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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be irritated by my parents always expecting dinner?

403 replies

Chanelsunnies · 07/05/2023 10:20

Quite often, especially of a weekend, my parents will come over about 3/4pm (at their suggestion and we are often out before that with the kids anyway and don’t often get in til about 4 on a weekend) It gets to 5/6pm and I start dinner, I obviously always feel like I have to feed them and if I have enough then I don’t mind and do so.

They came over at 5pm yesterday as there was evening entertainment that started at 7 in our village for the coronation that they said they’d like to join us at, fine.

Yesterday, though we were having leftovers (lasagne) from Friday night and I didn’t have enough to feed them. It got to 6pm and I said ‘I assume you guys have eaten already? Otherwise, I think there’s going to be food available at this event’ they replied with ‘ohhh yes we had something before we came out’ whilst I’m reheating the leftovers my mum then comes over and is all ‘ohhh, what is that, smells lovely, I’m starving’ I was like, I thought you’d eaten?!’ And she said ‘oh yes we had an avacado with prawns’ wtf?! I said, well that’s hardly a dinner is it? I had a quiche in the fridge so I said ‘well, there’s a quiche in the fridge that I can bung in the oven for you?’ She instantly jumped on it ‘ohhh yes that’d be great.’

AIBU to be getting a bit fucked off with what seems like constantly having to feed them? (this happens pretty much every week) They always suggest coming over so late, knowing it runs into dinner time and just always seem to expect that I’ll feed them. I’ve got a busy job and two children, they don’t do anything to help in terms of food when they’re here, just sit and wait for it.

If I was going over to someone’s house late afternoon, unless it was specifically stated that they would be feeding me, I would say, don’t worry about dinner for us, we’ll eat before we come/ when we get home etc.

It’s the bloody hinting all the time after first insisting that they’ve already eaten. Does my head in. Don’t say you’ve eaten if you haven’t to try and ‘be polite‘ but then actually be rude by constantly asking what you’re having for dinner because they’re ‘starving’ it’s happening more and more.

It’s my mum more than my dad. It was my birthday a few weeks ago and DH had bought me some of my favourite chocolates. They came over, I made them tea and laid out some biscuits (their favourite biscuits!) I had a few chocolates left so I went and grabbed one and ate it with my tea. My mum instantly clocked it and siad ‘whats that?’ I said oh DH bought me my fave chocolates the other week, I’m on my last few’ ‘oh, I’ll have one of those rather than a biscuit please, they look much nicer.’ I was like wtf?! Yes I was a bit rude to not offer them one but I only had 3 left and I’d already offered them an assortment of bloody biscuits for gods sake. You just don’t say that sort of thing? She has zero manners and it’s actually starting to grate on me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WorldOutThere · 14/05/2023 19:12

CabbagePatchDole · 14/05/2023 19:05

I don't understand why OP has them over? If they were so horrible she now has the choice - as an adult - to be free of them. I would tell them straight that I don't want them to come round so much. What has she got to lose if she doesn't like them?

Because relationships in families are not black and white, especially involving parents. It can be incredibly complex and OP may not want to cause a huge argument and guilt and blame and rejection and all sorts might be going on.

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/05/2023 19:20

Lots of numbskull posters on here OP, who don’t understand that some parents aren’t lovely, are in fact abusive and exploitative - like yours are - and that, even though these saintly posters would happily feed their own parents (although in fact I bet they’d also get irritated by the set up you describe), they fail to comprehend that some people have been unlucky enough to get unpleasant, grasping parents.

And to the person who says you have to be nice to your parents because they’re ‘not dead’ - does that also apply to abusers, or those who were deeply neglectful? This pressure to be nice under any circumstances?

Jesus 🙄

OP I hope you find a way to create a boundary around this stuff.

YerArseInParsley · 14/09/2024 22:57

Chanelsunnies · 07/05/2023 10:20

Quite often, especially of a weekend, my parents will come over about 3/4pm (at their suggestion and we are often out before that with the kids anyway and don’t often get in til about 4 on a weekend) It gets to 5/6pm and I start dinner, I obviously always feel like I have to feed them and if I have enough then I don’t mind and do so.

They came over at 5pm yesterday as there was evening entertainment that started at 7 in our village for the coronation that they said they’d like to join us at, fine.

Yesterday, though we were having leftovers (lasagne) from Friday night and I didn’t have enough to feed them. It got to 6pm and I said ‘I assume you guys have eaten already? Otherwise, I think there’s going to be food available at this event’ they replied with ‘ohhh yes we had something before we came out’ whilst I’m reheating the leftovers my mum then comes over and is all ‘ohhh, what is that, smells lovely, I’m starving’ I was like, I thought you’d eaten?!’ And she said ‘oh yes we had an avacado with prawns’ wtf?! I said, well that’s hardly a dinner is it? I had a quiche in the fridge so I said ‘well, there’s a quiche in the fridge that I can bung in the oven for you?’ She instantly jumped on it ‘ohhh yes that’d be great.’

AIBU to be getting a bit fucked off with what seems like constantly having to feed them? (this happens pretty much every week) They always suggest coming over so late, knowing it runs into dinner time and just always seem to expect that I’ll feed them. I’ve got a busy job and two children, they don’t do anything to help in terms of food when they’re here, just sit and wait for it.

If I was going over to someone’s house late afternoon, unless it was specifically stated that they would be feeding me, I would say, don’t worry about dinner for us, we’ll eat before we come/ when we get home etc.

It’s the bloody hinting all the time after first insisting that they’ve already eaten. Does my head in. Don’t say you’ve eaten if you haven’t to try and ‘be polite‘ but then actually be rude by constantly asking what you’re having for dinner because they’re ‘starving’ it’s happening more and more.

It’s my mum more than my dad. It was my birthday a few weeks ago and DH had bought me some of my favourite chocolates. They came over, I made them tea and laid out some biscuits (their favourite biscuits!) I had a few chocolates left so I went and grabbed one and ate it with my tea. My mum instantly clocked it and siad ‘whats that?’ I said oh DH bought me my fave chocolates the other week, I’m on my last few’ ‘oh, I’ll have one of those rather than a biscuit please, they look much nicer.’ I was like wtf?! Yes I was a bit rude to not offer them one but I only had 3 left and I’d already offered them an assortment of bloody biscuits for gods sake. You just don’t say that sort of thing? She has zero manners and it’s actually starting to grate on me.

AIBU?

@Chanelsunnies

Has things gotten better op or is it still the same?

U said about them coming over and you asked them to start heading home as you are about to start dinner and your made to feel guilty. STOP feeling guilty, you can't go on like that. It sounds like they are coming over specifically for dinner, there no other reason why they'd leave a visit until 5.30pm

I was pissed off at my cousin a few years ago. Her family went on holiday and she appeared at my door at dinner time every night for a week. One night she met me in the street heading to my house, asked me what I was having for dinner that night and I said hot dogs, she screwed her face up and said uch nah I'll just go home for my dinner. It fckn annoyed me.

Dinner is now expected by your parents. Do they tell you they are coming or just turn up? I'd be saying no don't come, we are coming to you for a change. Start popping into them for 20 minutes it may stop them from coming to you.

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