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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit perturbed by somebody taking a small girl to the gents loo?

139 replies

FourArms · 27/10/2008 09:29

On a family day out last Saturday, I saw a bloke take a small girl (over 5, under 10 - rubbish with ages!) into the blokes loo. I think that there was some kind of single dad's trip on - lots of blokes with kids came off a coach at the same time. I can understand him not letting her go to the ladies by herself, but there was a vacant disabled/baby changing loo which they could have used.

I've got no problems with boys of any age being taken by their mums into the ladies - there's nothing to see after all, but I'm not sure about a girl being taken into the gents where she might see other blokes using the urinals.

AIBU to be a bit wierded out by this? Luckily for me I've got two boys, so will continue to take them to the ladies with me / use a disabled loo as appropriate. I know that there was another thread about letting boys use a gents by themselves recently, but this feels a bit different to me.

OP posts:
tiredsville · 27/10/2008 13:36

I think when kids are really little they don't batter an eyelid at men and womens genitalia. But once they get to around 8-9 years, a little girl for example, would probably feel embarrased seeing blokes shake their willie after a pee.

Kewcumber · 27/10/2008 13:37

but tired at 8/9 I would expect them to just go to the ladies on their own - would be very surprised if the child was that old.

Reallytired · 27/10/2008 13:39

but the OP was talking about a six year old girl. Anyway most children point blank refuse to go in toilets of the opposite sex when they get to a certain age.

I think its OK up to about the age of seven or eight.

ruddynoraaaaaaggggggghhhhh · 27/10/2008 13:43

well presumably the OP thinks it would be better if the father took the girl into the ladies...seeings as there's nothing to see in there.

anyoneelse · 27/10/2008 13:50

I'm fairly relaxed about it myself - so if there was no choice I wouldnt be bothered - but if there was a choice I probably would prefer DH not taking DD into men's toilets because first of all they are often more unhygienic and secondly there are people like my father-in-law who is a lovely man but old-fashioned and elderly who would be embarrassed if a young girl came wandering into the men's loo whilst he was in there. I'm not saying its a big deal, but if there were several disabled/baby change toilets and no people waiting to use them, then I would think it was acceptable for DH and DD to make use of one of them.

beaniescreamyb · 27/10/2008 13:57

"I've got no problems with boys of any age being taken by their mums into the ladies - there's nothing to see after all, but I'm not sure about a girl being taken into the gents where she might see other blokes using the urinals. "

What's to be scared of?

TrinityRhino · 27/10/2008 14:00

how old are your children op??
do you make sure your daughter/s NEVER see their dads penis???

I am much more worried about your reaction than a little girl going into the mens

RubyRioja · 27/10/2008 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiredsville · 27/10/2008 14:03

Kew, OP said over 5 under 10, which is anything from 5-9.

Kewcumber · 27/10/2008 14:05

yes but I doubt they really wre 9 - I mean can you imagine a 9 year old letting her dad take her to the toilet?

tiredsville · 27/10/2008 14:09

Kew- Kicking and screaming lol.

ohIdoliketobebesidethe · 27/10/2008 14:16

When ever we're out as a family dh and I take it in turns (not formally -iykwim) to take dd (3 .5) to loo. He goes to gents obviously. I am really surprised on this thread by the subtle implication that it's women's work to do this (people keep saying - if dh is on his own etc). I now feel v grateful for having such a cool dh who just gets on and does what needs to be done.

gingerninja · 27/10/2008 14:17

I think it's weird to find it weird. It's never even crossed my mind. We all have to pee just some are lucky enough to be able to stand up to do it fully clothed and the rest of us have to struggle to pull pants down, hold door and child all at the same time. Much easier for a bloke to take his kids to the toilet imo.

My DD watches DH pee so think she'd be fine seeing other men doing it. If some fella was waving it about I expect the father would punch his lights out anyway so I wouldn't be concerned for her at all.

MilaMae · 27/10/2008 14:18

Would see nothing different that dd sees on a daily basis with twin brothers, a dad and only one loo in a very small house.

nannynick · 27/10/2008 14:27

Oh this is just getting silly... what are us men to do when our DD (or in my case a girl I care for) want's the loo.

Being a man, as someone already has said, in mens loos, those using the urinals do so discretely... they don't wave their willy around for everyone to see.

When I've taken girls in the men's... they are quickly escorted to the nearest cubical, where I then wait by the door to that cubical.

Use a Disabled Loo - No. I care for disabled children on occasion, and then Yes we may use a disabled loo. Sometimes I have used a disabled loo with a non-disabled child, due to the baby changing being located in disabled, not in the mens. THAT MUST CHANGE - Why can't there be baby changing in all men's toilet blocks. Legoland manage to provide it OK, why can't anywhere else?

Baby changing room - these don't always have toilets in (Royal Landscape, Savile Garden for example does not provide baby changing in the mens... only in a separate room with no loo - not very practical with baby and a 4-year-old.)

Sending girl into women's toilet's on their own - I've done this on occasion, but it can have it's own problems... 1. What if there is some strange women in there, who may abuse a child? 2. What if said girl decides they need assistance? 3. What if said girl goes in, but can't then open the door to get out (this happens quite often I find, why do they make toilet block doors so heavy). 4. If a girl I care for goes into a toilet block alone, I'm not covered under my insurance, as the child is not in my direct care.

So what are men supposed to do exactly - not take the girl to the toilet and let her wet her knickers?

DaDaDa · 27/10/2008 14:30

Jesus. We might as well all just give up.

Peachy · 27/10/2008 14:34

Even forgetting the whole ahrdhat disabled loo thing, increasingly a radar key is required to use them and as such they cannot be used by random people whatever nee they may have (this includes random disabled people if they don't have a key- and we always forget ours!)

michymama · 27/10/2008 14:35

When I was little I used to go swimming with my dad and he always took me into the mens changing rooms. There were always private cubicles so we would go in there. there was no where else to take me, I was too young to be left by myself and the disabled was usually occupied.

nooonki · 27/10/2008 14:50

What do you think will happen if she does see a willy? It's hardly like she is being flashed at she is with her Dad

onager · 27/10/2008 14:54

Are men even welcome in baby changing rooms? I always figured they'd be used for BF too and that I'd be screamed at. I always made do with a public bench for changing nappies and holding little ones over drains for peeing.

I would take a child in the mens toilets if there was one handy and they were getting too big to hold over the gutter.

I wouldn't dare walk into the women's even with a child and I know nothing about the rules for using disabled toilets. I don't even know if they have stalls as such in there or if they are all open for practical reasons.

Pity we can't start all over again from scratch and just not teach kids to be ashamed/embarrassed and then it would be simpler all round.

Cheesesarnie · 27/10/2008 14:54

yabu.what are men supposed to do?im sure theyd be millions of complaints if he took her into ladies tiolets.the men in the loos will be weeing -whats so bad about that?

onager · 27/10/2008 14:56

Oh and yes I know changing nappies in a public place is frowned upon, but I know I couldn't win anyway.

Cheesesarnie · 27/10/2008 14:57

op-read the responses from male mners on here.dont you think its sad that theyre made to feel this way?theyre parents too.

Tee2072 · 27/10/2008 15:43

Wow. How sexist. YABtotallyU.

BarcodeZebra · 27/10/2008 21:42

I take both my wee girls to the gents. I'm a gent. I'm not going into the ladies on account of my gender. I take them into a cubicle because, clearly, dangling them over the urinals is considered a bit off. Strangely, whilst in the loos with me neither of them have had anyone's trouser snake waved at them or indeed even caught a glimpse of a penis. We don't tend to wander around in there with them hanging out as a rule.

I think you're a bit odd, frankly. Either you are weirdly prudish or so PC that you've met yourself coming back.