To be irritated by my parents always expecting dinner?

Yanbu.

Change the times they come over and limit the number of times pw they come.
If you must feed them keep in basic stuff like pasta pesto and give them that whilr you eat your steaks and dont be apologetic.

Even if OPs DPs were lovely, it's incredibly wasteful and expensive to make 2 extra portions for every single meal which - given the random nature of the DPs pop ins - is what is required.

They aren't nice DPs coming along on Sunday invited for a roast.They are CF who don't want to feed themselves so expect OP to do it whenever they want, multiple times a week, on her dime.

‘Some people on this thread are so fucking thick.’

Yes I think this is the only conclusion. They have either not read the posts or they must be completely stupid. They have invented that it is a once a week visit from loving parents. There is no educating these people who only see the world in black-and-white and have zero understanding of complex relationships.

And the dead parent card is getting thrown away way too much. The OP’s parents might have decades ahead of them. Why are they not being considerate of their daughter. it’s weird to give parents carte blanche to be dicks just because they created a child and fed them. It’s also faintly patronising to imagine these parents as sweet old dears on the brink of death. 🙄🥱

@RachelGreensHair it's the OPs parents that are rude, the responses are polite. These aren't parents who have turned up occasionally, they do this several times a week, expecting to be fed and watered without any warning, or being asked. It's expensive for the op and causes extra work all round for her, without being invited

Simple communication is needed.
‘If you will be coming to visit us, will you let us know which day and when? If you’re intending to eat with us, we need to know otherwise we won’t have enough food.’

There - done. I have a very testing relationship with my DM, but she’s fed me all during my childhood, so I really can’t begrudge cooking meals for her now a couple of times a week.

Wow what a thread. Begrudging your parents food and sharing tips with each other on how to be nasty to them.

I think I am one of the few who feeds my kids because I love them and am responsible for them. Not because I want payback when they are adults.

Ask them first if they will be coming over, and if they want to stay for a meal could they please bring over a dish to save you some time, that way you wouldn’t have to be in the kitchen for so long preparing a meal for everyone while they were visiting.
Alternatively, ask them to come over a bit earlier and leave before you serve dinner as you do not have enough in the house to feed everyone so they will have to eat at their own home.

Exactly. Thick as mince, can't read and unable to comprehend outside the little world where they keep their hob nailed boots ready to give total strangers on the Internet a kicking.

These grandparents are turning up several times a week and are expecting to eat food that's intended for their grandchildren.

I can't believe that anyone would prioritise feeding people who can't be bothered cooking above children who aren't able to earn money to buy their own food.

I honestly don't think this is just about meals- I suspect OP doesn't want her parents popping round all the time as much as this. I appreciate all families are different and some are round their mothers every day with kids etc- but personally I wouldn't want my parents round like this all the time- the meal situation I think is a side issue . Doesn't it occur to them that people who work have other stuff to do ? It's nice to have a close relationship if possible but that doesn't have to mean living in each others pockets. I speak to my 25 year old son 2 or 3 times a week and see him about every 5 for a weekend( he lives in London) but think we have a close relationship

They're taking advantage of you and your lack of boundaries when it comes to food so be blunt, say no. No, you can't have one of my favourite chocolates. No you can't join us for dinner. You have to say what you mean and mean what you say otherwise this behaviour will never change and you'll be stuck with it. Be blunt at the front door if you have too.

This used to happen to me OP. Your mum sounds just like the girl I had to contend with every other weekend, except she was five! Your mum is very very immature. Be blunt and say ‘sorry but their mine’ or ‘sorry we haven’t got anything in as wasn’t expecting to cook this late’.

So the fact that “she didn’t choose to be born” justifies her seeing her parents as burdens after all they have done for her? Parents do so much for us and some of us insist on taking it for granted. Some people don’t even want to choose appreciation, just selfishness. There was a man who took care of his elderly mother: he spent his life feeding her, clothing her, bathing her- being in her service. He asked a wise man, have I fulfilled her rights? The reply: it does not fulfil even a single birth pain. You take care of her waiting for her to die, whilst she did the same for you as an infant wanting for you to live longer. Some of you lot don’t deserve anyone doing anything for you as you can’t even muster up the gratitude for the very people who gave you the most.

I know right. Be prepared on Friday night and make a bigger meal enough to also feed your parents. Treat them like welcomed weekly guests. If you can handle feeding two more children, then you can handle it if those people are your parents. Seeing that the majority of people on this thread are nasty people really hurt my heart. I hope I don’t get children like this.

So set the boundaries like you did last summer and refuse to feel guilty.

If you can, manage expectations sooner rather than later. Like the quiche. You’d told them them they’d need to buy something at the fete. You didn’t need to get the quiche out or feel guilty.

So in advance asap if possible

“haven’t got enough food to stretch tomorrow/tonight. So you are welcome to come/stay but I’ll have to chuck you out before dinner.”
Or
“tonight it’s x for dinner. There is plenty if you’d like to stay”

You’ve told them the situation early on to manage their expectations. You’ve set the boundary early on and then they know clearly where they stand, so there is no need to feel guilty.

The guilt you have us ruining the relationship here. Not them, because you are sending them mixed messages. Be clear and stand your ground. It’ll be difficult the first few times but then you’ll all know the score and they will cease to expect food every time.

@starfiyah can you please read the thread before posting?

I think MN need to change the posting rules so that people have to RTFWT before posting their bullshit. .
People can't wait to stick it to the Op!

I would put some firmer boundaries in place about their popping in - not on a school night, it's too disruptive.
I come home from work, into pjs, get dinner and chill.
I love my DPs and they are great but I don't want to see anyone in the week.
Invite them on a Saturday instead.

One good reason to meal plan when doing the weekly shop, at least then you can legitimately say that you don't have enough food to feed any unexpected "guests"

I agree some people are thick and have a very black white view of a parent and adult child relationship!

Just because they are her parents does not justify their behaviour.

Who the hell pops round at 4pm during the week after school/work/after school activities?

The op said so herself, her mother doesn’t cook and expects her dad to do it. He then can’t be bothered, so they pop over hoping to be fed and watered.

I can imagine that they don’t dig in and help but expect to be treated as a guest and do nothing.

You need to tell them to leave when you are serving dinner. Maybe invite them once a week.

It seems some people in this thread have incredibly different families to everyone else but can't fathom that. "Oh I'd welcome the opportunity to feed my parents as many random days as they show up!" Well that's LOVELY but OP has said it's difficult for her to manage, and she cannot afford to do this. I would hope your perfect families with endless money would at least speak up and say that yes they want dinner, or even offer some money to offset the expense. OP has said hers do neither and SHE finds that difficult.

People are calling us nasty but we're literally responding to OP's situation.

I doubt there's much chance any children you have would even be in contact with you if you're going to think they are your slave and nothing they do for you could ever even repay a single birth pain! It's not transactional like that anyway.

I am so glad my parents don’t guilt-trip me. They recognised when I was busy with young kids and would not have dreamed about turning up and demanding to be fed. I can help them more now my kids are older and they appreciate that. But don’t demand it.

I feel so so sorry for your kids. You are going to make their adult lives hell. Maybe make them a MN login each now. They will need it.

sounds like you grew up in a traditional culture where extended family ties are very strong?

I couldn’t get to the end! How old were you when you left home? Enough said!

They will probably be so grateful for your loving parenting that they will be only too happy to make dinner for you in years to come.

And before anyone says, we all now know OP had horrible parents.