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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To make DH choose between us and old family?

589 replies

WashwithCare · 08/01/2010 21:39

DH previously had a 10 yr living together relationship with a woman who already had 2 kids from 2 different dads. Children were 1 and 3 when she moved in with DH. They do not see their own fathers and call DH dad.

DH left his ex when we met (bit of a whirl wind romance) and 6 mths later, we married. I'm expected our first baby this month.

DH tried to be reasonable, and let his ex-gf stay in his house. He is a super high earner, and also paid child support at well above CSA rates, and more besides. HIs ex is always demanding more money, despite the fact that he is not he kid's father, and they weren't married.

Last 2 years have been a nightmare re his old family. His ex turns up screaming on teh door step, kids scream abuse at me - and oldest has now started stealing stuff from our house. Contact is patchy, and mum either changes arrangemetn at last minute, so expensive hols, show tickets etc are lost or literally dumps the kids on our doorstep.

She hasn't worked in years, and has made no attempt to train or find work.

I have had enough. I am seriously considering telling DH (and I do love him so much) that it't either them or me.. Unless he evicts them from his house, has no further contact and stops any more payments, I will walk!

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
thesecondcoming · 13/01/2010 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WashwithCare · 13/01/2010 22:59

Haven't a clue how much the bills are... hmm.. pretty pricey I suppose. I haven't ever been to the house - obviously! But it has 6 bedrooms. We have 5 beds, but I think my house is a smaller scale house. It is certainly worth a lot less - DH bought that house about 20 yrs ago, and prices where we live have rocketed since then.

Ir is an expensive place to run - it seems to need an army of builders, decorators, drain unblockers...

OP posts:
drloves8 · 13/01/2010 23:08

wash are you a troll? .(sorry , but i have to ask)

WashwithCare · 13/01/2010 23:10

Don't mind answering them... but I'm guessing that my answers wont' make you feel any happier...

  1. how many children do you have?

1 3 year old daughter, if you don't count the 2 step kids who DH brought up, iyswim - am also pg, so about to be 2 kids.

  1. was your partner attached or not when you met him?

We met at work - he was living with his ex at the time. He asked me out, and I said, go to hell, you're living with someone else, and he said no, I've split up with her and moved out...

  1. how many children do you have?

as for quesiton 1.

  1. what amazingly high earning job do you do that enables you to spend day and night fucking around on the internet?

On the other post I have been reprimanded for not being here. I haven't posted here at all today before 8pm. I posted a bit yesterday. I am in the process of winding down for maternity leave, though I will work until I go into a labour - as I did last time.

I am a solicitor advocate who specialises in commerical litigation.

  1. how many children do you have...

see answer for question 1

  1. who did your BF peer supporting course?

I wouldn't like to say, as I have strongly held views which are not consistent with that organisation. I wouldn't liek anyone to confuse their views with mine.

Does that make you feel better.

OP posts:
WashwithCare · 13/01/2010 23:14

Drlove8 - I'm not sure what is meant here by a troll - people seem to think that anyone whose poses challenges or provocative threads is a troll.

I have strong opinions - and I enjoy exchanging views - and I think it is interesting to say what I really mean.

If you mean, are my posts factually inaccurate - well, no, they are frank and honest.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/01/2010 23:14

drloves8, have you seen the light yet ?

btw, I saw your post over on the BF thread and I am sorry you are upset

thesecondcoming · 13/01/2010 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WashwithCare · 13/01/2010 23:21

Thanks AF - your apology is accepted. I did what you said was vulgar, but I accept people get carried away and dont' think thorugh their impact on others. It was good of you to have the good grace to apologise.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/01/2010 23:22
Biscuit
drloves8 · 13/01/2010 23:28

thanks anyfucker ,like i said i lost too many people too C. its no joke..

AnyFucker · 13/01/2010 23:29

WWC seems to be enjoying her little self though...

drloves8 · 13/01/2010 23:30

WASH AF was talking to me ! ??????

AnyFucker · 13/01/2010 23:31

yes I was, drloves8

I don't see anybody else here

drloves8 · 13/01/2010 23:35

fuck , ive been well and truely trolled ! ,,,

WashwithCare · 13/01/2010 23:38

oic - apologies - ought to go to bed... have had a hectic day, and am clearly no longer making sense....

Does that mean you don't apologise AF.. I presume so. I have to say, I did think your suggestion that women shoudl bf dogs was just horrible.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/01/2010 23:38

if I had CAT (which I don't and I need to go to bed now, so too late to set up), I would drop you a line, drloves8

anyway, it says more about her than about you

fwiw, I don't think a troll is at work here

AnyFucker · 13/01/2010 23:41

WWC...your pants are on fire, love

go rest your weary head, you have much more work to be done tomorrow, some people are not upset enough

and I didn't say that women should bf dogs...I said that you should

MsSpentYoof · 14/01/2010 00:05

I bet WWC is positively squealing with delight over this thread, she is completely taking the piss

(And this is coming from a complete sucker that gets sucked in every time)

posieparker · 14/01/2010 07:35

The house is worth three million? FFS OP you clearly have ended up with a stupid man.

thesecondcoming · 14/01/2010 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

loobylu3 · 14/01/2010 08:47

What commercial solicitor has the time to spend hours and days on the internet starting thread after thread?
I think this is all made up or totally exaggerated and I haven't even read half of it.
Btw OP-my sister really is a solicitor specialising in litigation (not sure what a solicitor's advocate is by comparison).

MsSpentYoof · 14/01/2010 08:48

TheSecondComing, You poor little thing! you are positively deprived.

I on the other hand have a house worth 3 million and 1 pounds and fifty pence!
My children could walk and talk from conception,
I have a whole fleet of personal drivers,
I own 2 small countries
AND
I have my very own pet dinosaur which my very own team of scientists manage to bring to life using the very future of science

thesecondcoming · 14/01/2010 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chandellina · 14/01/2010 09:03

i do believe the poster is for real. I doubt the house valuation though!

diddl · 14/01/2010 09:04

If the house is worth 3mill, you can sell, buy ex somewhere with 3/4 beds to pay rent on & buy yourselves a house!

This whole thing is made up isn´t it?