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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

My toddler died today

564 replies

acquiescence · 01/10/2019 14:12

My baby died today. I found him in his cot this morning. He was completely well yesterday and has no health problems. They are completing a post mortem today.
I don’t know what to do. Why would a healthy child just die? I have a 4 year old and don’t know how to handle it with him. Any advice welcome, I’m obviously a mixture of completely numb and a mess.

OP posts:
Flowerpot26 · 05/10/2019 15:15

I've been thinking about you so much xx

Miljah · 05/10/2019 19:17

You are so in my thoughts since you shared your awful news. I am so sorry.

acquiescence · 05/10/2019 19:48

Thank you everyone. We have the funeral booked for next Friday. We have family and friends around and my big boy is keeping me going. I am so lost and broken, we need to choose poems and music for the funeral and it is just too hard.
I have googled support from charities etc but it’s overwhelming and probably too early anyway.

OP posts:
PolloDePrimavera · 05/10/2019 19:53

I am so terribly sorry to hear this. I don't have any pearls of wisdom at all. Thinking of you, please let us know how you get on x

anothernamejeeves · 05/10/2019 20:19

Thoughts still very much with you

IncrediblySadToo · 05/10/2019 21:13

Just popping back to send you a fresh load of love & hugs.

There’s no right or wrong poems & music, you can play the theme tune of his favourite TV show if you want or a pop sing if he had s favourite. Whatever means something to you.

Winnie the Pooh has some quite meaningful thoughts - seriously.

It’s very hard to choose, but if you choose from your heart you can’t go wrong xx

I think with the child bereavement charities it’s never too early to contact them for a chat - you can decide when the time is right to take it further

Look after yourselves & know you’re all in our thoughts 💕🧸

Octonaught · 05/10/2019 21:17

So sorry for your loss Flowers

Robs20 · 05/10/2019 21:25

A couple of thoughts for the funeral in case helpful....
We did a slideshow of photos with a couple of songs playing in the background. We also asked people to write down memories for us to look back on.
My DH did the eulogy and finished it with a lovely Winnie the Pooh quote, which we had printed onto bookmarks rather than give out order of services (or whatever they are called).
I will be thinking of you on Friday, apart from the day dd died, the funeral was the worst day. If you haven’t already, try to prepare yourself for seeing the coffin. I found this utterly devastating and literally screamed the whole way to the crematorium.
I don’t want to scare you, just wish someone had told me this stuff.
You will get through this. From one angel mum to another, I’m sending you huge hugs.

Blingysolightly · 05/10/2019 21:30

I am so sorry for your lossThanks

ChangeyMcChangeChange · 05/10/2019 21:42

I am so very, very sorry for your loss

winewolfhowls · 05/10/2019 21:43

My most heartfelt condolences, I just can't imagine. Thinking of you.

MollyHuaCha · 05/10/2019 21:44

Thinking of you and your lovely little boy, OP.

ThanksThanksThanks

bubblebar · 05/10/2019 21:54

Oh op this is heartbreaking. I am so sorry! Thanks

Kittykat93 · 05/10/2019 21:54

Reading the title of this made me feel physically sick. So very sorry for your loss. I don't know what else to say words are just useless aren't they :(

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 05/10/2019 22:05

I’m so sorry love Flowers. Thinking of you and your family.

LemonadePockets · 05/10/2019 22:06

My heart breaks for you and your family. There are no words. Sending love and strength to you all ❤️

TenPenceMix · 05/10/2019 22:08

So very sorry for your loss 💐

NeverGotMyPuppy · 05/10/2019 22:56

I'm just so so sorry OP. I cannot imagine what you are going through.

whitetoblerone · 06/10/2019 10:16

@Robs20 I wish someone had prepared me for seeing my son's coffin too, it was one of the worst moments I have ever experienced. I didn't think I could be any more broken than I already was. Leaving the coffin behind will be the most horrendous part, I had to be dragged away. You've given some great advice and foresight here. I'm so sorry you are without your DD, the hardest part is living life without them ❤️

OP, there are no words that will make you feel any better but judging by the support on this thread, I hope you feel a little comforted by all the love that is being sent your way. Your heart has been broken into more pieces than it's made of. Time won't heal but it will help you learn to deal with the new path your life has taken.

Please let people support you and talk to anyone you need to. We're all thinking about you.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 06/10/2019 10:38

I know someone who used this :

"I'll lend you for a little while
A child of mine" God said -
For you to love the while he lives
and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years
or forty two or three
but will you, till I call him back,
take care of him for me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you
and, should his stay be brief,
you'll have his nicest memories
as solace for his grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
since all from earth return
but, there are lessons taught below,
I want this child to learn.

I've looked the whole world over,
in my search for teachers true,
and from the things that crowd life's lane
I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love,
nor think the labour vain,
nor hate me when I come to take
this lent child back again?

I fancied that I heard them say,
"Dear Lord Thy Will Be Done"
for all the joys thy child will bring
the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
we'll love him while we may,
and for the happiness we've known
forever grateful stay.
But, should thy Angels call for him
much sooner than we planned,
we'll brave the grief that comes
and try to understand.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry, I don't have the words to comfort you. Flowers

MollyHuaCha · 06/10/2019 12:54

That's a beautiful poem.

I hope you're ok, OP. Sending much love to you via MN.

olympicsrock · 06/10/2019 12:58

So sorry for your terrible loss. I am lending you a little of my strength and sending love.
Xxx

Steamfan · 06/10/2019 13:05

Just so very sorry to read this xx

WellAlrightWellOK · 06/10/2019 13:16

So very sorry to read this. I hope you are all as OK as you can be. Sending you love and strength Flowers

sonicshoegazes · 06/10/2019 13:21

I am so very sorry for your loss. I don't have the words but I am thinking of you and your family x

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