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Bereavement

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Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

984 replies

Deemented · 03/05/2009 16:54

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OP posts:
hazygirl · 16/06/2009 06:28

morning girls hope your all okxxxxxxxx

travellingwilbury · 16/06/2009 06:45

Good morning everyone

I managed to get a car We are driving to Cornwall on Thurs and this car will be ready to pick up wed pm . So at least we are not cutting it too fine . Some credit crunch , the amount of cars that are selling seems ridiculous .

The sun is shining here today , long may it last . Hope everyone is ok this morning x I really hope you have managed to get some sleep Ilike x

lottiejenkins · 16/06/2009 08:15

Morning all, sun shining here too, last night at the height of the storm i ended up next door with John Di and Tori! We had two beautiful rainbows entwined round each other after the storm, i took photos of them. Enjoy Cornwall TW. What part are you going to ?

travellingwilbury · 16/06/2009 08:17

We are going to be near St Ives . Across the bay . It is the same place we went to last year and it was lovely . Just keep your fingers crossed for sunshine for me

The rainbows sound gorgeous Lottie .

lottiejenkins · 16/06/2009 08:33

We stayed near Bude a couple of years ago! We went to Tintagel. Was rather hairraising as Wilf was in a difficult mood and kept going near the edge of the cliff! We also went to Dartmoor and i had to come home with no trousers on as i got my legs wet!

shabster · 16/06/2009 22:29

Evening girls - everybody ok?

travellingwilbury · 17/06/2009 06:56

Good morning everyone

I have got so much to do today , I am giving myself half an hour and then I am going to go and be a responsible grown up and get stuff done .

frasersmummy · 17/06/2009 08:27

morning all

congrats on the new car tw.

I am of the sunshine.. its tipping it down up here.

Our new suite arrives tomorrow. I saw an advert that says the british heart foundation will come and take the old one if its saleable...

of course they only day the pick up could happen was tomorrow!!!!! So either its going to go really smoothly .. ie old one picked up and new one arrives 30 mins later or its going to be complete chaos... I have a feeling it will be the latter

so I need to clean this suite and make sure there is nothing stuck down the sides

frasersmummy · 17/06/2009 19:51

its gone very quiet...

was it something I said..???

crumpette · 17/06/2009 19:57

tw enjoy cornwall!

olissa I love the description, yes my employers are continuing to be 'misbegotten buckets of whale cum'which is somewhat grating. I applied for another job which would be fantastic but I haven't heard anything yet, and I must have sent the application nearly 2 weeks ago.. waaa...

pg wise I am eating shocking amounts of fattening foods, namely buttery crumpets and almond croissants and indian takeaways. No morning sickness, no concerns at the moment but I have my first scan next week.. just feel a bit faint and strange on a regular basis. Had a booking appointment yesterday and had to wait in an area with at least 25 small babies being carried around by their mums- and excited looking dads with empty car seats- I found it so hard not to cry- it wasn't so long ago that was me and I just felt really lonely. OH well.

Anyway hope everyone is well? I am off to munch... stops me moaning!!

xxx

crumpette · 17/06/2009 20:11

frasersmummy laughing at your post! I didn't see that before I posted, sorry! How are you doing?

If it's any consolation no hint of sunshine here either, full-blown rain and thunder storms. Guess who didn't have an umbrella today, and wore stupid slippery-soled shoes?

chegirl · 17/06/2009 22:21

Hello my dears.

Just off to bed and thought I would say nite nite.

Busy week and a bit heavy going. I have had 3 DS2 related appointments so far and another one on Friday. didnt help that one of them was at my work on my day off so dont feel like I had a break. And it meant I didnt see my littley all day. Stil he is worth it, the little pickle

Moany moany money moan.

shabster · 17/06/2009 23:01

Night my dear friends....horrible week so far but we WILL make it to week-end

shabster · 18/06/2009 06:16

Good morning girls xx

hazygirl · 18/06/2009 07:17

morning girlxxxxxxx

frasersmummy · 18/06/2009 08:06

morning all

shabs are you ok?? you sound like you are suffering

come telll us .. we will try to help

shabster · 18/06/2009 08:27

Im not too bad thanks. Just a weird problem with Tommy in school. We will sort it out because I WILL be talking to the teacher concerned today. It is a very rough school - 2,200 pupils the majority of which go to school for the social life. Its the total opposite of what I wanted for him BUT we have no choice. Tommy is called names constantly - geek, nerd, gay boy???, fat, swot, teachers pet and they are the names he is prepared to tell me about. Certain kids are making his life a misery.....I want to go to the school, get up in assembly and tell them my familys story....shame them into realising that life is not so sweet for some people.

Then I realise that the majority of them wouldn't care less.

I better shut up now because I have that massive lump in my throat and 'dust' in my eye that is making my eyes water

lottiejenkins · 18/06/2009 08:50

Awwwwwwwww Shabs..........Poor you and poor Tom..... Sending you big hugs, i was bullied at school and so i know what it is like!
Im thinking about my friend today who's son has a heart problem. They are going for a cardiac appointment today. So i have fingers crossed for them both. He had heart surgery 18 months ago and had strokes after the surgery and he is only five and a half!

shabster · 18/06/2009 09:06

Thank you Lottie xx

Sending you my thoughts and love for your friend - heart problems are so scary especially in a baby or young child....will keep everything crossed for them up here in Bolton xxxx

Thelighthousekeeper · 18/06/2009 12:51

Hi everyone,

So sorry to hear Tom is having a hard time at school Shabs. Have you managed to talk to his teacher yet?

Elodie is going to the Dr's for her 6 week check today! Can't believe how quickly the weeks are going.

xxx

hazygirl · 18/06/2009 13:10

shabs them kids sound bloody delightful,need a good kick up bum im sure you will sort them.
thinking of you ,how long till your holidayx

shabster · 18/06/2009 13:53

Thanks for your concern girls. Tom accidentally banged into one of the girls in class and the other lads all laughed at him and told the teacher he had 'felt her up' - one of them said 'gay, fat boy finally touched a girl.' Tom got very, very upset and said he was going to hang himself . The teacher who rang made me feel like I had raised a suicidal pervert. Nothing has been said since.

Had a talk with Tom and he said that he talked about suicide because he panicked and it just came out. I have had to email the teacher involved because now I am getting very, very angry. x

lottiejenkins · 18/06/2009 18:24

This is what I have just been up to.............
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/775694-I-have-just-confronted-my-worst-fear

frasersmummy · 18/06/2009 19:19

I dont have any useful advice shabs but it seems to me that neither does the the teacher involved

poor wee soul is not getting any support..sounds like you need to kick some butt

maybe a change of teacher in the new school year might make a difference

well done Lottie

The british heart foundation came to pick up my old suite. They were decidely unenthusiastic. First they couldnt see fire labels so wouldnt take it. Fine leave it I will deal.. oh here they are. Its a bit scuffed so we are not sure.. fine leave itI will deal. Though I really wanted to say .. well obviously its not perfect otherwise why would I be getting rid of it

In the end they did take it.

The new one is lovely and comfy

shabster · 18/06/2009 23:29

The (I cant remember the right word) errrr.....ohhh its like Personnel but for schools - sounds a bit religious - Oh I cant remember!!! She rang me tonight after receiving my email. She is going to talk to Tom and the kids involved tomorrow! Going to interview them separatly. Normally I would say things like 'he's no angel'but I emphasised tonight that he has told me the absolute TRUTH and that we back him 100%. OMG if my son Danny knew what was going on he would explode and he isint quick tempered.

Please God (and Matt and Gareth) be with him tomorrow and let him tell his side of the story. Please let her believe him. Please keep us all safe and strong.

She said a note of what has happened will go in his file Every Friday night I watch ex pupils dealing drugs in front of teachers at the school gates. I have reported it to school and to the local police BUT nothing is done....yet my child will have information put on his file. I am too angry to think at the moment.

I remembered the word - Pastoral officer.

Oh girls enjoy your babies whilst they are still tiny - teenage years, nowadays, are soooooo hard.

Good night my friends - see you in the morning xxx