That I hereby declare the Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread Part 4 open for business.
For those of you who do not know WTF I am on about, read this from 2010 by way of explanation:
OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.
So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.
Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.
Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.
If you want to read the previous three threads for Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 search my name in the Christmas topic.
In the words of the great Mike Reid from Runaround, G-G-G-G-G- GO!
From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.
MNHQ have commented on this thread
Christmas
Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....
FellatioNelson · 24/09/2013 06:17
Hello, may I join you? I am 
to admit that I have lurked on the poncetastic thread for the past couple of years, but this year have decided to take the plunge and join in! Successful Poncing may be more difficult this year however, as I'm pregnant with DC1, due mid December.
Some of my poncetastic credentials:
I always make the Christmas cake (Delia's recipe) and last year had my first foray into homemade Christmas pudding. I wasn't massively impressed with the results though, so I'm looking for an alternative recipe.
I change my usual rug, curtains and cushions in the living room for ones in red, creams and neutrals from mid November, all the better to complement festive decorations.
Last year I ignored DH's singing Santa and old baubles, and scoured Wilkinsons and John Lewis local boutiques for tasteful Nordic style ones in shades of red and neutrals, supplemented by 'heirloom' baubles from my childhood.
I also made quilted stockings for DH and I from Nordic style fabric, a la kirstie (and will now have to make another for the forthcoming baby)
So far this year I have plans for pre-baby maternity leave poncing, including advance baking and freezing Christmas gingerbread biscotti and mince pies to feed to visitors.... I may be living in a dreamworld though 
Don't remember 'offering' 
but am very very happy to share.
( no intention to hijack, OP. Sorry ) here it is for anyone who wants it ................
Pre-amble
I make mid-September, leave untouched until November then prick holes all over with a carving fork (cocktail sticks are for the faint hearted lol) give hefty doses of brandy once every two weeks (so three drenches, in all, before icing)
Quantities are for 8" square tin(deep not shallow), or 9" round)
Oven temp - original instructions start at 325 and reduce to 300. Fan ovens are a nightmare for Christmas cake in my opinion, but these days I start at 160 and reduce to 140'ish.
Balance it with how fierce your own oven is!
Same applies to cooking time. Original recipe is approx 90 mins at the higher temp, then 2 and a half/three hours at the lower temp. This year I did mine (double sized) for 45 mins at the higher temp, and then about 90 mins at the lower.
You just have to keep nose tuned to the smell, and check regularly ( can you tell that I really, really hate fan ovens lol )
Line the tin with three layers of greaseproof.
Ingredients :
10oz unsalted butter
10oz dark soft brown sugar
5 large eggs -beaten
1 tablespoon black treacle
Grated rind on 2 lemons
2 tablespoons brandy or rum
12oz plain flour
1 teaspoon mixed spice
1/2 teaspoon powdered cinnamon
1 1/2 lbs currants
3/4lb sultanas
3/4 lb raisins
4oz blanched almonds, chopped
4oz glace cherries, quartered (I use 6oz, halved, as I like to find pieces of cherry)
4oz chopped mixed peel
Method
1 Prepare all the nuts and cherries first...as it takes a while.
Weigh out the sultanas, raisins and currants into a large bowl, and mix well together to break lumps and distribute evenly.
2 In another bowl (large as possible) cream the butter and sugar (feel free to use electric whisk)
Beat in the black treacle and lemon rinds.
3 Add the beaten egg a little at a time (throw in a handful of the measured flour if it looks like curdling). When you get to the last bit of egg, mix the brandy with it, and then beat this in.
4Add the flour and spices and beat into the mix
5 Add in the cherries, nuts and mixed peel, then start adding the main fruit mix. Once it gets a bit hard for the mixer - stir with a wooden spoon. Ensure all fruit is combined with cake mix.
6 Pack firmly into the prepared tin and bake in centre of oven ( see pre-amble )
7 Leave to cool in the tin for at least an hour before turning out, and then leave to cool completely before wrapping and storing.
(tip - leave the layer of greaseproof on the cake until you are ready to brandy it up)
Attributed to ........ummm....???...well..... I think it may have been my grandmother? Or Marguerite Patten? Maybe? Its been in my little red book for nearly 40 years, so your guess is as good as mine!!
Do let me know how it goes for you
I really have never had a failure with it.
I already have the Cath Kidson organiser.
BUT, last years Christmas cake was a huge failure. It was eggy . I obviously didn't cook it long enough. Oh the shame. I was so traumatised I wrapped it in foil and shoved it up at the back of the cupboard.
It's still there...
Zeeky I used this recipe last year for mince meat. T'was gorgeous. I can't remember how far in advance I made it though, sorry It does say at least 2 weeks before though and that it keeps for 6 months.
I've made a spreadsheet today. All colour co-ordinated and satisfying
Thank you for all the non alcoholic suggestions, have also trawled the 2012 thread for ideas 
So what did everyone make last year that worked really well? I'm thinking of drying oranges but I'm not sure if my oven will be any good for it.
Also thinking of pickling pears. Has anyone done that before? What do you serve them with - slow cooked ham?
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MumofWombat - I am in awe and very jealous of your crafting skills and the fact you live in OZ 
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