The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thanks for the advice. I've now downloaded the kicks count app and will start using that. Bubsy did move more after dinner last night and then at 6:30 am tis morning some definite kicks. Possibly in the early hours too but being half asleep I couldn't work out if it was real or a dream. Will monitor today. Glad your scan went well, hope your GTT comes back clear. I'm with you on not wanting a restrictive diet over Christmas, love mince pies with vanilla icecream and all the indulgence of yummy food. I bet you will be amazing at coping with two!

@Mistymeow thank you, I have had hypnobirthing suggested by the midwife. I don't want to sign up for anything yet in case I jinx it. Glad the MH midwife was reassuring. Yay for the movements! They feel weird don't they? I keep thinking it's just my muscles in my lower abdomen vibrating.

@Squiff70 glad all went well!

Morning everyone, sorry not to reply to everyone - I have been reading but work has been seriously hectic. I'm now on holiday - can't believe we have actually reached our babymoon! Really enjoying some rest and relaxation.

@TwittleBee I'm so sorry to hear your news. Life is so unfair, I hope you have plenty of support in real life

@Mistymeow gosh that scare sounds terrifying. I'm glad to hear things have settled down since and you're looking at booking some antenatal classes. I haven't booked any yet apart from a few free classes at my local hospital but really need to look into booking some. Not sure whether to go for NCT or another one.

@sadtoday21 hello March twin! Sorry I didn't reply to your questions about the anomaly scan - they checked the brain, cerebellum, spine, heart, abdominal wall, kidneys, face, placenta and in terms of measurements did head circumference, abdominal circumference, humerus length and femur length. I know someone else had already offered but I work in the NHS and pretty good at deciphering bad writing so if you want to private message me them I can have a look for you. In terms of movements, I have felt mine more strongly over the past few days, particularly after meals and in the evening. I even saw my belly move with one kick yesterday! My bump is still very subtle though and the sonographer said at the 20 week scan that she wouldn't be surprised if I was referred for growth scans due to being petite.

@Kayjay2018 sounds like a lovely way to tell him and that he'll make a wonderful big brother

@Squiff70 glad the scan went well today, brilliant news

@rubyroot please don't feel you need to leave. I really value your voice of reason and think it is invaluable on here when we can all get carried away with anxiety.

Can't remember who it was that was asking about maternity jeans, but I have some maternity jeggings from new look, they're over bump Emilee jeggings and I find them really comfy. Would recommend! The leg is quite short though, works well for me as I am short but for those more gifted in the height department you might want to get ones with a longer leg than normal.

Hey @strawberrye! I'm so jealous of you seeing kicks already! I'm still barely feeling anything at all. Thanks very much for your reply on the scan and for the offer! Have you bought anything for the baby yet? Will you have any more scans after this?

@TwittleBee there are no words, I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now. Please take good care of yourself and know you will be back here soon Xxx.

@Squiff70 congrats on your scan!! That is wonderful news.

Is anyone else feeling super emotional these days? I had a stressful day yesterday and stayed up all night worrying and then just broke down crying this morning! I couldn't stop crying and its really unusual for me. Could it be the hormones or is it all just getting too much? Please tell me I'm not alone in this. I booked myself a private scan this Saturday afterwards, not for the anomaly one (too expensive), but just for a quick peak at baby to hopefully reassure me.

Fully intended to catch up with all the posts this evening but I've not been able to read through them all... I just don't have the energy, sorry. Will try again another time.

I'm 27 weeks now... Last week of 2nd trimester and I'm beginning to feel physically tired. The last two nights I've woken up with bad acid reflux. I've propped myself up with pillows but then I get sore ribs from lying in that position... there's no winning! And my back is achey... Just generally finding it hard to be comfy. I am literally counting down the days to my maternity leave because it seems like such an effort to get through the day at work! (I have a week off next week so hopefully that should help).
BUT I am so happy Baby Girl seems to be doing well and it's all worth it for her.

Just wanted to add my voice to those asking @rubyroot not to leave the thread because of one person's comment... (I hope you've been coming back on here to read everyone's messages to you).
As the saying goes: “You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time". It seems to me that the majority of us have found your presence on the thread supportive and kind and we would love to be there to support you too. We don't know who the person was who took offence by what you said, but maybe having read these messages of support for you they might have realised that they possibly just took you the wrong way? I understand it's difficult as you don't know who you accidentally offended so you don't know who to avoid giving your down-to-earth advice to... But please don't let that stop you posting on here.
How are you, anyway?

Evening all, i haven't had a chance to read all the posts yet but just wanted to say thank you for all the recommendations for maternity jeans! I've ordered some next, Dorothy Perkins and new look ones to try on as I'm down to wear long one pair of leggings and one pair of tights that are comfortable 😂
I told everyone at work yesterday as it turned out I'm not the only pregnant teacher there and our head thought it would be better to announce together rather than about a week apart which was thoughtful of her - plus she said people were going to start guessing soon! It does feel a relief to stop trying to hide it and it's good to share the attention as I hate being the centre of it.
Anyway, had my 16 week appointment today and heard the heartbeat. DH secretly recorded it on his phone for me and it's so lovely 💕 My midwife is lovely and reassuring and is going to chase up my consultant referral so I can ask about my endometriosis and all the pains I've been getting and she's also referred me for physio.
I'm hoping I might me able to relax a bit now

Blimey, I’ve been away for a while. Work has been busy and TBH reading other people’s anxieties made me feel rather anxious as well as being very comforting, so I had to step away, get my head down and grow this little one. 15 weeks tomorrow!

I’ve tried to catch up from the other thread and on this one.

@TwittleBee And all the others. I’m so sorry. It’s bloody unfair & terrible and I wish I could hug and feed chocolate cake to every single one of you.

@rubyroot don’t let the bastards get you down! Come back

@janey15 very jealous of your bump. I just look even fatter than normal and the flatulence really isn’t helping my image!

I hope I’m getting round ligament pain. It’s been quite painful but nothing like miscarriage cramps so I’m not panicked yet or should I be...?

To every single bloody one of you. You are ALL such heroes. We’ve been through shit and all the extra anxiety and being pregnant (not exactly a bundle of laughs)! We deserve medals and push presents (God willing) @Indreamland thank you for sorting out this super thread!

@strawberrye have a lovely babymoon! Where are you taking it? I wanna go on one (if I can find a spare long weekend), I don't feel like my September holiday counts as it was full on, I was only 16-18 weeks and booked before got pregnant this time around.

@sadtoday21 it could be hormones. I've felt tearful on a few odd occasions, thankfully I was home alone so no embarrassing public breakdowns. Hope you start to feel kicks soon!

@KnitKitty eeeaaakkkk can't believe you're on the cusp of 3rd tri! So exciting! Sorry the tiredness is kicking in but it's a good sign as in normal and expected (I'm dreading it as I'm quite active plus busy full on job). When are you starting maternity leave? I gave a random date to HR yesterday just because I have to as into week 24 now. I can always change it closer to the time. Going at 39 weeks (hoping I can take a bit of annual leave first though so I finish at 37 weeks if I have enough).

@janey15 hope you find a pair you like! Let us know when they're delivered how you get on. I'm not impressed with maternity clothing options. So lovely you got the HB recording.

@Flyfisherlady lovely to hear from you. Yay for getting to 15 weeks! Every day and week further on is a great achievement and should be celebrated for all of us here. Hope the anxiety eases off. Do you have a midwife appointment for 16 weeks soon?

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm still looking out for a pregnant lady getting on/off at Woodford 😉

Can't believe yesterday I properly sorted out my maternity leave. It's still not sinking in! Feel like I still have forever to go and scared of things going wrong. I'm only doing the absolute essential things I have to for this pregnancy. I keep setting milestones, reaching them then changing it as still not accepted this might possibly be our rainbow.

Omg @InDreamland you are brave! There is no way I would be able to continue work and the commute until 39 weeks! Plus you will want some down time before baby arrives and realistically that could be anywhere between 37-42 weeks! Book the leave!!! 😜

I have five weeks left now so I will be 36.5 when I finish (I only work four days a week). I want time to sort Xmas and prepare for baby/sort the house, as well as hopefully have a rest! I plan on batch cooking a load of meals as found this so useful last time.

Yay to third tri @KnitKitty! I'm almost 31 weeks now and tired, big and have hip pain and heart burn at night.

@sadtoday21 I'm definitely a hormonal cryer so you're not alone there!

Great to hear from you @Flyfisherlady! Yay to 15 weeks already!!!

@sadtoday21 don't get too jealous- was only once and hasn't happened since! It's weird, I think I can map out where my placenta is because there are areas in my tummy where I can feel her move and other areas where it's barely perceptible which means some days I hardly feel movements that strongly and others it's more noticeable. I have never had the flutters or rolling sensations everyone talks about, just occasional muscle twitchy type jabs or kicks. In terms of buying things, we have bought some clothes and got some second hand bits from family - baby bath, bouncer chair. Might start looking at the bigger things like pram after 24w, I want to have an idea of what we want in case there are any Black Friday or Christmas bargains. How about you? I'll probably have more scans but trying to hold off as long as possible.

@KnitKitty eeek almost third trimester that's so exciting! I'm with you with the aches and pains getting more pronounced but also feeling very grateful that hopefully it's a sign of things progressing nicely

@InDreamland we chose to go to the Canaries for a few days - warm enough at this time of year to enjoy lounging by the pool but not too far away in terms of flight time etc. Very impressed with your plan to go on maternity leave at 39 weeks - I'm planning on going off at 36 weeks! I do have a long commute, long hours and challenging job and want to have some down time before baby arrives. My HR won't let me take annual leave before I go off, they say it had to be tagged onto the end of maternity leave - I guess it makes no difference really but does make me feel a bit guilty for going off early!

Does anyone else feel a lot of their movements as jabs to the cervix or bladder? Can take me by surprise sometimes!

@Kayjay2018 your son's reaction sounded lovely, he's going to be a great big brother!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue glad your scan went well. Hopefully you'll get another negative GTT result. The test is a pain but they're very quick to send you for it since the results of the big baby trial apparently.

Glad all is looking well @Squiff70! Sorry they couldn't get a good look at their spines but at least you get to go see them again :)

@sadtoday21 I'm overemotional all the time these days, you're not alone!

@strawberrye I tend to get a fair few kicks to the bladder, depends where he is sitting though. Today he is simultaneously kicking my pelvis and the bottom of my ribs.

I have four and a half weeks left at work. I'm taking maternity leave from my due date and two and a half weeks leave before hand so I'll be 37+2 on my last day. I'm off work this week because I'm at a wedding this weekend. I'm worried about travelling so far away from the hospital... I have a growth scan this afternoon so hopefully I'll feel better if all is well on the scan.

Well ladies, I'm absolutely shocked, but the hospital did finally get back to me about the complaints I raised regarding the 20 week scan. Not only that, but they are going to speak to the sonographer and offered to rescan me this Saturday morning. Obviously, this was the best possible outcome that I could have hoped for, so I've cancelled the private scan I had booked for Saturday and will be going back to the hospital. A bit nervous now, but happy that this will be a proper medical scan this time around and hopefully all will still be well. Still, nervous! Hate going to the hospital from the bad memories there so its a love/hate thing. But important thing is to check on baby boy. I am 21 weeks today.

@strawberrye you have an anterior placenta too, right? I felt some of the driving-too-fast-over-a-big-hill sensations this morning and the occasional twinges/muscle spasms too. It does feel low down sometimes, as you said. It doesn't last long though and then he seems to go quiet for awhile. Still, I live for those moments and its the only time the worrying really stops. Otherwise, I don't seem to even know he is in there most of the time!

I haven't bought anything at all yet, not one thing. I really want to, but can't bring myself to do it. I promised myself I would after the last scan, but then I didn't. Maybe if all goes well on Saturday I will get him a little stuffed rabbit I have my eyes on.

@InDreamland thanks! At least I was only crying at home in front of DH, thankfully. Are you going to take a babymoon too?

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue glad to hear I am not the only one! I totally agree with you about cooking meals and freezing in advance. Do you have any good recipes? Sounds like a good plan to get the house in order before the holidays!

Are any of you other ladies planning trips in the second tri?

@Beaglemum93 thanks and good luck for your scan today! I hope all goes well and you enjoy the wedding :)

Thanks @Beaglemum93! Am I right in thinking you've been sent back for it as you also measured big? Really hope I don't have it! I want all the mince pies and chocolate at Christmas 😂

That is brilliant news @sadtoday21! Well done for taking it further and good luck for Saturday. Regarding batch cooking I just made things like chilli, spag Bol and casseroles/stews which I portioned up and froze. I will do some shepherds pie, fish pie and pasta bakes this time around as then I have some healthy options for DD if I'm too busy to cook! Nothing fancy, just some basic hearty meals to see me through winter with a newborn. I found it essential last time and sure with two it will be even more useful to have a freezer stash of food!

That's great news that they're rescanning you @sadtoday21! Hopefully they'll be a bit more reassuring this time!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue yeah, I've had the GTT twice because he was measuring big in the scan at 24 weeks and 28 weeks. It was negative both times. I'm not sure he's as big as they think he is because I've only gained 6.6lbs since my lowest weight in the pregnancy so if you factor in the weight of the placenta, extra blood volume and amniotic fluid he can hardly be huge...

That's good to know @Beaglemum93. I have heard/read that these measurements can be hugely inaccurate... They have said my boy is measuring on the 95th percentile so lets see!!

Apologies as haven't had a chance to catch up on the last few posts. I had my 12 week scan this morning and all looks well. Baby was being very active and would not lie still the right way up. It was on its side, tummy down etc. Anyway nuchal measurement was 1.6mm so good and they said as the harmony was low risk I didn't need the combined screening.

My EDD has moved again and is now 10th May!
And yes it has its arm dramatically resting on its head as if to say oh my I'm so worn out

Such lovely photos @Kayjay2018! Congratulations on the good 12 week scan!

@Kayjay2018 congratulations on your scan, that is a very cute poise.

@sadtoday21 I'm glad you have had a response from the hospital and a rescan.

@janey15 I've had new look under bump jeans which I liked in my first pregnancy but don't feel as comfy this time. I've got Mothercare and Lidl ones which are overbump and have belt loops which are my favourites this time.

@Squiff70 glad your scan went well.

@Indreamland the important thing with movements is to be aware of what is normal for the baby and seek help if it reduces from that. This baby moves less than DD1 and DD2 but is normal for them. Does worry me at times though as it would take me longer to notice a reduction as there is more time between movements generally.

I'm 30 weeks today, had a midwife appointment today, heart rate is normal and baby didn't want to stay still for her to measure it. She asked me if the plan for the birth had been discussed with my consultant yet, which it hasn't so I need to make sure I talk to them about it at my next appointment. I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable, and had to swap who was driving the other day as I was getting Braxton Hicks and lots of pressure on my cervix which was rather distracting.

@Twitwooo, last night while turning in bed I sneezed, I nearly screamed out in pain. I'm also 10 weeks +4 But it is due to change on my 12 weeks scan.

@Kayjay2018 oh your ds sounds absolutely adorable (just don't tell him I said that as lot of teenagers I know hate that term). Congratulations on the 12 weeks scan.

@InDreamland after ds2 (were I had to be told he was dead) I was told to pay attention to your bump (baby) and make note of when baby normally moves. Every baby is different and they all have their own pattern. Come to triage when you notice a change in movements.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, I'm glad your scan went well and your dd is on the mend. My dsis in law gd and she struggled with it a lot. I have established diabetes so it is a different ball game. Not to mention restrictive diet being very annoying and frustrating at time. I don't have that and I hope you pass the test.

@Squiff70 congratulations on your scan and that you get to see them again very soon. Unless you don't like extra scans as they can bring more anxiety than they are worth at times.

@sadtoday21 I do have random moments that mostly happen after dc have gone to bed and I just cry. But for me I don't see it as weakness but a way that my body washes away negative emotions. I'm always calmer and more rational after a good cry. Pregnancy hormones makes it easier to cry.

Congratulations on the outcome of your complaint. If she gets training and uphold it, you would have saved a lot of potential mother lot of unessessary anguish.

Sorry to anyone I missed out on

@Bluebelltulip @Beaglemum93 thank you, it was playing about so much we did see a few moments when it resembled skeletor (quite appropriate for Halloween), but mainly cute, with one hand playing around it's face and using the side of my womb as a spring board to bounce off!
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue glad it doesn't look like any issues from the scan, but get your nerves about GD, not looking forward to my test but at least it will be after Christmas. I'd be lost without my roast dinner!
@Mistymeow it's great news you are feeling movements. Re antenatal classes, apparently they get really booked up around my way so was told at my booking in appointment to get my name down. The nhs ones are not near where I live, so have opted for nct as they are in my town and I hope I may make some friends (don't really have many)
@Squiff70 - after one wriggly baby today causing problems with measurements I can imagine how they manage it when there is more than one. It's great that all looks ok and you get another chance to see them so soon
@strawberrye hope you enjoy the baby moon!
@sadtoday21 I got really emotional yesterday, convinced myself today's scan was bad news, maybe there's a full moon or something in the air that's getting to us! I'm glad they are rescanning you at the hospital and that you got an acknowledgement, people need feedback when things have not gone well otherwise things cannot improve.
@KnitKitty did you manage to get any sleep last night? You must be shattered
@janey15 so pleased you managed to hear and record the heartbeat, it's so precious when you hear it. Let me know how the maternity wear trying on goes! I'm a few weeks behind so watching in anticipation
@InDreamland well done on sorting the maternity leave out, that's a big step and one I'm putting off till the new year thank goodness
@Beaglemum93 I hope you scan went ok this afternoon

My scan today went well and he is now measuring on the 71st percentile. The consultant said he couldn't be doing better. He is also still head down so I'm hoping he'll stay that way! He weighs approximately 4lbs 14oz they think now.

Sorry you're getting uncomfortable @Bluebelltulip. You don't have long to go now!

@Beaglemum93 that's amazing news! Brilliant :)

I'm so far behind on this thread I need to do a lot of catching up. I got kicked 4 times in a meeting this morning (by my baby, not a colleague!!). So that's very exciting. Hope you're all doing well xxxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue hmmmmm it is a random date plucked out of thin air because I have no idea what to expect plus I'm still not letting it sink in that Bubsy might actually be okay and be a happy healthy baby we can bring home. I will get the annual leave booked in. Central line carnage tonight, have been pushed and shoved getting onto the train, couldn't get near the seats, then at Stratford pushed by someone keen to get to the seats, he sat down but then had to get up for me anyway. There are some right selfish idiots on the tube. I can't believe you're so close to finishing work now. Nice that you'll have time to prep Christmas and do batch cooking.

@strawberrye any leave you've already accrued you should be able to take before mat leave, anything accrued during mat leave you can tag on at the end. I intend to take accrued annual leave to use it all up before mat leave starts then what I accrue during mat leave I'll tag on at the end to get 13/14 months off. I'm getting the message from you and @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue though that my plan is somewhat flawed. The Canaries sounds good. I'm not sure we'll be able to fit it in now though, really busy up until Christmas.

@Beaglemum93 wow you're so close now too! We're so close to getting more babies on this thread!!!!! Eeeaaaakkkkk! Good news on your scan!

@sadtoday21 fantastic response to your complaint! You go girl! Great that you can get a scan on Saturday! I really want a babymoon, just don't know when we can fit it in. I'll be gutted if we can't even do a short weekend break.

@Kayjay2018 great news on your scan and lovely cute photos!

@Bluebelltulip thanks for the advice. How long did it take you to work out what the pattern is? You're another so close! All these rainbows on their way!

@Notnowokay thanks for the advice. This thread is so great, everyone shares helpful info.

@ChikiTIKI isn't it lovely being kicked! I love that feeling as odd as it is.

Hello all just thought I would pop in and see how you are all doing. Haven’t RTFT but looks like you are doing well x

@ReeRi good to hear from you, how are you getting on? I keep popping into TTC thread and sad to see a few new members, hoping you get your BFP soon.

I can't keep up with this thread! 22+6 now and my work have pulled my promotion mid way. They've blamed my billings against target but I know deep down it's due to my pregnancy. I can't be arsed to fight it because I don't want the stress and anxiety whilst I'm pregnant but I am cross - it's so unfair and I've worked so hard. The industry I work in is still so backwards in terms of gender pay gap and equality and since getting pregnant with no1 my opinion of the company I work for just keeps going down.