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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit perturbed by somebody taking a small girl to the gents loo?

139 replies

FourArms · 27/10/2008 09:29

On a family day out last Saturday, I saw a bloke take a small girl (over 5, under 10 - rubbish with ages!) into the blokes loo. I think that there was some kind of single dad's trip on - lots of blokes with kids came off a coach at the same time. I can understand him not letting her go to the ladies by herself, but there was a vacant disabled/baby changing loo which they could have used.

I've got no problems with boys of any age being taken by their mums into the ladies - there's nothing to see after all, but I'm not sure about a girl being taken into the gents where she might see other blokes using the urinals.

AIBU to be a bit wierded out by this? Luckily for me I've got two boys, so will continue to take them to the ladies with me / use a disabled loo as appropriate. I know that there was another thread about letting boys use a gents by themselves recently, but this feels a bit different to me.

OP posts:

theSuburbanDryad · 27/10/2008 09:31

Perhaps the bloke didn't want to take up the baby change/disabled loo when he was neither changing a baby or disabled?

hunkermunker · 27/10/2008 09:32

I would imagine he didn't notice the disabled loo - or thought "I'm not disabled, so I don't use disabled toilets".

I doubt men using urinals will wave their chesneys about at a little girl accompanied by her father, so I doubt you need to fret.

Ripeberry · 27/10/2008 09:32

We have two DDs aged 3yrs and 6yrs and he will take both to the dissabled toilet if its free. He only takes them to the gents if there is no choice.
It will get easier when they are older as he will be able to send them in and wait outside.
But it can be more difficult for blokes with daughters in today's suspicious climate

Mum2OliverJames · 27/10/2008 09:32

UABU for the simple reason that you should know men do not have any common sense, they wouldnt have thought about using the baby changing unless they are a SAHD maybe who goes everywhere with their child

But i would be weirded out but it too

MrsMattie · 27/10/2008 09:32

Needs must, i suppose. if she needed the loo, what else could he do?

ramonaquimby · 27/10/2008 09:32

yes you're a bit weirded out by this
maybe he didn't think to use disabled (and baby changing rooms don't always have toilets)

surely she knows her dad has a willy and that all boys do?
think this is double standards myself!

MmeTussaudsChmberOfChocHobnobs · 27/10/2008 09:33

My DH takes DD into the gents with him, she is 6yo. I guess that she will soon start going to the ladies herself though. I don't see the problem, it is not as if the men are waving their willies around (or I hope not, not having been in the gents recently)

BloodshotEyeballsintheScarySky · 27/10/2008 09:33

chesneys? PMSL!

artichokes · 27/10/2008 09:33

How odd to be worried by this.
The basis of your concern is she may have had tiny glimpses of male private parts as they stodd by teh urinal (you hardly see much given tehy way men stand).

I am more concerned that you think there is something so rude about mens' bits.

Original poster

FourArms · 27/10/2008 09:33

That wouldn't have bothered me if I had wanted to do the same thing - in this case there were three such loos, all vacant. If I'm by myself with the two boys (usually with DS2 in the buggy or trolley) then I need the extra space, and to me, this is the only option.

OP posts:

littleducks · 27/10/2008 09:34

Dh always takes dd to a disable/unisex toilet, doesnt want to take her into the gents.

However he has been criticised for that so maybe this dad didnt want to get screamed at!

snowleopard · 27/10/2008 09:34

But there are cubicles in a men's toilet, so she could have used one of those? Maybe she was desperate and someone was in the disabled? Also, he could have checked there were no willies in view on the way in. He might not have had much choice.

Also, maybe this is controversial but seeing men having a wee should not actually be traumatic, you probably wouldn't be able to see anything and she had her dad with her. Practicality comes first in a situation like that really.

theSuburbanDryad · 27/10/2008 09:35

But why would you be weirded out by it??

Urinals are not just there for all to see - usually they have a little screen between each one so unless there was someone in there waving his dick about, or she was really trying to look, she wouldn't have seen any penises!

And I doubt that a random paedophile who just happens to be in that toilet at that time is going to get his jollys from seeing a fully clothed girl walk through a men's toilet!

Honestly - the poor dad! I feel a bit sorry for him!

Original poster

FourArms · 27/10/2008 09:38

Perhaps I'm just thinking of the way I feel about the one occasion when I had to fish DS1 out of a gents loo. I'd let him go in there as we'd just come off of a flight, and the queue in the ladies loo was a mile long and he was desperate. The wee that he'd asked for turned into a poo, and he was shouting for me to help him. I was so at having to go into the blokes loo (was probably unreasonable of me to do so?) to sort him out.

OP posts:

cory · 27/10/2008 09:38

Disabled toilets are sometimes locked anyway and you need a special disabled key.

mm22bys · 27/10/2008 09:38

YABU.

Agree with the other posters, there was no reason why she needed to use the disabled/baby changing facilities - she is neither disabled nor is she a baby. We've all had to wait way too long for even legitimate users of them! Why should it be ok just because society has taken it upon themselves to think it's "wrong" for (presumably) a father to take his daughter to the toilet?

Reallytired · 27/10/2008 09:40

"I've got no problems with boys of any age being taken by their mums into the ladies - there's nothing to see after all, but I'm not sure about a girl being taken into the gents where she might see other blokes using the urinals. "

I think you are being completely and utterly sexist. What about if the man needed to go to the toilet? Would you expect him to leave his little girl unaccompanied? I think he sounds like a sensible and loving Dad.

Anyway disabled toilets and baby change facilities are often in short supply. Keep them for those who do need them.

Original poster

FourArms · 27/10/2008 09:41

Can't think if I actually saw any 'chesneys' being waved around on my occasion, but I was embarrased as I knew that was what they were doing there. I'll put it down to my paranoia then.

Would anybody be cross with a dad coming out of a disabled/baby changing loo (they're often multi-purpose) with his daughter if they were waiting because of this? I wouldn't.

OP posts:

hattyyellow · 27/10/2008 09:42

The poor dad!

My Dh looks after our pre-school DD's part of the week and sometimes has to take them into the men's toilets if they're out and about and they need the loo.

He takes them into a cubicle and I doubt they look at anything else.

Should he stay at home each day rather than have to risk leaving the house and taking them into a men's toilet?

Disabled and baby changing cubicles often don't have loos in or are occupied.

And if he needs a wee as well, are they supposed to wait outside by themselves so as not to risk them seeing his willy? If I need a wee and I'm out with DD's by myself, I take them into the cubicle with me, so why shouldn't he?

bloss · 27/10/2008 09:44

Message withdrawn

mamadiva · 27/10/2008 09:45

Yet its fine for a woman to take a young boy into the ladioes

AnneOfAvonlea · 27/10/2008 09:45

My DH takes our 4 year old into the Gents. I have no problem with it.

I would not expect him to use disabled if there was a gents available. He would probably use baby changing if he had both DDs

YABU.

filz · 27/10/2008 09:46

i think you are being a bit weirdy

Original poster

FourArms · 27/10/2008 09:46

Reallytired - no, I would have expected him to use the disabled/babychanging loo in those circumstances.

I don't think I'm being sexist. I don't think there is anything wrong with a boy being taken into a ladies loo as he won't see anything as the ladies are all behind closed doors. No problems. But I would think that as an 8yr old girl I might have been uncomfortable being left outside a cubicle by my dad inside a gents loo. Although being inside the cubicle with him would have been even worse

No win situation I suppose.

OP posts:

Reallytired · 27/10/2008 09:46

So the poor dad is dammed if he do or dammed if he doesn't.

Prehaps the answer is for him to take his daughter behind a bush and get done for indecent exposure.

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