The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

@TwittleBee I am so sorry to read your update. After the year you've had I can't believe life continues to be so cruel. Please be kind to yourself and lots of rest and self indulgence xxx

@InDreamland great you're feeling more movement as well! I know it will still worry you when you've not felt anything for a while - our little tink seems to instantly react to Diet Coke so I keep a can for emergencies!

Baby shower was very painful - lots of pregnant ladies whinging about the "delights" of pregnancy. I suppose I did with my last as I was so hampered with PGP and GD but this time I just can't really stand to be around people who are like this, they're all having very straightforward pregnancies as well.

It's been a beautiful day here so we've been for a 17 mile hike with the toddler and the dogs. Completely over ambitious on my part and although I managed it, my pelvis and my back are really hurting now. Going to finish bathtime and bedtime and then soak in a fairly warm bath for a few hours 😴

Welcome to the group @Notnowokay 💜

@Bluebelltulip sorry you're at a difficult stage in this pregnancy. How are you feeling this week?

@Yukka thanks for the lovely update - I can't wait for cuddles and smiles!

@KnitKitty thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one worrying about bump size! Part of me is surprised by how big I feel already and then I get worried it seems smaller. I'm definitely still getting bloated so that makes it harder to tell.
Lovely bump picture! I'm so proud of my body that it's actually managed to get pregnant but my old body image issues are definitely on my mind a bit which seems ridiculous 

@Twitwooo sorry you've been poorly  How are you feeling now? I had a couple of episodes in the first trimester and the cramping totally freaked me out until I realised it was my digestive system 

@Mistymeow god that must have been so terrifying. I really hope you don't have to go through anything like that again. I'm feeling pretty nervous for my 16w appointment on Wednesday for that reason.
Re: eczema - I get it very rarely but the fertility treatment hormones always made it flare up, maybe with the stress too?

@Dimblebimble I know what you mean about associating certain things with having 'caused' previous mc's. I still can't go on the beach where we walked a few hours before mine started. I think subconsciously I knew something was going wrong because I picked up a white pebble. When we move house we're going to plant a tree and bury the pebble.

@rubyroot another one saying please don't leave the thread! I have greatly appreciated your advice and reassurances 💜

@InDreamland glad you are beginning to feel stronger movements now.

@TwittleBee I'm so sorry to read your update. It's just so unfair. I hope you'll be back with us soon for the full 9 months.

@frillyfarmer I hate baby showers too. Horrible to see pictures on FB when you can't conceive.
Crikey 17 miles!!! I love walking but that distance makes me ache at the best of times! We just did 1.7 miles with our dogs and it felt like a marathon.

I can't believe how far behind I'd got and how many posts I had missed. I did try to stay off MN for a bit as my anxiety is pretty bad as my 16 week appointment approaches. I've been reading a bit about pregnancy after infertility which is helping me to understand my feelings a little bit more.

I'm still getting lots of mild cramps, stabbing pains as well as what I think is typical round ligament pain so I'm going to write it all down and ask the midwife about it. Then yesterday I stood up after lighting the fire and stepped hard on my poor dog's tail He obviously screeched and I jumped and had a really sharp pain in the side by my hip bone. Again I think it's ligaments but can't help but worry. Just want to get my appointment out of the way on Wednesday then I'm going to tell everyone we haven't told yet as I'm fed up of trying to hide it and feeling self conscious.

Can anyone recommend any maternity jeans or trousers that they've liked? I can't wear any of mine now without being really uncomfortable but the only shop that stocks maternity clothes near me is Jojo and they don't have very good reviews on their website.

@sadtoday21 go to the GP (or phone and ask them to print you the blood form) and ask for an antibody test to see if you're immune. There's an immunoglobulin they can give if you're not which can greatly reduce the risks if you had been exposed and are non-immune. Very much hope you're already immune - chances are you are. Just to reassure you, the risks to the baby at over 20 weeks are much less than in earlier pregnancy, and the overall risks are relatively small anyway. But totally understand the worry. On a more positive note, how lovely to have some flutters!

@InDreamland aaah that's lovely, I bet your DH was thrilled to feel some kicks! Happy 24 weeks 

@frillyfarmer 17 miles!! Wow. That's a hell of a yomp! Hope the soreness has eased up. Sorry you had to endure the baby shower and people grumbling about pregnancy.

Woken up to some one-sided pain, more like a stitch than cramping but low down. Trying to reassure myself that it's stretching pain but paranoia has definitely ramped up to top level.

@Dimblebimble congrats on the low risk results, getting those is just another hurdle to get over isn't it?
@TwittleBee I am so so sorry to hear your news. There is nothing anyone can say to make this feel any better so just make sure you are kind to yourself and take as much time as you need to grieve.

@Beaglemum93 glad your GTT was negative - I'm not looking forward to having one later on
@KnitKitty you have a lovely shape bump! I cannot wait to get one, mine is tiny tiny first thing and then bloat occurs throughout the day - eek. Ps you are very organised thinking about Christmas cards
@Twitwooo are you feeling any better than over the weekend?
@Mistymeow sounds like you had a stressful time last week, I hope all is calmer now
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue hope the scan goes well today
@frillyfarmer well done for getting through the baby shower, I have never been to one (probably due to being a bit of a loner, I've never had friends to invite me!) I won't be having one myself. I'm in awe of your 17 mile hike. We have 2 dogs and I am managing to get out for a walk (probably about 3 miles) and I'm pooped after that.
@InDreamland Yay for DH feeling movements, they must be pretty strong to feel them from outside! I'm so pleased you are reaching 24 weeks today.
@sadtoday21 do you have a triage midwife number to call for some advice? Are you able to work from home?
@janey15 no recommendations on maternity trousers though I will be watching with interest as 16 years ago you were not supposed to be tall and pregnant and I really struggled. Oh and I have trodden on the dogs paws lately (seems to be under my feet) and our Doberman actually fell off our bed at 2:45 this morning bless her, woke us all up and I had to do a full check over and make sure she hadn't hurt herself. She slept in her bed after that.

So I was 12 weeks yesterday (by scans), 12 weeks tomorrow by dates. Today is the day we are going to tell my son, wish me luck, not sure how a 16 year old boy will react. I have my nhs nuchal scan on Thursday morning so am going to caveat that things can go wrong. This way we can tell our parents at the weekend after our private scan on Saturday. Nausea seems to have gone away (for 90%of the day) so hope all is ok and things are just progressing. Sorry if I missed anyone's updates

@Frillyfarmer sorry the baby shower was painful. I really would have given it a miss. A 17 mile hike!!!! Goodness I would definitely not manage that now. You must have slept well last night.

@janey15 they do sound like round ligament pain but I totally understand the worry as I was the same. Strangely since about 17 weeks I don't think I've really had any. When is your mw appointment? I'm struggling to find maternity jeans that fit properly because I am so short. Got a pair of jeggings from ASOS which are regular length and I just turn up the bottoms a couple of inches. Don't get under bump ones, they just fall down.

@SunshineCrocodile probably similar to janey15 with round ligament pain but it is such a worry, every little twinge will panic you. Try not to worry but follow usual advice, if it gets really painful and/or there is any bleeding go to EPU/call midwife.

Ladied, panic has set in again. Bubsy did move yesterday but kicks were not the strong ones I'd been feeling since Friday. Normally after dinner I get some movement but pretty sure didn't get much last night. Nothing this morning either. Am 24w today. The advice is to monitor movements and kicks from 24 weeks. So questions:

1. Is it a change/decrease in frequency of movements and kicks over a 24 hour period?
2. Is it a change in strength of the kicks?
3. Is it a change in the times of day?
4. What else do I need to monitor?

I know all I seem to do is find things to worry about but I am panicking now.

@InDreamland advice may have changed since I had my son so long ago, but apparently having a really really cold drink and then laying down should make little ones move as the cold drink moves through you. Are you able to call the midwife for a quick check up? Also at this stage I think they have a bit of room to move around, so the part that was kicking/head butting you may have moved elsewhere so it feels less intense.

@Kayjay2018 hope telling your son goes well. How are you feeling about your upcoming scans?

Thanks @Kayjay2018, I think I am getting some faint gentle movement now but not a lot and not strong. I will monitor until lunchtime and call midwife for advice if I don't get anything by then. Hopefully Bubsy will react to breakfast when I get into the office.

@InDreamland slightly nervous about Thursday, I know risks are less than 2% but someone is that 2%. I'm trying to stay positive as there is nothing else I can do really.
I had a consultant appt yesterday he wants me to continue with the aspirin and says I'm seeing the best consultant in 2 weeks (I'll be 14 weeks) she will organise my scans to check baby's heart is ok and stays that way. I'm off work with my son today and tomorrow and hoping that makes Thursday comes quickly!

@InDreamland, I've been wondering about the Kicks Count thing too. Do you go in for 'reduced movement' if you don't feel them move for 6 hours? 8? 10? I have no idea.

I have my anomaly scan (at 19+2 - routine scan with the consultant but been told he'll do the works) this lunchtime and I'm going to ask him how long to give it between movements.

Wish us luck please. I'm terrified. We lost our previous twins, our son and daughter, at 19+2 or 19+3 or today is all the more poignant.

Checking in quickly just to wish you all the luck @Squiff70. I hope everything goes well and offering you a virtual handhold for today xxx

Oh @Squiff70 such an important day for you. Best of luck. Such a scary milestone. It sounds like your care is excellent. I've got everything crossed all is ok! Xx

I've missed loads again!

@rubyroot please don't leave, we're all here to support each other on this thread and as others have said we sometimes need someone level headed when we're spiralling!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue sorry your DD has been unwell :( I really hope you don't catch it!

@Frillyfarmer I'm impressed you went to your friend's baby shower even after she was mean to you when you were going through your miscarriages... I'm completely with you in not being able to stand people complaining about the "joys" of pregnancy. It annoys me that people don't seem to understand how lucky they are! Also a 17 mile hike! I'd be sore after that even if I wasn't pregnant!

@InDreamland that's so exciting your DH felt a kick! In some ways I feel sorry for the fathers because they miss out on feeling all the kicks. Congratulations on reaching the 24 week viability milestone!

@sadtoday21 chicken pox are contagious until the spots crust over so I would avoid work if you can until the last person has reached that point. You could ask your GP if they'll do the test to see if you're immune or not.

@TwittleBee I'm so sorry for your loss :( it is just so cruel after what you've been through. I really hope you're back here soon x

@Kayjay2018 good luck for your scans this week and with telling your DS!

@InDreamland and @Squiff70 I think if you're ever worried about reduced movements you should ring the midwife. I've been to the PAU loads of times with reduced movements and they've always checked out everything is ok and told me I've done the right thing coming in. I personally start to panic if I haven't felt him move in about 2 hours now (this time was much longer before 30 weeks) and call the PAU if it has been more than 4 (again, this time was longer earlier in the pregnancy). You need to get used to what is normal for you which is the hard part.

Good luck for your anomaly scan @Squiff70!

Sorry I'm lousy at keeping up with this thread. Apologies to the many of you I've not mentioned - I'm reading along but not finding time/energy to respond to everything.

@Janey79 I like GAP under bump jeans and Love Leggings for maternity leggings. I have an annoyingly sized bump that is definately too big for normal trousers (even with the elastic band trick) but not big enough to stop some over bump trousers from falling down.

@rubyroot I personally appreciate a reality check when my anxiety is running away with me, it's one of the reasons I post here. Please don't feel you need to leave the thread.

@TwittleBee so, so sorry to read your update. I hope you've got some good support in real life. Take all the time you need, it's a brutal process.

I've not been very active on here, still struggling to accept what's going on, only managed to tell one person so far who isn't family! Although I swim twice a week with friends who must be polite, blind or have figured it out because I have a definite bump growing! Still reading all the posts and appreciating others going through this anxious time. Definitely makes me feel less alone.

Another apology from me for not keeping up with the thread. I'm still very very tired (10 weeks) so I read posts and then tell myself to reply later but end up falling asleep!!

Thank you everyone for asking after me, I felt horrible and was in bed for most of Saturday with a bucket next to me. On Sunday morning the burning feeling and pain subsided a little bit and by lunchtime I was much better. I got very close to asking dh to taxi me to a and e but said I'd give it another day and glad I did. I'm relying more on the gaviscon now, I think most of this uncomfortable feeling is actually heartburn even though it isn't going up my throat but rather down my gut? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Went to pick up dd from pre school this lunch time, sat on a bench having a snack. She finished and wanted to go play at the play park. I say ok, get up, take a step with my left foot and nearly fall over. Round ligament pain!!! Zap all the way from my private bits to the top of my uterus. Lasted ten effing minutes during which I couldn't chase her around. Then a nasty looking cloud appeared and we couldn't get home fast enough as I was limping still. Got soaked! 🤪 bad timing. Must remind myself to go slow when getting up I guess.

@TwittleBee so sorry to read your update. 

@Squiff70 handhold - I hope it went ok. A very important milestone for you

@rubyroot running the risk of just repeating what everyone else has already said, don't let one post by masked user deter you. We're all here to share experiences and advice and that's exactly what you have been doing. You've done no wrong.

@Squiff70 I hope today went well for you, it must be very tough hitting those milestones. I hope you get some answers about kick counting
@Navy123 I agree that hearing from ladies in similar situations and with the same anxieties makes me feel less alone too. In a way I'm luck to be quite a bit behind some of you as you are raising and answering queries I know I will have later
@Twitwooo my favourite movements for getting those pains are (embarrassingly) getting up off the loo and rolling over during the night, they get me good and proper
@rubyroot please don't leave this thread, you ladies have all helped me keep sane over the 8weeks since I found I was expecting. You answer questions I haven't got to the stage to answer (so store them in my memory bank) and only ever can answer from experience or opinion. None of us profess to be doctors, we are here, I think, as a big group of anonymous friends and I like the fact everyone can say what they think. Whether people choose to listen to that advice is down to them. I hope you choose to stick around.
Well DS has been told. I broke the news to him completely unglamorously, in my car at the petrol station. I gave him the envelope with our 10 week scan photo and asked him to open it. Bless him he had no idea what it was so I told him I hoped it would be his little brother or sister. He just kept saying 'oh wow'. I've told him that just because a lady gets pregnant sadly doesn't always mean a baby at the end of it and that I will be happier after our next scan. He seems to understand and is quite chuffed. Apparently he needs to get them into Lego as soon as possible and will have a root in his cupboard for some old baby soft toys of his. I also have his word he will help out loads once his GCSEs are over in the summer (am currently due on the day of his first exam!)

@Kayjay2018 it's natural to be nervous for Thursday. Glad you're trying to stay positive. Hope time goes fast for you until your appointment.

@Squiff70 hope it went well today. I have no idea and same question as you about the movements, what did your consultant say?

@Beaglemum93 thank you. I might call tonight for advice. It's just that at only just turning 24w I don't know what "pattern" or "frequency" movements and kicks should be at. I have definitely had movement and kicks today after the journey in this morning. If I'm supposed to notice a pattern then over what period of time do I establish that? Bubsy has moved and kicked today but just don't know if I should be worried it's not at the same times as the past few days. I'm so confused.

@TinyPaws how are you apart from tired?

@Navy123 hope you will soon feel more confident about this pregnancy, it is hard though. We're all here for you if you need to just put your feelings down somewhere. When is your next appointment/scan?

@Twitwooo oh no, heartburn and round ligament pain, I feel for you! Then to get soaked too. Hope you're resting up now.

@Kayjay2018 what a lovely way to tell him and he sounds like he will be a lovely big brother when baby is born.

Round ligament pain is a killer @Twitwooo!

Hope all went well today @Squiff70. Thinking of you xxx

I'm sure they say no need to count or look for a patten until 28 weeks @InDreamland. Ultimately though, I think if you have any concern or instinct something isn't right you should listen to it and go get checked. I would always rather be annoying than not bother!!

Your son sounds really lovely @Kayjay2018. I hope Thursday comes quickly and that all goes well.

Please come back @rubyroot!!!!

@TinyPaws and @janey15 I'm definitely an over the bump kind of girl for maternity clothes! Will check out that leggings place though as I am at the stage where comfort is now paramount and trousers/jeans aren't my friend!

So my scan today went well. No excess fluid. Baby is fine but measuring big. 90th percentile big! I was asking loads of questions but the sonographer said "to be honest we would worry more if they were measuring small at this stage." So I feel better. However I am being sent for another GTT and so my anxiety has shifted to me now having developed GD since the last test. Stupidly because I don't want a restrictive diet at Xmas!!!! In other news DD is on the mend but I am shattered from lack of sleep. Starting to worry about how I will cope with two!!!

@TwittleBee I am really sorry to read your news. I know you've had a terrible time. Take all the time you need.
@Squiff70 I hope it goes well, I have mine in 3 weeks and I think this is the most nervous I've been. It's really good that you are getting looked after by a consultant, I hope they reassure you lots.
@InDreamland no idea about kicks but I think it's a fair question to ask your midwife. I did read that you are quite early to see a pattern but it's good for you to know what to expect. Have you thought about hypnobirthing? It sounds sensible for people who are anxious, I'm considering it.
@SunshineCrocodile thank you, you were indeed correct and they were lovely.

Sorry I've missed a few people here but hope you're all managing ok. Anyone thinking about antenatal classes? I want to meet some pregnant ladies!

I had my appointment with the mental health midwife today and she was so reassuring. They've signed me off back to the community team, but I can see them if I'm not doing well. She listened to the heartbeat on the doppler and she said baby is moving around so much, because I'm slim it's very obvious. I can feel it now she's pointing it out! So sweet. She also pushed for a consultant to scan me at the 20 week appointment, so that's booked now (for our wedding anniversary, eek!)

Take care everyone x

also congrats on your scan @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue but I'm sorry you have to repeat the test. It sounds like they are just being super careful but I can understand the worry. He sounds really healthy and I bet you can't wait to meet him!
@Kayjay2018 what a nice big brother! Good luck for your scan, I'm sure everything is just fine.

Thank you so much ladies!

Sorry for the selfish post but I only have a couple of minutes - I'll catch up with you all in a couple of days.

The scan went as well as it could. Both babies are looking good and all their organs and limbs etc are present and correct. They were so active that the consultant couldn't check their spines so we have to go back in two weeks for them to check those. In my relief that they're both ok I totally forgot to ask about the Kicks Count thing. I'm seeing my midwife next week so I'll definitely ask her then.

So sorry for the short, selfish post. I'll catch up properly later in the week, promise!

Great news @Squiff70!! And on the plus side you'll get to see them again in two weeks and pass another milestone! Hope you can relax a bit this evening xxx