The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread#5 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[InDreamland]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread (please feel free to add your name or amend if due dates have changed following 12 week scans or booking in c-secs):

@Melpops36, 38, EDD 5/12/19
@Beaglemum93, 26, EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 31, EDD 29/01/20
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Squiff70, 37, EDD end of February (no exact date with twins)
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 16/04/20
@TinyPaws, 22, EDD 19/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020

Also tagging @boboelephant and @Yukka just to hope they can pop on and update on their rainbows.

Sorry to anyone I've missed 🐧

Hi ladies I hope it's ok to join. O had the most awful MC in may, then a chemical in August and have just found out I'm pregnant again. I am almost 40, overweight but very active and healthy. And a bloody nervous wreck, my anxiety has gone through the roof. I went into cervical shock in my may MC but luckily I was already in hospital and had canulars in due to the severity, I keep thinking what if it happens again and I'm not in hospital. The surgeons/gyne and a&e staff all said it was a kind of freak occurrence what happened but my doc said if I start to bleed I need to ring 999 immediately, no bleeding but safe to say I'm shitting it 🤦🏻‍♀️! Anyways would love the odd slap back into the real world now and then if anyone has a hard hand there keen to share lol! Xx

@Irisgene @Elles1980 welcome to the thread and hope you're here to stay. Tentative congratulations, it's so hard in these early days but we're here for support.

Thank you, I think Mumsnet has been my main support since my first loss this year. It's hard to try to describe to friends (I have no family) how I feel at times. I'm still on a thread in the conception bit but to be honest I feel awful and don't want to post my "new worries" to those poor ladies who are still trying whilst of been so lucky. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm trying to enjoy my severely achey back lol but it's just a worry!! Hope I'll be here to stick around also 🥰 xx

Hi @Elles1980 and @Irishgene. Sorry for what you've both been through. Being pregnant after kids is terrifying. Luckily this is a great group of women and even though we've all had different experiences, we all understand the anxiety xxx

Welcome @Elles1980 and @Irishgene. Hope that the next few weeks pass quickly for you, it's a difficult time.

@TwittleBee, I ran a fairly fast 5k just before I started getting cramps and later bleeding with my MC, and I was paranoid that I had caused it. This article made me feel a bit better and remember that if a baby is healthy running will not affect your pregnancy...
www.irunfar.com/2017/12/baby-on-board-long-distance-running-during-pregnancy.html

This time around, I had some bleeding at 6 weeks and 8 weeks and all has been OK - I hope that it's the same for you. Please don't worry that you have done anything to put your pregnancy in jeopardy regardless.

Re your half marathon question a few days ago, I haven't really gotten any negative comments to be honest, but I have tapered down to 1-2 runs a week - parkrun on Saturdays and I try to squeeze in a short 15-20 minute run after work but some weeks I haven't managed it. Parkrun is obviously quite supportive and nobody seems to pay much attention to me on my evening runs.

I'm mostly a shorter distance runner - 5ks and 10ks, I haven't done a half marathon yet, so can't advise you much on that. However, have felt pretty good the last few weeks doing 5k somewhere between 30-32 minutes (pre-pregnancy was about 24 minutes). So I have slowed down by about 25-30%. My only real advice would be just to be kind to yourself and recognise that some days won't be ideal for running.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you, and if everything works out feel free to ask me any questions you have!!

Anyone else in third trimester struggling with nausea and vomiting?

I have a cold which I think has made everything worse, but have vomited twice this week, once after dinner and once before I even ate dinner.

I was nauseous for quite a while earlier in the pregnancy but not a lot of vomiting luckily.

I'm not terribly worried about it as I think everything's just all squished together and I've got heartburn on top of this cold, but my husband keeps asking me "Is this normal?" Google says it is but haven't heard from too many other people struggling about it!

Well I'm enjoying a very small glass of red wine tonight, yes I know. Naughty naughty--my first drink of this pregnancy.

@TwittleBee I hope it is just normal bleeding that some women experience. I get random bleeding that stop starts throughout the first trimester. What doctors have said is that bleeding can be normal and sometimes, someone women will bleed a little when their period is due. Would your second period be due around now? Ps over here you are ment to go to a & e if you bleed or have bad cramps & they can refer you epu. We can't self refer here so we need to wait for gp or get an a & e referral. Lot of women do lots of exercise to help ease their anxieties and running just helps them.

Welcome @Elles1980 and @Irishgene, I'm sorry for your losses and I hope both of you stay here in the long run.

FFS! Just realised in my last post my stupid phone changed loss to kids!!! Being pregnant after LOSS is terrifying!!! I'm so sorry @Irishgene and @Elles1980!

Oooo @Rubyroost I'm jealous. I didn't fancy a drink until recently but red is my favourite and I have been longing for a glass. I'm just too scared! I know that's silly and one glass is unlikely to cause any harm. I will definitely have one on Christmas Day!

How are you today @TwittleBee? I hope the bleeding has stopped.

I had a bit of an emotional meltdown at DH last night. He said I looked beautiful and for some reason it really set me off! Probably because I'm absolutely huge and feeling anything but! But the floodgates opened and I ended up crying as I'm so worried about how DD will react when baby is here. DH was lovely and in a way it was good to get it all out!

@Rubyroost I'm also jealous! I've completely gone off both wine and coffee since the beginning - can't even stomach the smell of it! It's weird, because I didn't have any MS or strong aversions or even nausea, but just hated the smell of those two things (normally my fav!). Lately started feeling quite depressed with all this super healthy pregnancy diet - I don't even let myself have crisps or cheese anymore for fear of spiking my blood pressure! It's all just fruit, veg, and the occasional lean protein (yuck, I hate meat and fish). And yet somehow the weight keeps going up! Glad you feel relaxed to enjoy yourself a little here and there, tbh I just can't do it myself but admire those who can.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue your DH sounds so sweet! It's perfectly understandable to cry like that and I hope you felt better after a good cry! I'm sure you are not huge, it's all in your mind! Soon baby will be here and all will be well.

Question for the group - does anyone have suggestions for high quality, but inexpensive, prams and cots? I'm shocked that most people seem to spend 800 pounds plus on prams, I was thinking 200 pounds maximum! Is this really necessary? I'm on a student budget and I don't think I can afford to spend more than 100-200 pounds on each item. Any thoughts?

Hi ladies,

Sorry I haven't been back on to update since my night-time panic post. I was just anxiety but I'm really glad I rang the hospital, they were really understanding and caring and I felt a lot better for having talked to them. So if any of you have a panicky moment; don't hesitate and suffer, just give them a call.
Baby Girl is fine and I've been feeling her LOADS these last few days... much bigger movements than before, which I am taking as a good sign that she is growing well as I feel like my bump hasn't grown recently... I am finding I get sore ribs a lot though, so I think I might have grown upwards instead of outwards. Also getting a lot of acid reflux, which is just delightful. Yuk!
I have my next MW appointment on Monday and will be seeing them every 2 weeks from now on. And the following week I have an MRI, a growth scan and a 30-week scan; so it's going to be a busy week! The MRI is because I had an appointment with an anaesthetist as I'm having a c-section and I have spina bifida occulta and they want to make sure there's no nerve tethering which could cause nerve damage when I have a spinal aesthetic. I've had MRIs before so not really worried... Not sure baby is going to like the noise though; they are very loud!
I've not been on here much the last few days because we're in the middle of buying a house and have had a lot to do for that this week. We should be moving in the first week of December which is super exciting! I'm really pleased we'll be in before Christmas and also that we can start life as a family in our first owned home.
Had a stressful couple of days though because I'm in one of the areas where there's been severe flood warnings and spent Friday afternoon and evening packing an emergency bag and waiting to see if we were going to be evacuated or not. Luckily the river didn't breach the flood defences in my area but it was touch-and-go for a while!

Right, I'm going to try and catch up with all of you now!

*@janey15 any news on your consultant referral. I wonder if you have adhesions from the endometriosis being pulled on and causing the pains...

@Flyfisherlady I totally understand what you mean about reading other people's anxieties making your own worse, yet finding comfort in them at the same time. I also have to take a step back sometimes and just chose to read people's updates when I feel ready.

@sadtoday21 check out Joie for cheaper prams and travel stuff. I bought my Joie travel system from Mothercare when I had DD (I just couldn't justify spending nearly a grand on a pram as at that point we were in the process of buying a house and due to sales falling through needed every penny!) I'm not sure if they are offering anything in a closing down sale but when I bought mine it was about £400 for the carry cot, buggy and car seat which is good value. Sure other places will offer deals now. Joie is relatively well priced and I've never had any problems with their stuff (have gone on to buy a stroller and another car seat).

And I AM huge. Bump is measuring three weeks ahead still and baby still 95th percentile. I'm generally just a big ball of bump right now!

Floods sound horribly stressful @KnitKitty! But glad you and baby girl are doing well and how exciting about your house! I am crossing everything for swift and smooth sale for you!

Welcome @Elles1980! Fingers crossed you'll be here for a healthy 9 months!

Sorry you're suffering from nausea and vomiting @coconutlatte44. I personally haven't had any in the third trimester but I know people who have so I'm pretty sure it's not that uncommon.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue don't worry about having an emotional breakdown! This happens to me a lot at the minute! Hormones haha. I'm glad your DH was nice.

@sadtoday21 your weight is meant to be going up! Although I'm with you on being sick of the healthy diet. I haven't even let myself have chocolate because I'm worried about the caffeine content. I'm pretty sure everyone thinks I'm crazy for being so over cautious about what I'm eating but I'm still so anxious that this won't work out. I can't help on the pram question unfortunately because I went with a pretty expensive one (my mum bought it for us though!). There are decent discounts on the mothercare website though.

I'm 34 weeks today and according to Tommy's the survival rate if I were to go into labour now is about the same as full term!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue how old is your dd? My son is 22 months and I've told him there's a baby in my tummy. He doesn't quite get it, but keeps unzipping my onesie and saying baby! 😂. Ive heard kids that age can get jealous, but I think he's actually going to enjoy having another family member, he's not a clingy toddler and when I come home from work he hardly bats an eyelid (he's with his dad most of the day).
I'm sure your dd will be fine and there's plenty of ways you can involve her in helping etc.

@sadtoday21 you put me to shame! I feel like I'm getting enough veg, but I'm so crap at eating fruit, always have been-just never really fancy fruit.
I'm also struggling to lay of the sweet stuff, this is also a problem I had last pregnancy. I'm trying to limit myself to one chocolate bar or one pudding a day (love gu puds, but I know they're super sweet). I don't have sugar in tea or coffee, so hopefully my sugary intake isn't that bad. 🤞

@KnitKitty congratulations on getting your new house! I've been getting a lot of rib pain too. Glad you have been feeling lots of movements :)

@sadtoday21
This is my forth baby and most of our stuff had worn out! I’ve spent a total of £200 for EVERYTHING. eBay, gumtree, Facebook have become my best friends. My pram was £30 looks like new, I got a next to me crib £30 and just replaced the mattress. Baby sleeping bags £3 from eBay. Brand new nursing bras for £2 from eBay. Have a look at. Jelly tots ltd on Facebook for factory seconds (due to damaged boxes) you don’t have to spend much at all.
37 weeks this week eek nearly there! Soo uncomfortable now. Keep going everyone! Xx

Thanks @Beaglemum93, it’s so weird to think we have proper squiggly babies in there now isn’t it? I’m nearly 30 weeks and when I see pictures of 30 weekers who have been born early I can’t believe I have one of those in there!!

@KnitKitty Glad to hear all is well and congrats on your new home!! We have been looking for ages but live in West London and haven’t yet found anything we can afford that we can squeeze into for more than a couple of years - feel we are getting closer though. We’ve reorganised our flat and are planning to stay here for a few months after he’s born and hopefully we will have found a place for ourselves by then!

@sadtoday21 I don’t know how you feel about secondhand stuff but I’m keeping an eye on some good quality pranks secondhand on eBay - you can sometimes find ones that have been used as holiday or second prams that are in good shape. We’ll see if it works out but I am def not ready to spend £1000 on one!!

Lol, prams not pranks!

@coconutlatte44 I know! It only occured to me the other day how weird it is that a little person is wriggling around in there! I think I've spent so long assuming it would all go wrong again I never really thought about what was happening.

@sadtoday21 my friend recommended a website infababy their stuff is relatively cheap if you want new. However as @melpops36 said you can grab some bargains on Facebook marketplace, ebay etc and lots of stuff is in great condition. My main three items were pram, cot and baby carrier. After that I didn't really spend much. The pram I got was mothercare, I've noticed the prices on their closing down sale are pretty disappointing at the mo, 20 quid off etc, but I'm thinking if you're prepared to wait a bit longer you may be able to grab some bargains. If not then they'll be a mamas and papas sale on soon. I used my carrier quite a bit and will be doing again. It was a French one portemonbebe. Really comfy and easy to use.

@sadtoday21 just looked at infababy and they have black Friday sale currently. Think you can get a travel system for 210.

Congrats @KnitKitty on your new home! It will be wonderful to bring baby up in your first home together. Are you planning to have a nursery there? We left our first home to come here and tbh I miss it a little when we start talking about all this nesting! I can't really buy anything too permanent or set up a proper nursery for our first because we might move back overseas again in a year or so (hence another reason not to buy anything too expensive).

Thanks @Rubyroost those are all good recommendations! I am definitely going to wait until black Friday/cyber Monday sales for these larger items, but also heard the after xmas sales are quite good? Not sure which are better, baby due in March so not in urgent need of anything right now (and honestly prefer to wait as long as possible). I'm just trying to do all the research now.

As for healthy eating, I wish I could be better! The preeclampisa family history thing really scared me though (turns out my mum and both grandmums had it), esp. since its my first, so now I'm just trying to cut salt as much as possible to reduce the risk. This is hard though because I basically live on cheese (more of a savoury than a sweets person). I'm with you @Beaglemum93 on being way overcautious! I am pretty hungry all the time, but everything seems so bland and unappetising!

Thanks also @Beaglemum93 for the pram suggestions and congrats on reaching 34 weeks! Home stretch! I didn't know the survival rate at 34 weeks was the same as full term, that's really good to know. What kind of birth are you planning?

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I love joie! The design of joie and egg both seem quite nice - really liked their lightweight city pram, which I think was around 200-300 pounds, but it didn't come with the carrycot or carseat extras.

Maybe if I time the sales right I could get it for less or as @Melpops36 and @coconutlatte44 suggested look for a used one. Are used ok as far as safety goes? That's my only hesitation - otherwise would definitely buy most things secondhand! Glad to know I'm not the only one that thinks 1,000 pounds for a pram is a bit ot.

@Melpops36 congrats on almost being done! You are so close now, will be wonderful to hold baby in your arms soon Xxx.

Anyone heard of the Hauck pacific 3? It's 179 pounds for pram, carrycot, and carseat. We don't have a car, so carseat would just be for taxis/vacation really. Seems like a good deal, but since I can't test it out wondering if the quality is substantially worse than these uber expensive ones that everyone else seems to get.

In other news, DH has brought home a bug from work and now I've got a sore throat/cold/slight headache. I'm just drinking lime and hot water for it, which is rubbish. Anything else I can do? I'm 22+3 today.

Thanks @Rubyroost that's brilliant! Much appreciated :)

As far as sales go, I find the black Friday ones the best. January sales I always find rather disappointing!
What I would also recommend is a play cushion for baby. Ours used to nap on that an awful lot and would fall asleep looking at the dangly items, alternative to napping in a moses basket. I got a cheap one in black Friday sales last year for a friend.