in your face, it more adds a dark bitter edge. I also like it because it has no manky nuts or bloody peel in it.

Both my mother an my FIL are big fans - which is VERY high praise

I also plan to make a fireplace wreath (what's the right term?) as am getting an awesome antique carerra marble fireplace. Also BIG tree.

Will be back. Twins are rampaging. SO EXCITED!!

[Guitargirl]

Edited - thanks for the drying wood tip. I may make this a (semi) poncetastic Christmas after all!

[FreeButtonBee]

Also keen to make marzipan. Recipe?

[FreeButtonBee]

bymoonlight I was pregnant last year , if you read through the 2012 thread there should be some non-alcoholic festive ideas. My fav is pomegranate juice with a dash of lime and topped up with soda - delish -

[FreeButtonBee]

bymoonlight I was pregnant last year , if you read through the 2012 thread there should be some non-alcoholic festive ideas. My fav is pomegranate juice with a dash of lime and topped up with soda - delish -

[Hullygully]

good god

that is all

[LadyBigtoes]

OMG I have to get that pastry pusher thing.

[FreeButtonBee]

we are in the Christmas section so raspberries to you

[CiderwithBuda]

Ooh. All is now right with world.

Marking my place for a lovely read later.

I love the idea of a homemade poncetastic Xmas but don't live up to it really. DS only likes aunt Bessie's yorkshires. And insists on having them on Xmas too. But I am poncetastic at heart.

Have started buying a few bits for Xmas. Biscuits etc. Need to make cake though still. Also have a ton of apples to use. Need a cooking day.

[EugenesAxe]

Fucking time zones.

I am really genuinely striving for a poncetastic Christmas this year, as I am hosting (DPs, DPILs). I have narcissi bulbs for forcing, allium heads for spraying and everything who picked up Sarah Raven's Christmas for £1 at a book stall at a Summer fete then?

My ponceometer is always middling as I make my own mincemeat and stuffing, and own this, which I decorate with micro baubles and ivy and hang on our door. This year I might do homemade foodstuffs for DS' nursery teachers as well, and really set it jiggling.

[gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn]

Yay!

[JerseySpud]

Today i am starting the stitching of my christmas cards and tree decorations...

[dialpforpizza]

Wow. I could only ever aspire to be this poncetastic.



I could foresee getting poncy for free booze though. Was that an advertised offer or did you just strike it lucky IsaacCox?

[IsaacCox]

It's advertised here dial. You have to spend £50 first though.

[dialpforpizza]

Ooh thanks

[Rowboat]

Yay!
I have plenty of time to ponce as on mat leave from end of Oct but probably no time to enjoy the results. dc2 due 21st Dec. Also this is my first Christmas in my own home!

[Fubble]

Hurray! Marking my poncetastic place and looking to catching up at lunch (assuming I can hold out that long!!)

[marssparklesdownonme]

I will be ponceing again this year. Got the hyacinth bulbs in pots in the dark already. I'll be making my Nigel Slater Christmas cake soon. Been getting out the nicest jars that I have saved for chutney making next week. I've been keeping an eye on the holly tree as its currently covered in berries. Also got a book of Scandinavian Christmas crafts on order at the library.Hurrah!

[TheYamiOfYawn]

I have just bought some nice Christmas biscuit cutters in Aldi. This will (I hope) be my last Christmas in the house of cheesy 1970s student house decor as we are building an extension and getting rid of the vile filthy red paisley carpet so next year I will be able to do nice tasteful Nordic decor in my Danish modern inspired house. At the moment, beauty is not really an option.

[HoldMeCloserTonyDanza]

Ready to ponce right here!

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

Ooh ooh can I join in? bymoonlight I don't drink but make a fab non-alcoholic fruit punch. I generally use half red grape juice, half apple juice, pour in a pan, add orange and lemon slices, cloves, cinnamon sticks, nutmeg etc (or the cheating mulled wine spice sachets) and warm it on the hob as you would mulled wine. I 'feed' my alcohol-free Christmas cakes with alcohol-free Kopparberg pear cider which makes them delicious. Haven't started them yet though

I'm really in the mood for making mincemeat right now, but suffering with low blood pressure and feeling a bit faint every time I stand up so for now I will just methodically plan my poncetastic Christmas. I'm sure next year will be substantially less poncetastic as I am due in February so will have a crawler underfoot by then so have to make the most of it this year!

[BeaWheesht]

Don't do that to me!!! It's dd's birthday today and I read your title and thought I'd celebrated it a day late!!!

[StuntGirl]

Ohhh I want to join in for my first poncetastic Christmas!

In an effort to steal all your ideas get inspiration, could everyone share their proudest poncey item or moment?

[MisselthwaiteManor]

I too have a naked wine voucher but mine was for switching energy through Uswitch, £45 of wine for the £4.99 delivery. I didn't see it advertised so it was a nice surprise.

[MisselthwaiteManor]

Ooh I'm going to go looking for the Aldi biscuit cutters, have they got lots of Christmas stuff in there already?