The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

I’m ok thanks @Frillyfarmer AF is imminent but it will be a relief as I get terrible PMT!

Sorry about your promotion. The organisation I work for are the other way - the three of us who were promoted this year had all just returned from mat leave. I think we’re in the same profession maybe. You’re right to concentrate on yourself and baby now though, that’s the most important thing.
However if you did want to fight it on grounds of discrimination you would probably have a case! x

Evening everyone.

Well, I made it. 19+4 which is a day or two longer than we got with our previous twins

Here are our two littles ones from our anomaly scan on Tuesday. One boy, one girl. The boy has 'boy' written under the pic.

@squiff70 What gorgeous scans and thank you and others for all the comments..

I should thank you all in person but zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sorry I flounced off like a spoilt brat, I did intend not to come back, hence why I have a completely different username.
I guess I was just shocked and upset that an anonymous poster thought I had been minimising 'everyone's' concerns and thought I had clearly offended a lot of people on here.

Sorry too, if I use my own experiences or friends experiences as part of my posts.

@TwittleBee I don't know if you're reading this, I know I lurked a bit after my miscarriage and then was lucky enough to come back. I am so sorry about what you are going through, it's really hard. I guess the only thing I can say is sometimes the journey we have to travel to get here is really tough, please don't give up hope. I know you're grieving currently and probably don't even want to think about what next. I wish you all the best in your recovery and the best of luck for your next steps.

I've read quite a bit about big babies on the last few posts, my pregnancy with my toddler I spent worrying I had gd (I never did) as he was in 65th percentile for head and something like 70th for abdomen.
Well I've had my 20 week scan (at 19 weeks and 3 days) and this one is 90th for head, 95th for abdomen and 50th for femur. So although my worries about gd never came to fruition, I'm worried again.

I've seen some great scans on here @Squiff70 unfortunately no decent pics from me as baby going absolutely mental as he has done on all the scans so far! My other one was so well behaved on scans. He however was head down whereas this one is transverse. Apparently second pregnancy uterus is bigger than first and so baby has more room, which might be why he's able to fit transverse and wriggle around.. Who knows.
@sadtoday21 that's fantastic news about your re scan, I'm having my anomaly with NHS tomorrow, but I have already had my private, so will be interesting how far apart the measurements are.

And the tooth drama continues. So I have had my root canal started. Altogether Ive had some emergency treatment at 10. 5 weeks which required local, bit of root cleaning. Then two appts for root canal (1 1/2) hour appt at about 16 weeks and then an almost 2 hour appt at about 18 weeks. Anyhow the dentist is only just through dentist school and was so bloody slow, she had only just fully found the roots and cleaned them. She also had another dentist in the second appt to help her and tell her what to do!! The next two hour appt was to shape the canal and fill it.

Anyhow last appt she was so rough with the clamp, she couldn't get it off and clanged it really hard on my teeth, I would say she did this about 6/7 times. I remember thinking that it was amazing my tooth was still in one piece. Anyhow fast-forward two weeks and I'm say eating and feel quite a bit of pain sear through my tooth. Felt my tooth with my tongue and discovered a crack going all the way from bottom to top. No doubt it was made in my appt and skoy got worse/widened. I googled and read that if crack extends to gum unlikely to save tooth so rang dentist for possible extraction.

They were saying i had to see the same.
dentist! I said that I had absolutely no confidence in her extracting a tooth and luckily after several ohinecalks they git me in for an emergency appt and an EXTRACTION. Dentist agreed tooth would need extracting and I could make an appointment, I was like noooo poo just get it out. She said she thought I might want to think about it?! I said there's nothing tk think about is there? She said we'll you might want to get prepared?!
Anyhow, I sid no please just take it out and so luckily ( with a cracked tooth and partial root canal treatment done) it came out in one pice with all the roots intact. Phew. It's a beast its my second to back molar. So now I'm a bit cheesed off as I could have just had it out when I had my first local. Nevermund, done now. I'm just praying I don't get dry socket now, which apparently is extremely painful.

@Indreamland I was going to take mat leave at 39 weeks. I ended up taking it at 36. 5 weeks due to being so bloody big and was getting a really painful bump from walking around etc. Some women do carry on to the bitter end though. I also didn't end up having mine til 42 weeks either! Needless to say even though I told work in advance I was taking it earlier than expected they were obviously not happy, but I think absence in teaching can often be a nightmare as it 'inconveniences' so many people--other teachers, students and parents etc.

Felt quite a substantial kick today when I was rolling around on the bed trying to get my toddler into his nappy and get him ready for bed after his bath. Its so much harder to get the little wriggly thing when you're pregnant and he's so bloody strong. Anyhow think the other baby was super cheesed off, hence the kick. He's like stop rolling around.

Heres the best pic from my scan at 20 weeks. Sorry for the huge post and extremely boring story about my tooth. Hopefully this is now the end of teh tooth saga.

Don't thinj I can post pics yet as I'm a new user.

@Rubyroost!!! Yay! I have no idea who that anonymous poster was and since they have been back I wouldn't worry about it! Glad your tooth is ok and your scan went well. My baby boy is currently measuring on the 95th percentile for everything! Even the sonographer said to me "you're having a c section, I wouldn't worry"!!! 😂

@Squiff70 amazing pics and amazing news! I loved your crying - I cried watching Going On A Bear Hunt with DD the other day. In my defence I forgot they had weaved in a storyline about grandad dying that isn't in the book! But yes, emotions all over the place!

The central line is horrible @InDreamland! It's one of the reasons I went off at 36 weeks last time and why I'm going at almost 37 this time. I think people are generally ok once they see the bump or badge (which i still wear as when you're getting on it's so crowded people can't see the bump!) but it's the getting on and getting to a seat. I worry so much about getting knocked or pushed and it's just so stressful. Definitely book some leave or arrange to work from home for the last few weeks. I'm going to chat about changing my hours next week to avoid rush hour.

I've been getting some painful Brixton hicks too @Bluebelltulip. What do you think you will do for your birth plan?

Great news on your scans @Beaglemum93 and @Kayjay2018!

Also loving all the updates on movement! Glad you're feeling baby now @ChikiTIKI!

That's awful of your work @frillyfarmer! Do you have an HR dep you could ask about it all? Doesn't have to be stressful but I would definitely report it or chat to someone about it, it's shocking they can get away with stuff like that.

Hello @ReeRi. How are you doing? I hope you are bearing up ok and above all, I hope to see you here soon. Lots of love and luck to you xxx

@Beaglemum93 congratulations on your scan.

@Squiff70 lovely pictures.

@InDreamland I started to notice a pattern which gradually increased from 24-27 weeks and is now fairly stable.

@Frillyfarmer sorry to hear about your promotion falling through.

@Rubyroost my second was very active and made scanning difficult too.

@ReeRi hi, I hope you are doing ok.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue my preference is to be induced around 38 weeks.

Woken up with a sore throat and headache this morning, drinking honey and lemon tea and watching a film with DD, don't think I'll do much today.

@ReeRi hey, how are you doing? Nice to see you pop in. I keep lurking on the TTC thread and have been wanting to come over and say hi but it seems sadly like there are lots of new names so felt perhaps it wasn't appropriate. Really hope you're holding together ok and that you get your BFP very soon.

@Beaglemum93 great news about your most recent scan, I hope that gives you some reassurance. Not long left at work for you now, how exciting!

@sadtoday21 that's brilliant news about the rescan, I hope tomorrow brings you lots of reassurance and is more like the scan experience you were hoping for. And yes I have an anterior placenta too, but I'm hoping as time goes on the movements will become more pronounced. Getting the stuffed rabbit is such a lovely idea for after your scan. I have bought some baby grows and DH and I have started a routine where every Sunday we read the weekly milestone update (you know what your baby measures at x weeks, what's changed development wise) and DH gives me one of the baby grows with a little poem about it. He's such a sweetie! Obviously will be really bittersweet if anything did happen to this little one but I figure I'll be heartbroken regardless, and this is a lovely way for DH and I to bond with our little girl ♥️

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm planning on batch cooking a freezer load of stuff during maternity leave before baba arrives too. I'm feeling weirdly excited about it and giving the house a good clean etc. I guess it's a form of nesting?

@Kayjay2018 beautiful scan photos and such a funny pose!

@Bluebelltulip congratulations on getting to 30 weeks! It seems like it'll be no time before we have some thread babies but I guess time always seems to fly for other people's pregnancies but drag for our own! Sounds like you are getting uncomfortable and now a cold on top of it to boot! Hope you manage to find some time to relax

@ChikiTIKI yay for getting kicked by little one! How far along are you now?

@InDreamland it's a very personal decision, I don't think there's a right or wrong but maybe don't feel like you have to continue all the way to 39 weeks if you're struggling, especially if you're able to take 13/14 months off. I'm planning on taking the full 12 months mat leave and with the annual leave at the end I should have around 13.5 months off in total too :) The central line sounds dreadful, I really don't envy you there. People can be so inconsiderate.

@frillyfarmer that sucks about work pulling your promotion. I think unfortunately a lot of stuff like that goes on, not that it excuses it in any way, but it's so sad given we are living in the 21st century!

@Squiff70 gorgeous scan pictures and congratulations on getting past your personal milestone. I hope you are managing to relax a little but I know it's easier said than done. I'm 21+5 today and definitely enjoying the babymoon. Life back home (mainly work) has been crazy busy and will continue to be until at least Christmas... probably until mat leave to be honest...so it's nice to have a bit of time away from it all. We're only away for 4 nights but I think it's done me the world of good. Could you squeeze in even a weekend away somewhere?

@rubyroost lovely to see you back but sounds awful about your tooth! Fingers crossed you avoid the dreaded dry socket.

Re movements... I dont want to increase anyone's anxiety here, and honestly @InDreamland from what I hear movements seem entirely normal for the stage you're at. If you are worried though and want reassurance ring midwives or the mat unit you're at.

Anyhow, I read a thread on mumsnet, wasn't in the oregnancy board. Midwife had basically fobbed a woman off and numerous mumsnetters pleading wuth her to go in regardless of having her littke ones wuth her etc.
Anyway there were a few stories of people having early c sections as a result of reduced movements and in vast majority of cases babies were okay.

The op did eventually go in, the next day and they are now monitoring her, think she's about 35 weeks so they're giving her steroids in prep of induction.

Anyhow, I really didn't want to increase anyone's anxiety, but it got me thinking of all the times last pregnancy where I could have gone in, but waited for movements. Maybe I should have just gone in and bothered them anyway.

My little one that pregnancy was a right rascal tho, he didn't really have the routine that everyone speaks of and if I had gone in every time I think they might have tried to section me.

So i guess moral of the story is just go in and trust your gut. It's bloody scary though so I really hope I haven't unnecessarily worried anyone x

@InDreamland next appt is with consultants on Thursday, then seeing the mental health team at some point in the next 2 weeks, scan in 4 weeks. Time is going sooo slowly though!

@sadtoday21 I'm definitely over emotional at the moment, although I tend to channel anger rather than sadness most days! Blaming the hormones. Glad to hear your good outcome from your complaint too!

When did you/will you ladies tell work that your pregnant? Did you just send an email? Arrange a meeting? I know we get a mat-b form at 20 weeks, do you wait until then or tell them sooner?

Welcome back @Rubyroost 💕

@Dimblebimble I had to tell mine at 12 weeks as my head of dept was asking a million qs and asking for evidence of appts over and over again. That's because she suspected I was pregnant and therefore was pushing for me to 'confess'.
But the way I see it the quicker you tell them the quicker you become a 'protected characteristic' so that can be an advantage.
Another anomaly scan today, this time with the NHS, stomach and legs now in 75th percentile and head in 95th now. Turned to breech position so that will explain the huge kick I felt last night, will also explain the reduced movement I've had since which i had a mini panic about on way to scan. 😂
@Frillyfarmer that's shit about your promotion. I've had job problems both with this pregnancy and a previous pregnancy, I think a lot of pregnancy discrimination goes on to be honest, it sucks being a woman sometimes. Mind you, I have up giving a shit about promotions and making my way up in the workplace after I had my first kid. I was a crazy workaholic prior to this determined to making it big.

@Rubyroost I can't decide when and how to tell work. We had a reassurance scan today at just over 14 weeks (irrational I know as it's only 2 weeks since the last scan 😳, dh has told me no scans for the foreseeable future unless there's a specific reason to worry) and baby was fine so we've started telling friends. I was putting off telling work in case something happens, but thinking about it if something happens now I'd probably need some time off/ extra support anyway. They don't know about my previous miscarriages as I didn't take time off (only 1 day which I just told them was for 'minor surgery').

Just not sure how to tell them and who to tell. My line manager is an older male professor and I'd have to arrange an appointment to tell him in person (I'm a uni lecturer, he is head of department) which I feel would be really awkward. So do I just email him and copy in HR? I haven't made any decisions about maternity leave yet, and my pregnancy doesn't affect my work at the moment, so it's basically just giving him a heads up that someone who'll have to cover my teaching next semester...

Yay! So glad everything is going well for you 😊

@Frillyfarmer personally I think I'd have to say something, even if it's informally expressing your concerns that you may have been discriminated against due to your pregnancy. Maybe an informal conversation with the right person (any senior female figures?) might make them reconsider?

I'm also starting to show really early. I'm only 14 weeks but my friends said they didn't show until 20 weeks or later. I'm a little chubby anyway but
I've only gained 4 pounds since I fell pregant so surely it can't be fat? My belly is round and feels hard, so think it must be beginnings of a bump?

@Dimblebimble I would just let HR know and then they'll have to do a risk assessment.
I didn't tell my work last pregnancy. Had to ring them after my 12 week scan to say I wouldn't be coming in and just had bad news at scan. Then had to take a significant amount if time off for induction, scan and cvs at fetal medicine centre in another city and operation (placenta wouldntvdisattach) and then recovery... Both physical and psychological.

I doubt anything will happen now you're past the 12 week scan and you've had your 14 week reassurance. I had one at 16 so it was nicely placed in between 12 week scan which was actually 13 and 20 week scan. But don't let that worry stop you telling work. Good luck x

I have also given up caring about promotions @Rubyroost. Since DD all I care about is getting away on time and having the flexibility to take leave/go early etc if I need to. Climbing the career ladder is not my priority anymore and will probably be even less so after this child!

Great news on your scan @Dimblebimble! I was a two/three week serial scanner until 18 weeks. I figure the less anxiety the better so if it makes you less stressed, it's worth it. Re work I told my manger really early this tome but that's because after my miscarriage and ectopic I wanted them to know if I had to suddenly leave. I was basically prepared for something to go wrong. So my HR were also informed early. It's good, as @Rubyroost says, for you to then be protected. I think with DD I told work after 12 week scan.

@strawberrye yep - my nesting really kicked in with DD, I was like a mad woman hoovering and cleaning windows at 37 weeks! It's nice to have the time to do these things as when baby comes it all goes a bit up in the air for a while! I'm going to pay my cleaner to do a deep clean to avoid all that this time!! 😜

Hope you e had a restful day and feel ok @Bluebelltulip. Some really nasty cold/sore throat bugs doing the rounds atm.

Time always seems to go slowly in your own pregnancy @Navy123! Remind me where you are now? I'm glad all is ok and you've got professional support xxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue seems we have a lot in common: awful induction, ECS, elective c section this time round, big babies and not caring about our jobs as much. 😂👍

Haha @Rubyroost! Yes, sorry, saw your baby is measuring big too! What a selection of things to have in common eh?!?! 😂

Just seeing if there's anyone else awake right now?

Can't sleep because of anxiety and can't tell if it is just anxiety or instinct that something's not right. Urgh.

Am still feeling baby move but I think she's in a different position so not had a lot of movements I can feel from the outside so not feeling reasured despite feeling her. Sigh. (Well, just felt some as I speak, so pretty sure it's just me).

OH snoring away next to me... Feeling very alone.

Hi @KnitKitty I'm awake! I always seem
To wake up fo an hour around this time lately, needing a wee, heartburn. Anyway, sorry to read you are feeling anxious. Have you tired the cold drink and laying in your side advice?

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue Thanks chick. Just having a cold drink now. Rang the emergancy number for reassurance. Spoke to two lovely ladies. They said they're not usually bothered by size of movements but rather the amount and I have been feeling her.
They said I can do what you suggested with the cold drink and monitor how I go tomorrow and said they'd be happy for me to go in so they can listen to the HB for reassurance but I am sure it's my anxiety so I'm not going to go in just now. I'll see how I go.

Just having a good cry to let it out of my system.
I think with nearly reaching 3rd trimester I'm just anxious in case something goes wrong at the last hurdle. After the 4 miscarriages last year it's hard to believe everything will go smoothly and I'll have a baby to take home with me at the end of it.

This whole being pregnant business is so difficult sometimes.

Sorry you have trouble sleeping. Heart burn is the worst.

@KnitKitty hope you are feeling better and asleep by now having had reassuring movements.

Having a check up and told baby is fine is priceless. I'm to early now, but last time I was told I could come for reacurance monitoring. It is better than having few nights of almost no sleep, which tends to make anxiety worse.

Last night was amazing. We went out for a family meal and the conversation somehow went to death. Dh said you can't rely on death, afterall my son M would not have been touched by it. He normally don't mention ds2, it is always me that bring up the subject. I'm weird but I liked how ds2 is still in his mind and not forgotten. He also said it in front of his brother and sister .