Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....

[FellatioNelson]

That I hereby declare the Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread Part 4 open for business.

For those of you who do not know WTF I am on about, read this from 2010 by way of explanation:

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

If you want to read the previous three threads for Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 search my name in the Christmas topic.

In the words of the great Mike Reid from Runaround, G-G-G-G-G- GO!

[ShoeJunkie]

Have almost finished knitting 24 little stockings for an advent calendar. 19 at the last count.
Hoarding interesting shaped jam jars for a candle arrangement - thanks Pinterest!
Worried that I've left it a bit late for my slow gin though

[Valdeeves]

Link the candle arrangements??

[WaitingForMe]

Thank you Ruby and Reprint!

I made a massive short-cut this year. In 2011 I started making decorations for our staircase whilst we renovated. Last year I bought lots of fake-pine garland and wrapped it around with fairy lights with a newborn. This year I wanted to pull it all together... I bought a £3.99 felt advent garland from Lidl. I feel so dirty

But there will be greenery and lights and 24 numbered things and a dozen mini stockings and a dozen mini boxes with a toddler!

[ShoeJunkie]

Val the candle arrangements are from this blog

[somanymiles]

after an hour of faffing around with greaseproof paper and an old cotton pillow case my 3 christmas puddings are now merrily bubbling away. does such a thing as a pudding cloth as referred to by Delia actually exist? and where would I buy one, assuming that next year I have another poncetastic Christmas? the pillow case was clean, but somehow unappetising.

[somanymiles]

waitingforme the last time I made a wreath I bent a wire coat hanger into a circle and attached pine fronds to it. I can't actually remember how, but I'm guessing twine, or maybe I just curled them round and it held? then I used a glue gun to add pine cones etc as decoration.

[somanymiles]

shoejunkie can you show me a picture of your finished advent calendar? DS is 2 and I haven't got round to making his yet.

[ShoeJunkie]

somany I will as soon as it's finished!

[IsaacCox]

I took a bit of a break from MN and actually got some stuff done . I now have many many jars of food. Mincemeat, mango chutney, Mary Berry's Christmas chutney, Nigella's sweet chilli jam (one jar may already be gone ) Raspberry and champagne jam (and don't forget the glitter! ) And lastly, I picked around 2lb of green grapes from the garden a few days ago and made grape jam.

To finish the jars I cut out circles of brown parcel paper and tied it with string over the lids and added a label with naice writing on.

I've also made loads of paper snowflakes to put on presents. Plus, I've made all my Christmas cards.

Still to do (closer to Christmas)-

This star Christmas tree biscuit thing (technical term . Going to wrap in cellophane with a nice bow

Make biscuit wreaths with holly shaped cutters

Chocolates with this mould. Going to do different flavours like baileys, ones with freeze dried strawberries in etc.

Chocolate spoons for hot choc I think? spoon mould here

Gingerbread house if I have time

Mince pies

Biscotti

Ice the cakes

Spiced nuts into jars

and hopefully finally turning spare Christmas cake into balls, dipped in milk/dark chocolate then decorated with white chocolate

Oh yeah and I've to wrap all the presents all poncy

Phew! Sorry for the long post! (I may try to get photos onto pinterest of some of the stuff at a later date)

[Rubybrazilianwax]

Issac I was thinking of doing shortbread trees for gifts. Do you think they would stay assembled wrapped in celephane? If it was wrapped carefully enough and then set inside a gift bag?

[IsaacCox]

I should think so. If the cellophane is pretty tight it should stay together I'd have thought? I hope so anyway

[Barbeasty]

Issac where did you get the recipe for grape jam? I've not got 2lb, but we do have our first crop. I was thinking of making a gooseberry relish, but substituting the grapes, but jam sounds good.

And if DH was to get me one Christmas book for our anniversary, which is best? I like the look of the Mary Berry one, but Nigella looks good- except I really didn't like the gingerbread stuffing when I tried it last year, and it put me off a bit.

[TheYamiOfYawn]

I have got almost all of the books for a book Advent calendar, but I still have to wrap and number the books.

On Tuesday I will get some fabric for making covered notebooks and some tree bunting. I might also make done general decorative bunting, although I saw some nice cheap felt garlands in Waitrose so I might just buy one.

This isn't really poncetastic, but I noticed that The Woodland Trust have lots and lots of free resources for outdoor winter fun which is very handy for those of us who love the idea of going out for family walks in wintery forests but find the reality usually involves bored crying children.

[TheOneWithTheHair]

Just remarking my place. Now I'm back from my 'summer' holiday and two of the dcs birthdays are out of the way, I'm going to be poncing in ernest.

I'm making some napkins and rings for my table this week and my cards are about 50% done so I'll finish those as well.

[ShoeJunkie]

Phew! I was getting seriously worried that I'd killed the poncetastic thread!

[RosieBloom32]

I'm guessing you don't work Issac

[Rubybrazilianwax]

Ok, I think I will give those start shortbread trees a go then. I have to say I love shaking up my sloe gin and seeing how it comes along!
So far I have
-made sloe gin
-blackberry vodka
-chutney
-dried and scented all my pinecones (in hotpress) have ordered cellophane bags and naice luggage labels and string.
-crocheted few hat and scarf gifts and am starting on crocheted tree decs.
-picked red dogwood branches for artistic floristy creations

[WaitingForMe]

I made two Christmas cakes at the weekend. Black cake (Nigella's Domestic Goddess) with fruit I'd been soaking for 6 weeks and homemade vanilla extract and Golden cake (Nigella's Christmas) with my honey spiced rum (made in July) instead of white rum. I felt utterly poncetastic using homemade ingredients. DH accused me of emotional abuse when I wrapped them up and wouldn't let him start one

I've got seven different wrapping papers this year. Each child has their own, one for adults and one for stockings. One for boys and one for girls for table presents. I started wrapping last week and two hours later was about 50% through without any tags or embellishments done! So glad I started early. Everything is red, free and natural (brown paper, string) except for Santa who is going for purple, silver and black. It'll be lovely but I copied the poster who was printing luggage tags and I have stamps, ink and am starting to realise what a big project this is!

[Rubybrazilianwax]

waitingforme your wrapping sounds epic! (As my dc would say) it will be worth all the effort in the end!

[leesmum]

Im wanting to re-do my wreath and garland for over my front door and need some red and white ribbon, can any of you lovely ladies point me in the right direction for a good online shop, I don't really want to be paying £££'s for delivery when I only really want a couple of metres to make into bows, thanks

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Bumping for 2kidsintow

[2kidsintow]

Thankyou.
I have a feeling I'm going to have to make my Christmas cakes from scratch this year, so that will be tomorrow's job. For the last couple of years I've made them using the Mary Berry box kits from Tesco. And have usually then made another set in the new year (one for us and one for my fruit-cake loving Dad) using kits that were reduced to about £3 after Christmas.
No kits around, so now searching for a trustworthy cake recipe.

[WaitingForMe]

I ordered Kirstie's Christmas book. It is the most absurd thing I have ever read. It would be a full time job if you made and wrapped gifts the way she seems to think is possible!

Lovely stuff but bonkers even by my standard!

[Rubybrazilianwax]

I have always been a wee bit disappointed by Kirsty's books. They look pretty but don't tell you anything you can't find on Pinterest now. leesmum eBay is always a good bet for ribbon I find

[Rubybrazilianwax]

Had a sniff of my pinecones in cinnamon oil in the hot press and they smell fab. [happy]