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Bereavement

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Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

984 replies

Deemented · 03/05/2009 16:54

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OP posts:
lottiejenkins · 29/08/2009 18:00

Hi Mintpattie am sorry you have had to join us.
This is a song that i often put on the thread,
This time it is for Jemima!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2GDG1sNHJE

chegirl · 29/08/2009 18:04

FM I speak to my DS1 about this sometimes. He and Billie were only 2 years apart so we did everything together. They didnt get on very well most of the time so I know its hard for DS to hear her being described as an Angel (not by me, by everyone).

He has never said 'you love her more than me' but I try and preempt it a bit. I will often reassure him. 'You know that if it was you we lost my heart would be just as broken'. I want him to know that its not because it was her, its because I have lost one of my precious children.

He is 15 though and remembers his sister and what happened so I know our circumstances are different.

Just be honest and reassure him x

shabbapinkfrog · 29/08/2009 18:07

FMammy - My eldest son - Danny - said only a few weeks ago 'Im jealous of our Tom Mam' when I asked why he said 'He has got you at your best, when my brothers died I felt invisible - everybody tried not to talk about it and hurt my feelings. I always felt like you thought about my brothers more than me'

I could still cry now when I think of his words. He is 27 but it still tears at his heart when he thinks about it. I felt a total failure when he said it.

We talked all the time and I had no idea he was feeling that way.

He did say though that since he has become a daddy he cannot imagine how we all 'got through' loosing the boys.

All I can say is keep talking to your little lad....keep hugging and kissing BUT dont let him use it as an excuse to be a bit naughty. Danny said sometimes he was really badly behaved so he would get my attention

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 29/08/2009 19:08

Welcome MintPattie

So sorry to hear about your darling girl Jemima.

All anniversaries are pretty crap tbh, but all of the firsts are absolute shockers. You will get through this. You've been through the worst thing imaginable, but now you are starting to learn to live with it.

It's something no one can ever imagine happening to them and I have found the ladies on here invaluable. I realised WHATEVER I felt wasn't wrong. Such dreadful thoughts and ideas run through your head, things you probably can't share with your best friend or maybe even your dp. But I can guarantee at least one of us here have experienced/thought the same.

I lost my darling son nearly two years ago when he was 15 months old. The awful searing and gut-wrenching pain isn't constantly there anymore. It pops up from time to time, but mostly I have learnt to live with this huge gaping hole in my life.

I have realised there will ALWAYS be a missing person at the dinner table. It still hurts, but I am learning to live with the physical feeling of loss.

I hope some of this makes sense to you.

I will be thinking of you all and your Jemima on the 10th xxx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 29/08/2009 19:10

I wish I had words of wisdom for you FM. I think Shab's last paragraph was spot on.

No doubt he's pushing boundaries, but this is a particular boundary that is harder than others.

shabbapinkfrog · 30/08/2009 02:03

Good night my friends xx

shabbapinkfrog · 30/08/2009 10:01

Morning girls xx

shabbapinkfrog · 30/08/2009 10:48

Have started a new thread but, for some strange reason, I am having trouble copying and pasting it on here Will keep trying!

shabbapinkfrog · 30/08/2009 10:52

think I have done this right!

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